Tag: General

I was winding down for sleep, then boom! I’m wide awake again.

I finally saw “Bros” today. It’s a cute movie, a somewhat predictable romantic comedy. But I like Luke Macfarlane as an actor. I’ve liked him since KillJoys and it was nice to see him playing something other than one of the Jaqobis boys.

He’s done a shit load of movies but Bros is the first one I’ve seen.

I looked up the website of the SCUBA trip organizer I traveled with in 2008. They’re still at it, and they’re heading to Bonaire in October. That’s a tempting get away. It’s unlikely I’ll go because there may simply be too much to deal with this coming year. That being said Bonaire is someplace that I enjoyed. I suppose my going, or not is going to depend a lot on finances and living situation. I could really use some tropical time, and some SCUBA time.

It’s been literally years since I got wet. I should plan on a refresher course and I need a new dive computer. Yes the Apple Watch Ultra has the ability to act as a dive computer, but honestly the way the sensors and algorithms get changed via software, I won’t bet my life on my Apple Watch.

My Apple Watch has too often behaved in arbitrary ways after software updates. I’m leaning more toward an air integrated single purpose dive computer. Let’s have the life support equipment focus on being life support equipment.

Perhaps I’ve been sitting in front of screens too much lately. Perhaps I’m spinning a little toward the manic and that’s why I can’t sleep. I’m trying 2 fingers of Jack, jotting down some story notes, and trying like hell to find the insomniac net on the Ham radio. Sometimes the late night “nets” are interesting, I might have the wrong night or… it’s not late enough yet.

I’ve been having some interesting thoughts about life, moving, starting over, and what happens next. Maybe these thoughts are just dealing with such monumental questions and worries that my poor addled brain is spinning up, instead of spinning down.

Jesse has gone out to the couch which is odd because usually he’s sleeping on the bed whether I’m there or not. On these late nights, I have to work my way into the bed and find space around him. Once he’s out, he’s dead and grumpy weight to move.

It’s raining now, we might see a little bit of snow but at this altitude it’s probably going to be more rain than anything. I’m hoping for rain that is strong enough to make that thrumming sound on the roof that I like. I’m not sure I’d hear it though because there’re still large patches of snow piled on the roof.

Right now It’s Phutureprimative Mind’s Eye playing while I sip my bourbon, and try to clear my head. I think Mind’s Eye may be one of Phutureprimative’s best albums. Check it out if you can.

I see that the weekly backup of my computer is running. That’s estimated to complete in an hour or so. Right now there’s not enough change on a daily basis to justify backing up to the server hourly. The server spend most of its time in sleep mode. That’s probably just as well since the drives spin down and stay spun down sometimes days at a time.

I think part of that is that on my computer there’s 2 TB of disk, so I’m never going to be fighting for space. Typically if I’m transferring to the server, it’s a huge block of files all at once for archival purposes instead of tons of transfers during the day. 

Jerry was always transferring stuff to the server. 

I’m beginning to envision a future. It’s funny, that wasn’t ever a problem when I was young. I had absolute faith that I could regenerate, rising like a Phoenix from the ashes and that I’d be okay. I could recreate myself with ease.

After the house burned, I realized that it was a lot harder to rise. As time went on, I found that I just didn’t have the energy. I was able to create an apartment life in San Diego. But that was an extension of my home here. If shit went sideways, I knew I always had a place to retreat. Selling and moving is a much different proposition. There’s no anchor, no retreat. I’ll be floating raw, naked, with no tethers and whatever I do, must work flawlessly.

Or mostly flawlessly. I can recover from imperfection… I’ve done it before, to do so requires only the application of money. Since money is finite and also in short supply I’d like to avoid as much imperfection as possible and thereby unnecessary expense.

I’m still spinning. I’ve been refraining from firing up the PlayStation for a few rounds of Call of Duty. That would probably amp me up more.

Not that I mind shooting bad guys, I could see myself joining an online game and really getting amped up because the avatars I’d be shooting are representations of real humans. When they respawn, they tend to have a bit of a grudge. I’m a shitty player… even I get lucky from time to time. Most of the time I’m taking a dirt nap waiting to respawn.

I miss having the friends from my Military Contractor Job to play with. We trash talked each other and played brutally. I used to be able to take my boss down in the game without fear… Well, until he respawned and came hunting me. We laughed a lot, swore at each other and had a ton of fun.

I noticed when I activated my PS5 there were all kinds of rules and regulations against trash talking each other. It’s a pity that so many people are that thin skinned or that so many people abused the shit out of communications.

All our trash talk at each other was nothing more than male bonding. I guess that’s something a lot of gay people and especially female to male transgenders simply wouldn’t understand.

There was nothing more gratifying than shooting my boss in the game and having him say “FUCK!!! I’m coming for you when I respawn!” 

I’d reply, “Yeah, but you have to find my ass first boss!”

The next morning at work we’d all be laughing and talking about the awesome shots we’d taken, or why it was we were dancing in one spot against a wall.

We all used to teabag each other in Halo. Imagine… teabagging your boss and him not being pissed about it the next morning.

Well, here we are at 2 AM. The weekly backup is complete.

Now what?

2nd glass of Jack hasn’t really hit. 

Games? Bust a Nut? Or just go climb between the sheets and hope the warm bed takes me to dreamland.