Tag: Humor

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I know it seems like I pick on the Democratic Party a lot…

But DAMN! They’re such easy targets!

Most people only step on a rake in the yard once!

The Democrats have a habit of dancing around like old cartoon characters did.

There are some of you who will not get that reference because many of those old cartoons have been deemed politically incorrect, or too violent, or racist, or, or, or, or, or….

Just ask Whoopie Goldberg as she appears before the actual cartoons on my Looney Tunes DVD boxed set.

Someone in Hollywood thought it necessary to explain that animated line drawings, some of which were produced as war propaganda were violent, and depicted other people or races in a negative light. Believe me, the last thing I want or need is a social justice lesson when all I want to watch is unrealistic mayhem to put a smile on my face.

Hell! I learned basic physics from Wile E Coyote.

You youngsters never had a chance to see cause and effect and consequences presented to you in the phosphorescent glow of a massive CRT over your bowl of Fruit Loops, on a Saturday morning.

As an aside, if you sat in daddy’s chair with a photographic plate behind you, you could also get free chest X-rays. 

Take that Obamacare!

This is part of the reason that people of a certain age, a.k.a. old as dirt look at the Democrat party follies with a mixture of outright amusement and almost blinding horror.

I honestly don’t remember any political party, or any Presidential administration in my lifetime that was capable of as many self inflicted wounds as Wile E. Coyote.

Maybe Nixon? Clinton?

Clinton just couldn’t keep it in his pants. Although I still chuckle thinking about Yasser Arafat roasting his ass during a humid hot east coast summer day in the Rose garden while Clinton was diddling an intern in the Oval Office. That shit cracks me up!

Clinton did teach the American People the art of lying by redefining a word or group of words in plain view, on national television. That was fucking magical to watch.

I’m still unclear about what sex is. Flash forward to now, and I’m also unclear about what a woman is, so I suppose the question of sex is moot.

By comparison to Biden, Nixon and Clinton were Choir Boys.

The Democratic Party, at this point would make Wile cringe, and Bugs Bunny would show compassion and mercy, by just walking away.

Bugs would say, “Well Folks, there’s nothing I could do that tops what they do to themselves. Enjoy the show.”

Don’t get me wrong, I left the Republican Party too. They were missing the point and continue to do so. I’m sure that in due time, they’ll be the objects of my ire and ridicule. Simply because they’re no different than the Democrats. The like to tout that they have the moral and fiscal high ground but they’re just as likely to fund Billion Dollar boondoggles as the Democrats, if those billions go into the pockets of RNC donors.

As much as I hate the Biden Administration, I do almost feel sorry for Joe. I strongly believe that Obama is the power behind the throne. The way things are going, Obama will get to dance away with his Reputation intact and it will be Joe who’s left holding the bag. He’ll be labeled the worst President ever and all the ills of the Democratic Party will be left at his door.

I fully expect for the Democratic Party to abandon Joe. Then they’ll hold him up as a poster child depicting everything that is wrong with “The Patriarchy,” and “White People in power,” Which will usher in a Black Female candidate and they’ll sell that as the way forward to Democratic voters. It won’t be Kamala, she is so thoroughly unlikeable that most folks don’t even see her unless she cackles. 

No it will be someone slick. I could see it being Michelle Obama and that would result in Barry having a significant hand in five Presidential terms. 

The sad thing is that the Republican Party will never see it coming. After 20 some odd years of Obama’s idea of hope and change, the corruption and gamesmanship between the parties will be firmly and permanently entrenched. There will be no coming back from that, I rather suspect we’ll have some weird combination of Idiocracy, Escape from New York, and Escape from LA, with maybe just a touch of Mad Max beyond Thunderdome.

That’s so long as China doesn’t keep playing with biological weapons, yeah I totally believe that COVID was a bioweapon that escaped before it was actually as deadly or infectious as it was supposed to be. I think Fauci believed he was funding legitimate albeit banned in America predictive disease research. The CCP saw it as an opportunity to advance their research into potential bioweapons.

Let’s face it, a disease that kills your enemy that you are also immune to makes conquest a lot easier and preserves the existing infrastructure. We can extrapolate the effectiveness of such conquest by looking at history. Blankets laden with smallpox given to the Native Americans or Hawaiians for example… Granted, the settlers didn’t know what they were doing at the time but the result was the same.

 If China is allowed to keep playing with chimeric viruses then I think the whole situation will look more like Resident Evil and Idiocracy.

Yeah, maybe me having dreams I remember isn’t such a good thing. I woke up with this weird post in my head this morning.

I suppose on the up side, my brain is doing garbage collection… On the down side my brain is doing garbage collection and purging a bunch of disjointed bit & pieces of wrecked trains of thought, and you’re going to get to read them.

My God have mercy on your soul!

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Why the company of a Dog is better than that of a person.

Your dog doesn’t care if you wander around the house naked. The dog doesn’t judge you if your fat ass shatters mirrors in every room.

Your dog doesn’t care if you say climate change is normal and the end of the world in 10 years is BullShit. Your dog looks at you as if to say who cares? I’m going to be dead and you’re old enough that you’ll probably be dead too!

Your dog doesn’t care if you voted for Trump or Biden. I have noticed that my dog tends to pee on one kind of yard sign more than the other.

Your dog doesn’t care if you don’t use the right pronouns.

Your dog doesn’t care if you say the transgender bullshit is wrong.

Your dog doesn’t judge you on anything but the quality of the treats, the punctuality of you putting food in the bowl, the walk schedule, your ability to play ball and cuddling during thunderstorms.

It’s not correct to say your dog doesn’t judge you, they do. But what they judge you on are real things, in the real world.

For a dog every day is a new beautiful thing, full of adventure and joy.

A dogs exuberance is contagious and my dog has carried me though one of the roughest times in my life.

I noticed today that he’s making me smile and laugh a little more every day.

Lots of people on the other hand are almost exactly opposite of a dog.

That’s why I’ll take my dog over most people every time. Yep, even when he demands to go for a walk in the rain or snow. Strangely, those walks are fun even if we come home soaking wet and muddy. His laughing look makes it worth it.

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Why was it wrong when I said it?

I’m not sure, but I think hell froze over. John Kerry said something that I agreed with.

He says there are too many humans.

I’ve been saying that for years, but when I said it and offered solutions everyone was aghast.

When I asked why we were worried about COVID and suggested that it might be a natural culling of the weak genetics in our species, I was called cruel. When I’ve questioned our interference in natural processes by preserving the lives of, and allowing genetically damaged people to reproduce I’m called a NAZI!!!

But John Kerry saying that 10 billion people on Earth by 2050 is unsustainable and it’s the gospel from on high.

The difference I suppose is that John Kerry says it while flitting about on his private jet, drinking his water from unsustainable plastic bottles, and demanding all the rest of us live down in the mud.

I’d happily put the majority of mankind at my feet living in the mud. Why does John Kerry get all the fun?

To give you an idea what I think of the large majority of humanity, consider this.

If I could figure out how to sell 4/5ths of humanity into slavery to an alien race I’d do it. Family and friends and people who have brains, common sense, or awesome genetics, would of course be exempt.

The truly vile people, I’d sell to alien brothels because I’m a tad vengeful. Politicians and lawyers should get on their knees every day and beg God almighty that I never figure out how to send a galactic garage sale notice.

My price would be this. I’d want a comfortably sized, well armed, faster than light spacecraft, a prepaid credit card (or alien equivalent) to buy supplies and fuel that was good as long as I lived, and lastly treaties that placed our planet and entire solar system in a protected status. I’d want to give the humans left a chance to evolve into something better. I’d like to see humanity reach its potential.

Yep, that’s my price. Dirt cheap if you think about it.

The cruelty is on par with the global elites methods. My way, it’s possible that a slave could earn their freedom and be returned to Earth, significantly wiser.

While John Kerry says, the powerful governments need to address ways to provide for all the mouths to feed. The elites already know the answer. They already have plans in place. The logic is irrefutable, a whole lot of people need to to not be here. Either they’re exported off world to colonize the Moon, Mars, and beyond or they have to die.

I think this is why the global elite class seems to be intent on endless wars, internal strife, fomenting racial hatred, starvation, loss of livelihood, reduction of farmland or farmland productivity, and the degradation of mankind.

When Kerry, or people like him speak, I hear, “Us pissing on your heads is a lovely warm yellow rain. Don’t worry ‘mudboy’, in no time you’ll all be remembering fondly the halcyon days of yellow rain”

I honestly believe if Kerry and his ilk could “Thanos” the planet they would in a heartbeat. It’s possible that the only reason they haven’t put half the planet to the sword, is they’re uncomfortable with a completely random selection process and instead are trying to pick & choose.

If they’re working on choosing, my suggestion is to start with the individuals who have the largest personal carbon footprints.

I keep thinking, if Kerry is really committed to saving the planet he’ll be the first person to try a suicide booth.

Come on, we all know it’s coming.

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I really Can’t Resist!

Hey Disney, the little girls are there to spend obscene ($250 or more,) amounts of money.

The little girls want to dress up like princesses!

They’re not looking to meet a frumpy “Queen”

Clearly, the old school Disney Fairy Godmother’s wand didn’t work on poor Nick here.

If you want a Fairy Godmother that knows her stuff even if she’s a bit driven, ya gotta go with the fairy godmother from Shrek2!

That lady knew how to make a man. Just look at her Bodyguards, and Kyle, and what she did to Shrek, Donkey, and the King of Far Far Away.

The King of Far Far Away didn’t look like much, but then again the Fairy Godmother started out with a toad.

One assumes she’d make an assistant that was awesome instead of sad and frumpy looking. She understood Marketing!

Shrek’s Fairy Godmother was a busy lady.

Disney should call RuPaul for assistance with this particular drag emergency. Unless The Magic Kingdom isn’t even trying anymore.

Just a thought Disney, Just a thought…

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Disadvantage of being out of a city

Well, there are actually remarkably few. The trouble is, when something happens it’s “big” and a royal pain in the butt.

It’s a disadvantage to be so far from shopping centers if you need or want something. Even the nearest Home Depot is 30 minutes away. The Lowes is 45 minutes away.

It’s tough to find people to do work on the house, especially people that know what they’re doing in this particular climate. For their additional knowledge, they’re more expensive. Meh, that’s how capitalism is supposed to work.

The biggest issue, is the septic tank. Sigh, it looks like that’s going to be the Thanksgiving and Christmas expense this year. 

(As an aside, I admire this picture of a septic tank and the model doing her level best to make it look at least a little sexy. Good Job! To the model and the company, thanks for making me smile about it.)

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My septic tank is old. Really old. When the house was rebuilt in 2008, the builder didn’t think about replacing the tank at that time. I guess there was no real need, so why would the lazy jackass do something proactive?

The house was originally built in 1992 presumably that’s when the septic system was installed. At the time the house burned and was rebuilt, the septic system was 16 years old. The system wasn’t in use for a year while the house was rebuilt, but the tank itself is iron and rust never sleeps.

So here we are with a septic system that is 30 years old, and it’s failing. The tank was pumped out about a year and a half ago and at the time the guys said it should be replaced. I decided to wait because I was unemployed and didn’t have 7K to toss at that bill. That decision was at the time against my better judgement because I like to stay out ahead of maintaining things if possible. However given the circumstances it was a viable decision, even if it wasn’t the preferred one.

I suppose this is why the solar panels have been a thorn in my side. They represent an investment that will likely pay off over the next few years or at least break even. (Even though they still haven’t produced one usable KW of energy yet, Thanks Edison!) Even as the other half was wanting to move forward with the panels, I was asking, “What about the septic system?” Warm summer days would have been an opportune time to have that taken care of, in preparation for the Winter.

To be fair, installation of the solar panels had a defined expiration date. If we’d waited any longer, we wouldn’t have be eligible to lock Edison into paying us a fair price for the excess power we generated. The septic system was a ticking time bomb with no precise date of expiration. 

Hey, you put your money on the table and roll the dice! Sometimes you roll a winner, and sometimes you crap out.

(Yes I used that analogy with intent.)

Well, the septic system has, (oh hell I can’t resist,) crapped out. Fortunately, the weather is fairly mild and we have no winter storms in the forecast for at least a week or two. That means that the replacement can go ahead without fighting a foot of snow. Unfortunately, It’s not known due to the supply chain issues and all of that when we can get a new tank put in.

Additionally, with the insanity of gas prices and the cost of diesel, it’s gonna cost more. Yeah, the excessively high diesel prices will affect the cost. Figure it’s gonna cost more for the pump truck to come up the mountain, and the truck to bring a new tank up, the backhoe to dig out the old tank, the long distance transport of the tank from where ever it’s manufactured etc, etc.

This is one of those few times when I wish I lived in a city. If I did, I’d be connected to s sewer system and wouldn’t have to worry about much other than the cost of a plumber to occasionally snake the main pipes that lead to the sewer.

Ah well, we’ll be paying for this for a long assed time. Especially when you consider the interest rates on credit cards. 

These are all the things I was thinking while outside digging a cat hole to bury some waste that had been expelled from the pressure relief pipe at the front of the house. At least the plants next to the hole will be well fertilized come Springtime.

A plumber is coming up today he’s going to see if there’s some blockage. (it’s possible, not likely, but possible). I’ve also got calls in to a couple of different septic tank folks. I’m hoping we can have the existing one pumped out, maybe Wednesday. That should get us through Thanksgiving. Today I’m taking the water softener offline, which will reduce the amount of waste water going into the system. My hope is that we will not have to decamp to a hotel waiting for the tank to be replaced. The dog is the issue there. He freaks out in closed rooms.

Once I get a schedule for the tank being replaced, I’m going to be digging up the sprinkler system. Me & my trenching tool got some work to do. Yes, the sprinkler line crosses the yard in such a way that when the backhoe gets here it’s gonna tear up that line, if I don’t expose it, and remove it. I’m figuring that I’ll cut that section out, set it aside then temporarily cap the loose end. Come Springtime, I’ll finish the repair and reset the line and sprinkler heads.

Nothing living in the mountains is ever easy or straight forward. On the plus side, at least my knees may be completely up to the challenge by then. In a strange way I kinda look forward to being a shirtless redneck with a shovel sweating my ass off in the sun. I do not look forward to being a freezing redneck bundled up in 30° weather digging up the sprinkler line in the coming weeks, but you play the hand left deals ya.

I suppose I could have a portapotty delivered. Now that’s super redneck! Bundling up in the middle of the night to go take a leak really takes me back to my roots. Showers would be a problem in that case, but I suppose I could go out to the truck stop nearby and rent a shower there.

All I can say is Happy Thanksgiving.

Update: Well, it looks like the problem was some kind of blockage going from the house to the septic system. The plumber who is a godsend cleared it in about 10 minutes. There’s a reason we’ve been using this particular plumber for years. He’s on time, (calls with an updated ETA, if he gets stuck on a job,) has fair prices and does great work.

The ticking time bomb of the septic system ticks on, but at least we can plan for that expense instead of having to do it as an emergency.

So that’s what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving. 

Whew, dodged a bullet for now, here’s hoping that things hold together until Spring. It will just be a lot more convenient to deal with this when it’s warmer.