Month: January 2020

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I slept like a baby last night

I guess the message was received and my unquiet mind decided to let me rest.

I’m in Big Bear for a couple of days. Lat night  I was warm and the town was pretty quiet traffic noise aside. 

Having a lovely cup of coffee after sleeping for 9 hours, then lounging under the covers for an hour.

All is good with the world regardless of what the news says.

Will be cleaning the B&B unit later today and hopefully there will not be any hiccups.

I haven’t bothered with a shower since I’m only going to be working up a sweat with the cleaning. 

Once I’m done with that and the new folks are in place, I’ll have a shower then take a walk into the village. It’s cold but that’s Winter. 31F last night as a low, that’s a lot warmer than it was the first weekend I was here.

I’m planning the week ahead and I’ve got to get the car washed. I should’ve done that last week but honestly it was too damn cold to be playing in the water even in the small desert town I usually do the car was in.

Still looking for a job and still trying to write. It’s been tough sitting down and actually just writing lately. I’ve been too easily distracted and the internet is a large part of that distraction.

Hopefully after I’ve finished the cleaning, I’ll hap time to just re-read and continue writing. That’s going to depend a lot on how tired I am but I’ve got hope.

I hope your Sunday is as peaceful.

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Bad Nightmares

Last night I woke up at 2:45am

I needed to pee. But I was also having terrible nightmares about Jobs, life, failure, and guess what? I was the judge, jury & executioner.

I watch too much ScFi too.

SupermantheMovie.PNGI remember several fragments where I was sitting in judgement of myself; In one I was the big faces in the trial of Zod from one of the Superman Movies saying, “Guilty” to General Zod. Except I was General Zod

In another the skin of my face had been removed and was hanging grotesquely from a robot’s head. Saturn 3? I think.

saturn-3-robot.jpgIn another I appeared as Q of the “Q-Continium” from Star Trek Next Generation. I was me standing there, being looked down on by… Me

The common theme was they were all me and each judged me as guilty of some crime.

There were many more, but the dream has faded and fragmented, as dreams do, and I can’t remember them all.

Q.jpgMy “Crimes” were numerous and all had to do with my”failure” as a person. Failure to secure a job, failure to take action in my life, failure to choose happiness over security.

No, those two things are not alway the same.

So were these dreams me talking to myself in a way that would get my attention, or was this me actually judging Me? I don’t know.

There was also a voice I think it was mine, but older somehow, that was saying, “Sometimes we have to let go of the things that we have in order to discover what makes us truly happy.”

I know I read that somewhere , It’s a tag line from a movie I was interested in seeing. I think the tagline caught my attention because it’s counterintuitive.

The thing about dreams like this is that if you’re sitting in judgement on yourself. Well, there’s no defense. You can’t obfuscate the truth, you can’t make excuses, you can only throw yourself on the mercy of the court.

In our heart of hearts, the person we each are least merciful with, is ourselves.

I’d like to think it was a bad dream and nothing more. But somehow I think part of me is trying to smack me upside the head.

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Wow, I apologize!

I was scanning the last blog post and really need to remember that I should wear glasses or my contacts when I’m writing.

“Dark Mode” on my computer may have contributed to the horrific misspellings that were in the last post.

Apparently without some form of optical correction I have a tough time seeing dark red underlines on a black background.

So this morning, I’ve got my contacts in and I can see!

I hope you’re all having a good day.