Tag: Male

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What do you use Skype for?

Alright, I’m going to come clean… Well maybe not “Clean” but clean in the sense of confession.

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I’ve never used Skype for anything other than tele-sex.

I’ve never had a conversation, video conference, or chat on Skype that didn’t involve images of my naked flesh being transmitted god knows where.

I’m not sure at this point if I heard the Skype ringing sound, that I wouldn’t start stripping due to Pavlovian conditioning.

I’ve set Skype up for people and helped them test it. So I’ve been involved in non-pornographic uses but I can’t say I’ve ever had a conversation with my Mom or family using Skype.

So is this what people use their computers, high speed data connections, and those high resolution web cams for all the time?

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I’ve noticed that some Televisions have Skype like cameras and internet connectivity. I admire cutting out the middle man (the computer) and I suppose that arrangement would permit pole dancing as part of your virtual sexual escapades.

I’m amazed that complete strangers will say something like hey wanna skype? 

The next thing you know they’re showing you parts of their bodies they’ve never seen and you’re naked doing the same thing.

I can’t really fault it though… 

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It’s the ultimate in safe sex.

In some ways it’s better than real sex. You know that awkward moment after sex with strangers? The “What the hell do I do now?” moment when you’re not sure if your supposed to talk, or just leave?

Well with Skype, you just hang up. It’s a lot easier than telling someone their moneys on the nightstand and to lock the door when they leave.

Oh gotta run… Skype call coming in.

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I never thought I’d do this…

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I was having a massage a while back.

It was a very nice massage and I was warm, comfortable and nicely relaxed. These things are after all what you want as the outcome of a massage, right?

The masseur was working on my chest and then moved South. I sighed contentedly. Further South then a nice long sweeping motion over my hip bones and down onto my thighs. Nice!!!

The focus shifted to my shins and relaxing those nasty little tight muscles that lie right along the shinbone. I’ve been doing a lot of walking lately, I was blissed out.

The focus moved to the other leg and I was starting to drift to sleep. Another long sweep up my legs and both hands begin a nice massaging motion on my junk.

Whoa. 

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Not what I’d expected. The masseur was good looking and also naked.

When I’m getting a massage I prefer that both of us be naked. It’s just a lot less annoying than the rustling sound of fabric or the weird tickling effect of the hem of a shirt or shorts drifting across me. I hate that whole draping thing too, It’s pointless and distracting. Every time the drape has to be moved, it grounds me back in my body and interferes with my relaxation. After all I’m paying for a massage… it’s supposed to be all about me!!!

Having someone massaging my junk is also… well… nice yes, but distracting too.

What happened next I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams.

I said, “That’s not necessary, but thank you.”

SCREEEEECH!!!! Say What!?!?!

My brain and body Both looked (Metaphorically) at my mind like Who the hell are you? Where is the pig that’s supposed to be calling the shots?

Don’t get me wrong, It felt great.

But if I’m going to have sex, I want it to be about having sex, not that the other person feels they’re obligated. 

I’d have enjoyed having real sex with this masseur.

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I think we’d have had a rocking good time but a hand job… on the clock… that’s not really all that relaxing or exciting.

Maybe I’m jaded, maybe I’m afraid that I’m not going to measure up? (Just how many other hand jobs have been performed today?) Maybe I’ve just been there done that, once too often.

I’ve gotten to the age where hurried sex with someone I don’t know isn’t something I particularly enjoy.

Now a room full of people… that’s a little different and seriously hot!  Uhhh excuse me….

Ok I’m back where was I? Oh yeah hurried sex with a stranger… 

Weird huh?

That’s not to say that I would turn down a frenzied blowjob from a friend in an odd place. But in general I want to get there slowly and enjoy the journey.

Today, I was reading the blog a buddy of mine writes and was intrigued to see that he’d written something very similar. Coincidentally we’re both the same age and have been around the block a few times. He wrote what I’ve only been thinking about. 

Maybe this is a function of aging. I’ve become more discerning and picky in recent years. Perhaps we all just get to the point that who we’re getting naked with is more important than being naked with someone trying to get our rocks off.

Maybe I’m getting less inhibited about actually saying what I want or don’t want.

God helps us all if that’s the case.

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Ughhh! I hate Doctors Appointments

I just remembered I have a Dr Appointment today. I hate doctors appointments, I always feel so… violated.

Well I’ve already had coffee with sugar so there goes the cholesterol screening.

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Oooopps! Oh well.

Been thinking about a lot of things where the Doc is concerned.

I like him a lot but he’s too busy. He’s also recently (within the past year) gotten some new help and frankly they’re snotty little bitches.

Again we go back to the basic question of “Who is the Customer and Who is the service provider?” 

It’s funny how often issues boil down to that simple question.

From Politicians to Physicians, Lawyers to Mechanics, Educators to Customer Service people, it’s always the same. If they forget that you’re the one paying the bill it’s time to remind them.

You can do that by finding someone else or by working your way up the chain of command. All too often we forget that simple truth.

I’ve been contacted more by the satellite company recently than in the previous 10 years I was their customer. All because I told them exactly why I was pulling the plug. I guess $1400 a year gone from a customer that was no trouble and who paid their bill on time due to crappy customer service got their attention.

I know my place. Apparently these new people at my Doctors office don’t know theirs.

I’m asking myself do I want to expend the energy to train them? Or do I want to expend that energy to find a new physician?

In a typical year I see a Doctor only once or twice.

Like most men, It’s gotta be arterial bleeding before I even think about going to a Doc.

Because of that when I fucking call with a problem I don’t want some smart mouth little bitch giving me more attitude than that Snookie woman from Jersey, or one of the Kardashian sluts.

I want straight answers and if I leave a message for the Doc to call me back… He damn well better get the message. 

I’ve been nice and polite and gotten nowhere.

I had hives from something he told me to take last year. I had no idea Hives could be dangerous. I thought they were simply an annoyance. Didn’t matter, I never got a call back from the Doctor. It was the pharmacist at my local Rite Aid who clued me in and helped me out.

I think the Doctor and I are going to have a little discussion about my expectations.

If he can meet those expectations great! if not… I’m going to be looking for a new Doc.

I’ve approached this health thing as a partnership if I’ve become another piece of meat well then we have a major problem.

On the plus side… I’m going to go drinking with some buddies I haven’t seen in a long time. That should be fun.

Maybe then I won’t feel quite so violated…

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Stop bringing NAMBLA into the discussion!

Is it just me?

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Or has Mention of NAMBLA come up way too often in conversation about Same Sex Marriage?

In the linked article above there is a big difference between what the Justice Sotomayor said and what Dr Carson said. 

I’ll grant you they were both discussing the slippery slope issue, essentially asking; “where do you stop?” But Dr Carson chose a particularly inflammatory and to my mind distasteful comparison.

His intent was to limit disagreement by painting anyone who disagreed with him as someone who by extension supported child molestation.

Anyone reading the quote “be they gays, be they NAMBLA [North American Man/Boy Love Association]” could not help but make the comparison and incorrect hopefully temporary association that all main stream GLBT persons are pedophiles.

That was Dr Carsons intent. He chose to support his assertion in defense traditional marriage by shock and fear creating a horrific image in his readers / listeners minds.

The reason that Justice Sotomayor wasn’t ripped up for her question is that she framed it without the rhetoric. As questions and answers in matters of law should be framed. 

Dr Carsons intent was to inflame passions and he was chewed up and spat out over it. If you can’t handle the heat… Needless to say I have little pity for Dr Carson getting beat up but he is entitled to his opinion and his say.  The left, should have simply called him on the NAMBLA part of his statement and explained why it was offensive.

Aside from NAMBLA not representing main stream GLBT people, I find that NAMBLA being invoked by the Ultra Right, religious conservatives to be strange and offensive.

I never think of NAMBLA, I find it odd that so many in the religious right apparently do. 

Invoking NAMBLA in any way as a reason that Same Sex Marriage shouldn’t be allowed is in my mind akin to saying;

The South shouldn’t have voting rights because the KKK exists there.

Or that Idaho should have its federal funding cut because of the White Supremacist movement

Or African Americans are all terrorists because of the Black Panthers.

Or that independent breakaway religious denominations should be banned because of Jonestown or Branch Davidians.

We all have relatives that we’d rather not parade around.

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Most of the time, in the interest of good taste we don’t mention fringe elements much less attempt to present them as the “Norm” and why people should fear a particular group.

In the interest of civility can we all agree that NAMBLA is a minuscule minority element of the much larger GLBT community?

Proponents of Same Sex Marriage aren’t seeking to undermine Marriage. They’re seeking to be included equally in the institution of Marriage.

The laws concerning adulthood and age of consent will apply equally to NAMBLA as they would to all citizens of the country regardless of Same Sex Marriage.

So please lets pull NAMBLA off the table as a talking point… 

FOREVER!!!!

I’m going to regret having included NAMBLA in this blog. Now I’ll know how often that acronym is searched for, Thanks a lot conservative religious right. There are some things I’m really better off not knowing…

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Cudos to SendGrid for doing the right thing… Or When Stupid is a crime

Or I could have called this… When Twitter is a weapon.

On Sunday 3/17/2013 a lady attending PyCon in Santa Clara overheard a couple of developers engaging in some sophomoric joking where they were trading sexual innuendos about poorly named devices.

Instead of doing the simple thing like turning around and letting these guys know they were out of line she photographed & tweeted their picture out into the twitterverse.

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Her action caused the two developers to be removed from the convention, one of the guys lost his job and ultimately so did she. This Article is pretty brutal about how they report it.

There is so much that is wrong in this scenario.

This woman had options:

She could have done the human thing and asked the guys to cool it, explaining that they were being offensive.

She could have moved, thereby taking responsibility for her own feelings. (I’m not saying that she should have been required to move, but she could have removed herself from the annoyance.)

She chose to be passive aggressive, snap a photo of the guys (without their knowledge / consent or modeling release) then broadcast that photo to a presumably wide public audience captioned with something identifying them as pigs. Saying essentially HELP ME THEY’RE SEXUALLY HARASSING ME! 

We’ve all sat through sexual harassment training. As I’ve sat through those classes I’ve often thought that the Harassment brush was just a little too broad and biased against men. Women have far greater latitude in what they can say to men and we men have to take it.

I’ve been asked in the workplace if I was circumcised, and how big my dick was by crude Women. I’ve also listened to endless gay jokes and disparaging remarks, from men.

Hell, I’ve been present in rooms where the evil of the WHITE man was being discussed and the suggested solution was that all the white people should be punished. Yeah racism isn’t solely the domain of white people. Racists come in all colors shapes and sizes.

So WHAT?

Next! I simply exited the area when the conversation turned to stuff I didn’t want or need to hear.

I’ve watched woman after woman end good mens careers with the corporate Nuclear weapon of “Harassment” it’s not a new phenomena. I’ve also seen men laughed out of an HR department when they decided to report a woman that was harassing them.

I remember laughing my ass off several years ago when after considerable publicity a female sports reporter was allowed in the locker rooms of male professional teams.

She was then offended by naked men walking around in the locker room. I thought it was a joke, but quickly it escalated into something more. After gaining access to the male locker rooms, she decided that the men should be clothed when she was there. The insanity came to a halt when the teams simply stopped talking to her.

I remember thinking, “Lady that’s why we built locker rooms. Guys would be just as happy changing clothes and showering outside. We created the space so that women and children wouldn’t be offended.”

At the time a number of male sports reported speculated about gaining access to female locker rooms but that was considered creepy.

This situation is also about our collective thin skin, and our psychotic enforcement of  Politically Correct standards on steroids.

You can reasonably expect to be offended by something anytime you’re out in public.

For that matter you can expect to be offended by the crap that passes for entertainment on TV, not to mention the commercials. KIAs booming hip hop commercials come to mind. The Kardashians, uhh hello???

It’s the kid with his pants hanging down his butt.

Or the morbidly obese guy sweating like Niagara Falls in front of you at a fast food joint ordering 2 mega cheese burgers super size fries and a gallon cup of diet coke.

It’s the plumber proudly showing off a hairy plumbers crack.

The gang member flashing signs at an opposing gang in front of a crowd of kids, daring someone in the opposing gang to shoot him, thoughtless of the collateral damage.

It’s the past middle aged woman whose been around the block once too often, braless dressed like a teenage slut.

And it’s the teenager dressed like a slut being upset because people treat her badly.

It’s the Middle Eastern guy screaming and shaking his fist at a veiled woman in a mall, as she shrinks away.

It’s the profane, the obscene, the morally ambiguous.

It’s the self centered dumbasses more interested in texting while they’re driving or walking expecting you to move out of their way because they can’t be bothered to pay attention to someone as lowly as you.

It’s signs with messages you find offensive. Do I need to see salacious advertising for the latest “Falling Star” from Hollywood?

How about booming music with lyrics talking about killing whitie or slappin dat ho ’cause she don’t suck you right.

It’s the gas pump TVs screaming at you while you’re just trying to put gas in your car. while you’re thinking, “why am I paying 4.80 a gallon to be forced to hear this shit?”

In short it’s all the things that we each find offensive, yet put up with and ignore.

These things we take no action about because after all it’s about freedom of expression. Well, freedom… and the undercurrent of fear of getting involved. 

But two men, having a laugh at bawdy innuendo at a convention in public who happen to be in earshot of a woman… and the shit hits the fan.

I think that SendGrid did the right thing firing this woman, I also think they should apologize to the developers who were removed from the conference and they should pay the developers companies for the lost conference fees.

Moreover, I think this should serve as a call to arms.

The time for draconian Politically Correct enforcement is past. it’s time for some of us to grow thicker skins, and stop trying to see offense in every situation.

It’s also time to stop denigrating being Male.

Face it men are different. Aside from our cocks and balls. We think differently and look at the world differently. As a result our jokes and what we find funny will be reflective of those differences. 

It’s time to let men be men.

Ladies, believe it or not, if you simply ask us to play nice… We will.