Tag: Male

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I made it through another anniversary

Two years ago last night, Jerry died. So did a big piece of my heart. Oh, he was a pain in my ass, I suppose I was a pain in his as well. I guess that’s part of relationships. We loved each other and I miss him.

I was a little emotional through the day. I walked the dog, finished de-christmassing the house, made dinner, poured myself a drink and listened to music. I went to bed about the normal time and slept soundly. I do remember some fragments of dreams but nothing coherent.

I didn’t drink to excess. I woke up more or less in a decent mood. 

I haven’t gotten anything much done today. I played on X too damn much. I’m willing to forgive myself for that.

I need to settle down, and to apply for a bunch of jobs. I doubt that I’ll get much if any response. But I feel like I have to try.

As I said, the Christmas tree and associated decorations are all put away. I was able to dispose of a box through consolidation. Going through the decorations was bittersweet.

I have sweet memories of the Christmases Jerry & I spent together.

Each ornament is special and since many of them were saved from the house fire in 2008 there is a greater significance to each.

The house is clean, (except the office,) the amount of stuff remaining to be tossed feels never-ending but I know I’m making progress.

The living, dining, kitchen, and master bedroom are less cluttered. They could all use more de-cluttering but these areas are lighter and more airy. I like it this way.

There is still much to do, and much to get rid of, but where I’m at and the direction I’m moving feels right and good.

The point is, this year while a bit rocky was better than last year. I’m better now and while I still miss him, it’s not the kind of pain it was. I’m stronger and somewhat optimistic.

Perhaps I’m trending toward happy?

 

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Uhhhgggg. I’ve caught a cold

The day after Christmas I was feeling out of sorts. Thursday night, the wind was howling through the area. It calmed down a bit during the day Friday. With the house shaking Thursday night, I slept only fitfully.

It’s possible that this isn’t a cold and that it’s just sinus irritation. Either way, I’m uncomfortable and run down.

The wind is still blowing this morning but it’s not like it’s been. One or two reports I’ve seen claimed there were 32 -35 MPH gusts.

I’m very tired. There are things that I should do but I suspect they’re going to remain undone. Maybe I’ll just watch a movie or two, after walking the dog. Sure I could just put him in the back yard, but he really looks forward to our walks and honestly so do I.

That’s why there’s the good things tag on this post. Yeah I may be feeling like crap but even feeling like I do, I still enjoy the morning walk.

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I ran across this and thought I’d share it

The Men Who Wanted to Be Left Alone

Old beard man with sword warrior.The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.

They try, so very hard, to mind their own business and provide for themselves and those they love. They resist every impulse to fight back, knowing the forced and permanent change of life that will come from it.

All is dust.

They know that the moment they fight back, their lives as they have lived them, are over. The instant the Men who wanted to be left alone are forced to fight back, it is a form of suicide.

Warrior leaving-returning home.

They are literally killing off who they used to be. Which is why, when forced to take up violence, these Men who wanted to be left alone, fight with unholy vengeance against those who murdered their former lives.

They fight with raw hate, and a drive that cannot be fathomed by those who are merely play-acting at politics and terror.

TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy… but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.

– Author Unknown