Category: Gay / Straight

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NOM as the Victim?

Say WHAT????

Brian Brown of NOM is playing the victim card. You can read the Advocate article here. It would be funny… if he wasn’t serious.

One paragraph really caught my attention.

He’s referring to Marriage Equality advocates. But this paragraph itself is amazing.

“can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.”

I read this twice before my brain melted down.

NOM is in fact DEMANDING that gay people accept just what NOM says it’s members cannot.

NOM pulled this paragraph straight from The Fear Mongers, Despots, & Dictators Speech & Operations Manual. This is from the chapter titled “How to win and keep popular support for immoral ideas“. The next chapter in the book is “Political Prisoners and how to disappear them“

This paragraph is all about demonizing your enemy by capitalizing on the fears of the people you’re trying to win over. In the case of NOM, they’re talking about marriage, but this could as easily be plugged into any context.

Here are some other examples of the way in which this paragraph can be used.

White People “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.” 

GAY People “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.” 

Black people “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.”

Christian People “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.”

Islamic People “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.”

Chinese People “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.” 

Jewish People “can only win if they can get us to accept and internalize the second-class status they propose for us. To accept our own marginalization, to be quiet, to stand down and keep our heads down. To live in fear, instead of acting, with courage, out of hope.”

The list of examples goes on … apparently the readers of the The Fear Mongers, Despots, & Dictators Speech & Operations Manual need very specific instructions.

Hitler made these kinds of statements and later used similar statements to justify the murder of millions.

Have we learned nothing? Why is it that our attention spans are so short that we cannot see the hatred and bigotry that groups like NOM spout for what it is? This is not new, groups like NOM have existed for as long as mankind has. We need only look into the history of our planet and we find abundant examples.

For gods sake, right NOW we’re fighting two wars against exactly this kind of theocratic zealotry.

One thing that we should all be mindful of, is that theocracies even veiled ones like NOM would like nothing more than to remake our country in their image. Shall we consider for a moment what that might look like?

All abortions would be illegal. The rape victim would have to understand that it was Gods will that she carry and raise the baby of a psychopath. 

Gay people would be imprisoned for their own safety and subsequently executed. (So that the gene pool of God fearing Christians could be preserved.) After all a lot of gay people reproduce before they go gay. Later, the families of gay people could be sterilized to prevent further contamination. 

All genetic research would come to a halt. Who is man to tinker with Gods perfect creation? 

All Technology would eventually be banned. The bans would start in the communication sector. Too much communication and free flow of ideas is BAD. It distracts the people from their prayers. (The Fear Mongers, Despots, & Dictators Speech & Operations Manual, suggests that long distance communications be restricted immediately to government official channels. Anyone engaging in unmonitored communication of ideas must be made an example of… Public brutal executions such as stoning are recommended.)  

Dissenting ideas would be punished. God speaks only through the religious leaders

All guns would be banned. Every citizen must turn turn their guns over to the duly appointed representative of Gods army. There would be no financial compensation but the rewards in heaven will be great.

Education facilities will teach ONLY the approved curriculum. Any mention of evolution would be strictly forbidden. Abstinence is the only God approved sex education. Masturbation is a MORTAL sin. Religious studies are of the highest importance. Reading is taught only so the people can read the Bible. Math, & Science, are taught only to so that God’s army can maintain readiness for the apocalypse. 

Does ANY of this sound familiar?

NOM and other ultra conservative religious groups have far more in common with conservative Islam and the TALIBAN than they do American Democracy.

Please folks, understand that Marriage isn’t religious in nature. It is a contract that became imbued with religious significance.

Strip away the religious overtones and see it for what it is. Two people binding themselves together and by extension their families for the betterment of all parties.

Marriages brought larger grazing lands, pooled wealth & resources, and strengthened community relationships.

The gender of the participants doesn’t change that fundamental dynamic.

It’s that pooling of wealth / resources, the tax benefits, and ability to make medical decisions for their partner that same sex marriage advocates want.

Separate but equal didn’t cut it with African Americans and it sure as hell won’t cut it with Gay Americans.

Civil unions simply don’t provide or protect the rights of the parties the same way that Marriage does.

In fact apparently state sanctioned marriage doesn’t either. The case of the New York couple split up by Federal Immigration & Naturalization comes to mind.

The bottom line is that whether they admit it or not, NOM and organizations like them are advocating and supporting an unfair, biased, hateful agenda against a group of people that have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Except that is… exist then challenge the prevailing dogma.

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Fox News again…

A friend sent this to me. Fox News! need I say more? Well YES I DO!

Oh for gods sake!

These people are nuts.

Poor people have been poor since the Polk Administration. That Conservatives or Liberals would try to lay the problems of the poor at ANY ONE presidents feet is insultingly stupid. Mind you I’m not at all impressed with Obama and haven’t been since well before he took office. Unfortunately, the republican alternative wasn’t an alternative at all.

The poor are poor due to any number of factors, education being chief among them. But when I say education I mean it in a far broader sense than books and classrooms. If folks don’t not KNOW that a better life is possible… then it’s only the few malcontents that aspire for something different. When you start rubbing peoples noses in what they don’t have that’s when you create problems. Hell, I’m poor by comparison to Bill Gates, Paul Allen, or Steve jobs. (I’ve got way better teeth than Paul Allen though. DAMN!) I’m obscenely wealthy compared to someone from Kenya.

“Poor” is an arbitrary measure usually applied by fat middle to upper class people that makes themselves feel better about their accomplishments and their obscene wealth. “Poor” gives bleeding heart liberals and do gooder conservatives photo opportunities that can be labeled “Socially Conscious”. “Poor” sows discord and creates the “Haves”&  “Have Nots”. The term then provides an excuse for someone that perceives themselves to be “poor” to feel entitled to take what they want.

Spend some time in Compton&  South Central like I did over the past 4 years and then talk to me about the “poor” the media is talking about.

I’d gotten to the point that I was wearing no jewelry, driving my beat to hell 13 year old truck and never carrying anything other than my ID and $20 while I was at work. And I’d go out of my way to NOT spend any money in that area.

When I was in KY I went to school with people that were more content on the farm using hand tools than accessing any of the modern technologies. Why? Because it was easier and they didn’t have to learn nothin new. These people were dirt poor, but they were actually pretty happy because they didn’t aspire to have all the pretty shiny trinkets. They were only interested in things that had practical value in their daily lives. Their phones only worked half the time because they didn’t always feel like paying the bill. They had electricity most of the time, but their farm houses had been built before electricity and everything worked just fine without it.

Most of these people quit school as soon as they could and went back to the farm. They weren’t stupid, they just couldn’t relate how anything they were learning in school was of practical use in their day to day lives.

They didn’t consider themselves “poor” any more than the Amish consider themselves “poor”. Although both groups were often well below the “Poverty” line.

In comparison, ask anyone in Compton or South Central if they’re “Poor” and they’ll say yes… When you ask them why they’ll say it’s because they don’t have the latest iPod.

When I started this rant I was thinking about the poor people that I’d grown up with. THOSE people were very rich in spirit and community. And so I disagreed with the characterization that Fox applied to the poor.

But then as I thought about it, “Poor” really means different things dependent on context. The media uses “Poor” to describe people living in the ghetto. In that context Fox news is right….

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Is it me or just that Republican candidates are really bad this election?

I can’t just sit idly by and not comment on this.

Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw poll.

GOD HELP US ALL!

Got this from a friend this morning it’s a Meet the Press piece with Michele Bachmann.

In the piece they play a segment of a speech she gave in 2004 where she describes being Gay as bondage, and Gay people as  despairing and enslaved, presumably she means enslaved to sexuality…

Uhhh Every single human being is enslaved to their sexuality and has been since before the beginning of the human species.

Wars have been fought, Cities built … and destroyed, technological advancement, wealth, hunting prowess, sports, the advancement of human civilization can ALL be laid at the feet of our sexuality.

Because we humans will do damn near anything to FUCK!

We as a species have done all these things to impress the objects of our desires. We’re  hoping that (she or he) will notice us, find our accomplishments notable and attractive. The goal is (she or he) will want to get to know us, ultimately ending in sex then hopefully love.

Every single human being on the planet is wired this way. Watch a bunch of pubescent boys and girls sometime. The clothes, and the tools used to impress each other may have changed but the dance they’re doing is as old as our species.

If that’s not enslavement to our sexuality I don’t know what is… it’s a normal human state.

The despair she speaks of is 100% INDUCED by hostile ignorant bigots just like her! How could Gay people not despair in this country?

Despair is absolutely normal when you create an underclass who is not represented fairly and equally. History is full of examples, ever heard of The Civil Rights Movement Ms. Bachmann?

Christianity as practiced by fundamentalists like Bachmann and Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist church all but demands that gay people be hunted down and exterminated. We won’t even begin to talk about Islam…

Simply announcing that they’re gay strips BASIC American rights away from the individual.

Gay people in this country can be beaten, murdered, robbed, and bullied with relative impunity. There are statistics that show crime against Gay people is rising. I personally lay the blood of those folks at the feet of hateful bigots like Bachman and her ilk.

Who do gay people turn to for justice? Politicians? Police? Religions?

Well it’s become painfully obvious that Gay people and perhaps the American People cannot expect to see Justice, social or otherwise, from a “President Bachmann”or for that matter a “President Romney”.

If these people are the “Best” the republican party can produce we all better settle in for 4 more glorious years of Obama.

Rick Perry? Still too soon to say… Stay tuned.

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Pledges and Candidates

Sadly… Also a demonstration of the sad state of our political process and the more or less poor quality of our political candidates.

It’s pretty well known that our politicians are out of touch with the “common man” What’s surprising is that three of our presidential hopefuls are also out of touch with the Constitution.

There was an article yesterday in which NOM (The National Organization for Marriage) was crowing about Bachmann, Romney, and Santorum having signed a pledge stating what these candidates will do in office if elected. I have another name for NOM but will refrain from putting it in print.

The summary of this pledge is below, the full text is available here on NOM’s website

  • Support and send to the states a federal marriage amendment defining marriage as one man and one woman,
  • Defend DOMA in court,
  • Appoint judges and an attorney general who will respect the original meaning of the Constitution,
  • Appoint a presidential commission to investigate harassment of traditional marriage supporters,
  • Support legislation that would return to the people of D.C. their right to vote for marriage.

I’ve got some questions about this.

I was under the impression that STATES Rights were supposed to supersede federal power, particularly in the cases like marriage. Isn’t this why individual states can vote to allow same sex marriages even though the federal government doesn’t recognize them?

DOMA? I think that everyone agrees this is a toothless act and should have been struck down a long time ago. Why do our politicians insist on wasting time on dead horses like this? It was poorly written, poorly executed, and has cost us millions if not hundreds of millions of dollars in paper, time, and the salaries of congressional aids, and other government workers. I’d think the president of the United States would have better things to do with their time than screw around with a meaningless act.

When they talk about the “Original Meaning” of the constitution… WHICH ORIGINAL? If you mean the constitution pre amendments then black folks can’t be married or free. Women can’t vote, in fact no-one except landholders would be allowed to vote. Sorry, all you renters you’re now ineligible. And Ms. Bachmann shouldn’t be out campaigning for office… she should be home, making babies,  regarded as chattel  waiting to serve the Master of the house. Don’t forget divorce is right out of the picture too.

The appointment of a presidential commission to investigate harassment of marriage supporters… I wholeheartedly AGREE with this one. Organizations like NOM, The Westboro Baptist Church and others SHOULD be investigated for their continuing harassment of supporters of marriage. For example all those gay folks who have tirelessly campaigned for Equal Treatment and the ability to marry. It cuts both ways, gay folks trying to get married are by definition supporters of marriage.

Supporting legislation that allows the people of Washington DC to vote on Marriage? Well folks, which is it that you want? At the top of your pledge, you’re talking about making Marriage a Federal matter, now you’re saying you’re going to give the District of Columbia individual rights?

The saddest part of this for me is that these politicians are supposed to be leaders and well educated. On it’s face, this pledge is pointless, puerile, unrealistic and frankly insulting. Unfortunately, it will swing votes toward these candidates as well. There are far too many people who have bought into religious fundamentalist viewpoints regarding gay people.

Lets think about this a bit.

Latest polls say that around 50% of  “Average Americans” don’t really give a shit about same sex marriage one way or another. Most of them don’t see a problem.

I’ve never understood how Same Sex Marriage is a threat to Marriage in general. You’d think that more people getting married would re-affirm the institution not harm it.

Some of the fear mongering spouted by organizations like NOM say that churches will be forced to perform marriages when they don’t philosophically agree with same sex marriage.

Really?

What makes them think that same sex marriages would be ANY different from a situation when a Minister or Priest refuses to marry a couple that has not been through couples counseling, or someone that has been divorced but who hasn’t had their previous marriage annulled?

It’s unlikely a divorced Catholic couple with no annulment is going to demand to be married in a mosque.  It’s equally unlikely any same sex couple is going to choose to get married in a church where they are surrounded by hate. It’s simply a non-issue, yet another red herring from NOM like their dark scary clouds commercial.

Marriages don’t have to be performed in churches. Regardless of WHERE a marriage is performed it confers spousal rights and privileges the minute it’s registered.

It’s those rights and privileges that same sex couples are seeking to secure for themselves, not the destruction of Western Civilization.

I personally think it’s time for NOM, the so called “Family Protection” , and other ultra conservative religious organizations to get off the opposition to same sex marriage bandwagon.

Perhaps they should use their millions upon millions of dollars to set up food banks, homeless shelters, and pay for medical services for the needy in their communities.

Same sex marriage is a non-issue for at least half of America, but unemployment and hungry families are big issues to every American.

NOM, would you and your ilk please go do some good for a change?

I have to thank NOM for one thing though, It just eliminated three candidates from my voting pool.

I may be a conservative but I’m not a complete moron. Bachmann, Romney, and Santorum are no longer even on my personal radar except as candidates to be avoided at all costs.

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Moving VERY slow this morning

I didn’t get home until after 2 and didn’t get to bed until almost 3:30 it was worth it.

I visited an acquaintance / friend  last night. I had the nicest time and shared intimacy with him that is often rare between two men regardless of their orientation. Perhaps due to this intimacy I’m inclined to think of him more as a friend and less as an acquaintance now.

My friend has recently been through a life changing event. He experienced a Patellar tendon rupture while playing volleyball.

He’s been through the surgery to repair the damage and as we talked I realized that he had been through this whole mess pretty much on his own. He’s had one or two friends that looked in on him during the initial phases of the injury and recovery. After that, essentially he’s been on his own. He’s healing nicely, still wearing a brace but the mobility of his knee is pretty good albeit slow and careful.

As we talked he mentioned that immediately after the injury, In between his thinking “GOD that hurts” and “But this is my good leg” he also had the depressing thought that all of his travel plans for the summer were shot to hell.

He’s also found that he had more than a few “Fair Weather Friends” With him out of commission several folks have simply vanished. Not the least of which was a model he’d been seeing that was pushing for a relationship after only a few dates. This person was oblivious to how life altering it is to one moment be playing volleyball in the sun, and the next to be hobbling around on crutches. Or how depressing it is when you’re facing at least one surgery and a fairly long recovery time, with the possibility of NEVER being back to normal.

A couple of days ago my friend broke it off with the model, the hell of it was that he wasn’t sure that the model was really out of the previous relationship anyway.

His birthday is within the next week. I asked him what he’d like for his birthday.

He said “some cuddle time. To be touched and held for just a little while.”

Dinner was over, the bill paid, wine glasses empty, it was time to take him back to his place. He’s pretty mobile but slow. I held doors for him, helped where I could and stayed out of the way when it looked like he was handling things ok.

There’s this really fine line between helping someone with an injury and just being in the way. That line varies by individual, terrain, situation, and type of injury. It’s never inappropriate to offer a helping hand to anyone.

If you offer to help… have the grace to accept that your offer may be turned down and not take it personally.

My friend was grateful to be home. It showed on his face. Even though he seemed to feel that he needed to entertain me as his guest. I wasn’t comfortable with him trying to be a good host…

So I sent him to his room.

Then I went to the kitchen, found a nice bottle of wine, two glasses, an ice pack from his freezer, and joined him in his room.

I don’t know if I’m unique in this, but another mans bedroom is a sacred space. Off limits, unless you’re invited in. The other thing about a mans bedroom is that his scent, (no not stinky stuff) is strongest there.

Each man has a very unique scent. Some pleasant, some not so much… however all are unique. My friends room and scent were pleasant. Despite his recent injury and subsequent recovery process his room was comfortable and neat.

His personal scent was clean, spicy, with a light touch of musk (not the cologne kind) and earthy. These scents are indicators that reach me on an instinctive level about a mans general health. Personally, I’m always suspicious of anyone that wears really heavy colognes and if their room or home reeks of it then I’m really put off.

He was lying on his bed wincing a bit as he settled in. He’d taken off the brace but still had his shoes on and was out of breath from moving in unnatural ways to protect the knee.

He smiled when he saw the wine, and grinned when he saw the ice pack. If he’d been a dog he’d have been wagging his tail and panting.

I started to hand him the pack, but he asked if I’d position it. He really looked tired I suspected that an earlier physical therapy appointment, his day, and dinner had really taken a toll on him. He closed his eyes and breathed a big sigh when the cool pack touched his knee.

I poured the wine and handed him a glass, then helped him get his shoes off.

While next to him on the bed with my wine, we talked about life, the universe, everything. He talked about the model, the strangeness of the short lived relationship, and the confusion he felt about the models desire to take the relationship beyond casual so quickly.

I think he’s happier to be out of that relationship than he’s willing to admit. He’s also perhaps a little regretful because after all it was a model, He’s a guy, and like most of us he’s primarily visually oriented. After all we all like to know we’re with the hottest person in the room.

My friend is a muscular massage therapist. (A REAL massage therapist, not one of those butt rub twinks that wants to jerk you off for $120 calling it a massage.)

I thought about his birthday request and that he’s a massage therapist and came to a decision.

“Would you like for me to give you a massage? I’m completely unskilled but I’ll do my best.”

He looked at me and without hesitation said “Yes, that would be very nice.”

I helped him out of his clothes and then got out of mine. Skin cleans easier than clothes, especially if you’re working with lotions or oils. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me naked before. I’ve subjected myself to his “Tender Mercies” (aka screaming like a school girl) on several occasions.

As I started working on his neck and shoulders he just groaned. He told me that I was one of the few people he knew that had ever offered to massage him. I suggested that people were intimidated and fearful that he would be judging their technique because he was a professional CMT. I kept working on him asking if I was hurting him.

He groaned, as I rubbed the tense muscles following his spine and the boundary between his trapezius and deltoid. “That’s nice..”

Slowly over the next couple of hours with breaks for occasional refills of our glasses and swapping out his ice packs, I worked as methodically as I could down his body. I was using what I remembered from being on the receiving end of good massages and my personal training experience to target his over used muscles.

Realize, that having an injury which affects your ability to walk puts stress on many muscles outside the injury  because they’re called upon to work in unusual ways. It’s a natural part of your body protecting the injury site and trying to redistribute the load so that your injury can heal.

I went to go get him another ice pack. When I came back to the room he was reclining with a big smile. “That was nice. I had to roll over ’cause my body doesn’t like being in that position for too long. I can’t even sleep face down.”

I put the new ice pack in place and crawled onto the bed beside him. He pretty much bear hugged me and told me thank you.  We talked for a while about more of life, the universe, and everything while I worked on his pecs. After I’d done all I could I just laid down beside him.

We were quiet for a while. Just two men, relaxed, no masks, no fear, no expectations, no demands. Listening to each others hearts and breathing on a warm summer night, somehow this time was as healing to me as I hope it was to him.

After an indeterminate time, he groaned.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh there are some flexibility exercises I still need to do. Would you help me?”

“Of course, you’ll need to walk me through what I need to do.”

So I helped him with the exercises mostly as a spotter and sometimes as a brake when his muscles gave out.

After his exercises we held each other for a while longer. I was gently caressing him, drawing the occasional sigh of contentment.

I was also enjoying a bit of one of my recently discovered / admitted to kinks. I was enjoying “serving”. It was emotionally satisfying for me to serve, help, and comfort this man.

A while later he invited me to join him in a shower, we bathed each other cleaning the lotion, and sweat off each other,  again enjoying the intimate peace between us.

Standing there in the shower watching me while I washed his legs and gingerly cleaned his swollen knee he gets this big grin and says “I’ve got some great chocolate ice cream, you want some?”

“Of course!” Hey I’m a sucker for good chocolate! The only thing I like better is sorbet…

While we were munching our well after midnight snack. He commented about how nice it was to have spent the time together the way we did. The intimacy was just what he needed.

Many people that he works with or socializes with are about sex. Admittedly, I can see why. My friend is a big handsome guy. He has always been an athlete and that lifelong habit shows in every aspect of his body. He’s got a bit of a body builders physique and well… god was generous in other ways too.

We were talking about the difference between just sex… (Usually fun), Intimate loving sex… (Fucking great), and Intimacy which we both agree is all too infrequent.

The problem seems to be that intimacy requires vulnerability. You can’t be intimate if you’ve got your guard up. If you’re having a casual fuck you’re likely to be somewhat guarded eve as you pump your load out in a gut wrenching orgasm. Casual fucking is fun don’t get me wrong, but by it’s nature, it’s not very intimate.

Even in relationships there are times when you just don’t want to be vulnerable. The trouble seems to be that we habitually keep our guard up even with those that we should be intimate with. We forget how to be unguarded and completely honest with each other.

I suppose that’s why the time last night was so special.

For several hours I was able to be completely myself, at peace, and had the pleasure of sharing that with someone else who was equally unguarded.

It may never happen again with him. It could have been simply that he was forced to be vulnerable because hes injured. It doesn’t matter why,  it’s a memory that I’ll always appreciate.

I’m going to have to be more open to the possibilities too.

Now that I’ve had a taste…. I want MORE.