Tag: Male

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Gay politics

Sad to say my brothers & sisters but we’re blowing it big time.

Especially in light of the new reports, one of which says we’re less than 2% of the population and the other report that says overall new HIV infection is down, EXCEPT in the young Gay / Bisexual crowd where the numbers of infection are climbing.

First, it is time for us to stop making the marriage fight about the GAY, instead make marriage about freedom and equality.

We need to stop pissing off the conservative base. We need to recognize they could be our natural allies. I know its hard to fathom but let me explain:

Conservatives are about freedom and constitutional rights. In this age of Obama we might be wise to capitialize on those issues rather than continue to have our collective wagons hitched to a President that may well have assured a conservative Republican takeover in the House and Senate.

The planks these Conservative Republicans are likely to be running on will be Freedom, Smaller, Less Intrusive Government, and Constitutional Rights.

I submit to you that it is a Constitutional right to marry the adult of the same species that you love. The Constitutionalists will be looking to swing disillusioned Democratic voters to their way of thinking and aren’t likely to rock the boat if some or even a lot of those voters happen to be gay, especially given the recent rulings and non-rulings by the SCOTUS.

We could easily have inclusion, not “speciality” in the political process and full equal standing in all rights within the next 5 years. We could even be respected for fighting when it was necessary and knowing when the fight was over.

Mayor Parker

But then we have IDIOTS like the Houston Mayor.

After someone like this garners national attention over a stupid ordinance, ALL Gay folks are screwed.

Let me set the stage for you.

Someone thought it would be a good idea to get rid of gender specific bathrooms in Houston and proposed an ordinance to the city council.

(Have you ever cleaned a women’s public bathroom? Let me tell you something, you’d rather clean all the bathrooms in a frat house with a toothbrush, the monday after homecoming, than clean a single public women’s restroom. As a male, I’ll take my urinals and relatively clean bathrooms thank you very much.)

This ordinance was passed, a lot of people were pissed off about it and they took action.

What they did was legal and correct, they gathered signatures for a referendum. Specifically, they gathered three times the number of signatures required for a referendum. The City Secretary did their job and certified that there were indeed enough signatures for a referendum.

Then the City Attorney and the Mayor rejected the certification of the referendum. This effectively put The City Attorney & Mayor in defiance of the law, not to mention defiance of the will of a number of civic minded citizens.

The citizens responded by filing a law suit against the Mayor. The Mayor, “aka the city” responded by using the power of her position to attempt to violate the first amendment rights of a number of local pastors and churches, by demanding their sermons and communications with their congregations. Its possible there is a fourth amendment violation in here too but I don’t think that will hold up in court.

If it was JUST that this Mayor was an idiot, it would be one thing. But in this case its well known that the Mayor is gay.

Folks are noticing and commenting on how similar her actions are to the actions of others In the so called Pink Mafia, or those forcing the “GAY Agenda”. 

Surely you remember;

Gay people suing bakers to bake wedding cakes

Gays suing to stay at a bed and breakfast, causing the B&B to close forever because the legal fees bankrupted the owners

Gays trying to sue a church into allowing them to have their wedding in the sanctuary. 

Don’t even start talking about GLAAD and their bitching about someones offhanded comment.

Lets not forget the great Vodka and Pasta, and Coors boycotts.

Or the forced resignation of corporate executives because they expressed their opinion about gay people, which they have every right to under the first amendment. 

Its time for HRC and GLAAD to start being useful in a more mature fashion. Yes, continue to watch for abuses of gay people or curtailment of peoples right based on their sexuality. But a more important job for both organizations might be to begin educating gay folks in how to use their newly gained rights without being assholes.

What we need is a situation where we can all point to an idiotic Mayor and call them an Idiot because of their policies or actions, regardless of their sexuality.

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Been Head Down working

Healthcare reform

Tuesday I got a call from my normal doctor. I was expecting it…

The office staff called to tell me that the Doc wants to see me again. I look at the calendar and it’s been over a year. In truth I was expecting this call, the Doc is good about making sure he’s not just renewing prescriptions without seeing his patients.

While I’m on the phone with the staff, I remember that the insurance card I’ve been carrying around has proven to be completely useless and before I set up an appointment I ask them if they can verify that the insurance card will be honored.

Affordable Care

The staff says sure, and I give them my card number. About an hour later, they call back and tell me that they can’t accept this flavor of insurance. Yes, it’s a PPO but it acts more like an EPO and they’re not part of that network. They also told me to contact one of the attorney’s involved in the class action lawsuits against Anthem and to contact the Insurance Commissioner. Can you say this is a problem they’ve gotten tired of dealing with??

MickeyObama

I make the appointment anyway, By December I’ll have either come up with a real insurance carrier or I’ll not have insurance at all. Either way I’m going to see my doctor.

After a decade of him taking care of me I have no desire to have that relationship destroyed. There are damn few people I trust with my life outside my family. My Doctor is one of those people.

After getting off the phone with the Doctors office, I call Anthem and ask them what the hell is going on? Once again I’m assured that I have a PPO plan, once again I ask “If this is a PPO plan then why can’t I simply go to any physician that takes Anthem insurance?”

That’s when I get a lot of dancing around about how PPO plans have changed and that there are no PPO plans available in California because of ACA. I’m told that Cedars Sinai is now taking the PPO plan that I have and that Anthem negotiated with Cedar’s to make sure patients weren’t being excluded.

In other words, let’s put some more lipstick on this pig.

CoveredCA

After much discussion the Anthem representative tells me that I can’t make changes to my plan until open enrollment. I comment that since I’ve been unable to get any medical care under this plan I’ve been wondering if I wouldn’t be better off with a simple catastrophic injury plan.

The representative begins to tell me that if I had a catastrophic plan I might not be covered for hospitalization or emergency room visits. I retort that the definition of a catastrophic plan is a plan to provide those services. The representative does finally concede that perhaps, given my difficulties with their PPO plan I might consider a catastrophic plan during open enrollment which begins November 15th.

I spend the rest of the day researching my options…

Sigh, why can’t we just get the goods and services we pay for?

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Finally! A dentist I really like

Exam

I’m sitting in a Starbucks having a Cafe Moca.

I just had my teeth cleaned and went through a full exam without the sword of a root canal hanging over my head.

Now that I think about it, a Cafe Moca right after a teeth cleaning might not have been the best idea but what’s done is done.

Oh well!

I can say this, the new dentist is awesome! The office is called Winning Smiles and they’re dang good. Of the two root canals I’ve had in my life, the one Winning Smiles did was fast, (in & out in a day. FINISHED). The staff is kind, and they know their stuff. The root canal specialist is without question one of the best.

Dr Finazzo is personable, gentle and concerned about the patient. And he’s a totally straight shooter. He’ll tell you what he thinks is best for you and he’ll give you options.

If you’re near the Fontana area it is totally worth it to go to Winning Smiles.

These folks deal with the local hockey team. Think about that for a moment…

Winning Smiles

If you’re looking for an awesome dental office… 

Go see Winning Smiles!

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I’m part of the “ManSphere”, Say what?

Had an interesting revelation last night.

I was chatting with someone about my blog and he suggested that I was leaning toward a “mansphere” point of view.

I’d never heard of “mansphere”. This morning I looked the term up, and wow!

On the one hand its nice to know that I’m not alone in some of my views, on the other hand some of these “mansphere” sites are a lot more radical than I am.

I would suggest that I’m not as misogynistic as many of these sites. I do tend to agree in principal with resisting the demonization of men.

As I’ve said before, I don’t support the subjugation of women. By the same token neither do I support the subjugation of men by women.  Women say they don’t want to be victims. However, in their struggle to be strong, often they seem to victimize men (and each other).

I’ve questioned why it is that a woman will want to demonstrate her independence at one moment, then call a guy a jerk because he made her pay for her own dinner and expensive wine (which he DIDN’T order or drink).

As I’ve asked before, “Which is it ladies?”

I suppose I identify with the “mansphere” in that, I rebel against the double standard.

Get a group of men a little tanked and then let them talk about their bosses (male or female), girlfriends, or dates they’ve had and the picture is anything but pretty.  All men have tales of abuse at the hands of women. Some of the abuse is simply petty, some of the abuse is monumental. In almost all cases the men took no action because they believed they would lose. Women on the other hand easily cost men their careers simply by suggesting that a guy was abusive or harassed them. 

Exploring the “mansphere” I’ve been struck by the almost binary nature of many of the blog sites. There’s this concept of Alpha Male and Beta male. Many of these sites relegate gay men to the Beta (or below) class. This Alpha / Beta mindset also appears as a “you’re all in or all out” philosophy that the mansphere refers to as RED Pill or Blue Pill. 

I don’t subscribe to this concept. I’ve never in my life agreed with everything a particular philosophical belief espoused. I’ve never met anyone that was entirely of one mind on any subject and so I think this Red / Blue pill paradigm is fundamentally flawed.  This flaw is illustrated by the diversity of the mansphere sites themselves. 

I think the mansphere is a reaction to the institutionalized mistreatment of men and boys that has become so commonplace in western society.  The following video touches on something I’ve been commenting on for a while, but Ms. Sommers does a much more eloquent job of explaining it.

This video makes some interesting points about the so called “War on Women”, feminism, and income inequality that we as men are supposed to feel guilty about.  As I’ve said before, I believe in equal pay for equal work. The income question might be a little more complex than just the dollars. 

Sometimes YouTube is like the library, you can’t pick just one video to watch.

The takeaway for me about this mansphere thing is that I’m not alone in pointing out the inconsistencies in our society. Now I have a litmus test to determine if I’m totally off in left field or if I’m more centrist.

As of this writing, It appears I’m more centrist. 

Of course, that could change.

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Reflections

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It was my birthday last week.

This one is a strange one.

I am the same age my father was, when he died. It messes with your head, I’m a young guy.

When I look in the mirror, at first glance I see myself in my early 30’s

When I look deeper, I see grey around the edges. The beginnings of that awful “Chicken Neck” thing that happens in some of my family.  Some blotchiness in my skin, a bit of sun damage and crows feet. My beard and goatee aren’t nearly as youthful as they once were. I take a moment in the steamy mirror to contemplate the changes and decide either due to reality or my ability to delude myself that I’m still not “OLD”.

The grey at my temples doesn’t look bad, the sprinkling of grey throughout my hair is still easily hidden with a shorter hair cut and even the slight recession in my hairline isn’t a disaster.

Then I flash on Dad lying in the hospital bed. With a little imagination I can strip away the ravages of disease and I see a guy that looks remarkably like me. It’s strange and disconcerting to think that If Dad was alive today he’d be in his 70’s and probably still spry and active. He’d certainly be able to hold his own in a political discussion.

Billy 20 7785

What would my Dad think of things as they are today? Would he be pissed, or would he have just given up; realizing that the battles he’d be trying to fight have already been lost?

Oddly, and something that spooks me deeply is that my life has mirrored my father’s in many ways.

Dad made his own way, he started businesses and generally was successful. He had a nice home, nice cars and a successful business when I was a child. He decided to “Check Out” of the ratrace in his mid 30’s and moved to Tennessee. He built a beautiful home, (or so I’ve been told) I never saw it completed. The house burned and Dad was back to square one.

666940 macro image of an old circuit board with transistors

Unfortunately, for dad, time passed and he’d missed a large transition from discrete electronic components to IC packages. This meant that he had a lot of catching up to do if he wanted to return to office dictation equipment sales and repair. I don’t know if he was ever successful in making that transition, we lost touch with each other for a while.

The next I heard he was in Florida again this time putting together an custom office furniture business where he built all the furniture. I lost touch again then heard from him when he told me he was in Sarasota building and selling houses. Again I gather that he was pretty successful, he must have been in his late 40’s by then.

Next I heard, he was in South Carolina. He was living with his Mom and starting another business. This time in cabinetry, That’s where his time ran out.

Resilience is one word I think of when I think of my father. He did all he did with a high school education, Navy training, determination and raw smarts. 

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In the late 70s I got into computers. By the mid 80s I had been kicked in the teeth, done a bankruptcy, and was clawing my way back up the heap. For the most part I was successful, I was working in an industry that didn’t care what school you went to. All they cared about was your ability to fix shit, make shit, sell shit, or support the shit that had already been made, or sold.

I did quite well for a long time and never thought about going back to college. After all experience trumps book learning any day of the week right?

Well, it did… back in the old days. By the mid ‘90s those of us in the industry were beginning to notice that H1B1 visas were taking positions that we would have recommended our friends for. Often we didn’t even know there were openings in the department we were working in.

Jobs got harder to get.

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California entered a slow death spiral that continues to this day. Suddenly your college pedigree was the most important thing regardless of how much experience you had. 

Then the layoffs happened.

Like my Dad at this age, I’m trying to find and create a new place in the world for myself. College? A new career? A complete change, or only a partial change? Do I want to return to the tech rat race, or would I prefer to do something more interesting? 

I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m running out of time.

I’d expected to retire from the last tech company I was working for, maybe I was retired… 

Must’ve missed the memo.

Lately, it seems that nothing I’ve tried has worked out as expected, perhaps “as needed” is a better description. 

I’m not the only person in this situation. I’m still hearing about friends that are bailing, either out of their careers, or California. 

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I’m starting to get over the weirdness of this birthday,

I’m at a place in my life I’ve been before… It’s the “fuck it all, cinch up my bootstraps, and start kicking some ass” point.

I thought perhaps I didn’t have the strength to do it all over again. I’m tired, I’d grown sick of the bullshit in corporate America, but it’s all I know. I’ve wanted to just give up, to allow myself to just be swept aside, to accept that my fate was not my own and be a victim.

Then I think of Dad, he didn’t have the time to reboot his life.

I think he’d understand what I’m feeling now, then I suspect he’d say “Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest, GET OFF YOUR ASS!”

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OK Dad, this one’s for you…