Day: September 19, 2011

Time to as Linkin Park says “let it go”

I’ve been a bit depressed over the past few months.  Gee could you tell?

Too many things to deal with and too much chaos and noise in my head.

I’m done with mourning the loss of yet another job. I think this is likely to be the new “Norm” for me and my so called “career”. As such, it really doesn’t fucking matter what I do so long as I make enough money to pay the bills.

Computers and computer stuff is easy. The problem is that I’ve been in a backwater of technology for about 4 “real” years. That loosely translates to 6 or 8 years in the “real” technology world, so there are some things that I’m behind on.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be an issue, in these economic times… well I’m righteously fucked. And not in a good way!

This leaves me trying to piece together something that allows me to make a living from what I know and what I can learn quickly.

I’m still working on a book albeit slowly… I have no idea how much income something like that will generate, on the other hand it shouldn’t be that big a deal to handle publishing and distribution as an purely electronic affair. However, that’s in the longer term.

In the near term what?

After a conversation with a friend, I’m thinking I’d be better off checking into something computer related even if it’s only a contract position and not likely to last very long.

I used to think I was going to have a real career, and that I’d retire someday with a nice 401K and have time to travel and enjoy myself. The new reality is that I’ll be lucky if I’m not pushing a shopping cart and eating cat food.

I’m just going to accept that. There will be no corporate pension, no long term job, little if any security, and that’s just the way it is.

Since virtually all large companies now are centralized in their control, even if I had a fancy title like CTO I’d still have to ask permission to do my job from some other asshole. Either on another continent or in another city who has no fucking clue about what is actually happening at the site I’m responsible for. So I have no desire to enter into the management track for most companies. Why bother? Tons of responsibility, and NO AUTHORITY to act on those responsibilities.

Been there, Done that got the t-shirt and I’m not interested in repeating it. Unfortunately, the middle management or even upper management tracks are what you’re supposed to be screwing over your coworkers for.

Someone like me that knows the way those positions work is perceived as “Not a good worker or not ambitious” regardless of the quality of work they consistently turn out. After all if you’re not bending someone over a desk and ramming your cock hard, fast, and dry, up the poor bastards ass in a bid for promotion… you’re not working!

I’m so done with that philosophy. Taking short contracts, can fund explorations into careers that I might actually enjoy for the remainder of my working life.

So what are those careers or potential careers?

I’m continuously drawn to the hobbies that I think I like…

Why the uncertainty?

Well I really enjoy SCUBA. I’ve been diving in Hawaii, Florida, and Bonaire. I enjoyed everything about diving in those places.  Do I enjoy it enough to do it for a living? Would I like being a Dive Master or an Instructor? That, I don’t know. It bears investigation and I’m fortunate to have an acquaintance who I might be able to work something out with.

I also enjoy Photography and have been told I’ve got some skill at that. On the other hand, Several of the online stock photo sites HATED and rejected all of the 25 or so photos that everyone else absolutely loved. The other stock photo sites I’ve checked into have such restrictive licensing rules that if I submitted photos to them… I’d never be able to even give a photo away. I don’t want to lock myself in that way.

I need to add a significant amount of work to my rather small portfolio. That takes time and a bit of money.

Either of these options could be funded by contracts.

So It’s time to get off my ass, get over the feeling of failure and make sure that everything I do from here on out is with a view to my “retirement” career.

Stay tuned…

It should be an interesting ride.