I’ve been wanting to try this for fun

A trip inside my twisted brain while I’m reading headlines.

 

EXCLUSIVE: MTG SAYS KEMP HAS THE ‘POWER’ TO CRIMINALLY PROBE WILLIS
Isn’t that called Rape, why does he need power? That woman is desperate enough she paid for it didn’t she?

HUNTER BIDEN TO SIT FOR CLOSED-DOOR DEPOSITION
They’ll have to close and lock that door otherwise he’ll run away during questioning. I’d suggest a car battery attached to his balls via jumper cables, but as kinky as he is that’s probably just a normal Tuesday night. 

TODAY: MARCH FOR LIFE IN FRIGID D.C.
If D.C. is frigid do they really have a problem with abortion? Perhaps marching for life in Atlanta, Chicago, or Detroit would have more of an impact. I never really thought of D.C. as frigid, that place is absolutely chock full of whores, there are lobbyists who would perform anilingus on Maxine Waters for a dollar.

IS BLINKEN EVIL, OR JUST CLUELESS?
Blinken is worse than either of these alone. He’s clueless but thinks he’s smart and wants to be Dr. Evil

BIDEN CO-CHAIR: DEMS HAVE SHIFTED ON BORDER BECAUSE IT’S SO BAD
In other words, they’re figuring out their cushy jobs are on the line in the next election.

‘U.S. IN DEEP FREEZE WHILE MUCH OF THE WORLD IS EXTRA TOASTY? YET AGAIN, IT’S CLIMATE CHANGE’
Nah, it’s not climate change. All the MEN in the US just turned the A/C on, trying to cool our tempers, and our balls.

EU Illegal Migration to Continue to Increase in 2024, Will Play Major Factor in Parliament Elections: Report
Yep, the actual citizens of the EU countries being overrun will be voting for anti-immigration candidates.

NATO: Next 20 Years Not ‘Hunky Dory’ and Public Needs to Prepare Itself to Survive ‘The First 36 Hours’ of War
Hmm. The past 3 years of wars haven’t been Hunky Dory, and they’re just now getting around to mentioning preparedness

DOJ Finds ‘Cascading Failures of Leadership’ in Uvalde Police Response to Robb Elementary Shooting
WOW! Isn’t that a case of the Porta-Potty calling the Gas Station toilet filthy?

Rep. Correa: Mayorkas Is Doing ‘Good’ Despite Fentanyl and Border Failures
I really would like to know Rep. Correa’s level of standards. Or how much he got paid and by whom to say that. Or just how much Fentanyl he snorted prior to making this statement.

Dem Rep. Smith: ‘Open Door’ on Asylum Claims Is Hurting My District in Washington
Uh Huh, The property values are dropping like a stone in Rep. Smith’s district. 

‘Massive’ Layoffs Spur Friday Walkout at Far-left L.A. Times
Hmm. If the LA Times has a walkout and there’s no LA Times article with byline about it, did it happen? The walkout will spare us their drivel for a day and make the executive’s jobs easier. They can just lay off everyone not doing their job. First though you’d have to be able to define what the LA Times produces as actual work for pay. I tend to think of their output as cow shit with glitter sprinkled on top.

Usually after I’ve read the headlines and thought snarky things, I’ll go ahead and read some of the articles. They’re nothing like what I imagined, but at least going into them I know they can’t be as bad as I first imagined…

Usually they’re worse!

Have a Great Saturday!