I imagine a lot of people are blogging about 9/11

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

10 years ago today I flipped on the TV for some background noise as I prepared to begin a job search, as CNNs image resolved I, like many Americans couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My mind simply refused to accept what my eyes were telling me.

Suddenly I was on my knees, peering into the glowing phosphors hoping it was a terrible accident but knowing in my heart it was an attack… and that our lives were irrevocably changed.

Over the years my thoughts and opinions have changed. However there are a few things that remain constant.

I’m very conflicted, and I’m still just as angry today as I was then.

My Duty as an American is that I must protect the rights of everyone even those that I absolutely disagree with, although today I’ve narrowed that view to Americans. Naturalized or born here, it doesn’t matter. Anyone that has chosen to be an American is automatically part of that duty. Anyone else… well frankly their rights are only those protected under international law.

I’m conflicted because there are many people who are Americans and who obviously hate this country, their  loyalties in fact lie solely with their countries of origin. How does my duty apply in those situations?

Duty… once so clear, is now confused and muddled.

Rules once so easy to follow and understand are now intermittently visible at best.

Our lives changed, there is no doubt about that.

It’s not just the TSA, or the Patriot act… everything is subtly influenced.

Americans as a group are much more suspicious of everyone. I’m never in public anymore where I’m not paying attention to crowds & the people around me. There are friends that would say I’m being paranoid. I disagree.

There are places in the world where bombings in public markets are commonplace. It hasn’t happened in this country but it could and I personally believe it will.

What was once unthinkable here in the United States is now within the realm of possibility.

We as a people had our innocence taken from us, It can never be regained.

I can’t forgive the countries or the people that harbor these terrorist animals, any more than I can forgive the terrorists themselves.

As I’ve watched the ceremony in New York I’ve been feeling the same things I felt 10 years ago. Rage, sadness, and … fear.

My brother lived in NY and was involved in law enforcement. For many hours I couldn’t reach him , or his wife. I have never been more grateful for any message than I was for the simple text message “We are OK”.

There are so many who received a very different message. My heart goes out to them… there is nothing that can be said to assuage their pain and loss.

Even though a decade has passed somehow the wound is as fresh today as it was then. This begs the question…

How do we move forward?