This one has been banging around in the draft folder for a while. Figured I’d publish it. Feel free to add comments. I’ll move the good ones into the body of the post. This list is not complete. I’ve been adding to it when I think about it.
These are things that we experience but often forget to share. As men, we should share this stuff, if only anonymously. The younger men ought to know what to expect. And hopefully we’ll get a laugh out of their horrified looks. Hey it’s what we do to each other!
In my life, the rites of passage I’ve experienced or witnessed have been, in no particular order;
Camping out by myself. Wow, look at those stars, My camp site is cool but I should have done X, Y, & Z differently. I’ll do those things differently next time.
Penthouse, Hustler and Chic, Magazines, So that’s what THEY have down there! And apparently MY junk recognized it… Even if I didn’t.
Firing you first gun.
Hitting your target with a bow.
Killing and eating your first meal.
1st wet dream, Oh my god!!! I wet the bed… no wait… what the hell is this??? I’ll ignore it maybe it will go away and not happen again.
Taking a brutal kick to the groin, there’s nothing like it. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
The First Climax… AKA “Jacking off”, Oh wow, rubbing that feels REALLY good! Oh nooo something is wrong! I hurt myself… I’m never doing that again… well maybe just this time, and 10 minutes later and 10 minutes after that. Then finding out other boys also found this neat thing their body would do. Then enjoying our smugness while we could exclude the boys who knew nothing of what we were talking about.
A couple of fights, Yeah, I’ve been punched in the face, bloodied up pretty good. I’ve been on the loosing and winning side of a fight. You learn a lot from both experiences. When you have your ass kicked, you decide that you want to know how to not let that happen again. You also learn to be a somewhat gracious winner. At least in school, in my case being decent about having won the fight and helping my defeated opponent to his feet is all that prevented us from being suspended. We got off with a stern talking to.
Finally understanding mercy and why it’s important in this world.
Being part of the winning team, and the pizza party afterwards
Being part of the losing team, and the pizza afterwards.
Your first body hair, Whats that? OUCH! it’s attached. Oh… cool!
Your First Shave, topped by your Dad giving you your first non-disposable razor.
Seeing a hardcore adult toy catalog, Oh so that’s what it looks like when people screw. Damn! that guys dick is huge. Why does she look like it hurts? Does it hurt to have sex? If it does why do people do it?
Learning to be judgmental
That feeling of RAGE when you realize someone stole your shit!
Your First serious Girlfriend, She’s holding my hand! She’s letting me kiss her, she’s kissing me back uhhh oh I hope she doesn’t notice the tent in my pants. Shit! she noticed, hey shes smiling at it… She touched me through my jeans…. Wow! she’s putting my hand between her legs! I’m liking the way she’s moaning when I touch her… I’m liking even more how shes rubbing my dick… I just shot my juice with a girl!
Figuring out how to get condoms
First broken bone This is real bitch! why can’t I just walk like a normal person? Yeah, give me the walking cast, there was a question about needing this?
Understanding betrayal firsthand
The first broken nose Do you fix it yourself or run to the doctor? Fix it yourself of course!
Losing my virginity to a lovely lady in a seriously clumsy sexual escapade (I still grin about that one)
The first BJ, Oh YEAH, HELL YEAH!
A Driver’s license I’m never going to be home after today! Wait… I have to pay for gas AND insurance?
The frustration of being mobile, having condoms, and the house to yourself, and yet being unable to score.
Watching a porn movie in a theater...
Watching porn at home
Learning how to forgive
Knowing when to leave a party. Finding out later that you left just moments before the cops busted the place.
That first paycheck Wait! what the hell is FICA? Who is SSI? Why did they get my money before I did?
My First Apartment The first night sleeping on the floor (I had no furniture) But it was MY PLACE all mine. The next day… I bug bombed the hell out of the place. While the bug bombs were driving the nasties into everyone elses places, I was out buying dishes, silverware, a frypan, a couple of pots, a Mr. Coffee, and a cheap microwave. My waterbed was filled by nightfall and I slept like a baby that second night.
Purchasing my first Brand New Car The little head was doing all the talking that night… I CHARGED the down payment yep… on my Mastercard… But I drove the hell out of that car and enjoyed every minute of it.
Losing family to death and having to be strong for the rest of the family
Taking a date to a nice restaurant, only to realize too late that she was ‘Eliza’ from My Fair Lady and I could have had more fun with another young lady, or that I could have gotten what I wanted by taking her to a Mc Donalds.
Being laid off from your job the first time.
My first hangover
Learning to take time in the sack and how to have a lazy, unhurried, guiltless, sexy screw on an beautiful Sunday morning.
My first auto accident. OH DAMN! that’s going to be expensive to fix!
Learning you’re good in a crisis, and learning that it’s OK to freak out a bit and have the shakes after the crisis is over.
The walk of shame the morning after a night of debauchery (That one still gets a grin too)
Learning to control your own fear, and learning that by your controlling your fear others around you are also less afraid.
Understanding you can change if you want to
Calling the Dr and having to answer the question… “What’s the reason you’re making this appointment?”, My answer was “I’m very irritated Down there!” Which is when I found out my dick doesn’t like Nonoxynol 9, but at the time I was just sure I had VD.
Turning down sex for the first time… What the hell just happened? I never turn down getting laid
The first prostate exam, DOC, you are going to do WHAT???
How to lose it all and survive, It’s all just stuff… Stuff does not make me who I am.
Learning how NOT to be judgmental
Losing friends to death and learning how to grieve.
First Gray hairs… on my balls! Oh Hell no, that just ain’t right!
Learning that happiness or sadness isn’t about what’s outside, it’s about what’s in you.
We know you don’t belong here.
