Category: Sarcasm

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I’ve been wanting to try this for fun

A trip inside my twisted brain while I’m reading headlines.

 

EXCLUSIVE: MTG SAYS KEMP HAS THE ‘POWER’ TO CRIMINALLY PROBE WILLIS
Isn’t that called Rape, why does he need power? That woman is desperate enough she paid for it didn’t she?

HUNTER BIDEN TO SIT FOR CLOSED-DOOR DEPOSITION
They’ll have to close and lock that door otherwise he’ll run away during questioning. I’d suggest a car battery attached to his balls via jumper cables, but as kinky as he is that’s probably just a normal Tuesday night. 

TODAY: MARCH FOR LIFE IN FRIGID D.C.
If D.C. is frigid do they really have a problem with abortion? Perhaps marching for life in Atlanta, Chicago, or Detroit would have more of an impact. I never really thought of D.C. as frigid, that place is absolutely chock full of whores, there are lobbyists who would perform anilingus on Maxine Waters for a dollar.

IS BLINKEN EVIL, OR JUST CLUELESS?
Blinken is worse than either of these alone. He’s clueless but thinks he’s smart and wants to be Dr. Evil

BIDEN CO-CHAIR: DEMS HAVE SHIFTED ON BORDER BECAUSE IT’S SO BAD
In other words, they’re figuring out their cushy jobs are on the line in the next election.

‘U.S. IN DEEP FREEZE WHILE MUCH OF THE WORLD IS EXTRA TOASTY? YET AGAIN, IT’S CLIMATE CHANGE’
Nah, it’s not climate change. All the MEN in the US just turned the A/C on, trying to cool our tempers, and our balls.

EU Illegal Migration to Continue to Increase in 2024, Will Play Major Factor in Parliament Elections: Report
Yep, the actual citizens of the EU countries being overrun will be voting for anti-immigration candidates.

NATO: Next 20 Years Not ‘Hunky Dory’ and Public Needs to Prepare Itself to Survive ‘The First 36 Hours’ of War
Hmm. The past 3 years of wars haven’t been Hunky Dory, and they’re just now getting around to mentioning preparedness

DOJ Finds ‘Cascading Failures of Leadership’ in Uvalde Police Response to Robb Elementary Shooting
WOW! Isn’t that a case of the Porta-Potty calling the Gas Station toilet filthy?

Rep. Correa: Mayorkas Is Doing ‘Good’ Despite Fentanyl and Border Failures
I really would like to know Rep. Correa’s level of standards. Or how much he got paid and by whom to say that. Or just how much Fentanyl he snorted prior to making this statement.

Dem Rep. Smith: ‘Open Door’ on Asylum Claims Is Hurting My District in Washington
Uh Huh, The property values are dropping like a stone in Rep. Smith’s district. 

‘Massive’ Layoffs Spur Friday Walkout at Far-left L.A. Times
Hmm. If the LA Times has a walkout and there’s no LA Times article with byline about it, did it happen? The walkout will spare us their drivel for a day and make the executive’s jobs easier. They can just lay off everyone not doing their job. First though you’d have to be able to define what the LA Times produces as actual work for pay. I tend to think of their output as cow shit with glitter sprinkled on top.

Usually after I’ve read the headlines and thought snarky things, I’ll go ahead and read some of the articles. They’re nothing like what I imagined, but at least going into them I know they can’t be as bad as I first imagined…

Usually they’re worse!

Have a Great Saturday!

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My pronoun is Dr. I also identify as Black.

After the stellar example set by Claudine Gay, and Harvard, I’ve realized I was going about this education thing all wrong. I actually thought I had to go to class and do the work!

Silly me!

All you have to do is get a scholarship then plagiarize the hell out of people who actually did the work! Oh, I suppose you need to spout some Marxist Crap and whine about how oppressed you are as a member of a “Minority” and play the victim really well.

Who knew you only had to write ten academic papers for publication in your entire career? Oh that those ten papers can have at least 50 examples of plagiarism.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to bother with paying an obscene amount of money to listen to Socialist/Marxist/Victim/Racists, indoctrinate me.

I’m just going to claim I went to Harvard and completed my Phd in Physics. I’m fairly sure the level of education I’ve obtained reading actual books and watching YouTube conspiracy videos is sufficient to meet Harvard’s requirements.

Hell, I’ll submit this Blog as evidence that I’ve written and published material.

But my Crowning achievement is my New Book. A Brief History of Time, The book is actually written by Stephen Hawking, but by Harvard and Claudine Gay’s rules… WHO CARES!

After years and years of dedicated fucking around… I’m a Physicist!!!

No, you can’t accuse me of stealing anything, I identify as a Black woman. No, you can’t ask questions!

Now, who do I see about collecting my 800 thousand dollar per year paycheck???

For Fucks Sake! 

How did academia come to this low point? 

Plato, Socrates, Newton, Archimedes, Hawking, Darwin, and all the rest of the great thinkers from our history are either weeping for the future, or have decided to just go get drunk off their asses and watch humanity devolve into what?

Gender confused sheep who can’t command fire? Well at least at that point we can look forward to humanity’s relatively swift extinction and some other sentient species evolving.

Many Years from Now, in an Afterlife Nightclub™.

“Hey guys, can I join you at the bar? Oh, Sorry Stephen… err Doctor Hawking, I was making a point, not trying to claim your work as my own. Given that you had a sense of humor I figured I could get away with it. Can I buy you a beer? Is anyone taking bets on how long Humanity lasts?”

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Hey you Colorado Folks, you no longer have the burden of voting!

You’re Welcome!!!!

Now you don’t have to read any pesky voter pamphlets. You don’t have to agonize over your vote, or who’s running for whatever office.

You’re free of the burden of responsibility.

From here on out you’ll never risk being like Florida when it comes to counting votes. In fact, the approved candidate will “Win” Colorado within minutes of the polls opening. 

If you’re only allowed to vote for one candidate it greatly simplifies things doesn’t it?

You’re all such “Good Little communists” you’ll be well rewarded.

Colorado… The first American Communist state. Praise Jesus!

“Wait, who are you guys? Why are you taking me? I was extolling the virtues of the party… Oh come on, I’m being arrested for saying Jesus? And I’m white? No you’re wrong, I’m 1/16th black on my mothers side. No! I’m not resisting arrest.. Prison? What for? Won’t someone help me?“

Colorado… Has been added to the states that I will not consider living in. I may visit once more for a wedding, but after that… Nope!

I’m waiting to see what California does… You know California is going to try to outdo Colorado. I don’t know what California will do but I’m sure it’ll be a complete subversion of what the majority of us older folks believe America is / was about. 

Perhaps, California will handle it by simply arresting Donald Trump and his staff when they land for a campaign stop. That would one-up Colorado. Especially if they reactivated Alcatraz. That would show Trump!

At this point I fully expect California will “Forget” to print Republican mail in ballots, but they’ll make sure that Democrat mail in ballots are printed and mailed out at least 6 weeks early.

Not that it matters in California, the Republicans are such a minority here, they couldn’t fill a sports stadium.

In that regard California has already bested Colorado. There’s no real need to count votes here. Pick any liberal money spending scheme, or any democrat candidate. Whatever is the absolute worst for the people, budget, or state and they / it  automatically wins.