Tag: Bullshit

So today I did the famous snake dance! This dance is listed under Exotic Interpretive Modern Dance, and the soundtrack goes something like, SHIT! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! OH SHIT!

Here’s the background. 

Jesse and I were walking in our usual area. There are a lot of critters out & about, mostly lizards and a few very brave or very foolish ground squirrels. I call the squirrels brave or foolish because they’ve taken to darting across Jesse’s path sometimes only inches from his face.

All of this is perfectly routine and normal. Jesse though doesn’t hunt or try to hunt these critters like any dog I’ve ever had.

After all, why would he do anything “normal”?

Instead of just running after a lizard or squirrel, he leaps. It’s more like the pouncing of a cat. It looks like he’s trying to anticipate where the critter will be then come down on top of the animal.

If he misses then he leaps up again, and perhaps does some running after the animal then leaps again. This goes on for a while until Jesse decides that the animal isn’t where he thought it was, or should be. Then he does this very graceful bounding move, easily clearing pretty high brush, to return to the trail. 

While all of this insanity is going on, he’s got this goofy laughing look on his face. It’s actually a look of pure joy. 

Given that he was a street dog there are a couple of things I can’t break him of. One is anything edible along the trail is his. He will not give it up for love, money, or even another favorite treat. He will literally eat whatever he’s found, then look at me like, “I saw that other treat, now give it to me.”

The second thing is that he can hunt for himself. He’s killed lizards but apparently they’re not to his taste. Last week he terrified a bird and chased it into the house.

I was alerted to the situation because I heard Jesse slipping and sliding all over the floor. He fell a couple of times on the slick surface. 

The poor bird in its panic to escape, had slammed into the front window and stunned itself.  So now I’ve got Jesse trying to lay claim to his “not quite dead kill.” I’m having to defend this poor bird from Jesse and he’s very confused as to why I’m messing with his prey.

I really thought the bird was going to die from the stress. Its little heart was beating so fast it felt like a vibrator. The little thing’s breathing was very fast and labored.

I wrapped it in a towel and took it out front into some peace & quiet and warmish sunlight. I stood there holding the little thing wrapped loosely in the towel. I wasn’t sure if it was going to die or not, but I didn’t want it to die alone or become prey to something while it was trying to recover.

After a time, it seemed to get better and stronger, it didn’t fly away but did flutter to a convenient bush. Jesse was watching all of this from the rear deck and was not in the least amused.

I relate this to illustrate that Jesse is very fast, and agile, in addition to his strength.

Normally on our walks we’re making enough noise that critters get out of the way. Even deer will usually bolt before we’re close enough for Jesse to think he could catch them. 

Were it not for the highway being so close to the northern edge of where we walk I’d let Jesse run free after a deer sometime. My concern would be that he’d chase a deer out onto the road and while the deer could probably clear a car, Jesse can’t. 

Once he fixates on something, he becomes very single minded about it and there have been times when I’ve literally tied the leash to a tree. The leash is a 25ft long retractable. It’s very strong but if he’s pulling at its extreme length or worse leaping and running randomly trying to chase a deer it’s very hard to control him. 

Fortunately there are a lot of trees around. I’ve tied my end of the leash around a tree more than once and simply waited until Jesse gave up. Sometimes that can take as long as 10 minutes and I’d much rather the tree take the stress & strain than my knees, arms, & back. (Although it’s a really dynamic workout.)

Now that you’ve got all the background… Back to the snake dance!

Jesse saw a fairly large lizard run into a clump of bushes. He leapt, landed on the bush and started looking for the lizard. I’d seen the lizard escape and was in the process of swatting a hoard of small flying insects away from my eyes, nose, ears, & mouth. Yes, I was being swarmed, the annoying pests were flying under my sunglasses and into every orifice.

At this point I saw Jesse running directly toward me. He was in pursuit of something which as my eye focused, turned out to be a long slithering creature. I only had one eye working at the time because a helpful bug had flown into the other one. 

I began doing the snake dance thinking if this was a baby rattlesnake they’d find my bleached bones out on the trail and Jesse would probably get distracted on the way back to the house, get lost, and we’d both end up “Vanished”…

Then I pictured what the row of houses up on the ridge could see but not hear. “Hey Mabel you should see what that guy with the dog is doing today…“

At this point the litany of “SHIT” gave way to laughter. I was laughing in part because of the insanity of the situation and in part because I’d seen one of a pair of dull yellow stripes running the length of the snake. The snake went right between my legs, then disappeared.

Jesse stopped chasing it and instead was looking at me like I’d lost my mind. I don’t think he could figure out if I was mad at him, and if I was mad why I was mad. In his confusion he stopped with his head cocked with an expression of, “What’s your problem?”

Jesse had scared up a Striped Racer (Whipsnake), that was probably looking for a quiet place to shed its skin.

The dull yellow stripe(s) I’d seen identified the snake species, It’s characteristic for a snakes coloration to get dull & sometimes they’ll take on a dusty appearance just prior to shedding. It’s also near mating season for this species so Jesse might have interrupted someone’s good time.

I’ve got a Striped Racer that lives somewhere near the house. This particular Racer & I cross paths several times during the summer months. I watch out for it so that I don’t injure it with yard tools. I’d prefer to have it living in the yard because it keeps insects and rodents under control.

The first snake picture above, is of the snake that lives near my place. If you look closely you can see a bright yellow stripe. This snake had just finished shedding its skin in my rosemary bush. We startled each other one morning a couple of years ago.

I’ve included a better picture of the species. Thanks to www.californiaherps.com

Yes, I know this snake looks nothing like a rattlesnake. However, being partially blind due to one eye fighting to drown a bug, and the other eye tearing in sympathy, trust me, the brain interprets any long slithering creature as a poisonous critter worthy of summoning Saint Patrick.

As we completed our loop and were once again on the trail where we’d seen the snake, Jesse put himself crosswise on the trail so that I had to stop. He was looking around very carefully to see if the snake was still around. I was patient with him and found it interesting that he wasn’t going to let me pass until he was sure the snake was gone. 

Oh before you think, “What a good dog…”

Don’t delude yourself. Jesse couldn’t give a rip about me… He just didn’t want to get bitten. He’s self-serving like that.

That’s not entirely true there have been a few situations where he’s pointedly put himself between me and a threat. He earns his kibble, most of the time.

Enjoy the mental image of my modern dance routine. Laugh all you want, I’m still chuckling about it.

Maybe I should get a GoPro and wear it anytime we’re walking. That could produce some funny video.