Category: Being a man

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So yesterday I was out & About…

After watching the completely thoughtless behavior of a number of people, I had to take a piss.

No not due to the thoughtlessness of the people, they were just the constant background irritation that I face every day.

One incident that really caught my attention was at the car wash:

I watched someone pull up to the change machine, get out of their car, get change, then drive 50 feet to put their car in the washing bay. Really? You lazy fuck? Oh, and you had two other people in the car with you. Why not pull into one of the 6 empty wash bays, and haul your ass 50 feet to get your change?

You thought it was okay to park in front of the machine blocking the driveway for everyone else, causing a traffic jam, preventing other people from leaving the car wash, or exiting the automated washing area. while you sat there fucking around to find your paper currency to change into coin.

I’d remind you dumbass, you’re not the only person on the fucking planet.

I did my best to ignore it.  Obviously I wasn’t successful! 

Anyhoo…

I finish drying my car and that was when I needed to take a leak. I do a quick check, there are other drying bays open so I can leave my car for a minute.

As I’m approaching the restroom, I note that the two doors are sporting nice new gender neutral signs. I think nothing of it. I head for the “Men’s room”, or the room formerly known as the men’s room.

UrinalIt’s unoccupied and I’m pretty much on auto pilot and then I notice the urinal is gone. No it’s not broken, it’s completely missing. Now there is only a toilet and a sink.

WTF?

Leave the fucking urinals in gender neutral bathrooms!

Women have been bitching for years about the length of time it takes for them to go pee. You know what ladies? It’s because men can piss in a trough, or against a wall, shoulder to shoulder.

Pulling urinals out of restrooms only slows the whole process down for everyone. If I’m in a men’s room that has a toilet and a urinal I don’t lock the door. Another dude can come in and take a leak in the toilet. That’s why there’s rarely a line at a baseball game or airport for the men’s room.

You neutrality nazis want to come into a large gender neutral restroom?

Fine… You better be prepared to see some dick! That had better not offend your delicate sensibilities.

You got some religious concerns or concerns that you’ll have to look at men? Well creampuff make a fucking decision. Gender neutrality OR your desire to not see dick.

Think about it for two seconds and incorporate your life experience.

For example:

Go to a party at someones home. Every bathroom will be full, there’s a line and nobody is going anywhere. Eventually the guys will be out in the front yard, beer in one hand and cock in the other watering the largest tree in the yard.

There’s a joke which gets modified to fit the branch of the military the teller of the joke served in.

First person:
You know, in the <Military Branch> they taught us to wash our hands after we piss.

Second Person:

In the <Military Branch> they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Men revert to our cave man nature pretty damn quick. We shouldn’t have to make apologies for it.

That’s not male privilege, it’s biological design. Ain’t nothing that you can do about it. So stop trying to make Men feel like they’re less than, or somehow wrong, for the way they were born.

If you keep the bathrooms at a party locked up too long, eventually some dude is out in the back yard digging a latrine. If you’re really lucky he’s preserving the sod in nice neat squares so that the lawn can be fixed in the morning. There’s your gender neutrality, and gender equality. All the party goers who can’t get into the bathrooms, will be using the latrine.  Perhaps that’s an idea for my next party, If you’re going to be puking your guts up… Go out back!

Just hope to god someone brings paper towels out, or your perennials are going to be stripped bare by morning.

Tell you what, how about we take the wall space used by the couches in the former ladies only bathrooms and put a nice trough right there?

Oh, now the ladies are concerned!

I swear, If I wasn’t worried about being arrested I’d just start pissing against buildings, or trees whenever I had to go.

Think of it as a rebellion against the Neutrality Nazis. I know of course that there would be some horribly offended snowflake that runs to the police to report indecent exposure. Not because they saw anything, but simply because I’m a dude and comfortable pissing while standing up. God knows that must be some kind of crime!

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Meeting (Dating, Hookup, Whatever) apps…

Ghosting v 1024x538We all know what they are. 

Many of us use them. 

They’re an outgrowth of social media and honestly, in my opinion our lack of ability to have a conversation with each other in person and perhaps fear.

It’s a lot easier to go down in flames on an application than to go down in a bar in front of your friends.

So part of the fear is the fear of rejection. I assume there’s a lot of fear in general too. I mean in a society where someone is more likely to film you being mugged than to stop the mugging, an application provides a safety margin and the ability to keep someone at arms length until you decide if they’re someone that you’d actually like to meet.

The downside is that instead of someone seeing you as you really are, and you them. Both of you have the opportunity to create completely fictitious personas. If these personas decide to meet then there’s the very real possibility that as the personas meet and dissolve, the two people are left with a critical choice.

ghosting101.pngTry to pick up the pieces of the fractured personas or call each other assholes. In many cases, meeting never happens. One party or the other “Ghosts”. Technically it’s a no harm, no foul, but one person is always left not knowing what they did, or didn’t do.

At least in a bar, you know from the other person’ body language that your advances are a no go. With the online world, the conversation just stops mid thought.

Another problem with online dating apps is that some people just engage in conversations that lead nowhere and then get pissy when you call them on it. Then there are those people that are trying to have affairs and who are so dishonest with even themselves that they can’t believe that someone might actually be just a simple honest person. 

You know, that unicorn of unicorns… Someone that’s honest in their profile and honest in their intentions.

The thing that really blows me away is the folks that “MEGA-Ghost”

These are the folks that not only stop communicating but also delete their profiles on whatever app and then completely disappear. I’ve personally run into a couple of these folks. What’s weird is when they do this and their stated intentions were just to find friends. 

2a11eb0547a0d8b0eea9670390bbc5f3It’s always gone something like this;

Them: “Wow you’re really nice, I’d like to meet sometime.”

Me: “Yes, that would be nice what are you thinking about? Coffee? Drink? Light lunch?”

Them: “Sure, that sounds nice.”

Me: “Okay, when and where?”

….

I honestly don’t understand why suddenly asking when and where causes silence and ghosting.

All you have to say is, “We’ll have to schedule it”. OR “You know I’m not ready to go there yet, can we just chat a while longer?” OR “I’m sorry, this is too scary; too fast; or I’m not ready to meet”

I’m a big boy, I can take it and we could go on chatting as before.

But damn! There’s no need to completely disappear. 

I recently ran into this kind of situation with a man who said they were looking for men in the local area with similar interests for friendship. Their profile said he wanted to go hiking and that he was looking for someone to talk with have an occasional drink and do outdoors stuff.

I don’t know what his true motive was, but we’d been chatting some, and even had made jokes about people not being clear about their wants. We live within 2 miles of each other and both of us could use a friend to go do stuff when we’re not up for the obligations of our respective relationships. You know… Having some guy time where you can say what you want and not worry about offending anyone.

If you’re hiking on a trail, you can say what you want without being accused of some heinous thought crime.

It was a Friday night, and just five minutes before he went silent, He’d said that he was alone for the next week as his wife was out of town and that he was bored.

I told him hey, “Let’s meet down at the bar. We can have a drink and get to know each other in person. From there we can see if we want to plan a hike or something.”

Ghost! 👻

What the hell?

It’s gotta be me. I must be too direct or something.

I figure anyone with a set of balls should be able to meet for a drink and see if the entertaining conversation is as much fun in person.

But apparently, that’s not the way we do things anymore.

I guess I should take it as the final test.

If I ask someone to have a drink, coffee, lunch, or whatever and they freak out. I should count my blessings and be thankful that I’m not going to get caught up in their drama.

I tend to take people at face value, If you tell me you’d like to get together I assume that you’re not lying and the next logical step is to arrange to meet. After all we don’t need to get carpal tunnel in front of our computer keyboards when we can actually chat in person.

Humm, maybe I’ll put that in my “Profile” and see if that changes the behaviors.

GOD, I miss the good ‘ol days of bars and real conversation.

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It’s been a long haul

Wow, December since the last entry.

A lot has happened, and yet nothing has.

I’m still at the same shitty job, hope is fading. I still don’t know what to do about the other half situation and the odds of finding another job seem very low at best.

As to my future I haven’t a clue.

There have been some bright spots. I’ve been able to play a couple of times sexually and those times have been enjoyable.

Apparently due to a clerical error, I’m now at risk of losing my job which led to me having a major panic/anxiety attack this morning because I was going to be late to work. You’d think that wasn’t cause for a panic attack, but here’s how it went down.

A freeway transition was closed, forcing me to divert to another freeway. I got off at the next exit and tried turning around because I was going in a completely opposite direction from the direction that I needed to go. As I got off the freeway, the inbound entrance (going in the direction I needed to go,) was closed.

OK, I started trying to take surface routes from where I was, to where I needed to be. No joy! One dead end after another, and of course the navigation system was telling me to head back to the freeway (that was closed) useless!

So I pull over to the curb, fire up the maps program on the phone and start looking at the roads, trying to chart a course that would get me to work. I was after all, only 4 miles away. Trouble is, the dead ends are because there is no direct way to get where I needed to go. To traverse the 4 miles I was going to have to go 15 miles. Okay fine! I put the car in gear and there’s this grinding noise as I make yet another U-turn.

What the FUCK???

I put the car back in park, get out, and see that as I pulled over to the curb there must have been a traffic cone lying on its side which is now firmly wedged under the car. GREAT! Just FUCKING GREAT!

I have less than 10 minutes to get to work and 15 miles to go not counting delays caused by the invariably poorly timed lights in San Diego.

This isn’t going to work! I’m going to be late! If I’m late they’ll give me an occurrence, if I get another occurrence, I’m gonna be fired.

And that’s when the meltdown began.

Rage! Burning bright, roaring in my ears, my chest heaving and heart pounding. Panic set in and I fucking lost it. I’m crying, I’m laughing, I’m cursing. Head pounding, tunnel vision setting in and I’m fully out of control.

I do the math in my head, if I call to say I’m going to be late I get an occurrence, If I call out for the whole day, I use up one of my last sick days, but I don’t get an occurrence.

I call out for the day.

1st Problem solved.

Now I have time to address the next problem, how do I get this fucking cone out from underneath the car?

I need more clearance between the street and the underside of the car. A car jack comes to mind. Yep! That’ll do the trick…

My car has run-flat tires, there is no jack in the trunk. DAMN IT!!!!!

There are no gas stations as far as I can see, So limping into one and using a floor jack is out of the question!

Still in the waning grip of the anxiety attack I’m suddenly very tired and very depressed. Mentally I kick myself for being such a weak fucked up pussy.

I lean against the hood just about to start really sobbing, furtively I glance around to see if anyone is going to see my second meltdown in 20 minutes.

As I glance around, I notice the driveways into businesses are all very steep. It’s characteristic of San Diego where you’re bound to damage your front end trying to get to an ice cream shop. Gotta keep the paint and body shops in business right???

Humm,

I get back in the car pull across the street to the steepest driveway I can find. Slowly, I back up the incline stopping where I guess the largest distance between the bottom of the car and gutter in the street will be. (As an aside, did you know that some cars won’t let you get into reverse if the fucking driver door is open? “For your safety and convenience… MY ASS!”

My guess is a good one. There’s enough gap to yank the offending cone from under the car. I don’t see any damage to the car. Of course, I’m looking in the dark using my phone as a flashlight, where the fuck is my Maglight?

2nd Problem Solved 

It’s 35 minutes past my start time.

If I worked for a real company, I’d have made my way to work, gone to the men’s room, washed my hands and gotten to work.

I don’t work for a real company. I work for a bunch of shitheads who are more into punishing their employees regardless of the situation, and making the workplace as hostile and stressful as they possibly can, within the limits of the law.

I tell the navigation system to take me back to my apartment. 40 minutes later I’m closing my front door taking my clothes off and crawling back into bed.

It’s warm and cozy and I drift off to sleep.

After a couple hours sleep, I wake, jerk off and begin contemplating the 3rd Problem, while sorting clothes for a trip to the laundry room.

The 3rd Problem is a bit trickier. I need a job, but at what cost?

Jobs are supposed to be simple exchanges. I provide a service you need and you pay for that service. My politics, personal situation, and buy-in to your company politics or anything else should be irrelevant.

I work, you pay, end of discussion. If I don’t work, you don’t pay… THAT’S the punishment for me not being there.

Modern American Businesses don’t see it this way. They seem to think that you’re supposed to feel privileged to work for them, and part of that privilege is that you’re supposed to allow them to run your fucking life. “Oh sorry you can’t take that day off because we need you. Oh You had a vacation planned? Sorry you’ll have to cancel it.”

Did I earn that vacation time? Yes? Then I’m taking it! Do I understand and accept that I’m taking a day off without pay? Then Shut the fuck up!

What? You mean you don’t enjoy being abused by management, and our whiny, perpetual victim-class clients, who we’re charging a shitload of money for our product? What’s not to like? You can buy stock in our company… but you’ll never be able to spend it. What is wrong with you?

Ahh there’s the crux of it… In the end, the company wants you to feel that no matter what, it’s your fault. If you buy into it being your fault, then you’ll also buy into their right to punish you for your “Failings”.

WHO IS JOHN GAULT?

No company or corporation is your friend. No Manager, Supervisor, Vice President, or CEO is your friend. You are not their friend, you are a FREE PERSON.

Friendship predicated on gain, is not friendship. Your life, your joy, and your sorrows, are yours alone. It is not up to your employer to punish you, if you’re not at work, the only right they have is, not to pay you.

As a FREE PERSON, you are responsible for your creations and owe them to no one. You are not obligated to sing the praises of a company or a god that you don’t believe in. You are not obligated to give anything to anyone that you do not choose to give. That includes your time and energy. Likewise, you are not owed anything you have not earned. 

I do not like panic attacks and I don’t ever wish to experience another one because I fear what a company or manager will do.

The only way to win this game, is not to play

3rd Problem – Solution Pending…