Day: July 31, 2023

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I don’t know what to make of this…

This is a maple tree in my neighbors yard that is often pretty accurate in predicting the seasons. This one leaf is autumn but the rest of the tree is still summer green.

I suppose it could be a misfire, or perhaps Winter will be early and long this year. Great! NOT what I want to deal with. After last winter I could do without snow for a while.

I’d hoped to be well into securing a new place to live by now. Trouble is Keyboards are a royal pain in the ass to dispose of. The harps are at least at a consignment store, but I haven’t found a consignment store to put the keyboards in. It’s not just the instruments it’s all the music all the paper work etc. I’m only one man and honestly, I’m having a tough time remaining motivated. I hate cleaning up someone else’s mess. I’m shitty at cleaning up my own messes! LOL!

As an aside, a couple of the harps have been sold already which is super nice. From the sound of it, the harps have gone to people who will play them and love them that’s a good thing, not that the other half likely cares.

That’s a funny thing. When I first lost the other half, I was adamant about the instruments going to people who would play them and love them. Now I’m not quite so driven about that.

It’s moved to the “Nice to Have” column and out of the “Necessary” column.

My view is evolving, I think that’s because the wound isn’t so fresh. Now, I’m recognizing that he’s beyond caring and perhaps I shouldn’t or don’t need to care so much either. Is this me being a bad person? Or me breaking faith?

I don’t think so, I think I’ve moving toward my hallmark pragmatism that my other half always liked.

He also knew that underneath my hard outer shell, I’m a sentimental softy. So either way, if he’s interested in Earthly affairs anymore he’ll be tuning in and laughing at me. On the one hand I’m my pragmatic self, on the other hand I’m all sentimental. He knew being caught between the two really pisses me off!

When the house burned, he was astounded at quickly I disconnected from the possessions and wrote everything off. I wasn’t un-caring but I didn’t’ want to spend time fiddling with things that would never be “Right” again. I was in “Toss It & Move On” mode.

I need to move into that Mode again.

I may also have to accept that I’m not going to be out of this place this year.