One of those nights…

I was winding down for sleep, then boom! I’m wide awake again.

I finally saw “Bros” today. It’s a cute movie, a somewhat predictable romantic comedy. But I like Luke Macfarlane as an actor. I’ve liked him since KillJoys and it was nice to see him playing something other than one of the Jaqobis boys.

He’s done a shit load of movies but Bros is the first one I’ve seen.

I looked up the website of the SCUBA trip organizer I traveled with in 2008. They’re still at it, and they’re heading to Bonaire in October. That’s a tempting get away. It’s unlikely I’ll go because there may simply be too much to deal with this coming year. That being said Bonaire is someplace that I enjoyed. I suppose my going, or not is going to depend a lot on finances and living situation. I could really use some tropical time, and some SCUBA time.

It’s been literally years since I got wet. I should plan on a refresher course and I need a new dive computer. Yes the Apple Watch Ultra has the ability to act as a dive computer, but honestly the way the sensors and algorithms get changed via software, I won’t bet my life on my Apple Watch.

My Apple Watch has too often behaved in arbitrary ways after software updates. I’m leaning more toward an air integrated single purpose dive computer. Let’s have the life support equipment focus on being life support equipment.

Perhaps I’ve been sitting in front of screens too much lately. Perhaps I’m spinning a little toward the manic and that’s why I can’t sleep. I’m trying 2 fingers of Jack, jotting down some story notes, and trying like hell to find the insomniac net on the Ham radio. Sometimes the late night “nets” are interesting, I might have the wrong night or… it’s not late enough yet.

I’ve been having some interesting thoughts about life, moving, starting over, and what happens next. Maybe these thoughts are just dealing with such monumental questions and worries that my poor addled brain is spinning up, instead of spinning down.

Jesse has gone out to the couch which is odd because usually he’s sleeping on the bed whether I’m there or not. On these late nights, I have to work my way into the bed and find space around him. Once he’s out, he’s dead and grumpy weight to move.

It’s raining now, we might see a little bit of snow but at this altitude it’s probably going to be more rain than anything. I’m hoping for rain that is strong enough to make that thrumming sound on the roof that I like. I’m not sure I’d hear it though because there’re still large patches of snow piled on the roof.

Right now It’s Phutureprimative Mind’s Eye playing while I sip my bourbon, and try to clear my head. I think Mind’s Eye may be one of Phutureprimative’s best albums. Check it out if you can.

I see that the weekly backup of my computer is running. That’s estimated to complete in an hour or so. Right now there’s not enough change on a daily basis to justify backing up to the server hourly. The server spend most of its time in sleep mode. That’s probably just as well since the drives spin down and stay spun down sometimes days at a time.

I think part of that is that on my computer there’s 2 TB of disk, so I’m never going to be fighting for space. Typically if I’m transferring to the server, it’s a huge block of files all at once for archival purposes instead of tons of transfers during the day. 

Jerry was always transferring stuff to the server. 

I’m beginning to envision a future. It’s funny, that wasn’t ever a problem when I was young. I had absolute faith that I could regenerate, rising like a Phoenix from the ashes and that I’d be okay. I could recreate myself with ease.

After the house burned, I realized that it was a lot harder to rise. As time went on, I found that I just didn’t have the energy. I was able to create an apartment life in San Diego. But that was an extension of my home here. If shit went sideways, I knew I always had a place to retreat. Selling and moving is a much different proposition. There’s no anchor, no retreat. I’ll be floating raw, naked, with no tethers and whatever I do, must work flawlessly.

Or mostly flawlessly. I can recover from imperfection… I’ve done it before, to do so requires only the application of money. Since money is finite and also in short supply I’d like to avoid as much imperfection as possible and thereby unnecessary expense.

I’m still spinning. I’ve been refraining from firing up the PlayStation for a few rounds of Call of Duty. That would probably amp me up more.

Not that I mind shooting bad guys, I could see myself joining an online game and really getting amped up because the avatars I’d be shooting are representations of real humans. When they respawn, they tend to have a bit of a grudge. I’m a shitty player… even I get lucky from time to time. Most of the time I’m taking a dirt nap waiting to respawn.

I miss having the friends from my Military Contractor Job to play with. We trash talked each other and played brutally. I used to be able to take my boss down in the game without fear… Well, until he respawned and came hunting me. We laughed a lot, swore at each other and had a ton of fun.

I noticed when I activated my PS5 there were all kinds of rules and regulations against trash talking each other. It’s a pity that so many people are that thin skinned or that so many people abused the shit out of communications.

All our trash talk at each other was nothing more than male bonding. I guess that’s something a lot of gay people and especially female to male transgenders simply wouldn’t understand.

There was nothing more gratifying than shooting my boss in the game and having him say “FUCK!!! I’m coming for you when I respawn!” 

I’d reply, “Yeah, but you have to find my ass first boss!”

The next morning at work we’d all be laughing and talking about the awesome shots we’d taken, or why it was we were dancing in one spot against a wall.

We all used to teabag each other in Halo. Imagine… teabagging your boss and him not being pissed about it the next morning.

Well, here we are at 2 AM. The weekly backup is complete.

Now what?

2nd glass of Jack hasn’t really hit. 

Games? Bust a Nut? Or just go climb between the sheets and hope the warm bed takes me to dreamland.

Superbowl Sunday

I used to make time for it. This was the one game I’d actually clear my calendar to watch. Jerry used to buy me a 6-pack and junk food and then he’d go do whatever he wanted to.

He was not interested in Football.

It was 24°F this morning at 6 am and even now it’s only 35°F I think the day is going to be cold enough that I’d prefer to be inside sitting on my ass.

Today would be a great day to make some dip, eat a bunch of junk food, drink beer, and watch the game. Except for one thing.

When the players started kneeling, and the advertisers started being worried about woke instead of entertaining, and the half time shows became ridiculous spectacles incorporating art forms that were vulgar, when even the national anthem was butchered by screeching no talent performers, I lost interest.

In recent years, Jerry and I would often go out to a nice lunch or dinner during Super Bowl because we could literally get a table anywhere.

Now Jerry is gone, and we hadn’t had cable or satellite for years. I don’t honestly remember the last Super Bowl that I sat down and watched.

I’m not sure what to do with myself. 

I moved the playstation off the top of the credenza. I tried playing a couple of games but just couldn’t get into it. I should take Jesse for a walk there is, as always, a ton of cleaning to do and perhaps I should load up as much trash as I can in the garbage cans since pickup is tomorrow. 

For some reason, I feel like there’s something I’m missing, that I should be doing. It’s the “What” that is eluding me.

Hopefully, everyone is having a nice Sunday.

Dec 7

Perhaps today we should all take a break from the bullshit and remember the people who died during the bombing of Perl Harbor in 1941.

The bombing marked our entrance into World War II. Until the bombs fell, America was divided about going to fight another war.

After the bombs fell, America was pissed off enough to engage in what was essentially a two front war and 4 years later America was still pissed off enough to drop two atomic bombs on Japan.

Today, I’m putting politics aside and just remembering the people who died. 

It’s been 82 years since Pearl Harbor. Let’s pause and realize that as bad as World War II was, World War III would be exponentially worse. 

Today, it might be a good idea to pause and reflect then see what can be done, or should be done to turn us away from World War III.

Compared to the bombs the Russians and the US have today, the bombs the US dropped on Japan are firecrackers.

Here we are in November. I wasn’t going to blog today…

I’ve got to run a couple of errands. Then it’s back to the house to try to get something done.

Last week I was pretty productive. Then the weekend hit and I haven’t felt like doing a damn thing. It’s getting cold, and for some reason the house feels colder than usual. 

On the plus side, Jesse has taken to sleeping cuddled up next to me. I think he’s worried about his dignity, so when we first go to bed, he’s at the foot of the bed looking out the sliding glass door. Then sometime during the night after I’m asleep he stretches out with his head tucked against my chest. I’ve promised him that I won’t tell other dogs that he sleeps cuddled up next to me.

God forbid that he’d tip his paw about actually liking me!

I’ll admit I like waking up with him next to me.

Both of us slept late today, and we’ve both been sleeping later in general. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the sun. This time of year, the sun doesn’t make it above the mountains to the east until late in the morning. In summer, the sun rises and starts blasting into the bedroom about 5:45 am. This time of year, all you get is an orange band resting on the eastern mountains. It’s very easy to turn off the alarm and just go back to sleep.

IMG 2877The master bedroom never gets direct sunlight from fall through spring.

You can tell time watching the sunlight move up the line made by the wash. The wash itself points almost due north. The shadows cast by the mountains onto the banks of the wash mark the passing of the day. It’s not actually an earthen works sundial but after having been here for so long, I can ballpark the time of day from how much of the wash is in shadow, and which bank, the light is falling on.

I was thinking about the issue of moving. When I had the apartment in San Diego, the bedroom didn’t get light until afternoon. This was a problem because I had to be in bed by 8pm to get up for work at 3am. The room, indeed the whole apartment got, and stayed hot in springtime and summer. The winter sunlight barely hit my apartment so the place was cold as heck. The upshot is that I had to run the heat or air almost all the dang time.

I was thinking about specifications for a new place I’d like to live. I thought perhaps having a master bedroom window facing east would be good. I could wake with the sun, and the room wouldn’t be baking all day so perhaps I wouldn’t have to run the air all the time just to be able to sleep.

I just realized something else. I prefer to have the windows open. I like breezes and the smell of grass, flowers, and rain. This house for example almost always has the windows open in spring and summer. (Unless crazy pants is screaming, or the flood control folks are driving dump trucks, bulldozers, or graders, up and down the street, or the jackass up the road is cutting and grinding metal or running a chain saw at 10PM.)

Still, even with all of those annoyances, we kept the windows open most of the time. The neighbors would open their windows when the other half was practicing harp or piano. Sound carries quite well here. The mountains form a natural amphitheater. It seems too big to be an amphitheater but you’d be impressed at how small sounds echo up and down the canyon.

That suggests that where I go to live should be in a more temperate zone. Northern Florida almost but not quite fits the bill. I think further north might be a better fit for me personally. I have been very surprised at certain friends reactions when I mention that I’m considering or have considered FL.

Almost universally they’re against FL. It’s very strange. When I remind people that I was born and raised in FL until I was 14, the response is, “well you’re different,”

Different from what, I wonder.

Then I remember the continuous hit jobs the media has done on Florida, from the COVID panic to DeSantis running for President. Absolutely nothing Florida does wins the approval of the media. Although, a whole lot of the people of Florida seem pretty damn happy. 

If the media would stop for a minute, get past their bias, and really look at Florida objectively… Well they’d be ashamed of themselves if they had any shame left.

In the media, Floridians are almost universally lambasted as ignorant redneck doofuses. Everyone in Florida drives monster trucks with confederate flags. Everyone is white and racist. (Most of the white people in Miami came from New York… so New Yorkers are racist by that measure…)

It’s gotten to the point that rather than fight it, Florida is having some kind of “Florida Man” festival where it looks like they’re going to lay claim to the caricature the media have created. Knowing Floridians, they’re going to blow the caricature way out of proportion as a huge middle finger to the rest of the country that loves to badmouth the state. I’d also say that many of the Floridians want everyone in the big cities thinking Florida is dangerous, because it keeps the real shitheads from visiting or God forbid moving to Florida.

Florida and Floridians are not what the media says they are. I personally think that Florida is badmouthed all the time simply because Trump lives there. And wherever Trump is ALLOWED to live, must by definition, be simply awful. There’s a whole lot of really weird shit regarding Trump. I’m still blown away by how much venom is spewed his way and how so many people are willing to look the other way when his rights as a person are taken away. There is a lot that is simply wrong on its face.

None of this is why I’m hesitant to move to Florida.

I want four seasons, and occasional snowfall. I want a little more property than most of the Florida homes for sale have around them. Well, at least in my price range… How is it, if Florida is such a shit hole that the home prices have shot through the roof and indeed the availability of homes in the state is constrained? 

Even northern Florida, might be a little too hot for me to be really comfortable with the windows open. As I said, I like having the windows open. That being said, I might still spend a month in Northern Florida before I make a final decision about where I want to live.

It’s got to pass the Jesse test too. He’s probably going to last about as long as I do. I know I don’t have another move in me. Once I get where I’m going, I’m probably going to be there until I die. Not to be all Egyptian about it, but he & I will likely kick off about the same time.

I was thinking about moving someplace based on the governor, or the state legislature but realized that was only temporary. Governors come and go, legislatures change too. I’ve decided that I’ll choose my next home based on the general population. 

It’s people that vote and make a state a good place or a bad place. The majority of California’s people are bordering on socialist / communists and the state reflects that. The majority of Florida’s people are conservative, constitutionalists, obey the law, ain’t nothing free, capitalists, and the state reflects that. I’m way more comfortable with the latter. Having decided that, it’s a matter of degree. 

Where on the scale between Blue (Communist Leaning) California, and say a super RED state like Florida, Wyoming, Montana, or South Dakota do I want to live?

Were It not for the winters in Wyoming, Montana, and South Dakota, (and their house prices,) I’d consider them. Problem is, I just don’t want to do harsh winters. I’m too old to really enjoy them. The snowy winters where I live now are too much. Visiting Wyoming or Montana might be something I’ll plan to do in Spring or Fall.

I don’t know… I’d like to have a destination in mind before I put the house on the market. I think I’ll be spending this Winter, sorting and tossing stuff in preparation for getting out of California.

I’ve gotten to the point where getting rid of stuff doesn’t seem like I’m violating the memories of the other half and our life together. I guess that’s what grieving is about. You have to come to peace with the loss and let the wound heal in its own time. The healing can’t be rushed or forced. You’ll know you’re there when tossing junk your other half just had to have, no longer has an impact on you. When it’s just stuff, you’re nearly there…

I’ve wandered all over the map for a post I never intended to write.

I Promise, I’ll try to do better. But when we move to DST, expect some really wonky posts. 

Time Changes and I do not get along!

Time to get a chorein

HoarderGotta run errands, and then come home to keep sifting through the accumulation of crap.

Yeah, we all accumulate crap, and if it’s allowed to accumulate for 34 years, (Even after a fire…) well there’s a lot! I’ve been at this for 6 months now!

Before anyone gets judgey, I want you all to open that closet that you don’t use much. You know, the one in the spare room that’s the sewing / workout room. That closet that is behind the disused Peloton currently acting as a clothes rack. 

Go on, open it. Now look at the shelf and tell me you don’t have just as much crap as I do! If you don’t have closets that aren’t used much, go to your garage, basement, or your attic, and tell me you’re not accumulating stuff.

Uh huh. 

My place isn’t actually as bad as the photo, but there are times when I feel like it is!

Part of the issue is / has been that we were trying to do the right thing and properly dispose of stuff. Electronics to the E-Waste place, paper and plastic in the recycle bin except the plastic that can’t be recycled, then it’s figuring out what can and can’t go in which bin. Some metals can go in the recycle bin other can’t and to be really honest it’s all a pain in the ass!

So much so that the other half and I would come home tired, hungry, and wouldn’t want to take the 2 minutes to determine what went where. So shit would end up on any flat surface and we’d say we’ll get back to it. Uh NOPE!

Thus began the piles. 

The other half was always busy. There was always the next event to dash off to. I had more time but having to schedule a day to deal with loading the car up with e-waste then sitting in line to dispose of the shit and wondering if I’d destroyed all the data on any storage device is daunting!

All I wanted to do was get rid of some electronics, I don’t want to have the third degree going into the place, I don’t want to have to blow 1/2 of my day screwing around with broken shit that I’m probably disappointed about buying in the first place. Buffalo Technologies, I’m looking right at you!

There is shit in my garage and basement right now, that is almost from another epoch in terms of electronics or computer technology. Why is it there? Because it’s easier to stuff it in the basement or garage than it is to dispose of it properly!

Don’t even get me started on paperwork and bills & statements. I literally found a statement in my other half’s so called, “filing system” that was from 2000.

It was a phone bill from a company that no longer exists, having long since been purchased by a larger conglomerate.

My shredder overheats regularly!

But it’s time to get moving and hopefully get back before the freeway is a mess.

Who am I kidding? The freeway is always a mess and should be renamed to the obstruction way. After all we’re supposed to be fighting mis-information aren’t we…

Have a great day!