Month: June 2011

I’m not a fashionista, Can’t recite show tunes, Cross-dressers make me uncomfortable (I’m polite but do my best to leave quickly. Hummm, It’s the same discomfort that I have around clowns. My therapist would’ve had a field say with that one!)

I don’t dance, I’m not looking for personal slights in every fucking publication, news broadcast, or sporting event. I couldn’t care less about the implications of faggot as a hateful word, I’m not impressed with pride parades,

In short I don’t now and frankly never have felt represented by the gay community in general.

In point of fact when purchasing certain items of a sexual nature I’ll spend my money with 1 or 2 “gay” businesses. The rest of my bucks go to more “mainstream” businesses. (That is an oxymoronic statement when I think about the items I’m purchasing.)

So while I do enjoy sleeping with another man, I do not identify with the “Glad hand, GAY”. My sleeping habits notwithstanding I’m first and foremost just a man.

Sexual partners, or sexual practices such as (BDSM) shouldn’t define us, no matter how much fun they are. Our humanity and how we interact with society defines us, all the rest is secondary.

I think that belief is why I don’t fit with the more familiar Gay community. Oh it’s not about self hate, or any of that psycho babble BS.

There are a lot of men like me. We’re there in some of the bars quietly sipping our drink and wondering if there is a place where more men like us are hanging out.

There aren’t. The closest I’ve found is one of the more renowned leather bars in the city. At least there I don’t have to worry about cross-dressers. The only issue I’ve had, has been with select members of  the “New Leather community” and those youngsters are easy to make go away.

I’ve also run across guys like me in local neighborhood bars. More often in bars that were gay than not, but we’re to be found in almost ANY local pub.

We’re usually gone by the time happy hour is over. We work day jobs. We may have someone waiting at home for us. So we stop in for a drink or two. As the really young crowd start rolling in, and the music gets turned up, we start taking off.

For the most part we just don’t connect with the “now” crowd.

On the other hand if it’s a matter of getting my dick sucked… or opening a sweet young thing for the first time.

Well at least I know which celebrity is involved in which scandal this week. So I’m able to be what they need me to be at for a few hours or until their mouths are full.

I said I didn’t connect… never said I was stupid. Obviously I’d prefer a man like me. You know, a dude with some experience and who’s been around the block a couple of times. I’ll take an experienced lover over an exuberant one anytime.

I’m not unhappy about not fitting in, in fact I think that being an individual is a lot more important and interesting than becoming a good little sheep. I do wish it was easier to find other men like me,  when I do find another guy like me It’s like a miracle.

A miracle that I appreciate with sweat, cum, and as much time as we can spend getting sweaty and unloading our balls.

Some people go to church…

I like sex. By that I mean I REALLY like sex.

What man doesn’t?

I like it with myself, while watching porn, with others, with groups, with one hot person, in short let me have sex. Let me be naked, let me be hard, let me CUM!!!

Lately though, I’m embarked on a new exploration.

This exploration has occured due to a discussion I was having with a friend and from reading his blogs.

For a long time Women have supposedly been able to become multi-orgasmic.

Rarely in the west has it been discussed as an option for men. But it is posible.

I was chatting with this friend and mentioned that I was in a sexual rut.

I’d been looking for something to break me out of a long period of the doldrums with regard to my own sexuality, but wasn’t having much luck. Even with innumerable  meaningless assignations I’d enjoyed from time to time.

The problem with super casual sex is that one you’ve both cum, you’re pretty much done.
You all know that feeling. Get naked, lick, lick, lick, suck, suck, suck, groan, groan, groan, fuck, fuck, fuck, “Oh Baby, Oh Baby, Oh Baby” squirt, squirt, squirt, Clean up the cum, pull your jeans, shirt, & shoes on, say you’ll call and beat feet out the door.

You engaged in a purely physical process that is about as satisfying as blowing your nose. When you’re done you move on to the next thing without actually being present in the awesomeness of cumming.

I was looking for something a little more interesting.

My friend mentioned re-learning masturbation. “I thought dude… with all the practice I’ve had I’ve pretty much got that down!”

Oh come on… we all did it as boys and we STILL jeck off. I defy any of you out there to tell me as boys you didn’t work your dicks so hard and often you weren’t raw sometimes.

I personally believe that every Father should talk about masturbation with their sons and it would be very cool if they mentioned that they still did it even though they were married. God knows that would help to remove the guilt and shame.

My friend went on to explain… As boys when we submit to our lust and discover the pleasure that our cocks and balls can give us we learn to be furtive and fast in our masturbatory behavior. Part of this is due to embarassment, part due to religious guilt and part due to the societal messages we get as we’re growing up.

Who hasn’t heard “it will make you go blind”, “you’ll grow hair on your palms”, “Jesus cries when you touch yourself”. (That one is really sick! Jesus was a dude, he’d be crying if you didn’t experience the joy our bodies can bring us.)  In any case because of all of these things, we develop patterns of masturbation the change little as we get older.

As young men in my personal experience, we  get into the mind set “Get it as much and as often as we can” and even in relationships we never really change the behavior.

I think I fell into that category simply because many of my early sexual partners treated sex as some kind of reward for putting up with their stupid shit. (Sweetheart, your hole ain’t quite as golden as you think it is and would it kill you to wash it?)

My first clue should have been that they were using sex as a golden carrot and my second clue should have been that I thought most of the stuff my partners were concerned about was plain stupid. Well live and learn!!!!

As a result I found myself figuring “when I get the chance to fuck, or be sucked I’m going to go as many times as I can”. I was a crazy person and a lot of that sex was really hollow for a wide variety of reasons.

Hell, I’ve been involved in orgies where the object wasn’t necessarily to enjoy yourself but to see if you could cum more and faster than other guys in the room. (As an aside… I’ve won some of those competitions!) In retrospect, I wish that I’d been more in tune with enjoying the moment rather than the competition.

Needless to say unless you grow up, adapt, and learn to slow down, savor, and enjoy the time you’re not going to be all that fulfilled sexually. Which is EXACTLY where I found myself.

What kind of sick bastard finds himself flogging the hell out of a lovely sub and is BORED?

Hi There! Sick bastard here!

Thankfully, I’m not too far gone. In that example the chemistry just wasn’t right for either of us. But performance art is art nonetheless (Another story for another time)

I’ve digressed, a bit.

The simplest explanation of the multi-orgasmic practice is that just before the point that you actually blow your load, you’ve actually begun to orgasm.

This is a technique for hanging in that place and learning to extend the time you stay in the orgasm phase without moving on to the ejaculation phase.

As a part of the practice you develop a realization that you have the choice to blow your load or not. It’s an interesting learning exercise. I can see the potential and I like that there are options I couldn’t see before.

The practice time is a lot of fun too!

I need a lot of practice!

As I get further into this I’ll write more about what I’m experiencing. In the mean time you can check out The Multi–Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know. It’s available from most booksellers.