So yesterday I was out & About…

After watching the completely thoughtless behavior of a number of people, I had to take a piss.

No not due to the thoughtlessness of the people, they were just the constant background irritation that I face every day.

One incident that really caught my attention was at the car wash:

I watched someone pull up to the change machine, get out of their car, get change, then drive 50 feet to put their car in the washing bay. Really? You lazy fuck? Oh, and you had two other people in the car with you. Why not pull into one of the 6 empty wash bays, and haul your ass 50 feet to get your change?

You thought it was okay to park in front of the machine blocking the driveway for everyone else, causing a traffic jam, preventing other people from leaving the car wash, or exiting the automated washing area. while you sat there fucking around to find your paper currency to change into coin.

I’d remind you dumbass, you’re not the only person on the fucking planet.

I did my best to ignore it.  Obviously I wasn’t successful! 

Anyhoo…

I finish drying my car and that was when I needed to take a leak. I do a quick check, there are other drying bays open so I can leave my car for a minute.

As I’m approaching the restroom, I note that the two doors are sporting nice new gender neutral signs. I think nothing of it. I head for the “Men’s room”, or the room formerly known as the men’s room.

It’s unoccupied and I’m pretty much on auto pilot and then I notice the urinal is gone. No it’s not broken, it’s completely missing. Now there is only a toilet and a sink.

WTF?

Leave the fucking urinals in gender neutral bathrooms!

Women have been bitching for years about the length of time it takes for them to go pee. You know what ladies? It’s because men can piss in a trough, or against a wall, shoulder to shoulder.

Pulling urinals out of restrooms only slows the whole process down for everyone. If I’m in a men’s room that has a toilet and a urinal I don’t lock the door. Another dude can come in and take a leak in the toilet. That’s why there’s rarely a line at a baseball game or airport for the men’s room.

You neutrality nazis want to come into a large gender neutral restroom?

Fine… You better be prepared to see some dick! That had better not offend your delicate sensibilities.

You got some religious concerns or concerns that you’ll have to look at men? Well creampuff make a fucking decision. Gender neutrality OR your desire to not see dick.

Think about it for two seconds and incorporate your life experience.

For example:

Go to a party at someones home. Every bathroom will be full, there’s a line and nobody is going anywhere. Eventually the guys will be out in the front yard, beer in one hand and cock in the other watering the largest tree in the yard.

There’s a joke which gets modified to fit the branch of the military the teller of the joke served in.

First person:
You know, in the <Military Branch> they taught us to wash our hands after we piss.

Second Person:

In the <Military Branch> they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Men revert to our cave man nature pretty damn quick. We shouldn’t have to make apologies for it.

That’s not male privilege, it’s biological design. Ain’t nothing that you can do about it. So stop trying to make Men feel like they’re less than, or somehow wrong, for the way they were born.

If you keep the bathrooms at a party locked up too long, eventually some dude is out in the back yard digging a latrine. If you’re really lucky he’s preserving the sod in nice neat squares so that the lawn can be fixed in the morning. There’s your gender neutrality, and gender equality. All the party goers who can’t get into the bathrooms, will be using the latrine.  Perhaps that’s an idea for my next party, If you’re going to be puking your guts up… Go out back!

Just hope to god someone brings paper towels out, or your perennials are going to be stripped bare by morning.

Tell you what, how about we take the wall space used by the couches in the former ladies only bathrooms and put a nice trough right there?

Oh, now the ladies are concerned!

I swear, If I wasn’t worried about being arrested I’d just start pissing against buildings, or trees whenever I had to go.

Think of it as a rebellion against the Neutrality Nazis. I know of course that there would be some horribly offended snowflake that runs to the police to report indecent exposure. Not because they saw anything, but simply because I’m a dude and comfortable pissing while standing up. God knows that must be some kind of crime!