Category: General

 

I have got to stop reading the news! It just pisses me off. I’ve developed the habit of reading the paper over my first cup of coffee. I don’t need to be pissed the first thing in the morning even if I am moving slow.

I’m being a lazy bum today, I do need to get my sorry ass in gear and work in the yard but right now I’m just enjoying a coffee and being a bit lazy. I haven’t even bothered to pull on any clothes.

I think this is probably the second or third morning where it’s been warm enough to be comfortable nude. So I’m’ enjoying it. There’s still time for me to do the chores that I need to do.

I’ve been thinking about putting up a screen around part of the deck railing so that when it’s really nice outside I can have coffee out on the deck in the sun and not bother with clothes either.

Thinking about it… The deck would be a nice place to do morning yoga and then have coffee. If you’re going to do a sun salutation you might as well salute the sun in all it’s glory… in all your glory.

Yikes! Another project. I keep doing that to myself… Well at least this project should be on the simpler side. Although lately it seems that the simplest things seem to always snowball into layer on layer of complicated. Is it just my luck or am I somehow cursed?

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Was at a friends house for dinner yesterday and I think he introduced me to a potentially expensive new hobby. It sounds interesting and would allow me to get a lot better at shooting. For me that’s a twofer. I don’t get to shoot nearly enough and want to build skill and be much more comfortable with my gun.

It means that I’m going to have to get up early next Saturday to make it to the range. I’ll also need to get more ammo sometime during the week.

I know the things above seem un-related.

Allow me to explain. Over the past three years I’ve had a monster of a commute through some of the worst traffic LA has to offer.

Most days I was on the road four hours some days it was six.

The schedule was like this, drive 2 or 3 hours into work, work a 10 hour day, drive 2 or 3 hours home. Eat dinner way too late, crash for the night and repeat. By the time the weekend rolled around I had no energy to do shit.

Now that my company is “laying me off”, I’ve been home for a few weeks.

During that time, I’ve been filling my days with chores, and workouts and writing. Now I’ve got enough energy to start new projects, and try my hand at hobbies that I couldn’t commit time to before.

As I’ve stated elsewhere in the blog I’m planning to take a driving trip up the coast. If I can fit my dive gear in the car I’ll take it with me too. I’ve got at least one buddy up the coast that dives and I’m hoping to coax him into a dive or two.

The point is, now that I have the time I’m trying to use it well. I’ve been wanting to get to the shooting range more often. I want to dive more. I want to get out and take more photos. I’m working on a book and my goal is to complete that by the end of the year.

Those are the personal goals.

At the same time I need to figure out what I’m going to do for work. There is enough money so that with unemployment and  if I’m not crazy in my spending I can go for a while. But ultimately I will need to have a source of income.

I’m far more relaxed and in general much happier than I have been for a while.

The only fly in the ointment is that the company hasn’t yet said “you’re laid off” (there’s a long story there which I’ll blog about sometime). They’ve told me not to bother coming in because there’s little to no work for me. I check my company email once a day or so and they’re still paying me. (I know… it’s a great fucking gig! Too bad it won’t last.)

If another project wants me, I’m obligated to join the new project when and where they want me. If I refuse the position then technically I’m quitting and that means no unemployment benefits.

For the moment I’m in a kind of employment limbo and while having a job is preferred, I’m done with the commute. I just can’t stomach the thought of 2 and 3 hour drives to work every day anymore. There has to be a better way to make a living.

So for the moment I’m in a holding pattern.

I suspect that the company will give me the official word soon. When they do I’ll take my work computer back to them and process out.

At that point it’s new career time. But first….

I’m going to go play!

3 years ago today I was looking at the burned out hulk of my house. My vehicles were unusable, I had no money, no wallet, no car keys, and exactly 1 item of clothing that was mine (a bathrobe).  I was wondering what to do next, and frankly I was at a complete loss.

My other half was walking around at least as perplexed as I was and neither of us had any idea about anything Other than we were missing 5 pets… And a house!

I knew the two retrievers had gotten out but had a terrible feeling about the 3 unaccounted for pets. As it turned out they died that night. I buried them myself several days later. I occasionally visit the spot, suppose I’ll be brushing away the pine needles sometime after sunrise.

I’m writing this at 1 in the morning, I just can’t sleep.

This is the first anniversary where I’ve been unable to sleep since that night.

The fire consumed the house between 3 and 4 am. Tonights sleeplessness is like an itch in the back of my head, like I’m waiting for something to happen, like I’m catching movement out of the corner of my eye. It’s maddening!

I know there is nothing there but for some reason the primitive part of my brain is on full alert.

Things even worked out OK. The house was rebuilt, the retrievers came home and I eventually got my stride back figuring out what to do next.

One of the dogs is dozing at my feet. He wakes up, checks on me nuzzles my toe then goes back to sleep like a sensible creature at this time of night.

He knows something is up with me. He’s not sure what it is but he’s going to look after me in any case.

That I have any pre-fire possessions at all,  I owe to  a small group of dedicated and loving friends. They simply would not let me chuck it all in the bin and move on. It’s a mixed blessing to be sure.

There were a surprising number of things that survived but most of my possessions were lost. Because of that, I appreciate the items that made it all the more.

I’ll run across something and it takes me back. But in all I’m thankful for those friends who loved me enough to fight me. They were keeping my best interests at heart even when I would not.

It’s funny to say it this way, but my friends are dogs.  Just like the real dog at my feet they look after me with unflinching dedication. I must let them know more often how much they mean to me. Especially when I have so dang few friends to begin with.

I’m very tired, my thoughts are not coherent. For some reason I keep flashing to that night and while I’m not reliving it completely I’m seeing images of things that stick out in my mind.

I was asleep even while evacuating. The most primitive part of my brain was processing data with nothing more than survival in mind. I guess that’s a reasonable place to be in an emergency situation.

I still feel guilty about the pets. I wonder if I’d been more alert and thinking with a little more 21st century brainpower could I have changed things.

The primitive says NOPE! definitely Not… Well who am I to argue?

Perhaps this is about letting go of the guilt. It’s a burden I’ve carried long enough.

The goofball sleeping on my foot forgave me… I’m going to follow his lead.

Forgive myself and go to bed.

In that order.

Also spent way too much money.

A nice lunch, and nice time sampling several different wines. There were bunnies, and great views.

I bought too much wine, had a lot of fun with a some of the folks in the tasting rooms. When we got home I discovered that I really need to drink more, OR need to open a shop.

Perhaps I could invite some nice people up to the house ply them with wine and have our way with each other. Now that’s got possibilities!

After the last winery I had the navigation bitch look up  a gun store  I’ve been wanting to visit for a while. I’ve been looking at 1911s, perhaps another Sig in the 229 series, and picking up a shotgun. Yeah with what money? I ask myself that all the time.

It was a short hop even in 5:00 traffic. When I walked in the door I was dumbfounded!

I shouldn’t have waited. They had many, many, guns!

There were; Rifles, pistols, shotguns, old guns, new guns, used guns, new guns and tons of ammunition.

It was amazing, considering that many times if you want to see the wares of more than one or two manufacturers you end up driving to 3 or more gun stores. Typically these places are small and invariably don’t have what you’re looking for.

The exception being BassPro. However in their case you often can’t even GET to the counters to see what they’ve got.

This store was very different. This was like being in a candy store that had received a year of shipments all at once. It reminded me of home, and similar places I’d been to with my Dad. I haven’t seen anything like this since I left the deep South, and for it to exist in California is almost beyond belief.

Not that I’m complaining but I was surprised, pleased, and will be heading back.

Sometimes there can be too many choices but at least now I have a place that I can compare different models side by side.

If you haven’t heard Linkin Parks’  A Thousand Suns I have to tell you it’s an album that is VERY WORTH your time.

I’ve at best been an interittent fan of Linkin Park, but their last two albums have been really enjoyable.

I finally got around to buying A Thousand Suns and wish I hadn’t been working my way so slowly down my musical “Gotta Buy” list.

I am not in general a fan of rap music and while Linkin Park uses some the syncopation associated with rap, they do it so well it’s punctuating their music, not THEIR ONLY musical style.

They also don’t reuse the same rhythm track that everyone else has used to death!

Most of this album and a lot of Lady Gaga The Fame Monster has ended up on my “Badboy” playlist.
I haven’t heard Born This way yet but it’s on the list.

The Badboy playlist is what I’ll be playing if I’m going “Off the Radar” and clubbing or just turning off the phone, then picking a direction and driving.

Here’s the list

I’m still working out the order but this usually gets me pumping and in the mood after a crappy day to go out and have some fun.

 Adult fun is good for the spirit! Wanna go be Bad with me???

Picked up the car yesterday. It’s running like a top.

Of course this means that I’m far more likely to get a ticket, and blow through tons of gasoline. It’s just too damn much fun to leave some moron driving a wannabe “Drifter” car with only a noisy exhaust choking in the dust.

With a mere thought my Wolf is doing 100mph, and not even breathing hard. With a little more narrow focus it’s 120 and humming. I have no idea just how fast this car is and in all honesty 120 on a freeway is FUCKING stupid!

Yes I’ve done it, and YES its STILL stupid as hell.

There are way too many variables, and forgetting the cops, there is too much potential to hurt someone simply because they were going about their business and were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not to mention the lousy state of the Freeways. At 100, a pothole destroys your tire and with the tire a large portion of your control.

See, it would be one thing for me to “Go out in a blaze of glory” alone. That’s the risk I choose to take, but what about that other person, or the family in the minivan? They wouldn’t have any choice if they were simply to be the object I hit, igniting my blaze of glory.

That’s one of the things that a lot of folks forget when they’re playing around in cars.

I’ve forgotten it too on occasion, especially when some asshole is jonesing to pit his car with a loud exhaust against my “Ultimate Driving Machine”. I’d love to be able to just tell them, Stock off the showroom floor my car starts with 300 HP and they have no clue what I may have done to enhance performance.

SO lets just assume that I’m going to combine all that power, with 30 Plus years of driving experience and kick their ass. Then we wouldn’t have to race.

If after that they still wanted to have a go, I’d prefer that they as the challenger pay for the track time and we’ll head out to Willow Springs to do this thing right and not kill anybody accidentally in the process.