Day: October 13, 2023

Okay. In light of the Israeli Hamas war we need something lighter.

I’m totally on board with Israel carpet bombing Gaza and the West Bank. I don’t care how many Palestinians are killed. For almost my entire life, Palestinians have been doing this shit and I’ve had enough. No fucking mercy, No Prisoners.

In honor of Hamas trying to declare a global day of jihad let’s talk about dog farts. After all Dog farts are way more important than Hamas or Palestine.

This is a picture of the fart machine that I live with. When I snapped this photo he was sound asleep and farting continuously.

We’re talking farts that peel paint, they make your eyes water, and burn the hairs right the hell out of your nose. Insects flying through the cloud of gas immediately fall to the ground dead.

He isn’t bothered an all by the stench. A benefit of the way his nose is built.

I on the other hand have no such biological adaptations, and am wondering if he’s a Jihad dog. Saddam’s nerve gas couldn’t be much worse than the stench my sweet puppy emits!

You’ll notice he’s wearing a bandana. That’s because he was groomed the other day. I’ve noticed a pattern.

For a few days after he’s been groomed, he has the foulest farts. I think it’s probably because he manages to work the groomer(s) out of an excessive number of treats. 

I don’t know if this is actual fact and the pup sure as hell isn’t going to tell. He’s a treat / cookie monster and people want to give him treats.

I’m looking for something that I can eat to balance the scales. Since the dog sleeps on the bed with me I want to produce farts that drive him out of the bedroom at 3 am! 

Fair is fair!

Maybe I need to find some baked beans an recreate the “Beans” scene from Blazing Saddles.