Day: November 14, 2011

Several weeks ago, After reading of  another suicide by an all too young man who had been bullied incessantly I found myself thinking about Social Media.

Social Media inherently is neither good or bad on it’s own.

It’s the WAY that people use it for that cause the problems.

The young man who recently killed himself over being bullied brought home to me a major difference between when I was in school and now.

While I was bullied a bit when I was AT school, When I got home I didn’t have to think about being bullied at all. I was on my own turf. I had a break, and the bullies were far too lazy to walk the three blocks over to my house to bully me in person.

There was a built-in system of checks & balances. I only had to put up with those assholes while I was at school and I could use the afternoon and evening while I was pretending to do my homework to figure out the best way to avoid the bullies for a couple of days.

Bullies being what they are, if you’re out of their sight for a day or so you’re typically forgotten for several weeks. Oh don’t worry, the bullies would always come back around to you again.

I was a redhead when I was younger, I got to deal with taunts about my hair color, “I’d rather be dead than red”, taunts about my sports inability, “You (run, throw, catch) like a girl”, and later “the ever present “Faggot!”.

In my defense, once my legs and arms slowed down in their growth I suddenly became a lot more co-ordinated, and no longer ran, threw, or caught like a girl.

With Social media and the 24 /7 connectedness each of us deals with, we find it harder to retreat.

As an Adult I know I can turn off my cell phone, and I don’t feel compelled to be on Facebook, or Twitter, Tumblr, or any other system that invades my privacy except on my terms.

Our children don’t seem to understand that connectedness is something that they control.

It may be more proper to say our children, being social animals and craving approval simply don’t have the maturity to exercise their right to to retreat by turning off the electronics.

Maybe that’s the real lesson.

We know that parental controls probably won’t work, and we really shouldn’t expect the schools to stop all bullying. I’m firmly against so called “Zero Tolerance” policies.

These policies are unenforceable and in fact often punish the wrong persons. Saying Zero Tolerance to most teenagers is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Perhaps we should instead teach that technology, while essentially a good thing does have a down side and that each of us needs to remember ultimately we have control over what we see, hear, and participate in.

Social media isn’t bad, but it is certainly prone to abuse. Dealing with that abuse is as simple as blocking people that are abusive and forbidding anonymous posts.

This isn’t a bad thing. It’s simply exercising your right to limit what you have to put up with.