Category: Men

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I’m sure I’m going straight to hell…

Sometimes I can’t help myself.

Tonight as the Godson was leaving for a camping trip with a couple of buddies I thought a practical joke was in order. After all 19 – 22 year olds have to have some reason to swear at each other don’t they?

One of his buddies, I’ve met and in addition to him being just a hell of a nice young man & proud Marine, he seems like the type that could take a joke.

SO my evil mind bubbling, boiling, and churning comes up with this plan.

I say “Lets put a condom that appears used in the sleeping bag he’s rented for the trip. “

My godson is laughing so hard he can’t even speak.

While he’s recovering I head to my bedroom, grabbing a condom and a bottle of Spunk Lube…

I unroll the condom then squirt a bit of lube in the condom. I hold it up and think “What the Hell?”. I say to the godson; “lets make it a big’un” and hit the condom with a completely unrealistic amount of the lube. While I’m squeezing the stuff down to the end of the condom. My godson is holding his sides laughing.

I fold the thing over and stuff it into a plastic sandwich bag. As I hand it to him I tell him to make sure that he slides it into his buddys sleeping bag so that the cold sticky thing is going to come into contact with a bare foot, leg, or the small of the back.

At this point the godson is laughing so hard he’s red in the face. I can tell he’s imagining the look on his friends face when this whole thing goes down.

I’m sure that I’m going straight to hell….

 

—- UPDATE —-

The young man that we were pranking… Didn’t even blink… He’d read my previous post and knew that it was a joke. DAMN!!!! Obviously I’m getting a wider audience on this blog than I thought, not that I’m complaining…

So the moral of the story is… If you want to prank someone with Spunk make sure they haven’t read about it or aren’t already using it.

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Will be gone all day today

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Figured that I better get a blog entry prepped.

I’m going to visit a friend. I SOOO need to get away if only for a few hours.

I’m dealing with a bit of cabin fever. With the price of gas as high as it is, I’ve not been going too many places. I’ve certainly not been spending any gas that I didn’t need to.

On the one hand, I’ve been saving money. On the other hand… I’m going stir crazy in isolation.

The subtle signs are that when I actually do go somewhere I’m grinning the whole way there and back. It doesn’ matter if I’ve got the top of the car up or down, It’s freedom! It’s a new view and I’m stimulated by it. Another sign is that I’ve bought some music that would make great driving / traveling music.

The Chromatics is the latest acquisition. Yeah… gotta drive playing their music.

I’ve packed my camera, and a few other items in case I see something that’s photo-worthy.

Changed a bunch of Lightbulbs yesterday to the new LED lights. In the process I busted an insert in the fixture. I’m taking that along with me in case I see a Home Depot or Lowes and feel like stopping.

The problem is cabin fever is that to a point you’re productive and take care of little projects. But beyond that point you slip down the slope to depression and you just don’t give a damn about much of anything. The shit will STILL be there tomorrow and if it’s gets moved today, tomorrow, or next week it really doesn’t matter.

The problem is that feeling like that feeds further depression and then it starts coloring all kinds of things in your life. Within a short time the cycle is feeding on itself and growing worse.

Today is going to be a mental health day. New view, good conversation, & probably a good drink or two. I think it will be good to talk with my friend I’ve gotten the impression that he’s in a similar headspace. If true then we may be able to help each other out and give each other direction as only interaction with someone you know well can.

 

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I woke up wet…

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No! Nothing like Homer Simpsons recent urinary problems due to guilt.

I’ve picked up another nasty cold. This is the second one in 8 weeks. On the up side… Supposedly you can only catch 600 colds in your life so I guess I’ve only got 598 to go. On the down side I’M Fucking miserable and easily go from mostly OK to being a bastard in a matter of minutes.

This one started on Friday morning as a slight tickle in the back of my throat. Within hours it was a constant burning then came the coughing and sniffles.

A particularly fun torture of this cold is that if I”m sitting or standing I’m coughing violently. If I’m laying down I’m not coughing but I can’t breath because my sinuses wad up.

To add a special Joy it’s been snowing which means that I’ve been outside clearing decks, stairs & such.

So when I woke up this morning soaking wet I was CRANKY!

Obviously I’d been running a fever and it must have broken. There is nothing quite so disconcerting as rolling over and having a soggy wet spot that starts at the back of your neck and goes down your spine to your ass.

There are other “wet spots” that all men have encountered. Usually we try to make our partner sleep in THOSE. There’s a BIG difference between the two. How the wet spot came to be is usually a lot more enjoyable for instance.

The bedding will be in the wash for another hour or so. Then perhaps I’ll crawl back into bed and sleep the rest of this crappy cold off.

I did get to watch the sun come up. That was neat.

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