Tag: Male

I’m sharing this for no other reason than to remind all Men,

“You’re not alone brother!”

My morning started out pretty normal. I got up, had a cup of coffee or two. Looked at my ToDO list and started working.

First up, was completion of some edits on and troubleshooting a website. Problems with this site had befuddled me for a couple of days, and this morning I decided to hit it like Spartacus!

Magically, the problems I’d been having melted before my awesomeness! “That was easy,” I said. Then moved onto the next thing on the list with confidence.

Perhaps I was too cocky.

The rest of the morning unfolded as follows;

I began by cleaning the gutters, The back gutter was a solid mess. Pine needles and about a quarter of an inch of dirt filled the entire 40 foot length of the rear gutter.

I was amazed that it wasn’t simply over-flowing when it rained. Using a ladder on the deck, I was able to remove the pile of pine needles. This process was annoyingly slow but simple manual labor. Grab the pine needles by hand toss them into the yard, move ladder to the next section. Repeat as needed. I finished by flushing the dirt out with a high pressure spray of water from the hose and bingo, the rear gutter was clean.

With even more self assuredness I moved to the front gutter. Oddly, it wasn’t nearly as blocked up as the rear, and it is overflowing when it rains. The front gutter is problematic to clean because unlike the back one, there is only a short deck to work from in the front of the house.

Using my handy dandy fiberglass poles and a little creativity with a bit of metal I fashioned a two bladed hook that allowed me to hook the pine needles and other plant debris raking it toward me. I didn’t have to move the ladder which was a good thing because there’s no place to move it to.

Due to the slope of the yard, one end of the front gutter is 20 feet off the ground and I don’t have a 25 foot ladder. After all, I’d only use it once a year.

Debris removed, I grabbed the hose attached to the front hose bib. The intention was to rinse the dirt and small bits of loose debris from the gutter, as I had done in back. Hose deployed and unkinked, I walk down stairs to turn the water on full blast. I run back upstairs climb the ladder and direct the spray nozzle into the gutter rinsing the detritus from the bottom.

It is approximately at this point that two problems become apparent.

Problem 1 is that the water is not exiting the gutter as anticipated.

Problem 2 is that I hear water running even when the spray nozzle is in the off position. I’d noticed that the water pressure wasn’t quite as high as I’d experienced in the back but thought little of this rather obvious clue.

I’m curious why I still hear water running.

I head down stairs and had 2 inches of one stair break off as I stepped on it, and damn near sent me down the rest of the flight, face first.

Priorities dictated that I find the source of the water sound, before dealing with the broken stair, other than swearing loudly, and profusely, as I caught myself.

Ladies, we guys don’t always get hurt doing something stupid. Sometimes we get hurt because we’re trying to make sure that things are maintained and safe for our families. It just happens that in that process we’re the ones who find cleverly covered up broken, or ignored things. My Dad had a knack for finding the one live wire in a bundle of “rat fucked” wires that one of us kids had tried to fix before being distracted by something shiny in the yard. It was a miracle that nothing caught fire, and my Dad wasn’t electrocuted during my childhood.

Once safely down the stairs, I notice that the sound of running water is louder, but it is not coming as expected from the hose fitting. I head into the basement to discover a quarter to half an inch of water pooled directly under the pipe leading to the hose bib on the exterior wall.

Being thankful for my foresight 8 years ago, I grabbed the nifty ball valve on the water line to the hose bib that I usually only use in preparation for Winter, and shut off the water to the bib without having to kill the water to the entire house.

Okay, now the water problem is managed.

I head back up to the deck pausing to check that the offending stair will not crumble under my weight and back up the ladder to see what’s going on with the gutter. It is still full of water. Great! My front gutter downspout is clogged and I don’t have a ladder tall enough to allow me direct access.

In an attempt to remedy the clog, I began disassembling the segments of the downspout hoping to be able to snake the clog with what I had on hand. A.K.A. my handy dandy fiberglass poles.

Unfortunately, during this process I discover another problem. The clutch on my drill is broken and I can barely unscrew the screws holding the downspout in place without the drill slipping. I question if I can drive a sheet metal screw back through the retaining straps when I’m done clearing the drain spout. However, I’m in it now, and going for the gold, I will finish this one task!

(You know, some days you get the bull and other days you get the horn. You can surmise which I got.)

The fiberglass poles are not able to make the sharp turns leading to the clog, (which appears to be, in or beyond the last “S” leading to the short straight section connected to the gutter itself. Of Course! The clog couldn’t be in any of the sections that I can access, it’s just out of reach, (kinda like my dating life!)

I’m able to reassemble the gutter and get it strapped back to the side of the house. Broken drill notwithstanding.

I am curious about why the drill is broken, and why there is a suspicious big white scuff mark on one side of it indicating that it may have been dropped from a height.

I briefly think about beginning a grand inquisition as to who was using my drill, and how it came to be damaged since the last time I had need of it. I do not recall dropping the machine, but it was at least put back in it’s case where it belonged so that is progress in the right direction.

Nah, there shall be no inquisition today. I just have a great excuse to go pick up that sweet Ryobi set I’ve been wanting. I’ll count it as a win!

With the drill broken, I can’t repair the stairs. The plumber will be here in an hour or so, to replace the broken section of pipe.

In the mean time I’m having a coke. I’ve been at my home repair follies for over 3 hours. I’ll have another shower, then go to Home-Depot to see if I can get a suitable drain snake and a new drill / impact driver set.

Other that that Mrs. Lincoln… How was the Play?

See? Now you can laugh your ass off! Misery loves company doesn’t it?