Author: wwducat

About: Writer, Technology guy, Photographer, Possibly EX-Software QA Engineer, Worker Bee. Interests: SCUBA, Working out, Friends, New Views, New Vistas, Photography
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Another rite of passage, Oh Goody! — NOT

I was at my Doctors office for a routine checkup a couple of weeks ago.

He was flipping through my chart reviewing my previous stats and he paused.

Then he looks up and says, “You’re 50 aren’t you?” ummm “Yeah”, I answer. Not at all sure I like his tone or where this is going. I feel like I’m about to find out that I’ve become a character in a real life Logans Run.

“Didn’t we discuss a Colonoscopy the last time you were in?”, he says. I’m thinking “Damn! I was hoping that we would just ignore that for another oh…. 50 YEARS!” But I answer, “nope Doc we didn’t” and I’m really unhappy about the Southerly direction our conversation has taken.

Like most men the whole idea of someone doing Fantastic Voyage up my rear end is to say the least… off-putting?

I realize that I’m going to be out of it. I certainly don’t want to witness the procedure although, it’s my understanding that a few brave souls watch the process on a conveniently placed monitor.

You know, I might watch YOUR Colonoscopy making rude comments the whole time but Mine??? Nah hit me with the Michael Jackson juice and call me when the medical folks have finished, I’ll do the walk of shame out of the outpatient surgical center knowing that someone has seen parts of me that even my Mother has never seen.

It’s a violation. No matter how nicely it’s done, or the reasons behind it, there are places that cameras should just NEVER go!

Bathhouses, Nudist weight loss camps, The dungeon of Mistress Ruth, Weasel Burrows during mating season, YOUR PARENTS Bedroom when they’re feeling frisky.

On the plus side I’m pretty confident in the Doctors, both my GP who has never steered me wrong and in the Doc who’s actually going to be driving the camera. They’ve both been really good about answering the questions “Why is this medically necessary?” and “What are the risks, aside from losing out on the internet syndication rights?”

As an interesting aside, the Doc who’s driving the camera up my rear also did the driving in my GP I figure if my GP still recommends him he must be good. Or my GP is a real Sadist! (Hummm, ya know I’ll get back to you on that.)

So why as a guy do you submit to this?

It gives the Doctors a baseline of your general colon health.

You may well have growths in your colon that can cause problems. Getting those things removed now is easier, you’re younger and they’re smaller.

You’d hate to discover these problems just before you’re about to retire and go fishing for the rest of your life. It would truly SUCK to find out that you were going to spend your retirement in the hospital then die from something that was easily treatable 20 years before. Look at it like changing the oil and plugs in your car. Yeah… the car was running ok when you did it but the car will run ok longer afterwards.

If you’ve been developing issues as you got older with certain foods really upsetting your gut, this is a good opportunity to see if the problem is just you getting older or something more serious.

Again the car metaphor fits it’s easier and cheaper to do preventative maintenance or minor repair than to wait for something to really break.

Your significant other gets a threefer!

They get to feel useful because they have to drive you to and from the appointment.

They get to smirk, joke, and talk behind your back with their friends about your prep when you’re developing thrust from your bowels emptying. “My God Edna, I always knew he was full of shit but I never realized just how much! Titter titter. Oh gotta go he just came out of the bathroom looking for a beer!”

For once, your wife knows you’ve experienced a similar shame to the one she’s dealt with yearly in having strangers poking in places they have no business.
My voyage of discovery is scheduled for next week.

I’ll probably have something to say about it then. I’m trying to look on the positive side of it but something about taking a drug that will GIVE ME Montezuma’s Revenge is just Wrong!

I wonder if I could just go to Mexico for a wild weekend and at least have the fun of drinking the water and eating the food?

Probably not… But that sounds like a LOT more fun.

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I just love the Duplicity of al-Qaeda

I Was reading an article about al-Qaeda threats in the wake of bin Ladens demise.

Aside from the usual blah blah blah Jihad blah blah blah Allah blah blah blah blah Allah blah blah Jihad blah …

A couple of things stuck out.

1) “Men and heroes only should be confronted in the battlefields …”

Oh yeah? Hummm let me think about that. Where the World Trade Center once stood I don’t see a battlefield and I didn’t see armed combatants there on that September morning.

2) Their statement complained about our “mistreatment” of bin Ladens body…

Again… Let me think, Oh yeah wasn’t it al-Qaeda operatives that hung dead Americans from overpasses? Decapitated Americans on TV? Left body parts of American soldiers in various places around Baghdad?

3) Their statements congratulates “Islamic Nation on the martyrdom of their devoted son Osama,”

Oh well then, I look forward to them having the opportunity to congratulate the Islamic Nation on MANY more martyrs, I suspect that at least some of those will have their blood spilled on American soil.

They’re not coming to America folks… The jihadists are already HERE.

The media is reporting that al-Qaeda is targeting other cities (Washington, New York, Los Angeles and Chicago). This should not be a surprise.

It should be expected now and into the future. Since our government has not specifically targeted and deported non-citizens from hostile Middle Eastern countries living in the US and since our ability to deport non-citizens is constantly thwarted by our fear of appearing to profile, or being racist, we will effectively live with this kind of threat from here on out.

Something to think about the next time terrorists mount an attack within the borders of the United States. Do not delude yourselves, there will be some attack that our law enforcement folks will be unable to stop despite their best efforts.

When it happens, the media will be crying why? They’ll be demanding answers from law enforcement, politicians will begin fact finding missions, spending millions of our tax dollars and running around in tight little circles refusing to accept the common sense answers for fear of being called a bad name.

We as a nation really do need to get our priorities in order.

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Musing about al-Qaeda

In writing about bin Ladens death, I realized that part of my rage at al-Qaeda is fueled by people and elements of the media that are all for appeasement.

There is no appeasing jihadis unless you’re willing to convert to Islam, have your wives and daughters cover themselves and submit to a theocracy where brutality is the norm.

If you’re willing to sacrifice everything that we as Americans are then I suppose appeasement is a choice.

For me, for a variety of reasons appeasement is completely off the table. I realized shortly after 9/11 that while I was too old to serve in the military, I still needed to make a decision about where I stood.

Admiral Yamamoto in the early days of World War II counseled against a Japanese invasion of America. He said if Japan tried to invade America there would be “a rifle behind every blade of grass”

Ghost Trees (c) 2010 David Kendal

I believe that we should make sure he was right.

I decided that if it came to a “Fifth Column” in America, or an invasion, or God help us appeasement under the threat of some nuclear or biological threat, that my only choice would be to fight.

I suppose it’s my Northern European roots. Something in me says it’s better to go out with a weapon in my hand and dine in Valhalla than to be led submissively to slaughter like a sheep.

Perhaps in that way, I’m no different from the 15th century beliefs that fundamentalist Islam preaches…

I’m still a barbarian from the North.

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What part of this don’t they understand?

In anticipation of loosing my job, I recently updated my resume on one of the big web search sites.

Within the site there is a field that says “Available Date” in that field I wrote 06/30/2011. That seems fairly straight forward don’t you think?

So WHY am I being bombarded with emails and phone calls describing “Immediate” openings? The  most annoying come from Indian (dot, not feather) headhunting agencies.

Frankly these “opportunity” emails are badly written, (Doesn’t India still have a British based education system?) and the voice mails were completely unintelligible.

I have some problems with these offshore headhunter agencies.

First, these people have no idea about the distances involved. The last “opportunity” was in San Francisco and was gasp! a 3 month gig.

So let me get this straight, these people think it’s reasonable for me to give notice, move 400 miles to San Francisco, rent an apartment, and work with no benefits for 3 months for less than a 1/4 of what I’m making now?

That is preferable to staying with my current employer taking my full pay, getting a severance package, and being eligible for unemployment if I need it HOW? I don’t have a business management degree, but common sense says hold onto what you have.

About 6 months ago out of the blue I got a call during my daily commute. This one was straight from Bangalore the young lady was very polite and explained a lovely opportunity.

She wanted me to be at the interview the next day and I was thinking ok what the heck? I knew my current job was probably going to come to an end, so I say sure whats the address? She very precisely gave me the company name and the address. The kicker was that the company in question was in Maine.

I asked her to repeat the state thinking I’d misheard. Nope! She wanted me to interview in Maine @ 8 am local time the next day. I asked if she had access to a map of the United States. She said she did, I asked her to locate Southern California she did, then I directed her to Maine. She found the state and said “Well it’s not too far is it?” I said no, only about 3000 miles… This also was a short term contract with no insurance. Needless to say I suggested she narrow her search to the North Eastern part of the United States.

I have other colleagues that have similar experiences. In general my colleagues and I are not responding to emails and phone calls from these folks.

It’s just too difficult to work with them and they seem to have an attitude that they’re doing you this great favor. Hey, we know the score… the headhunter places us, charges the company at least double for our services and pockets the difference.

When was the last time a prostitute thought her pimp was doing her a favor?
 When my colleagues and I say we’re not interested, many of these folks get really nasty. I was told, “This is why America is failing.” when I declined a 4 week contract in Chicago for $35 an hour.

Don’t take this wrong, for a real opportunity I’d relocate and I might even relocate for a sort term contract of say 6 months in another state. It would give me an opportunity to figure out if I liked the area well enough to consider moving there. But I’m not going to relocate for a 1, 2, or 3 month contract.

Perhaps I’ll reconsider when I’m actually unemployed but I don’t think so. First and foremost, I try to run my life like a business. As such I’m going to look at any opportunity from a “how does this benefit me?” position.

It’s nice to know that I’m apparently marketable, but I do wish that people would read the entire profile.

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Politeness

There was a a worker that showed up a while back.

I’ll give him 10 out of 10 for being on time.

But I’ll subtract 4 points for parking his truck across the driveway so that my vehicles were blocked in the garage.

This is not the first time I’ve seen this phenomena. Another worker did the same thing when he came up to evaluate my house for a big-screen TV / sound system install. He pulled up in a Volkswagen Bug and parked squarely in the middle of the driveway even though he knew I was meeting him at the house… I ended up having to park in the neighbors drive.

Mind you the drive way to my house is 2.5 cars wide. So why do these people think they can park diagonally?

I’ve seen the same thing at the BMW dealership. Someone will just stop in the service drive and go into the parts counter to make a purchase. This is the only drive OUT of the service area and people that are picking up their cars or their loaners cannot leave. Additionally, any of the mechanics who need to test drive a car are held up too.

So I find myself asking WHY?

Did courtesy, and politeness get tossed out during the rise of Political correctness?

Follow me here, if it’s inappropriate to hold a door for a lady, because you might offend that lady implying that she’s incapable of opening the door for herself, does it follow that folks in general narrow their focus to their own little worlds?

Why is it now just as “reasonable” for people to cut in front of you in line at the grocery store as it is for them to cut you off on the freeway? What is happening to us as a people and nation?

I wonder about these kinds of things. Of course I have too much time to think sitting on Southern California freeways so that may be part of the problem.

Is it that folks are so focused on their own little view of the world that they become oblivious to the other people in the world around them?

I’m constantly amazed and dismayed at how carelessly rude people are to each other and how surprised they are if someone points out their rudeness.

I’d like to see little ‘ol ladies and grandmothers shaking their fingers at people and reminding folks about the benefits and virtues of being polite and courteous.

The worker moved his truck and was most apologetic when I pointed out that not only had he blocked me in the garage… but that he’d have more room if my car WASN’T in the garage where he needed to work.

The TV installer people… well they lost the sale of the entertainment system and the 1500 bucks they were going to make installing it. Not because of his parking… but because the guy didn’t have a clue about the equipment or options that were available for that equipment. I couldn’t see paying these guys top dollar to install stuff, if I was going to have to be supervising the installation at every stage. Ultimately it took me an afternoon to install the system and I saved myself the $$$.

But I thanked them for their time…