Tag: Male

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I was going to start this with the old…

… This is your brain on drugs photo. If you’re old enough, you’d remember the eggs in the frying pan.

As I was looking for an easy image to pull, (because I don’t feel like fried eggs for breakfast,) I ran across a lot of images of brains, and brain related memes.

Ironically more than a few of those “informative” images, were suspect or had typos.

This one for example, has both concerns. I think the average human brain is perhaps 1/3 larger than the image asserts and there’s the old To, Too, Two, bugaboo. I’m going to ignore capitalization and sentence structure.

According to a quick internet search, (we all know how accurate that’s likely to be,) The average human brain weighs in, at about 3 lbs. It has a volume of 1260 cm3. Another interesting thing to note is that the human brain contains approximately 40% fat.

I suppose that means I shouldn’t have been offended when someone called me a fathead.

All of this about brains started because as I’ve moved through the grieving process, I’ve noticed things that disturb the hell out of me. I can’t remember SHIT! I write stuff down, or I put it into my phone and then forget to check my list.

I didn’t used to have this problem. I remembered everything, and found the act of writing things down to be a waste of time because I remembered everything I needed to do.

Now, I can’t stay focused, or on task. Everything is monumentally difficult, even the things I like doing. I’ve also noticed that I feel like I’ve lost myself, and am lost. I don’t “Feel” like myself right now. I’m easily bored and far too easily annoyed by the simplest of things.

People have said that this will pass. I can feel the truth of that statement. Simultaneously, I sense another truth as well. The hurt will diminish, (and has,) but I will never be the same person I was. I will be irrevocably changed. Things that I used to enjoy, I may leave behind because those things remind me of who I was with my other half, and it is too painful.

It’s in your other half’s absence that you are confronted with constant reminders of how much you were loved. You also have to confront how much you took that love and care for granted. There’s an element of guilt in that last bit. I don’t think guilt is the right emotion because if the roles were reversed, the feelings would be the same.

Moving on is hard. I haven’t done as good a job at it as I thought I would. I feel ashamed about that. I’ve been told not to beat myself up over it. I try not to, but I still feel ashamed.

I thought I was prepared. I thought it would be a quick searing pain and then it would be done. I was wrong. The pain lingers on. I think that’s a lyric from Pink Floyd’s The Wall. I don’t remember the exact track.

I understand now why many societies have a minimum period for the grieving process. None of these societies have the process written in stone but many have social constructs that determine appropriateness of various behavior during this time.

As an intelligent species with millennia of lived experience behind us, various social fabrics have been woven to accommodate and protect those of us wounded by loss. Make no mistake, it’s a gaping festering emotional wound. It may be a wound that scars over but is always felt. My thinking along these lines allowed me to feel a connectedness that is very human, and was strangely comforting.

July and August have been very hard months for me. I’ve burned a lot of energy trying to process why. His birthday, my Birthday, my Father’s Birthday, the anniversary of my Father’s death, this was typically the time that my other half and I would do things together because he was off work. Which meant he wasn’t running from thing to thing 7 days a week.

In years past we’d take short trips, go to museums, wine tasting, or if it was really hot, we’d content ourselves to walk the dog or dogs here in the mountains where it was cool and beautiful.

In really good years, I’d have sucked enough cock and kissed enough ass at my employer that I could actually take my paltry week of vacation. Most of the time though, “Business Needs” prevented me having anything but weekends off. (Business needs usually meant that the boss was taking 3 weeks off in Cancun with his family or mistress and fuck everyone else!)

School would have started by now and my other half would be getting into the swing of the school year plus preparing for the holiday services at the church and temple.

This hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday while I was making a meatloaf. Laugh if you wish, it is funny. I think it’s the mundane nature of what I was doing.

For a few minutes I forgot he was gone. I looked at the clock on the stove and thought, “I’ll get this cooked and walk the dog before he gets home then make a nice summer salad and sweet corn for dinner, the weather is nice enough that we could perhaps eat on the deck tonight,”

Then I saw his car in the driveway where I’d parked it, and it all crashed in on me again, he’s gone and he’s not coming back.

I think the dog is getting tired of comforting me…

Perhaps not, he doesn’t seem to care as long I cuddle him back. Then he does the only thing he knows as a “Fixes Everything,” he’ll keep bringing me balls until I pick one to throw for him. Apparently fetching a ball is the puppy cure-all that ails you.

It actually works. I think it’s his tenacity, he’ll bring each ball in, drop it at my feet or in my lap and wait for a response. The response he’s looking for is a smile, or for me to grab the ball. At that point his tail starts wagging and he heads for the door. All is well again…

The point of this rambling train of thought is;
Life is Change
Change is sometimes painful
Love is beautiful, terrible, painful, and joyous. Above all, those we love and who love us back are never forgotten, because they’ve literally gotten into our head.
The pain we feel when grieving is real, and I think caused by suddenly finding familiar pathways in our heads non-functional.

Hell, it could even be endorphin withdrawal. When we see a loved one we get a hit and when we don’t see them anymore we have to go cold turkey.

There are probably thousands of too tightly wrapped Phds, MDs, and whatever else the educational system has turned out that will vehemently disagree with my assessment. Go ahead! I never claimed I was an expert, I’d bet however that I’m a damn sight closer to being an expert than any of those so called “Experts” because I’m living through this time, it’s my lived experience. (See what I mean? I’m almost as edgy and easily pissed off as Biden, or my Mom these days.)

I need an endorphin hit. Maybe I’ll go buy myself a birthday present or two. I think I’ll try the built-in method of getting that endorphin hit before I go out and spend money. I suspect however that I’m going to be shopping in the next day or two.

Maybe it’s time for a haircut, a massage, and some time spent caring for myself and saying the hell with responsible behavior (within limits…)

Yeah, I’m working through a lot of shit that I am ill equipped to handle.

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Really? My God I wish people would separate their feelings from facts.

I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to do so very well but I’m going to give it a shot.

I ran across an (AP) Article titled US suicides hit an all-time high last year I thought, “That’s concerning but not really surprising.”

I can’t speak to the rise in suicide among young black men, but I wouldn’t be surprised if its a factor of hopelessness much like what I feel being in the 45 to 65 age group.

Realistically, what would it be like to be told literally everywhere all the time that the boogy man of systemic racism, will never allow you to succeed. (Personally I believe that racism is worse today than it was at the beginning of the Obama Administration, and that it’s fed in large part by politicians and people who make money from misery. BLM, Al Sharpton, etc,)

Imagine being told you’re a victim and always will be, or you’re not smart enough, or good enough and no matter how hard you work at it, you’re always going to fail, because of something that you have no control over. Add to that, how many of these young men may be losing friends to violence, or drugs. Maybe they can be included in the white 45 to 65 age group for the purposes of studying why suicides are increasing because of similarity in the root causes?

Just off hand I can think of reasons that might be causing an uptick in the white male 45 to 65 age group.

A lot of folks in that age group happen to be veterans. Veterans have not been served well by the VA especially in the area of Mental Health. This is also the time in life when you start losing old friends, spouses, parents, and a lot of men find themselves asking existential questions like, “Is this all there is? Work for fuckers I hate, making them rich, while they threaten and bully me with losing my job every fucking day?” Don’t even think that companies wouldn’t allow that kind of bullying, or it’s a rarity. Some supervisors think it’s funny to threaten subordinates with their jobs. Others use it as a way to “Whip their crew into shape,” and no HR department ever takes action. Their response is, “I’m sure the supervisor was joking.”

The job angle assumes a man has managed to keep working in the first place. If they’ve been laid off for the 20th time in their life after buying into yet another corporate pack of lies, ( We believe in family first, time off, vacations, and bonuses for good work…) that sure sounded like promises or agreements, they might just feel like, what’s the fucking point…

Contrary to popular belief, just because you’re older doesn’t mean that there are enough management or owner slots for everyone. The majority of folks aren’t going to get that single promotion slot… Often being older just means you’re at the top of an HR layoff list. Oh that shit is illegal, but the employee can’t prove they were the victim of ageism so older workers are totally screwed.

Having explored that existential question myself, I can say that the feeling of hopelessness and despair can be overwhelming.

I can also say with some certainty of belief, that our government, in collusion with Corporate America is directly responsible for any suicides over job losses. My belief is that the worker visa program is horribly flawed and government inaction bringing that system to heel, is killing Americans. It’s been obvious on its face for decades. When American workers have to train foreign Hn-nnn workers to replace them, we have a serious fucking problem.

The Hn-nnn system is destroying or has destroyed more than it has helped. President Bush be damned with his “These are jobs Americans won’t do,” bullshit!

Then there’s the terror most people feel about the IRS if they’ve worked long enough to have made, much less saved, any kind of money at all. The IRS has become a ravenous beast flinging audits and locking bank accounts at the drop of a hat. This is usually explained as crime prevention but almost always involves some small business owner who takes a lot of cash payments like a laundromat or coffee shop.

But that’s not all. Society is a mess. I’d like to see statistics on how many of the 49,500 had recently lost their jobs, have been involved in, or accused of, sexual harassment, have been accused of /counseled for racism or misgendering, were under IRS audit, might have been conservatives, may have been christian, possibly had a dim view of drag shows in front of children, might have voted for Trump, perhaps preferred common sense & old values to reading bullshit thrown at a wall to chart today’s course of action, or any of the million other razor blade hot button issues one could possibly run afoul of these days. Some members of families see no difficulty “Cancelling” each other over the new set of rules. Does that lead to more isolation and therefore higher suicide?

I often feel like I’m living in a social mine field and I’m unemployed! I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to deal with chaotic societal rules every day with no choice. If I’m not up for the silliness I simply don’t participate. It isn’t that I want to avoid other people or completely divorce myself from society.

I simply don’t always have the energy or desire to keep up with social rules that change as fast as vibrating atoms. In social settings today, failure to comply has immediate and sometimes lasting, even violent consequences. As a rule, there is no mercy or forgiveness for someone being unaware of an arbitrary rule created 12 seconds ago, or making a social mistake.

I don’t want to live constantly in fear. I’m very content waving at y’all as you whiz by on what is in my humble opinion, the highway to hell. “Have a nice oblivion morons,” is what I find myself thinking more often than not.

Admittedly, it makes me lonely. Especially since losing my spouse. But I was sort of lonely before losing my spouse. In a social sense we didn’t have a large circle. We relied on each other for support and there was comfort in knowing that no matter how shitty the rest of the world was, when we got home we had each other.

I get why people in my particular situation would flirt with the idea of suicide, or even decide it was preferable to living in this ever increasing insanity / stupidity.

What caught my attention was that the article turned toward Guns being the problem. I found that offensive as hell. (Yeah, I know my feelings & beliefs are intruding…) People choosing to kill themselves with a gun is just logical. By all accounts a bullet scrambling your brain is quick and probably relatively painless. That’s why slaughter houses use a boltgun on cattle. Brain is gone, cow dies, NEXT!

The gun isn’t the problem, nor are guns the source of suicidal ideation. (I picked that term up from a Psychologist. See I can learn things, as long as you’re not reversing every two seconds…) I’m too cheap to go buy a gun for the purpose of suicide. Strangely I’d be worried about the mess and who would have to clean it up. Is that a point in favor of the slightly OCD crowd???

If someone wants to kill themselves they will, just as if someone wants to kill someone else they don’t need a gun, a gun might be convenient, but it’s damn easy to kill a human.

The venerable club makes a fine weapon. Smack someone with a baseball bat in the head a few times and that’s pretty much the end.

As an aside, that is why I personally was appalled at how the media and police addressed the “Knock Out” game. Smacking someone at the base of the skull with a lot of force, such as running up behind them, is attempted murder in my book. It’s not a game at all.

If someone wants to kill themselves there are a lot of ways to do it. All you have to do is look around. There are literally thousands of sources of poison. Under your kitchen sink for example. Chlorine Bleach and Ammonia mixed in a confined space can do ya really quick.

If I was looking to go the poison route I’d just score some Fentanyl. Thank you China, Joe Biden, and open borders… It’s cheap, easy, and quick. The beauty of this method is that if you don’t leave a note, it will probably be ruled an accidental overdose and your life insurance if you have any, will pay off to your family. Get high as fuck and die. Now there’s a plan.

If you believe that killing yourself is a mortal sin, you could leave it in Gods hands. You could go to a black neighborhood and scream racist shit at the top of your lungs. Or you could walk into your local mosque and light a Quran on fire, perhaps while screaming Muhammad was a pedophile, who took it in the ass, and false prophet. If you lived through either of these events you could perhaps go on living knowing God had a plan for you.

You could use death cap mushrooms, you could go old school with other ancient poisons. Hemlock for example. A quick search of toxic plants is very enlightening. Oleander for can be deadly, even the common Daffodil bulb can kill, I’d say chop finely and brew as a tea.

My point is, Death is easy to find if you’re looking for it. Gun or no gun if someone is going to kill themselves they will.

I am repeatedly offended by politicians and other organizations using anyone’s death to push forward their fevered dreams of gun control. I don’t care if you’re talking about a mass shooting, or a single suicide. The dead are not for politicians to use for self aggrandizement or political gain.

Let’s agree that the real problem is that the person felt they had no hope, no future, and nothing to live for. (Perhaps we should eliminate politicians and their divisive rhetoric. It might be interesting to see where that leads us. Just a thought…)

I was glad to note near the bottom of the article there were some constructive things. The CDC working to expand suicide prevention services and the national 988 hotline number are encouraging steps.

Sometimes all that’s needed to part the clouds of depression is someone indicating that they give a shit about you and aren’t interested in using you. So if you know someone who’s depressed, give ‘em a call or a text just let them know you thought about them. I smile several times a day from a text message as simple as “I heard or saw X and thought of you.”

That goes both ways, if you’re depressed or feeling a little suicidal, (dear God don’t do what I’ve done here in this blog post and think too long about it, ) give someone, anyone, a call. Or you can go to a public place, help a stranger. Pick up an errant bit of trash some child dropped so their mother doesn’t have to. I’m always surprised that my doing simple things, and receiving just a smile for my trouble is remarkably uplifting.

FYI for me personally, If I was to get totally suicidal, I think I’d go with a fabric belt around a stout closet rod, naked with a dildo up my ass, jerking off, and wearing a pair of roller skates. Autoerotic asphyxiation is just soooo unseemly and dirty. It’s kind of the ultimate FUCK YOU! To the world. It says, “I blew my load and arrived to judgement still dripping!”

So friends, don’t worry about me buying a gun, worry if I buy roller skates!

To those of you who might be scared that I’d given this too much thought… Nope! Not really. Back in the early days of AIDS, a lot of my friends who nearing their end and not wishing to die gasping in agony in a hospital would ask me what I thought about suicide and how to go about it.

They asked me, because I had the ability to respect their choice without making judgement about it. In other words I’d give them a straight answer and was open to discussing the options pragmatically.

I miss those guys. I’m glad they’re in a better place and hope to someday meet up with them again.

A LONG number of somedays in the future! Until then guys, keep the bar tab open and the servers hotter than hell, cause when I get back with you guys, I plan to party!

Dang I was looking for a really offensive photo of autoerotic asphyxiation to finish this piece off with there was nothing truly interesting. Although what came up were a lot of photos of men having choke sex with women. But that isn’t autoerotic, is it?

Here’s the best I could do…

Enjoy!

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I’m not looking forward to dating…

Yes, I’m still a ways off from that. Nonetheless I’m not looking forward to it.

The reason is straight forward.

Statistically all gay men are Democrats. Sure, there are actually some republican gay men, and there are some conservative gay men. However their numbers are so vanishingly small as to be numerically insignificant. Therefore they don’t exist.

Given the premise that all gay men are Democrats and all Democrats are liars, it follows that all gay men are liars.

I’m sure there are gay men who are not liars, but statistically the number of honest gay men must be so close to zero, as to be functionally zero.

Since I don’t like liars, I’m expecting for dating to be pretty unpleasant.

My other half was a Democrat when we met. I was a Republican. That was back when gay men were just happy to find someone else who loved them and didn’t care about stupid crap like politics. Sure, we canceled each others votes out for years, but over time, we both moved to a more centrist view and then both left our respective political parties so we could hurl insults at Democrats and Republicans, without being hypocrites.

The process of us moving toward more centrist beliefs took many years, and honestly, it was a fun process. We both learned a lot. Mostly, we learned that we loved each other.

I doubt I have that many years ahead of me so I’m not going to engage in another long term conversion project. I have decided in general that I’m not going to date Democrats. Of course rules are made to be broken and someone who is particularly interesting could be forgiven their political insanity.

Given what I’ve seen with the dating apps & sites. I’ll Pass! I think I’ll find a bar or pub that’s comfortable when I want to be around people and other than that I’ll just live my life doing the things I want to do.

There are things I’m interested in and perhaps with a little discretion I’ll find other guys who are interested in those things too. Maybe I’ll just get some nice subtle rainbow items. (Old rainbow not that new abomination!)

Something to hang on my backpack or dive gear, small but noticeable to the discerning eye. Possibly I’ll add some swag from my political party affiliation too. I could also add some swag from the Atlas Shrugged website… That would be over most people’s heads, but some might get it.

This adornment might be off-putting to most, but to the kind of folks I’m interested in hanging out with, or knowing in the biblical sense, it might be a way of winnowing the wheat from the chaff.

Alternatively, I could simply resolve to confine my dating to nothing more than prostitutes…

“Your cash is on the counter Chad, thanks for the mediocre blowjob, now get out.”

I must admit that does seem to be more direct, more convenient, and quite possibly cheaper …

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Perhaps we’re slicing it too thin.

I was scanning the bread and circus news this morning and ran across Matt Gaetz (R-FL) asking questions of the Air Force Academy Superintendent Lt. Gen. Richard Clark.

I thought, “This should be interesting,” and opened the article . There are times when I feel almost sorry for the top brass still in the military. They must long for the days when they could call all the recruits, maggots, faggots, pussies, or worthless excrement.

“Recruit! I dropped a deuce this morning with more brains than you’ve got!”

Ahhh, the good old days!

To be clear I wasn’t able to serve, so I never heard any of the myriad insults directed at me. But through my friends telling stories I gather it was brutal.

Holy shit! I just realized with all the bullshit gender fuck stuff, A DI probably can’t kick the door to the barracks open yelling, “Drop your cocks and grab your socks,” anymore, for fear of hurting someone without a cock (or socks,) feelings.

Ain’t that the shit?

Anyway Gaetz was questioning Lt. Gen. Clark about the Brooke Owens Fellowship that sets up internships in aerospace companies.

“Okay,” I thought, “it sounds like this fellowship is one of a number of similar organizations designed to encourage women and minorities to take jobs in areas where they typically haven’t had a large representation. That’s cool, and it’s nice to hear the Air Force is supporting that.”

Having worked in aerospace I can say that in higher level positions women were few and very far between. The executive staff did look like a boys club. It wasn’t all that surprising, since most of the executives had come from the military and given their ages, they’d earned their stripes at a time when there weren’t a lot of women in the military.

Notice I said earned their stripes.

Gaetz was annoyed that the Brooke Owens Fellowship excluded so called CIS Men from the running when setting up internships. Gaetz was questioning why the Air Force would support such an organization. A reasonable question, but …

I’ve been to the Brooke Owens Fellowship site and didn’t find any particular exclusion. I did find the usual word salad of diversity, equity, and inclusion terms. My brain shut down attempting to process the Fellowship’s explanation of purpose… It’s very likely that Lt. Gen. Clark hadn’t been to their web site or reviewed all the internship admission materials personally.

I think Gaetz was unfair to Lt. Gen. Clark I’m sure that Gaetz doesn’t have the time to personally review every bit of paperwork that comes across his desk and might well have been blissfully unaware of the Fellowships requirements if it hadn’t been brought to his attention.

As I read on I was thinking, “Gaetz shouldn’t have done a preamble to his line of questioning like this, he should have asked the Lt. Gen. the real question, just straight up.”

I was about to bail on the article but scanned down one or two more lines…

Gaetz asked Lt. Gen. Clark if he knew what demisexual meant. When I read that, in my head I heard the sound phonograph needles made when they skipped off the record.

Lt. Gen. Clark couldn’t define what the word meant. I can’t say that I blame him.

This is what went on in my brain.

Demi-Sexual…
—Possible meanings:—
Late Pubescent but still a virgin?
A person generally ambivalent about sex?
Yet another bullshit transgendered condition?
Half sexual (perhaps someone who’s only interested once in a given period like Spock)?

I knew, Demi-God meant half god, half mortal. See Hercules, or Perseus. However I suspected my foundation in English and spattering of other languages was probably not serving me… Again!

This is perhaps what was going on the the Lt. General’s mind as well…

I looked it up. After all that’s what one does when confronted with a word or term never before seen.

Demisexual – noun

a person who experiences sexual feelings and attraction only after developing a close emotional relationship and not on the basis of first impressions, physical characteristics, etc: since demisexuals require an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction, building trust is key.

Again, I’m thinking, “okay, I can see this, and have experienced this in my life.” It makes sense as a method to describe folks who aren’t entranced instantly by looks and lust. I thought perhaps that instant lustful attraction was something that was only the province of the young. I remember it fondly but appreciate not being driven by it now. (I still question the use of “Demi”.)

I’m not really sure that this slicing and dicing of human sexuality into finer and finer categories is healthy. Isn’t it possible that eventually the slices are so thin, the filtering so fine, that no-one is going to have sex because a prospective partner doesn’t check all the boxes?

As I’ve aged I’ve become far more selective, and far less likely to just want to shatter the commandments in an instant. I had no idea that there was a name for it, much less that there were people who might be this way from the get go.

As I said above I accepted it as normal aging.

Ahh! There’s the question. Is this something that is, and has always been, a part of the wonderful spectrum of human sexuality, which now has a definition? Or is this just another way to create a specialized and potentially oppressed group?

As I looked further into online definitions and encyclopedia entires I couldn’t help but feel it was about creating a group to need to “Protect”. A healthier mechanism might be to acknowledge that sometimes you’re looking for something more intimate than just a quick orgasm.

My friend John described this feeling as, “Sometimes It’s just not worth filling the kiddie pool with lube.”

I share his sentiment, if not his particular kinks.

In my case I’ve attributed this to age, a certain personal jadedness, a bit of experience, a realization that physical pleasure can be had easily solo, but satisfaction and /or gratification seems to be a function of knowing the other person in a wider context than them walking in, stripping and 20 minutes later walking out again.

Having been on both ends of that particular equation. I’d prefer to be the dude walking in, being serviced, rather than the person who has to spend the next 45 minutes cleaning up. (After all, kiddie pools full of lube are a pain in the ass to empty, and get out of the living room before your parents arrive for Sunday dinner!)

Maybe the rise of Demisexuals isn’t about anything other than people being confronted with the immediacy and anonymity of endless meaningless hook-ups at our fingertips.

There was a time when that was exciting, it was the “Orgy” paradigm. You didn’t know these people but there was a smorgasbord of flesh to sample and the only limit was your energy.

Even orgies become commonplace and mundane if you’re in one every night. Sex itself can become formulaic. Porn is a great vehicle to describe this. A porn scene is essentially…

Plausible (or not) reason for persons to be in proximity.
Attraction sparks interest (or not). Alternatively horniness / rampant lust results in persons removing enough clothing that erogenous zones are exposed.
From there everything boils down to “Kiss Kiss Kiss, Lick Lick Lick, Suck Suck Suck, Thrust Thrust Thrust, Cum Cum Cum”
The only real issue for the writer is describing which orifice “B”, “C”, “D” is invaded by Tab “A” and the realization that not all orifices may be available.

Strictly speaking, real interactions between people aren’t all that different if there’s no emotional connection or component. The perk for porn actors is that they’re getting paid. I suppose that in part explains “OnlyFans”.

If you’re going to rub one out, why not on camera, hearing the cash register sound effect accompanied by some personal request?

Even that can get boring. Where do you go from there? Ever kinkier sexual activities, or at some point does jadedness and cynicism take over, making even the pleasures of masturbation, nothing more than another function like taking a leak or evacuating one’s bowels?

At some point when your friends notice you’re not getting as much action and that you aren’t interested in any. Perhaps you need to be able to say, “I’m demisexual. Oh, you didn’t know?”

After all, the hardest and perhaps the most dangerous thing these days is to be non compliant. Identifying with a “protected” group may be one of a few methods to be an individual and not be stigmatized as a MAGA Republican, or Domestic Terrorist, because you’re no longer interested in meaningless sex with complete strangers… Granted that’s a bit of a leap.

Oddly, prior to the ubiquity of hook-up apps, people were arguably Demisexual as a part of normal everyday life. That’s why we went out.

The purpose of nightclubs, bars, and theaters, was so that we could meet people and decide if there was enough of an emotional connection, or sufficient inebriation, to move on to being naked with each other. We used the time to answer the fundament question, “Was it with the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or social disease?” If the answer was “yes” then we’d spend a night in sweaty passionate embrace and hope for the best the next morning.

In those days, at least we talked. It was required that we say something more substantial than;

“Hi”
“Sup”
“Power bottom”
“14 inch, very thick cock”
“1234 Anton Street apt 104 door is open”
“Cool 10 min”

We used to hate doing the walk of shame. I know guys that do the walk of shame 3 times a day and think nothing of it.

They haven’t reached Demisexual status yet. I suspect they will one day, when they’re holding their phone while having sex, ostensibly filming their pistoning cock in a random hole, but in reality checking their email.

Perhaps all these names and victim groups should be a wake up call to us all but especially to psychologists, psychiatrists, and sociologists, that continuing to label and normalize isn’t fixing the problem.

Maybe it’s time to speak brutal truth to each other, not worry about hurt feelings, and see where that gets us.

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Men, if you want to visit a Male only resort…

Get your reservations in order NOW.

Pardon me for putting this bluntly but a fucking bitch filed a discrimination law suit against Island House and New Orleans House because both resorts specifically cater to male clients desiring a clothing optional vacation, and denied her entry to the clothing optional areas. Hey lady, if you want to see naked men you could look at any number of websites!

Here’s the link

Gentlemen this is how if fucking starts!

I’ve seen this bullshit play out over years and several businesses.

The first was a place whose owner recognized that Men, real Males, dudes who have cocks and balls, like having their grooming needs met in a place where they don’t have to smell the chemicals used to color or curl hair. They also don’t like the smell of fiberglass and acrylic nail bonding materials.

This particular owner owned two salons, about a block apart. One they designated as for men, the other they designated for women. Both salons were decorated in ways that appealed to their expected clientele.

The male space provided a beer after work, current games and replay channels of various sports. Men could, and did go in after work and get their hair cut on the way home. It was a welcoming space and we could even get a real straight razor shave. In effect this place was a safe space for men.

That ended when a nasty bitch decided that she didn’t want to go to the lady’s place, she wanted to have her hair cut in a mans place because the lady’s place wouldn’t do it right. Which was ironic because a lot of the stylists working in the male space had come from the female salon. The exception were the 3 barbers who were authorized by California to do straight razor shaves.

I once overheard a new stylist saying how glad she was to be working at the men’s salon. I asked her why it mattered she was working for the same owners. She smiled and replied, “Men are so much nicer to work with. If I make a mistake or misunderstand how a man wants his hair cut, I apologize and fix it with zero drama.”

When this nasty bitch was asked to go to the lady’s salon, she ran crying to an attorney like the little bitch she was.

One year later, what had been a booming business catering to men, was just another stinky hair burning palace. The barbers left within a month or two, and a lot of the stylists found other places to be. The place still exists and operates under the same name but where their website used to have men, and male cuts and services prominently displayed now it’s all female. I’m not trying to be misogynistic but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a man to want a male space.

Similarly there was a gym that had VIP Male locker rooms that you paid a lot of money extra to have. The same gym didn’t have a female equivalent. The reason wasn’t about discrimination it was about profit.

There were substantially more men from local businesses who would pay for a nicer private locker room with more amenities. The women typically didn’t and even if they were willing to pay extra, women made up less than 25% of the membership of this particular gym. The math is simple, the owners of the gym invested where it was likely they’d get a substantial return on the investment.

That gym is now closed.

I heard of another gym that tried an experimental mix in the VIP locker room, but the women didn’t like that men would walk around without bothering to wrap a towel around themselves.

The men for their part thought nothing of being nude and if the women wanted to be there… Fine, ladies you’re going to see us in our natural habitat.

The women eventually won. I’m not sure what the mechanism was, but many younger men are so ashamed of their bodies they’ll leave a gym without showering or even changing clothes. They’re too afraid of someone else seeing their cocks and balls. Older guys like me… I don’t much care one way or the other.

I guess we all knew this assault on Men was coming. If not from some crazed bitch who just wants to make trouble, then it would be from some fucked up trans asshole. Can you tell that I’m sick to fucking death of this trans bullshit?

Now this trans shit is going to destroy clothing optional men’s resorts right along with every other fucking thing this moronic movement has destroyed or otherwise fucked up beyond all recognition.

I don’t want to share clothing optional spaces with “Halflings” (God I hate using that term because I actually like Hobbits,) unfortunately I’m given no choice.

I don’t want to look at some half transitioned naked whatever the fuck it is. This is especially true if I’m at a resort trying to relax. I don’t mind whatsoever being at a nudist resort with men and women. That’s a different situation, everyone is naked and the vibe is different from a male only space.

An awful lot of the half transitioned should get their money back, there’s no excuse for their mastectomy scars to be that prominent.

My brain can’t relax when I’m forced to observe a science experiment. Sorry, I am not going to be able to be anything but clinically analytical and that’s not relaxing to me.

Where the fuck can I go and have my rights or desires respected?

When I contemplate things like this, and ask the question above, this is what I hear in my head;

“NO FUCKING WHERE, Bucky!

You’re a male, you’re white, you’re not hip, you’re not young, you don’t understand our wonderful brave new utopian world, so why don’t you just die?”

That really appears to be the message men get from almost all fronts these days.

There was recently a news article that rebooted my brain. The article said that fitness was white supremacist because white nationalist groups promote a healthy lifestyle and healthy competition between males.

In other words, older values and traditions that celebrate strength, redirected normal aggression into healthy pursuits like wrestling, boxing, and various martial arts is racist and wrong. Celebrating masculinity, perhaps even trying to revive some of the rites of being accepted as a man by other men and the implied duties of manhood are now “BAD”. It’s racist for MALES TO BE WHAT THEY ARE and accept it guilt free.

But it’s okay when people deny reality and identify as a cross sexed elf Klingon hybrid clone of Kayliss? We’re all supposed to accept this as normal? I think not!

I’ve written in this very blog many times over the years that stifling natural male tendencies would lead to no good.

Boys aren’t all ADHD, they’re high fucking energy and need to move. That’s not a bad thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was actually some biological system forcing the restlessness and need to move. I’ve wondered if it was part of why males are generally stronger than females.

A lifetime of rough and tumble activities and testing ourselves against our world has to develop strength, agility, coordination and the world teaches us our limits.

We used to accommodate this need with recess and time after lunch to hit the playground so that boys could burn off their excess energy before returning to the classroom.

Elder adult males could also be trusted to act as guardians, and guides on the path of manhood. Many of them were probably handing down lessons and knowledge in an almost oral tradition. They’d been taught by their fathers and grandfathers, who’d been taught by their fathers and grandfathers in an unrecognized tradition that may have gone back hundreds of years or further.

Manhood, Masculinity, Duty to Family, God, and Country, Decency, and Honor were all in the not too distant past celebrated.

Often, the first celebration of passing from childhood to manhood was with the patriarchs of a young man’s family. The recognition of the passing may have been formal or it may have been something as simple as being invited to listen to, or participate in a discussion the men were having at Thanksgiving dinner.

The young man being called to the adult table from the kids table, and the elder men scooting aside to make room for the new addition to their ranks. These were powerful acknowledgements of a young man having earned respect and gaining acceptance of the elders.

In that acceptance was another message, “Welcome. Now young Man, you will have duties you didn’t have before. Continue proving yourself and that you’ve learned the lessons we tried to teach you.”

In large part I think this has been stripped away from our society and what we’ve gotten from this lack is 40% of Brown University identifying as LGBTQI @#$%^&( or whatever.

The really surprising thing about this to me personally is that Gay or Straight never changed the fundamental duties of manhood or masculinity. You were a man first, who you got your rocks off with, and how was supposed to be your business.

I wrote these thoughts down over the years using polite terms. The time for polite is passed.

It’s well past time for the Elder men to stand unafraid against a society gone mad. Now, I’m not going to bother with politeness or worry about hurting someone’s feelings. I’ll speak my mind and urge what men are left to do the same. Speak the truth, and if someone has to go to their safe space so be it.

I’m sick of my manhood and masculinity being under constant assault, (called toxic, dangerous, racist, misogynistic, hateful…) by people who would without question take from me all that I am. At the same time, these people would demand that I substitute their philosophy for my own . The reward they think I’ll value is acceptance into a society that I don’t want to participate in, or recognize.

I’ve digressed a bit.

Okay, I’ve meandered all over the fucking road! I’m sorry but there’s a lot of stuff running through my head all the time now. I’m trying to work through it. In a way it feels like All of these things are buffered in my brain, I’ve got to get them out so that normal operations can resume.

I’d really hoped to visit The FL Keys again and stay in these famous gay resorts before I kicked off this planet.

Now, depending on how the appeals and counter appeals go there may not be any point.

Another thing, another pleasure, taken away or destroyed by the tyranny of the infinitesimally small minority.

Although in this case I wouldn’t be surprised if the woman in question is a religious zealot who cleverly realized she could fuck the evil sodomites using lawfare. Or perhaps she had her husband leave her for another man so she’s taking revenge.

Either is possible and i suspect that regardless of where the courts or hotel commission come down on this, she may have already won.

I honestly can’t see myself paying the rates that Island House or New Orleans House charge, to sit around pretending to enjoy being surrounded by refugees from Frankenstein’s workshop.

If that sentiment is shared by a large enough number of gay men, then the gay meccas of Fire Island, Key West, Palm Springs, and perhaps even the Russian River will be gone for good. Just like a lot of the famous gay bars. Been to LA or Laguna Beach lately??

The equation is simple.

Pay $150 a night at a clothing optional resort being forced to see something that brings you no enjoyment, you’re surrounded by freaks, and too uncomfortable to take your clothes off… OR pay $150 a night at The Hilton, enjoy the pool, and have room service.

For me, it’s a matter of value.

If I’m staying at The Hilton, then I don’t have to visit Palm Springs, Fire Island, Key West, or the Russian River. There won’t be any gay men there for me to interact with anyway, so any Hilton in any city on the planet will do just fine.