Month: May 2023

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One of those days

I can’t get focused. I’ve been trying, but thoughts appear and vanish before they’ve fully formed.

I’ve been dreaming a lot. I have no memory what those dreams were, I only remember waking up in the dark to a concerned puppy face sniffing me. He insists on sniffing both of my ears before allowing us to go back to sleep.

I don’t know what that is about but it’s become ritual.

After the sniffs, he’ll lay down with his head on my chest or a paw on me. It’s almost as if he’s saying, “You’re not alone”

I’m fairly certain that the dreams are bad ones. I base that on the expression the dog has. It’s his “What is your problem,” expression. So I may be talking or shouting in my sleep.

On the plus side I’m only waking the dog. On the down side when I get ready to sleep with someone, or have someone else in the house I’ll have to warn them to wear ear plugs.

There’s a lot I should be doing but it’s warm, and the sun is shining, I may put off some of those things I should be doing for another day.

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What did they think was going to happen?

Now that Title 42 is expired, how is anyone shocked?

How is it that “Poor” or “Lower Income middle class” folks are surprised that their wealthy sanctuary city fathers are sending the flood of migrants into their communities?

Did they actually think that the migrants would be settled in the wealthy areas of the city? Come on, everyone with a brain knows that the wealthy folks sitting in their gated communities aren’t going to put themselves or their families at risk.

The hypocrisy of all these middle class or lower middle class folks who’ve been talking about being sanctuary communities or cities is unbelievable.

Of course resources are going to be drained, of course budgets will be strained, of course hospitals and clinics will be overwhelmed. It’s not like there wasn’t an example. Look at any border town!

These are the same things that the border towns have been screaming about for literally years.

But those troubles were far from Chicago, New York, Portland, Seattle, and Martha’s Vineyard. The people living in the hell created by the elites were obviously liars and racists and therefore could and should be ignored.

It was easy for elites and media to call people from those towns, racists, xenophobes, and whatever other offensive name, then go have cocktails with their friends. All of them congratulating each other on their progressive values and how they put down those filthy rednecks.

Now that the shoe is on the other foot… Well somehow it’s different.

Predictably the elites are still trying to engage in “NIMBY” just like they always have.

These people don’t want oil drilling in the US, but have no problem using oil from other countries, often produced without regard for the environment. These people refuse to have mining of minerals in our country, but have no problem with mining using child labor, or strip mining, happening in other countries. These people are happy to derive benefit from illegal immigration but don’t want to live near illegal immigrants.

These are the people who’ll complain about crime and prison overcrowding, but will refuse to have a new prison built near them.

“Not In My Back Yard!”

Remember these are the people that say the police are too mean, then say defund the police. Then they wonder why they don’t feel safe, why the police aren’t at their home instantly,

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O’Dark :30 Blues

We’ve all had them.

Either we can’t sleep or a child, dog, or spouse is unwell and we find ourselves shuffling around thinking we should be in bed dreaming peaceful vacation-like dreams.

Instead we’ve grabbed some clothing against the early morning chill and are debating the reasonability of just turning on the coffee machine, while cleaning up after our sick loved one and getting on with the day.

On the bright side, dawn can be very pretty and the birds are very vocal this morning.

My particular morning started with the distinctive sound of a puppy working on vomiting. I hadn’t slept very well myself. I suppose I was awake / asleep / whatever? I call it skip sleeping. That’s what it’s like from my perspective, I’m kind of asleep but mostly awake, aware, and not getting even the benefit of a good nap. But at the same time the clock will advance 5 or 10 minutes in an instant.

This morning, I was in this state and noticed that the dog was making unusual sounds. It sounded just like the sloshy sounds I make with my stomach is upset. He was, I think, asleep, then suddenly jumped up and made for the door.

He made it to the deck outside, hurled, then looked at me guiltily. I saw this by the purplish golden glow of sunrise beginning.

The dog skulked off into the yard and I could hear from the deep shadows the sound of him hurling again. As the purple gave way to golden light I rinsed the deck and told him he’d been a good boy.

He seemed content to lie out on the dry end of the deck so I left the back door open, then went back to bed.

I couldn’t get comfortable much less sleep. I’d resolved to lay there and close my eyes in hope of a few more minutes of sleep. Then I heard the poor pup hurling again in the back yard.

Nope! I’m not going to be sleeping, I got up turned on the coffee pot, comforted the pup and watched the rest of the dawn.

I just noticed, those birds who were so loud announcing the coming of the sun while it was still dark have completely shut up. Those guys need a snooze button!

It’s going to be a warm day and perhaps I’ll get a nap in.

The dog usually naps through the heat of the day. I think I’ll join him this afternoon. Hopefully after making some progress with cleaning more stuff from a closet and perhaps laundry.

Enjoy your sleepy Saturday morning. I’m getting another cup of coffee.

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There’s so much that’s just nuts!

My god, the CNN town hall (which I didn’t care to watch,) appears to have had Donald Trump on. Then they CNN, and apparently the rest of the news media are losing their minds over Trump… BEING Trump.

What surprised them about him?

Then we have Anderson Cooper apologizing for having Trump on. And to some extent Anderson Cooper almost seemed to be saying that free speech should be denied Trump specifically.

Then we have MSNBC loading up Al Sharpton to lecture us on all things racist. In Sharpton’s world view, no matter what a white fucker is doing, even if it’s trying to help the black community, it’s always racist unless the white people be putting money in Sharpton’s hand. Trump, according to Sharpton is the Über racist of all racists, Trump is the combination of all the members of the KKK ever and all the members of the Nazi party. It’s easy to understand, Trump weakened Sharpton’s ability to convince Black people they are always oppressed. That’s how Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and BLM make their money.

Then we have the Biden’s growing scandal. Shell companies? Wasn’t that one of the things that the Trump Impeachment(s) and all the subsequent lawsuits have looked into regarding Trump?

How can President Biden expect to not be impeached?

For that matter when the DOJ/FBI is refusing to honor a congressional subpoena something is seriously wrong and we should bring everything to a screeching halt because if we can’t trust the DOJ and / or the executive branch of government then we need to bring our full attention to fixing that.

Then we have the young man in NY who stepped up to subdue someone who was clearly deranged and stated that he was going to kill someone. While terrifying the passengers in a subway car.

Sadly this young man is going to be tried for manslaughter.

The message is clear, if you’re out in public, do not interfere in any criminal behavior. Do not protect your fellow citizens. If there’s a rape happening, or a mugging, or whatever… don’t get involved. If you do, you’ll be charged with a crime. Your life will never be the same and this is doubly true if you happen to be white and the person engaging in criminal activity is black.

So much for progress in eliminating racism.

The young man had to cough up $100,000 in bail. But wait, isn’t New York a Bail Free state? Or does that only apply if you’re not white?

And finally… Title 42 has expired. Title 42 is being touted as one of the last items restraining the illegals trying to get into the country.

I’m not sure that Title 42 was having that function per se, since it was about COVID and diseases in general. I will admit seeing the large numbers of people camped and reading reports of other migrant caravans heading north is concerning. How many uneducated poor people can we absorb? Ellis Island in 62 years of operation processed only 12 million or so. It’s thought that we’ll exceed 12 million in one year.

So now we have… what? Do we have a border at all? Do we have a country? Do we have any privilege of citizenship? I suppose the privilege is to be paying for Illegals, paying for Ukraine, paying for a government that isn’t constrained in its spending at all?

If we don’t have a border, then that sort of says we don’t have a country. If we don’t actually have a country, then why pay federal taxes?

Perhaps we should be paying only state taxes and calling our Governors, Presidents. Perhaps each of the states should be looked at as an individual country. Maybe then we as citizens could force our leaders to listen. California could go full communist and Gavin Newsom could cream his jeans over suddenly being dictator for life.

Texas could secure their border and enforce that security with guns. Then again, if there’s no United States and therefore no money, resources, or free shit to be had, There’s no advantage for immigrants making the trip.

Well, that’s one way to stop illegal immigration.

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The best laid plans…

The tail spin I’ve been in for the past few months is starting to be… less spinney. I’m not out of the spin yet, not by a long shot, but I’m getting better.

I had a plan for our retirement. A plan for what I wanted to do. I pictured us having a small home, with a lawn. I pictured actually having to own a lawn mower for the first time in my life. I’d even been shopping for mowers I might want. I pictured puttering around in a garden, and the two of us enjoying warm days with friends. Nice barbecues, dog walks and quiet times. Most of all I pictured having a mailbox. A “real” address and the joy of not having to worry about how something was being sent to me, because there was only one address to worry about. 

Yellow houseThese are small things. When you haven’t had them for most of your adult life they attain outsized importance.

I saw us enjoying hobbies and interests we’d not had the time to pursue because our jobs were always in the way. We always wanted to travel, we envied those of our friends who made traveling a priority and found the money to afford to do it. We always thought we’d have time. “Once we retire,” we’d say to each other.

I know this is an idealized view, and the reality of our retirement wouldn’t have been quite so… idyllic? Bucolic? But I thought that I’d be able to hammer some part of it out for us, even if it was only for a few years. 

Now, all that is changed. That’s what put me into the tailspin in the first place, aside from the shock, then learning that my other half had made no provisions for his demise.

You’d think I’d be mad, but I gotta say, “Good one babe, ya left me holding the bag!” 

I find myself wondering what now? What next?

I’m still here, the dog is still here, there’s still a small home with a patch of grass out there somewhere. There’s still barbecue, beer, warm days, mild winters, dog walks, and laughs. It’ll just be me and the dog doing all those things by ourselves. The dog is generally good company so that’s a plus. 

One distant acquaintance told me I’d meet someone else. She was attempting to tell me there was a future. She has no sense of boundaries, or decorum, and didn’t know that I’d long ago decided that I wasn’t going to “get hitched” again. I might not even date. I might simply decide that scratching a certain itch is best done in a way that ends with me saying, “Your money is on the counter, now please leave.” There is an interest on my part to “ordering from a catalog,” so to speak. I suspect that is cheaper than dinner & drinks, and I don’t have to be deafened by bar music.

I’ve decided that moving is best for me in the long run. Where I live now is a beautiful place, I have a view that I enjoy very much. But time is catching up with me, I don’t do as well in the winters as I used to. I’ve concluded it’s time for me to take the hint. I think I should go in search of the patch of grass and a mailbox that I’d fantasized about so often.

As I’ve looked at other places to live and the houses available, I’ve discovered that I like either brand new houses or I like really old houses. 1944 and before generally. I suppose it’s because those houses seem to have a lot of character. I know that is sometimes another way of saying they’re a money pit but some of the pictures of these older homes are very nice. The newer houses seem to have a lot of conveniences. 

I’ll have to adjust my visualization down to one chair on the porch but I’m working on that.

The mornings here are getting warmer, I’ve been taking my coffee and iPad out on the back deck to enjoy the quiet of the morning and scan the daily follies of the “Adults” in Washington. The dog likes it because he can watch the world and keep an eye on me at the same time.

I guess the lesson learned is plans and dreams change.