Month: September 2011

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Purging Movies & Horny as hell!

I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather for the past couple of days. This morning I woke up and just felt like crap. So instead of working out, I’ve spent the morning going through the porn collection

A lot of the porn in my household is on my server.

I noticed the other day that the server was down to 1.2 TB. This isn’t a bad thing it’s just a notification that it’s time to dump some of the movies that I don’t watch all that much or time to buy another server.

It’s more economical to purge movies then it is to buy another 8TB of storage. So here I sit sampling all the movies out there. It’s time consuming exercise but it’s a lot of fun too. The only problem with doing his is that I get horny as hell. But feeling like I do I’m just really not wanting to get all wild and nasty, at least not by myself.

On the other hand if someone would like to sample my collection with me and help make decisions about keeping the best of the best and trashing the rest… Well I suppose I’d welcome the help.

Who knows? It might even help me feel a bit better.

Any Takers?

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Well I woke up this morning…

Time to as Linkin Park says “let it go”

I’ve been a bit depressed over the past few months.  Gee could you tell?

Too many things to deal with and too much chaos and noise in my head.

I’m done with mourning the loss of yet another job. I think this is likely to be the new “Norm” for me and my so called “career”. As such, it really doesn’t fucking matter what I do so long as I make enough money to pay the bills.

Computers and computer stuff is easy. The problem is that I’ve been in a backwater of technology for about 4 “real” years. That loosely translates to 6 or 8 years in the “real” technology world, so there are some things that I’m behind on.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be an issue, in these economic times… well I’m righteously fucked. And not in a good way!

This leaves me trying to piece together something that allows me to make a living from what I know and what I can learn quickly.

I’m still working on a book albeit slowly… I have no idea how much income something like that will generate, on the other hand it shouldn’t be that big a deal to handle publishing and distribution as an purely electronic affair. However, that’s in the longer term.

In the near term what?

After a conversation with a friend, I’m thinking I’d be better off checking into something computer related even if it’s only a contract position and not likely to last very long.

I used to think I was going to have a real career, and that I’d retire someday with a nice 401K and have time to travel and enjoy myself. The new reality is that I’ll be lucky if I’m not pushing a shopping cart and eating cat food.

I’m just going to accept that. There will be no corporate pension, no long term job, little if any security, and that’s just the way it is.

Since virtually all large companies now are centralized in their control, even if I had a fancy title like CTO I’d still have to ask permission to do my job from some other asshole. Either on another continent or in another city who has no fucking clue about what is actually happening at the site I’m responsible for. So I have no desire to enter into the management track for most companies. Why bother? Tons of responsibility, and NO AUTHORITY to act on those responsibilities.

Been there, Done that got the t-shirt and I’m not interested in repeating it. Unfortunately, the middle management or even upper management tracks are what you’re supposed to be screwing over your coworkers for.

Someone like me that knows the way those positions work is perceived as “Not a good worker or not ambitious” regardless of the quality of work they consistently turn out. After all if you’re not bending someone over a desk and ramming your cock hard, fast, and dry, up the poor bastards ass in a bid for promotion… you’re not working!

I’m so done with that philosophy. Taking short contracts, can fund explorations into careers that I might actually enjoy for the remainder of my working life.

So what are those careers or potential careers?

I’m continuously drawn to the hobbies that I think I like…

Why the uncertainty?

Well I really enjoy SCUBA. I’ve been diving in Hawaii, Florida, and Bonaire. I enjoyed everything about diving in those places.  Do I enjoy it enough to do it for a living? Would I like being a Dive Master or an Instructor? That, I don’t know. It bears investigation and I’m fortunate to have an acquaintance who I might be able to work something out with.

I also enjoy Photography and have been told I’ve got some skill at that. On the other hand, Several of the online stock photo sites HATED and rejected all of the 25 or so photos that everyone else absolutely loved. The other stock photo sites I’ve checked into have such restrictive licensing rules that if I submitted photos to them… I’d never be able to even give a photo away. I don’t want to lock myself in that way.

I need to add a significant amount of work to my rather small portfolio. That takes time and a bit of money.

Either of these options could be funded by contracts.

So It’s time to get off my ass, get over the feeling of failure and make sure that everything I do from here on out is with a view to my “retirement” career.

Stay tuned…

It should be an interesting ride.

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The Rusty State…

Through all of this, The loss of my job, beginning a new job search, etc. I have come to realize that I am profoundly unhappy in California.

I can’t get past how expensive it to live here and how much further the available cash would go if I was somewhere else.

Had I put the house on the market just 4 years ago I could in theory be living in another state with better  job prospects, and a pretty decent cash reserve. Now if I were to sell the house I’d probably just break even.
Yes this is “coulda woulda shoulda” but I’ve been unhappy with California for at least 10 years. I’ve stayed because of my better half. I don’t regret that decision per se, I do see the toll it’s taken on me and the relationship.

I was trying to do the ‘ol plus / minus list

Reasons to Stay                                        Reasons to Leave
House                                                         Commute
Yard                                                           Job prospects dwindling
                                                                   Crowding
                                                                   Cost of living
                                                                   State on the edge of bankruptcy
                                                                   High Taxes
                                                                   Infrastructure degrading

I’ve been in California over 30 years. I’ve lived here in this town for 19 years.

You’d think I’d be more attached and that I’d have a lot of friends. I’m attached to my house and I have 4 friends. Not a lot to show for being somewhere for such a long time.

Why not a lot of friends? I spent most of the past 30 years one way or another on California Freeways cooped up in a little metal box making money for one set of bastards or another.

Even though I’m unemployed, pretty much no matter what position I take I will inevitably have to commute. At minimum that commute will be 70 miles one way. I don’t have it in me anymore. I can’t take the frustration and shitty driving anymore.

What do I want?

A place where if I want to I could ride a bicycle to work.
A place with a sense of community
I’d like some nice neighbors, and while I’d like to have a change of season, I’m not much for long cold Winters.

This is starting to sound a lot like a description of some of the smaller East coast towns.