Oh WOW! I’ll never do that again!

What you might ask???

Yesterday, I dished out the last of some cottage cheese onto my plate for lunch. There were a few curds and milk still in the container.

I enjoy watching Jesse’s problem solving tactics, so I gave him the container knowing full well that I might end up cleaning a mess from the kitchen floor. I didn’t, Jesse almost immediately turned the container on its side then held it still with one paw while he licked the sides and bottom of the container.

I was amused but somewhat disappointed that he figured the puzzle out so quickly. I guess his time on the streets taught him a few tricks.

The problem came after lunch. One hour after lunch to be exact.

Jesse got the nastiest paint pealing farts ever! OMG! He was lying on the floor in front of me then let loose with a silent but deadly…

He had the audacity to look at me as if I was responsible. I told him, “No that wasn’t me.” He sniffed his butt and the heartbreak of the truth was written all over his face. He gathered what dignity he had left and walked out onto the deck.

The farts followed him and really harshed his buzz.

On his afternoon walk 4 hours later he was still laying eye watering gas attacks. At this point we could fly to Israel and volunteer to clear tunnels.

Honestly, I could feed him a tub of cottage cheese and just let him stand at the entrance to Hamas tunnels. They’d clear out in minutes.

I suppose that would be against the Geneva convention. Isn’t there some prohibition against gas and / or biological attacks?

Thank goodness we don’t have wallpaper in the house. It would have been pealing.

He was okay, but no dairy for him, other than occasional yogurt licks.

On the one hand I felt a bit sorry for him. His poos were solid so his stomach wasn’t upset or anything. He’s just had really nasty gas.

I discovered that It’s hard for me to tell him I love him when I’m gagging from another silent but deadly attack.

I hope your day was better than ours.

Dog Farts!

IMG 2879

Okay. In light of the Israeli Hamas war we need something lighter.

I’m totally on board with Israel carpet bombing Gaza and the West Bank. I don’t care how many Palestinians are killed. For almost my entire life, Palestinians have been doing this shit and I’ve had enough. No fucking mercy, No Prisoners.

In honor of Hamas trying to declare a global day of jihad let’s talk about dog farts. After all Dog farts are way more important than Hamas or Palestine.

This is a picture of the fart machine that I live with. When I snapped this photo he was sound asleep and farting continuously.

We’re talking farts that peel paint, they make your eyes water, and burn the hairs right the hell out of your nose. Insects flying through the cloud of gas immediately fall to the ground dead.

He isn’t bothered an all by the stench. A benefit of the way his nose is built.

I on the other hand have no such biological adaptations, and am wondering if he’s a Jihad dog. Saddam’s nerve gas couldn’t be much worse than the stench my sweet puppy emits!

You’ll notice he’s wearing a bandana. That’s because he was groomed the other day. I’ve noticed a pattern.

For a few days after he’s been groomed, he has the foulest farts. I think it’s probably because he manages to work the groomer(s) out of an excessive number of treats. 

The campfire blazing saddlesI don’t know if this is actual fact and the pup sure as hell isn’t going to tell. He’s a treat / cookie monster and people want to give him treats.

I’m looking for something that I can eat to balance the scales. Since the dog sleeps on the bed with me I want to produce farts that drive him out of the bedroom at 3 am! 

Fair is fair!

Maybe I need to find some baked beans an recreate the “Beans” scene from Blazing Saddles.

DAMN! I hoped to not need the heat…

For at least another week or two. I was drawing runes on the floors asking Odin for another month without needing it. 

But alas, when I woke this morning, the house was in the low 50’s. That is too dang cold!  So I broke down and kicked the heater on.

I don’t like being super coldDSC0174, but I like even less the high cost of Natural Gas and don’t want to pay another outrageous bill like January and February of this year. This coming winter, my place is likely to be much colder than in years past.

With the other half’s harps out of the house I can keep it cooler because I’m not risking damage to the harps or having strings break due to the temperature.

My guitars, on the other hand, are going to be sharp as hell! So I’ll need to retune them frequently until the temp stabilizes.

I guess this means that Autumn is really here.

On the one hand perhaps the risk of fire danger is lower, on the other hand, It may feel like, the endless winter from Narnia. 

No matter, it’s a milestone. Another season passing. The first Autumn in many years that I’ll be alone. Later today, I’ll dig out my seasonal jackets. 

Life goes on. I need to get out and socialize a bit more, even if it means dealing with what passes for human beings these days.

I also need to observe humans interacting if I’m going to write stories containing humans. I’ve been thinking that perhaps a Jane Goodall approach might be appropriate. I’ll venture out into the wilds of Palm Springs, and begin observations without interacting until they don’t see me as a potential rival or threat.

I suppose I also need to check the Autumn “ToDo” list. There are a few things that need to be done before it gets to the point that I’ll need winter gloves when I’m outside. That’s a month or two away, but it seems unusually cold for this time of year. Oh perhaps it’s normally cold, and we’ve been experiencing warmer than “normal” fall weather for the past few years. 

Either way, it doesn’t change that there’s stuff I need to get done.

I’ve agreed to take a neighbor to a medical appointment on Wednesday. Perhaps while I’m waiting on him, I’ll head out to a local hardware store for supplies that I’ll need to winterize the house. I’m not going to get any painting done this year thanks to the flood control guys. Sand, dust, and debris blowing into wet paint just doesn’t look right.

It’s okay, if it’s a rough winter as predicted, I’d probably have to paint again come Spring, especially if I sell the house.