Category: Annoyances

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Chasing Gremlins

There are many benefits to technology.

Most of us have various bits of tech in our homes, it may be just our computer, or our phones. Some of us have a bit more technology in our homes, and there be gremlins hiding there.

Most of the time the gremlins are dormant and only awaken when we do something causing us to trip over them. For example, we move something around, or try to add a new device. Usually these instances result in a minor irritation but are easily resolved.

I’ve been chasing gremlins for the past week and a half, and I have a lot of devices to chase the little devils through.

About a week or two ago, Edison was having a problem. In the course of 4 hours they flipped the power on & off at least 6 times. I’d just get the clocks reset and bang! The power was off again. Sometimes the power would stutter on for a moment then go off again.

Technology really doesn’t like that!

All the gremlins awoke and have been running through system after system, creating odd and completely random effects. Devices appearing and disappearing from the network, devices working fine one moment and then refusing to execute a command they’d just completed. Or suddenly executing a command that they’d received an hour ago because they suddenly remembered it (Kinda like Joe Biden…)

Fortunately, unlike in the case of Joe, (switching off humans is generally a bad idea,) I can switch devices off and if necessary reinitialize them.

Over the past two days, I’ve begun to feel like The Exorcist. Get thee back Demon!!

Or like a poor bastard that pissed off a Techno-Madge in Babylon 5.

Then I remembered I AM a Techno-Madge and these gremlins will be purged!

There are 30 devices online at my home at any given moment. I’ve purged 25 of these devices thus far. the remaining 5 are sitting in techno-limbo as I type. They’re being reset to factory default and one by one I’ll add them to the network as they wake up mindless from their reset.

After that, the gremlins should be at least flushed from my systems for the time being.

Gremlins will always make a reappearance. Sometimes they’re artifacts of small little bugs that are no consequence in a particular device. The problem is that they can be cumulative. When you have enough devices added to the same network, these little insignificant bugs combine and mutate, (no, we’re not to Maximum Overdrive or SkyNet yet,) the mutation is more of an interaction between devices.

Mr Scott said it best, “The more you complicate the plumbing, the easier to stop up the works.”

We’re living it. All of our devices are “smart” each of them has memory, when they’re network connected the router and some switches remember the state of each of the devices.

Sometimes, just turning the device off and restarting it isn’t enough. That’s because the router will often reconnect the device(s) in the same way when you turn them back on again and then you’re right back where you started.

The systems are trying to be helpful but they’re actually just more frustrating.

I had to completely reinitialize the Nest Thermostat and the Nest Protect smoke alarms. That was fun, “Gee thanks Google, I knew no good would come of you purchasing Nest, you jackasses could complicate a wet dream.”

Did you know that if you plug a HomePod mini into your computer it will flash Orange? How about that the HomePod mini has around 2.6 gigabytes of software running inside it?

Did you know that your printer is a smart little bugger and it tries to remember it’s setup so hard that it actually fights you when you’re trying to send it back to factory default?

Don’t even ask about network attached storage devices. They can be really contrary. It’s with good reason, they’re trying to protect your data so many of them will require signs, countersigns, along with various incantations and sigils.

The most frustrating part of this particular adventure has been certain smart lightbulbs (I’m looking at you office lamp,) several of these machines have told me they’ve reset, but lied. The office light was the worst offender 5 times straight, “Yep, I’ve reset,” but then, “No, you can’t configure me because I’m already set up.”

“Uh huh, and how did that go for you little light bulb?” (Lightbulb contritely dims)

Don’t get me wrong, I like having a “Smart House”, privacy issues notwithstanding. Yeah, all these smart devices can and do phone their creators regularly. God only knows what information they’re sending.

I thought, and this is demonstrating perhaps white racist language, when I purchased a machine I was that machine’s master.

Yeah, what of it? Am I going to hear from the robot-rights association?

Alright the last devices appear to have returned to their pristine factory reset zombie state…

I’m off to give them a purpose again.

(Wanders off)

“Come on my little slaves, let’s put you back to work.“

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I am not patient.

June 3rd, there was this. A pipe for the fire suppression system burst.

So the living room is flooded, everything is soaked. Despite the fact that I ran though the water, (with live electrical connections sitting in the water…) shut the fire suppression unit off stopping the water, the damage is considerable. In hindsight, I probably should have taken no action. Maybe I should have just let the system free flow for a while.

The system only ran like that for a couple of minutes.

Then I began the cleanup.

As it turns out, cleaning up the water was only the beginning of the nightmare.

The REAL nightmare began when the insurance company was called.

First the agent supposedly handling our account didn’t return the phone call, AND NEVER DID Call back regarding this matter. She ultimately did call me when she was notified that I’d chosen another agent. Note she only called when she realized she was losing a paying customer. Uh Huh, funny how that got her attention.

This happened at about 3:00 PM and she should have been in the office but as usual I was only able to leave a message. Sigh… called the corporate 800 number and got the claim started. They said to call Service Master to begin the remediation.

Service Master came up, took a lot of photos, did a lot of scanning for areas of water intrusion, and looked very efficient. Notice, I said “looked”. Turns out, apparently little of that information collected went anywhere except the iPad of the person taking the photos. Supposedly, all that information was being uploaded to Service Master’s systems and then was going o be sent to the insurance company.

Uhhh, NOPE!

While waiting for the insurance claims adjuster to call. I kept cleaning and drying things out.

I was trying to actually save as much as possible. Hoping to keep the insurance premiums down by doing the right thing. At the time I was wondering if it was actually worth it.

I wondered if I should have just left the water running. I wondered if it would have be simpler and easier on me to just total everything. It would have been more comfortable to allow the house to be so damaged that we got sent to a hotel on the insurance companies dime. At least then we’d have been in air-conditioning.

In my innocence, I actually thought that minimizing the damage would be appreciated.

I was a MORON!

This is what the place looked like after I’d scrubbed, cleaned, and dried everything as best I could.

I’d taken everything that was soaked through out to the front deck where it could do no harm. I’d dried and with some neighborly help, moved everything that could be moved to the other end of the room.

The house was open and has been wide open since. The temperatures have been high, and the humidity low. A fortunate combination if you’re trying to dry something out. I’d wet vac ed the standing water out, then I’d scrubbed and mopped. All I could do was trust physics at this point.

Then Service Master came back. They packed out everything. Pulled down the drywall, opened up the ceiling yanked out the wet insulation, and exposed the rafters.

Then came the drying machine that actually raised the humidity in the house rather than lowered it. This machine only pulled a single cup of water out of the air in the house over a 24 hour period. Impressive! Opening the windows and doors dried things out much faster and more quietly than the Service Master option.

Physics of a warm dry wind blowing through an area 1. Technological intervention -5.

The culprit pipe was exposed. It spent the next 2 weeks dripping into a bucket. Service Master didn’t know how to drain the system. Nor did I.

Turns out, it’s pretty easy if you know which valve to open. Sadly, I didn’t because when it comes to the fire suppression system I leave it in the hands of professionals.

Which brings up another point. The insurance claims adjuster in AZ kept telling me to just call a plumber.

Uh no… This is California!!! ONLY CERTIFIED Fire Suppression professionals can touch a sprinkler system. Which means that I had to wait until one of the two possible certified companies, within a 70 mile range could come out to work on this thing…

The Claims guy kept pounding on calling a plumber. It’s REALLY sad to think of all the folks this guy may have told to invalidate their certifications on their fire suppression systems and how that may (or may not) affect their abilities to sell their homes later on.

Of course this guy will have moved up, or moved out of the claims department and will later say categorically, “I never told anyone to do that…”

Uh yeah..

I knew stuff the Claims Adjuster didn’t because I’d already been through this with previous repairs to the damn system. Expensive, numerous repairs.

What annoyed the piss out of me with this guy was that he kept calling the system “Plumbing” and saying that I was responsible. As though we were talking about a sink or toilet. A sink or a toilet is simple. go to Home Depot by the parts ya need to fix it and DIY.

I personally hate doing plumbing for a variety of reasons but I can. I can also choose not to have a working sink, or toilet. I’ve got two bathrooms if one is broken, it presents no hazard whatsoever to use the other while I get the parts, and figure out how to fix the problem.

I have to have the Fire Suppression system, it must be certified, it must be maintained, it must be inspected and tested yearly. I have no choice in the matter. (If I did, I’d turn the system off, drain it, and be done with it.) But, I have no choice. It’s State, County, and locally mandated.

To my way of thinking, that makes this a straight-up insurance company issue.

When I was fortunate enough to speak to another Claims Adjuster, she agreed with me. She even found a rule in the policy stating so. She also agreed to pay for the fire suppression repairs.

My usual Claims Adjuster called, all on his own without my having to leave 4 messages, the very next day… He was trying to weasel out of the commitment the other claims adjuster made.

Huh… NOPE!

I pointed out that the system had apparently passed inspection with a critical component missing. The claims adjuster practically orgasmed. Oh, I know he was thinking about subrogation and being able to recoup the costs.

He wanted to know if I knew who installed the system in the first place. I told him I did not. But that he could look it up.

This confused him. I told him that his company had paid for the rebuilding of this house 10 or 11 years ago. That rebuild had been done through one of their preferred vendors and the insurance company (his company) must have a list of subcontractors they paid.

I enjoyed being able to say, if subrogation was involved, that he’d be in subrogation with his own company. There was dead silence on the other end of the phone. The conversation ended pretty quickly after that.

I would happily roll the entire policy up and shove it up this guys ass. Paper cuts can be a real bitch!

My Claims Adjuster really doesn’t like losing. I get it. I like winning, especially when I bare my fangs and get to sink ’em into someone. I like watching the light fade from their eyes as they realize they’ve lost.

I think my Claims Adjuster has put me back on ignore… In a sick way I’m hoping he has.

Metaphorically, I’ll be able to go for the jugular. My patience with this whole thing has come to an end.

It’s strange that after a month of looking at open ceiling, and screwed up flooring. It’s almost normal now. Another month two and I won’t care at all.

Since the ceiling is open, and the insulation is gone, the living area is open to the rafters. There are vents in the roof to allow heat to escape from the attic. Meaning that it’s pointless to run the air conditioner. It’s been in the 90s here for the past two weeks.

It would be nice to run the A/C especially at night.

Since I don’t know how long it will be until the reconstruction crew is going to get up here. I’m considering taking The Martian approach. While I’m not going to have to “Science” the shit out of this, I think I am going to get creative.

A roll of insulation, a sharp hawksbill knife, a couple of 10×10 sheets of heavy plastic drop cloth, a staple gun, some duct tape, and a ladder should about cover it.

Hell while I’m at it, maybe I’ll go into the attic and do some maintenance on the duct work too. I’m sure the ducts have leaks simply because the duct tape used when the house was built appears to be breaking down.

At least then, I could close the house and turn on the A/C.

If I work it right, I should be able to bill the supplies to the insurance policy too.

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The Job Search continues

As it has for almost 2 years now…

When I was notified that my Job was being outsourced, I started looking. Anyone with half a brain would have at that point. I was hoping to secure a position before the actual layoff, even though it meant that I’d be leaving money on the table.

“We’re going to lay you off, but if you leave before we lay you off you don’t get this bundle of money we’re going to pay you if you stay with us so we can enjoy making sure your’e really fucked.“

Corporate logic! How about you offer to pay a pro-rated amount up until the time you lay us off?

Ultimately it hasn’t mattered a bit. I’ve been looking and sending endless resumes and filling out online job applications until I’m honestly sick of it. I’m sick of being approached by strangers saying they’ve got the perfect job for me only to jump through all their hoops and then hear NOTHING!

I’m sick of calling to follow-up on positions I’ve applied for and not being able to reach the person, leaving a message, then never getting the simple courtesy of a return phone call or an email telling me what the status of the position is.

I’m sick of reaching out to recruiters that someone I know has dealt with, only to be ghosted.

There are those like my Mother who’d say, “Well it’s the COVID dear… “

No Mom, it’s not the COVID, this has been going on since well before the COVID gave everyone an excuse to be jerks.

Then there’s these websites like Glassdoor. “We’ve found a Job that we think lines up with you perfectly. Customer Service Representative for a Beauty Supply and Accessories company in Cupertino, Pay range 20,000 per year. Not Remote”

SAY WHAT?!!

You can’t live in Cupertino for 20K a year. Maybe if you lived in your car, and it was paid for and you had no bills, and didn’t need to eat.

If it was just a one off mistake fine, but this has become a constant. No where in my resume does it say that I have any idea about anything related to beauty supplies!

I’m a Software Quality Assurance / Software Test engineer. How do you get to Customer Service Representative from a 30 year resume that’s uploaded to your site, and then was redundantly filled in on your customized series of forms?

Glassdoor, you’re so out of here!

So I closed the account on that particular aggregator of jobs which hadn’t done me a lick of good anyway.

Then when I close the account which didn’t ask any questions about why I was closing the account, I get an email saying that a review of some job, [I hadn’t made any reviews in at least a year] suddenly violates their community standards.

The email rolled in within seconds of my closing the account, so it’s fairly obvious that they sent it by mistake instead of an email stating I’d closed the account. Hmmm. Perhaps Glassdoor could use my services? Just saying…

I’ve lost count of how many hours I’ve spent looking for a job. I no longer know how many different applications and forms I’ve filled out online. All for nothing!

I know, there are those who’d say, “Just keep trying, it’ll work out for you, you may fill out 1000 applications but you only need one to be successful.“

I used to be able to have two or three offers, in recent years that’s dwindled to offering to suck cock for just an interview.

I’m not into the Pollyanna shit anymore.

The thing that gets me is that while I’m working with all these online job applications, I’m finding bugs in them.

In some cases it’s typos throughout the forms, in other cases it’s forms that don’t work properly on Mac or Windows. I seriously think I should be paid to do nothing but test the forms companies put out on their public facing web sites. At least then their company HR pages wouldn’t be an embarrassment.

I’d consider just going back to printed resume and good old fashioned US mail in response to Job postings. The only problem with that is hiring companies rarely post an actual address or phone number so that you could even go “Old School”.

There’s another site that’s really funny. They’ll post positions that say, located in Ontario, CA. What they really mean is Toronto, Ontario, Canada. The problem is that even on the description of the job they’ll still say Ontario, CA and it isn’t until you get to entering your information and the application won’t accept a US zip code that you realize the mistake.

Give me a good old fashioned newspaper want ad section any day. I know, you’d think, “Hey there’s an idea,” You’d be wrong. a large number of newspaper want ads simply direct you to their online resources like careerbuilder.com. Which puts you right back into a nationwide database that probably hasn’t been purged of erroneous records for a decade.

There are the other aggregator sites that post positions as “NEW” but when you follow the link back to it’s source you find that the position is already 3 months old and has been filled. The position may be “NEW” to the aggregator, but it’s really so stale you could grow penicillin on it.

There must be a better way. This online bullshit ain’t cutting it.