I caught an article in The Huffington Post this morning about Anthony Weiner and thought “OH for God Sake”
In this article a several Psychologists (all female) were spouting psycho hoodoo explanations about why Weiner cheated.
Dr. Robi Ludwig I think came closest to touching on the truth. when she said; “Cheating for the man is about excitement, building up their ego, enjoying the chase and just plain mixing things up!”
I have a some questions.
1) Why is it ALWAYS dowdy women Psychologists being interviewed? (although In this case all three are pretty hot looking )
2) Why is it always assumed it’s the Mans fault? Why couldn’t it be that his wife just isn’t interested in sex?
3) Why does no-one EVER consider the possibility that the couple in question has an arrangement?
4) Is ANY of this OUR business?
I think it’s worth noting that many women are very sexually attracted to “bad boys”. I have been hit on frequently at happy hour events if I’m wearing a ring. And even more so if I’m a little scruffy around the edges.
I think at minimum that there are two issues going on here. First, the women are bored in their love life and they want to shake things up too. It’s likely that their husbands are just not bothering to take the time to make them happy (sex as a duty instead of a lot of fun). Second the old cliche is true, if a guy is wearing a ring, he’s safe, he’s not going to show up with flowers and candy and throw her nice neat life into a tail spin.
My point is, women cheat too and while they’re caught far less often they’re right there getting naked with a stranger JUST like men. And Thank God for bored wives!
Why do men cheat?
The thrill of the Hunt
We DO love the thrill of the hunt, I’ll grant you that. Of course our society today and many women in particular seem to think that approximately 1.8 Million years of genetic predisposition to hunting can be cancelled out by a mere 10,000 years of so called civilization. WRONG!
Variety vs boredom
Getting nasty with someone different JUST feels damn good. A different person means different technique, different sensations and smells and that just ADDS to the excitement.
Without spilling the beans and losing my MAN card… Guys will put their dicks in just about anything. It’s not because we’re perverts (N.O.W.’s screeching notwithstanding) It’s because we’re curious about new sensations. “Hummm what does that watermelon feel like on the underside of my dick? what would it feel like to have (Insert Celebrity name here) lick the juice from my balls?”
I don’t think its any different for men or women. We all get bored in our sex life. Sometimes one partner isn’t interested in mixing it up or trying something new. If that goes on too long, the adventurous partner has three basic choices.
1) Live with that particular kink unfulfilled
2) Discard the current spouse and find someone that WANTS to play more adventurously
3) Keep the spouse and find a little fun on the side.
I doubt seriously that option 2 or 3 are executed on the spur of the moment. Most often option 1 is the choice because it’s the simplest, easiest, and safest. But year after year of boring sex and the viability of options 2 or 3 increase exponentially.
When your spouse ONLY wants to fuck in the missionary position and refuses to even consider something new it’s pretty damn easy to find someone that’s up for a little adventure. As a man, I can tell you it becomes almost an imperative.
As an aside, there is also such a thing as TOO MUCH. If lovemaking becomes a tour de force of “marital aids” where each device is more technical than the last. Or when a good old Saturday afternoon fuck becomes a 1 hour preparation for 30 minutes of sex, well then the equation is unbalanced and it’s probably easier to go to the garage and jerk off.
Some of the devices sound like you’re working in a wood shop. I don’t know about you, but for me, spontaneity is completely ruined when I’m looking for fucking batteries in the kitchen drawer to fire up a toy that sounds like a wood chipper.
Arrangements
Adults can enter into arrangements. It’s possible that due to poor health, or growing apart ( but staying together for the kids) that a couple would simply agree to sexually go their separate ways. These arrangements are more common than you might think.
I’ve personally known two couples dealing with cancer. In couple A the woman had cancer and was undergoing a variety of very harsh treatments and surgeries. Couple B it was the man undergoing the treatment.
Both of the cancer patients Gave their spouse permission to find someone to see to their sexual needs. In fact both of the cancer patients even suggested a person that might have been willing to fill the bill, from a circle of their closest friends.
This in my humble opinion is about love not perversion or cheating.
I’ve been living in an open arrangement for the past two decades. Were I confined I’d have gone insane. I’m sure that I’d also have been cheating. As it is both of us are allowed to enjoy ourselves so long as we practice safe sex and don’t wave it in each others faces. Arrangements work if both parties have a clear sense of boundaries.
Monogamy
I think that monogamy is an un-natural and unrealistic construction. It’s about control and probably was about keeping women in check. After all the men were out and about and what happened on the hunt, or on the raid, or crusade STAYED there. Dudes aren’t likely to come home and tell each others wives, “Richard raped his way through the holy land m’lady he was an animal”
I don’t think monogamy is natural for humans in general and certainly not for me in particular.
In the Whoa! category
I also have begun to wonder about our societies treatment of men and male sexuality. It’s pretty accepted that men are more about sex than women. So on the one hand we acknowledge this and at the same time denigrate male sexuality as some kind of “condition” comments like “he’s testosterone poisoned” show up in comedy routines pretty often.
Most men’s best friend is their dick. Men shouldn’t be made to feel bad about wanting to use their dick. We shouldn’t be embarrassed about jerking off as boys or adults, we’re acting according to our nature. We’re visual and we like porn. so what? It’s not wrong and the actors / models get paid for their work. WHY do we call that exploitation and all too often castigate men in general for enjoying what it’s in our nature to enjoy.
Repression of natural urges is not a good idea, for men that repression often shows up in other less desirable ways. Why don’t we all agree to accept Male sexuality as a normal thing and stop acting like it’s bad?
I’m not condoning cheating per se
Part of being a man is living up to your commitments. If you committed to your spouse that you wouldn’t cheat then you really must live up to that commitment.
At the same time you and your spouse committed to meet each others needs. If either of you break that commitment then frankly all bets are off.
I just don’t think it’s any of the publics business. I sure as hell wouldn’t want my dirty laundry carted out in the national press. Which brings me to another point.
The media needs to stay out of celebrity and politicians bedrooms.
Who is fucking who is NONE of the publics business. We’re becoming a nation of voyeurs. We need to get our fat asses off the couch, go fuck our spouses, and GET OUT and LIVE OUR lives.
We all need to stop living vicariously through celebrity news, and reality TV. Go do something in your own life!
Getting out and moving is especially important for Men.
DUDES I hate to tell you this, but all the good living here in the United States is fucking us up. Go out and check the testosterone levels over the past 30 years or so. There’s a substantial trend down. Which means prostate cancer is up, sterility is up, and less than hard erections in young men are becoming the norm.
You can combat this trend by eating less junk/processed food and by WORKING. I’m not talking your 9 to 5…
I’m talking getting out an mending fences, or playing football with your kids, or working out. Do anything that engages your mind and your muscles and you’ll be healthier in general and your cock and balls will thank you.