Tag: Male

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Strange Tears

I’m a mean hard bastard.

I’ve been that way all my life. Which is why I find myself in this very strange place.

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I feel like my world is slipping away.

It was David Bowie’s passing that popped the bubble for me. Or maybe it was a combination of seeing Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek Into Darkness and Bowie’s passing that managed to pound through my defenses.

Th 1These entertainers are people I’ve never met, so it shouldn’t be personal.  But they are touchstones in my life. Their loss is a sign of unrelenting change.

I heard the strains of Space Oddity on the radio this morning and was suddenly singing along & crying. It was weird.

Unintentionally, I started tallying the losses in my personal life.

I’ve seen my share of death. In the ‘80s and ‘90s the tally increased weekly. After a while I stopped going to funerals. It wasn’t because I didn’t care about or want to remember those folks. It was that I couldn’t bear any more losses.

61260414Time is catching up with me.

I know in the not too distant future I’m going to have to bear more losses. The numbers are probably going to increase faster too.

Folks in my family are getting up there in years. I have friends who aren’t in the best of health and while I love them, time and distance have made us into very different people.

You see, time takes its toll on relationships too.

Why am I crying? Even hard assed warriors cry. I’m not ashamed of my tears.

The catalyst of music or movie is one thing, that’s the trigger.  What is the underlying cause of my tears right now?

Is it that I’m not as good as surfing the winds of change as I once was? Is it sadness that some days I feel like a dinosaur watching the last sunset? Is it fear of being left all alone?

I know these feelings aren’t unique.

There are books and plays, movies and TV shows that have explored these feelings.

Dracula, Dr. Who, and at least one book by Heinlein pop into my head instantly. These stories ask the question:

If you could be immortal would you?

Could you bear the mounting losses while continuing to walk endlessly into the future?

How long before the transient nature of life made you a monster, disconnected from all the things that make us human? Would you, after a few hundred years, stop being human because you can no longer keep count of those you’ve loved and lost.

How long until the voices, faces and lives become background noise, and your interaction with them is limited to nothing more than furthering your agenda? You agenda would likely become an agenda, the normal lived couldn’t see and one in which their life or death is but a drip from a leaky faucet.

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Perhaps it’s normal to think of these things at points in your life. We know we’re mortal, we know we’ll end.

Maybe the lesson is to just cry.

Maybe from time to time, we should let it all out, not hold anything back, and don’t dwell on it.

When our tears have finished, then we’re supposed to pick up the less brittle pieces of ourselves and move on with grace earned by our successes, failures, and even our tallied losses from years of living.

Like everyone else, I’m clueless. I can tell you this;

Time keeps moving on and so probably should we.

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I’m Awake!!!

1:20 am.

The other half was wheezing at just the right frequency that the mattress was resonating and amplifying the sound. I’ve been asleep for about 2 hours.

I briefly consider the application of the large fluffy pillow! Nah, I’m not sleep deprived enough to be able to carry off the role of distressed spouse for the cops. They’d all know I did it and knew what I was doing.

If I wake the other half up telling them to roll over because they’re snoring, I’ll get “I’m not asleep.”

I know if I move around too much the dog will wake up and want to go out.

I lay there trying to get back to sleep then realize now, I have to take a piss. DAMN!

Alright!

I get out of bed, cold air hits my balls, and I suddenly have a swollen vulva where my balls used to hang. The dog is already heading down the hall to the back door.

When I open the back door, a breeze blows in that is so cold it would make the ice planet Hoth seem like a tropical paradise. I’m looking around for my Tauntaun.

I’m VERY awake! I’m also rethinking this whole house in the mountians thing. Maybe a house in Hawaii would be better.

Dog pacing outside looking for “The Spot”. He’s going to be a while, I head back to the bathroom and relieve myself. Grab a bathrobe and wait for the dog to finish.

1:50 am.

Dog finally ready to come back in.

Back to bed, but I’m awake. I guess that whole thing about looking at computer screens making it hard to sleep is for real. I was writing this on the iPad.

2:48 am.

I fall asleep.

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The annual shopping trip…

NGWOW I needed that!

For many years now, a very good friend and I have been having an annual Christmas expedition.  This year getting away from the house was a welcome and much needed relief.

Somehow our once a year trip always goes off without a hitch.  This year no exception. As in the past several expeditions, all our shopping is accomplished in a single day. The tradition is to fortify ourselves with a little alcohol, a good lunch then shop. Then snacks, then more shopping then yet more shopping and the whole time we’re laughing and enjoying our time together.

This year my friend went above and beyond the call of duty and were it not for his expert driving I would probably have given up and gone home.  There were way too many cars, way too much busyness, and too dang few parking spots.

I don’t know if my friend knows how much I appreciate his efforts yesterday, but he and his other half deserve a round of applause and my profound and deep thanks for helping to make a wonderful Christmas for me.

Driving home I had a smile on my face that couldn’t be jackhammered off my face. I’m still smiling and it’s not from Alcohol It’s from joy.  I had such a good time this year that I’m looking forward to next year. My friend probably cringed at that, because it means putting up the Christmas tree. (But you do such a beautiful tree, and I’ve got a couple of laser pointers that might help!)

I can tell you, absolutely nothing beats love, kindness, and having truly outstanding friends. Except perhaps spending a day laughing your ass off with them.

I hope each of you has equally awesome people in your lives.

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When 3-ways go right they’re a lot of fun!

Hell.pngI’m sure I’m going to hell.

I’m equally sure that I’m going to be in good company!

Got involved in a little 3 way action recently and while we weren’t doing anything too wild and crazy, aside from being naked and aroused with each other, we all ended up satisfied.

naked6.jpgIt felt good to touch and be touched. It felt good to engage in simple play instead of pulling out implements that would make Torquemada and the Marquis de Sade, envious. I’d guess that the reasons for their envy would be different, In his pictures Torquemada looks like a man seriously in need of a blow job.

The Marquis on the other hand looks like a party animal.

In any case, this situation was particularly nice because of it’s spontaneity and simplicity.

oral-sex-221010-large_new.jpgJust sex, no expectations of love, romance, or anything beyond NSA (no strings attached) lets’ get naked and get off.

I’d bet if you asked men generally what they really want, they’d say simple NSA sex regularly would do them just fine. Regardless of if they were in a relationship or not.

They’d probably say that the occasional 3 way involving their spouse would be A-OK too.

To frame this in the context of Christmas, each new person I get to see naked and have fun with… Well, It’s like opening presents on Christmas Morning.

ChristmasCard2.pngFun, Exciting, and you’ll never know what you’re going to get.

I suggest opening as many presents as you can, and be a present to other folks too.

Now I’m off to go shopping

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Yes I use an Ad blocker

I’ve been seeing more and more little notices on web pages telling me that I use an Ad blocker.

Often these sites will try to shame me, pointing out that they are supported by Ads.

Lately the tenor of some advertisers has been more like the bitchiness of an ex girlfriend complaining that I’m not buying her a drink when we run into each other at a bar.

Let me explain, breaking up with you wasn’t all that hard to do.

While you’re telling everyone in earshot, my dick is too small, or I make funny noises when I cum.

You should probably know honey, all my friends and their friends, know your hole ain’t quite as golden as you think it is.

A little advice… Ya might consider some Kegels, and some soap & water occasionally.

Sometimes a site is a bit more direct, simply asking me to support them with a donation. This approach is a lot more honest and typically causes me to consider, “How often do I actually go to this site?” If I go to a site less than once a month, I dismiss the notice, if I’m on the site often, I’ll think about donating.

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Ad Blockers have become a necessity, like virus protection.  Since I don’t buy a newer, faster computer every year I’m susceptible to ad inundation.

The condition that occurs when you can’t get your task done because you’re unable to dismiss ads fast enough. I call it ad rape, or ad fucking, or ad pounding.

My little netbook for example doesn’t have the horsepower to handle the barrage of messages telling me I don’t have Flash installed, all the popups for health aids, creams unguents, and God only knows what else. The CPU pegs at 100%, memory utilization shoots through the roof and then the browser folds.

I’ve wondered about people whose only access is with an older computer or a netbook or Chromebook. Does ad pounding place them at a societal disadvantage?

What about the poor? They can’t afford the latest $2000.00 computer and their internet may be provided via cell phone or public access at a McDonalds, doesn’t ad pounding increase the unfair disadvantage the poor are already laboring under?

Have I been reading too much SJW propaganda?

My tablet has the same problem but not to the same extent. I commonly see the message, “Due to a problem, this page is being reloaded.”

Usually I’ll see this message after the page blanks while I’m reading an article.

I’m sure it’s some POS Ad that’s trying to commandeer all the system resources to show me something really important about unknown Insurance loopholes.

Brietbart.com is among the worst offenders. The New York Times, and LA Times are right up there too.

So I use an Ad blocker.

It helps, but doesn’t completely alleviate the problem.

Because I don’t run Flash, I see a fair number of messages telling me I don’t have Flash loaded and that I should have it loaded so that I have a better browsing experience.

Yeah, right, that “better” browsing experience is someone at the web site deciding to download, then play a video on my machine without my permission at a volume only slightly lower than the flight deck of a carrier during a scramble of fighter jets.

“DO YOU WANT BETTER SEX? THEN LISTEN TO THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE”

Speaker blown, computer screen cracks and then the ad says for only $29.95 they’ll tell me the secrets to having a bigger dick and more fulfilling sex life. RIIIIGGGHHHHT!

The secret to having a more fulfilling sex life, is having more sex.

Being unafraid, unashamed, and open to the variety of experiences that we are presented with daily goes a long way towards having a better life in general and definitely a better sex life. Bend your partner over the arm of the chair, put on a cowboy hat and yell “High Ho Silver!” Okay, so that’s not for everyone… Try new things is all I’m saying.

There, I just saved you $29.95. You can send donations of $9.95 to me.

Yes, for a limited time you only pay 1/3 for the secret to a happier life. But act now, this is a limited time offer.

The question that the web sites and advertisers should be asking themselves isn’t, “How do we get around Ad blockers.” They should be asking, “WHY so many people are using Ad Blockers?”

They should be asking why ads have become such rich fodder for episodes of South Park.

The answer is simple. Ads have become abusive. They’ve gone from being something we’d notice in the margin, to offending and annoying us all, by blocking the content we wanted to see and demanding that we figure out how the fuck to close them.

We go to an article, or a site to look at something specific. Not necessarily to see which celebrity had botoxed themselves to the level of a mummy in the Cairo museum.

I don’t even try to close full screen pop-up ads anymore. I close the page. If the article, goods, or services, has to display a full page pop up ad covering their shit, then they can’t be very good articles, goods or services.

So Advertisers, instead of getting all bitchy because most of us are using ad blockers, how about you check your abusiveness and stop sounding like whiney little pussies.

That advice is my Christmas present to the advertising industry.