Tag: Satire

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I read a new term today that cracked me up.

The term was Covidians

As in religious practitioners.

Immediately I visualized scores of people in robes singing praises to the grand protectors.

Blessed be the Mask.
Blessed be the Harmony of Social Distancing.
Blessed be the co-mingling of the vaccine with our blood.
Blessed be the lack of heretics for what is once done is forever done. All hail the jab!

All of this being done under stained glass widow showing an angelic Dr. Fauci haloed and masked. Perhaps with crossed syringes behind him. On the right, would be the holy first shot and on the left the holy booster.

Of course, no religion would be complete without curses.

Cursed be the unvaxxed, for they shall inherit death.
Cursed be the deniers, for they are minions of the evil one, he of orange hue and wicked tongue.
Cursed be purveyors of treatments, for they seek to undo the will of the almighty COVID, without the blessings of the holy jab.
Cursed be those who will not mask, for they shall breathe naught but the unclean air and pestilence.
Cursed be the pagan ones who dance in the sunlight and bathe in the sea for they wallow in filth.

As I was picturing this insanity I realized that I was pulling some of the imagery from the movie Ultraviolet.

As movies go, it was a bit weak on the plot. The visuals were impressive and in the end, the badguy did get his just deserts. So there was a certain satisfaction in that.

Ironically, the bad guy in the movie bears a slight resemblance to St. Fauci of the Mask, only a few years younger.

I was flashing on all of this and completely forgot what the article was about.

But… It started my day with a weird bit of silliness and a smile.

I hope you have some silliness that makes you smile in the weekend ahead.

I’m thinking I’ll fire up the DVD player and see if I can dig out my copy of the movie just for the hell of it.

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Happy Thanksgiving Eve.

The President is out of the office… again.

Gas prices are soaring. While The President tried to blame it on gouging on the part of the stations, that’s not really playing well because the price of crude is up by quite a bit. This is what happens when you have supply chain disruptions.

Let’s face it, even if you take the politics out of the situation. It is, at its core a supply chain disruption. When the government decides that pipelines can’t be completed and targets other pipelines for closure higher prices are the result.

Add to that problems induced at the ports, where foreign oil comes into our supply chain and well, the prices have no choice but to go up. It’s a basic supply / demand situation. Then if you add the apparent lack of truck drivers into the mix creating more of a supply constraint it’s pretty damn obvious that prices at the pump are going to go up.

In California we see this every single year. As California switches from the “Summer Blend” to the “Winter Blend” at California refineries there’s always a supply burp. Prices go up and rarely come down. Since California regulations prevent importing non-California gasoline, the good people of California are always under the heavy thumb of Sacramento.

The image below from Despicable Me says it eloquently. If you have any question, we’re the person being crushed.

“Welcome to my world,” to the rest of the country. Get used to it for at least the next 6-8 years. I specify that time frame because with a screw up of this epic proportion even if Biden is voted out, it will take 2 to 4 years to undo the damage.

Biden says he’s running again in 2024. I’m wondering if his next presidential run will be from a hospital bed instead of his basement.

Enough of that, here we are at the beginning of the Holiday Season. It’s supposed to be a time of family, friends, and football.

But then in my warped little brain, I see the following conversation happening in the near future.

No dear I’m not watching football. It isn’t any fun anymore because it’s not just about the football. Now it’s all about “Educating” us on the error of our ways. So this year I just want to enjoy family, friends and a nice meal.

Oh right. Family and friends must now be looked at with suspicion.

Has Grannie had her COVID booster? She hasn’t? Oh well, send her back to the old folks home. Your friend Sharon hasn’t had the vaccine? Well she’s not welcome here! It doesn’t matter if she’s already had COVID, she’s unclean!

So what, if she’s the godmother of our children and you’ve been friends since kindergarten. She’s officially unclean we can’t take the risk to our children! Tell her she can’t come. What? No-one in the family has gotten their booster shots? Well then, I guess we’ll just eat alone.

What do you mean we’re not having a turkey this year? It’s not in the budget? How can it not be in the budget? We’re having tofu? What about the pies, what about the green beans? We’re not having those either, why not? There weren’t any at the store?

What is happening?

Oh right. We all have to keep tightening our belts until the New Administration is able to “Fix” all the messes the horrible Orange Man’s old administration left behind.

Say, it’s cold in the house let’s turn up the heat, it’s 55°F in here. I’m worried that the kids are too cold. What do you mean that we can’t turn up the heat? We can’t afford that either? Can we afford to turn on the oven? What? You’re going to cook Thanksgiving dinner over an open fire, that makes no sense.

We can’t afford to turn on the oven either? Uh yes dear, I’ll go dig a fire pit in the front yard. Yep, I’ll cut down the tree in the back yard. Good thing I’ve got a chain saw. Oh I need to go get some gas for it…

What? We can’t afford gas for the chain saw? Oh, You got me an ax for Christmas? Okay I’ll get to work. Can’t we just break up the furniture? Oh, that’s for later when we’ve used up the trees in the yard.

Why are you assigning me the gender specific role of chopping down trees and digging fire pits? Doesn’t that send a bad message to the children?

Yes dear… No I wasn’t implying that you should do all the work. I was just asking… fine! I’m going out to the garage, my phone should be finished charging in the Tesla by now.

What do you mean the Tesla is dead? Oh right, I forgot about the wind related blackouts this month.

Hey honey? What’s this Carvana paperwork about you buying a 1965 Volkswagen and there’s something else about immigrating to Mexico?

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

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Well… I’ll be dipped!

President Biden’s inauguration speech talked about unity in America.

At the time, I was like oh yeah, sure you have never been about unity, you senile old fossil.

But here we are 9 months later and sonofabitch if the old fossil hasn’t started to deliver.

Based on Biden’s poll numbers, he has created unity among Democrats, Republicans, Independents, and Libertarians.

Unity against him!

That unification also extends to Vice President Kamala Harris whose personal poll numbers are even lower.

Biden’s been able to unify opposition to handgun bans. In 2014 it was about 50/50 pro or against. Now according to a recent poll, only 19% of persons polled are in favor of banning handguns.

He’s also unified 160 Senators (and counting) against his unconstitutional vaccine mandate. That’s a surprise too.

Some 53% of a recent politico poll believe that Biden is not mentally fit for the position of President. Wow! Another win for Biden’s unification speech.

In the same poll voters were asked;

If they believed he is a strong leader (56% said “No”)

If he is trustworthy (51% said “No”)

If he is honest (51% said “No”)

If he keeps his promises (52% said “No”)

Is Energetic (60% said “No”)

Is a clear communicator (57% said “No”)

Is stable ( 48% said “No”)

Is capable of leading the country (53% said “No”)

But, but… President Biden won the election with better numbers than President Obama. How then could he have lost so much support in so short a time?

One word.

Incompetence

I have to give credit where credit is due, Former President Obama is credited with saying something like; no matter what job you give to Joe, he’s gonna fuck it up. Perhaps one of the few things I agree with Former President Obama about.

Biden could have been dumb as a post but still done a decent job, if he’d surrounded himself with smart people. But instead, he seems to have surrounded himself with people who are his mental equals. Some of the things these people say are simply astounding.

So astounding, that I’ll often go to any video presentation of their speeches or comments to hear every word in context. I always finish viewing these videos with the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. I usually can’t make it through one of these videos without having my brain reboot at least twice.

On the other hand, I’ve done due diligence in making sure the printed material I read wasn’t a bunch of snippets taken out of context and strung together. ( You know the way the press would often do with another former President… Just sayin.)

More’s the pity, they have said exactly the stupidest things that were reported in print. I’m always left with a cold pit in my stomach when I remember these are the people in control of our country.

On the bright side, The Biden Administration has in fact gone a long way to unifying the country.

Again, we must give credit where credit is due.

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From here on out, all my clothing will be gray

It occurred to me as I was sorting my laundry that by separating the white clothing from the colored clothing I was engaging in systemic institutionalized racism.

Even the laundry detergent instructions engage in this kind of oppression.

I think too that all of my clothing should be uniform, a simple set of pants held up with a rope. After all, leather belts are not green, not PETA approved, and might be used to strap poor immigrants. Although I suppose a rope might be construed as another symbol of racism, given how ropes were used in the past.

I know, to avoid this, I’ll use a string or bit of twine.

My shirt will be a gray tunic not requiring any buttons. Plastics being bad and all. I guess I could carve buttons if I really needed them.

Since leather is murder and its production requires cows whose flatulence contribute to the destruction of the planet I’ll strap the bark of trees to my feet, or perhaps I’ll use some of the piles of used tires in dumps, cut to fit my feet, instead of shoes.

I can pad my footwear with 20 or 30 discarded masks that are prevalent in the streets, on trails, and in the forest these days. Since rope is a no-no perhaps I can use some bits of twine to affix my retreads to my feet as well. I’ll bet I could carve a Nike swoosh on the bottoms and retain stylishness.

The nasty chemicals required to make clothing dyes hurt the planet too, so by going gray I can stop climate change.

This ensemble will make getting dressed in the morning so much faster. I won’t have to pause to decide what I’d like to wear anymore. If there’s no choice then there’s no time wasted deciding.

Laundry will also be much simpler, with no sorting of clothing, everything can just be carried to the creek behind my dwelling and I can hope for some trickle of water to be running. There are plenty of nice flat rocks to beat my clothing on and then I can hang the clothing on some friendly trees until they’re dry.

There will be times in the winter when the creek is frozen, and times in the summer when the creek bed is dry, so obviously I won’t even have to wash clothing then. I can just rub some of the gray dirt surrounding my dwelling on any offensive stains and I’ll look fresh as a daisy.

I do hope no-one will be offended by my naked bathing in the creek (water dependent of course) Or when I’m lying out on a large flat rock allowing the sun to dry my skin.

I’d never thought that being “woke” could be so simple. Or that my life would be enriched by total convenience and simplicity just by going woke. This is going to be bliss.

I seem to recall China instituted a nice homogenous dress code and their people were very happy about it. I’m sure we’ll be just as happily un-racist in our future. Oh, there is the slight problem of our dwellings. Well, I’m sure that our government will provide us all with a nice uniform gray, EPA approved paint for the purposes of ensuring community equity and consistency.

Maybe they’ll distribute approved paint with our mandatory physicals just before we pay our mandatory tithes while swearing and/or demonstrating our loyalty to our masters.

Yeah, I woke up in a mood today! I don’t know why, perhaps I was having bad dreams or something.