Day: November 11, 2011

Recently while my brother was visiting we started comparing notes about “Rules”.

We were both raised with rules and consequences. You know… you violate the rules and there are consequences.

Both of us at one point or another jumped off the roof of the family home. And for just a few seconds we did in fact defy the law (rule) of gravity! For a few milliseconds we enjoyed the thrill of being weightless, then came the consequences as we crashed down arms and legs flailing to the neatly manicured St. Augustine lawn.

As children, human body design allows for a certain amount of ill chosen activities. Most parents know that kids bounce surprisingly well. Jumping off a roof is in fact quite survivable when you’re 8 to 12.

It’s all about the landing… I could probably survive a similar leap today but I don’t think it would have the same thrill, (I’m Flying!) Today it would be more about (I’m Falling, now what is that terminal velocity equation… Splat!)

We won’t even get into my experimentation with gunpowder and certain chemicals from my chemistry set… Suffice it to say… my eyebrows eventually grew back.

I mention these ill chosen activities because they taught me a lot about rules / laws. These lessons formed the basis for a large part of my life philosophy. Well, these, and other lessons taught by the unique sound of my fathers belt as at arced toward my miscreant bottom. The lesson, simply put was “Obey the rules and bad shit doesn’t happen to you”.

Flash forward 35 years or so and I’m sitting with my brother in a restaurant. We’re witnessing some altercation happening out on the street and both of us reach the same conclusion about who was wrong and who was right. We turned back to our beers and pretty much said at the same time;

Why does it feel like we’re the only people still following the rules?

This lead to a discussion about the rules in general since apparently most rules have changed, and we missed the  memo.

Both of us will follow the rules.  This is particularly relevant in our workplaces.

For example.

In his workplace there was a rule that said no magazines or reading material was to be at various posts within the workplace (Think security). So he accepts this policy (rule) and then goes to his post. Lo and behold there is a substantial collection of reading material. As he cycles through other posts during the day he notes that reading material is abundant.

For folk like us, This creates a conflict.

Either all the rules are valid or none of the rules are valid.

We shouldn’t have to guess which of the rules our employer is going to enforce and which they’re going to let slide. If you’re not going to enforce a rule then remove it from the rule book and lets all move on.

When he questioned his superiors about the reading material he was labeled a Troublemaker. It set him up for all kinds of petty harassment and punishment by his peers. He wasn’t trying to make trouble, he simply wanted to know if the rule was actually enforced (apparently not), selectively enforced (low seniority couldn’t read, high seniority could), or enforced only when someone was watching.

Rather than actually answering his question, his supervisors just created a miserable work environment.

The creation of shitty work environments is all too common these days, especially among small minded, insecure, weak willed bosses. It’s less risky to their petty empire than an actual discussion and has no consequences other than to make the person they don’t like seek other employment.

When did the “Rules apply to others… not me” mindset become the norm?

All of us as children have that mindset. We are supposed to grow out of it.

Yet with each passing year evidence that we are in fact not growing out of it becomes more and more abundant. 

Recently there was the wonderful example of humanity at it’s worst in a McDonalds on the East Coast. A woman goes off and slaps a cashier because he needs to follow procedure and verify her $50 dollar bill. 

There are a number of things wrong with this scenario. First of all what kind of moron pays for a happy meal with a $50 bill? Given that you are in a position where you are the moron paying for your happy meal with a fifty, what part of the vendor is going to verify the bill escapes you? 

Then when an employee is obviously following procedure… where the hell do you get the idea that it’s OK for you to slap that employee?

But this bitch goes one further she climbs across the counter to pursue the employee who HAS retreated from her onslaught.

This is where things get really strange. The male employee being human grabs a pipe and starts beating the shit out of this crazed bitch.

I could have seen him punching her lights out but the pipe is over the top. The fact that he keeps smacking her after she’s down looks kinda bad too. On balance we can’t really see what’s happening behind the counter for all we know she’s trying to hit him with something she’s found.

All of them should have been taken to jail or better yet, a manners re-education camp complete with electroshock.

These people followed the rule of the jungle, not the rules of polite society and that’s the point!

Rules exist and are enforced by peer pressure within a society so that we don’t go back to the caves. But rules ONLY work when there is a homogenous society. 

I’m not talking about skin color here, or religion, or class. I’m talking about the fracturing of our society at a fundamental level. Ask any two people on the street about any set of rules and you’ll get different answers about which rules they’re going to obey.That’s a very different picture from 35 years ago.

We’ve become a society where people obsess over the tiniest of slights. You’d expect polite behavior, but in fact our society has focused so intensely on the minutiae that we have simply lost sight of the bigger issues. 

It’s no longer about if something is racist or sexist, we’ve broken it down to, “is something more racist or sexist against one group over another?” completely losing sight of the fact that racist or sexist behavior is in general bad.

Don’t lie

Don’t steal

Don’t mistreat people regardless of their sex, color, sexuality, or whatever

Obey laws

Don’t cut in line

Be polite to each other

Treat everyone with respect and acknowledge their right to their opinion even if it differs from yours.

Apply all rules equally to everyone no exceptions

I think it goes back to a simple change in our thinking.

We used to all be Americans.

Now we’re Asian Americans, African, Americans, Pacific Islanders, Hispanic Americans, Muslim Americans, [Insert Ethnicity Here] Americans. We’ve even broken it down to sexual preference, now you can be an [Alphabet Soup] American.

What point does this serve except to draw distinctions based on our differences instead of our commonalities? 

We are all here in America because we were either born here OR because we CHOSE to come here.

Regardless of how we came to be here OR WHEN, at some point, someone in our family decided that being an American was better than being what they were. (Even African Americans have a choice about where they live. If they feel that they can’t get past the injustice in America they have a choice to leave. That, by the way is a choice we all have.) 

It’s well past time for us to put aside where our families came from and embrace being American again.

That doesn’t mean that we have to forget our traditions, it does mean that we need to find a way forward. It means that we all have to hammer out a new set of rules that we as a society agree to, and will follow. It means that we accept responsibility for ourselves and our fellow Americans and once again take pride in our unique ability to be a melting pot where the best of Humanity, not the worst is on display.