Tag: Assholes

Alright, I’m not proud of this but I’ve got to own it.

I went shopping on Thursday. I drove a ways to get to a shopping center where there was a Costco, Petco, Boot Barn, Office Depot, and a Ralphs all in close proximity to each other.

I actually had a pretty nice time. I got some sweatpants and underwear at Costco, picked up some USB memory sticks at Office Depot, got dog treats at a very nice Petco and shopped the Boot Barn because I like boots.

I’m not Imelda Marcos… BUT I COULD BE!

I also got my steps for the day in. The only time I had to move the car was to go to the Ralphs grocery store. It is close to all the rest of the stores but is still a few blocks away.

Getting into the parking lot was easy and the lot itself was pretty empty. I scored a parking spot right next to the Handicapped spots, grabbed my shopping bags and went to buy groceries. When I come out, I’m in a pretty good mood although I wasn’t thrilled with the cash I’d just spent. 

I was thinking as I put groceries into the trunk that I’d need to see how far I could stretch the food and do better at coupons and such. Turning to get the next bag out of the cart I notice a car double parked with the driver waiting inside and watching me.

Yep! The fucker was waiting on the spot I was in, with a parking lot full of empty spots. But this asshole was waiting on my spot. He Literally could have driven to the next aisle over and parked his piece of shit nose to nose with my vehicle. The parking spot in front of my car had been empty when I pulled in and was still empty.

But NOOOO!

This fucker needed to have the spot I was occupying, and he was creating a traffic jam to do it. 

I’m Sorry but this kind of stupid shit really sets me off.

In thinking about it I think it pisses me off because in a way it’s passive aggressive, it’s bullying, and it’s trying to rush me. That may not have been what this moron was trying to accomplish but it sure as hell is how it felt to me!

I can understand this behavior at Christmas when the lots literally have zero spaces available. But mid day in a lot where there are tons of other spaces to park??? Nah it’s bullshit!

I tried to shrug it off. Then I got into my car and realized that I couldn’t see the son of a bitch. I knew he was there and I knew he’d crowded the space enough that I might not be able to make the turn out of the parking space to go the direction I wanted to go. I might have to, because of this asshole, go the opposite direction, then have to thread my way through pedestrian traffic and other people trying to park and maneuver around this guy.

It’s at about this time, my ASSHOLE switch got flipped!

I refused to go the direction this fucker was trying to impose on me. I chirped the tires backing out of the parking slot and came within inches of hitting this fool. He managed to back up just in time.

I wasn’t done! I was really pissed off because what had been such a lovely shopping experience has suddenly turning into confrontation due to a rude thoughtless selfish motherfucker.

I went to the end of the lane and came around again just in time to roll my window down and tell this stupid fuck exactly what I thought of him, his family, his mother’s marital status when he was born, and suggested that he’d eaten too much lead paint when he was a child. (Yes I could say many of these things because the dumb fuck was about my age and he’d understand what I was saying.)

I also pointed out that there were no less than six other empty parking spots all equidistant from the grocery store’s door that he could have selected and that in the time he was waiting for me to pull out, he could have been in the damn store doing his shopping.

Then I drove off flipping him the bird out my sunroof!

That was only the beginning.

Traffic was okay until I got within 10 miles of home. At that point one of the traffic behaviors that sends me into a blind rage was in full effect. 

All the lanes were moving at the same approximate speed with a mile or two of wide open space ahead of a bunch of drivers like sheep blocking all the lanes. They were pacing the 18 wheelers.

This is something that has been happening a lot lately on the freeway to my exit. There’s no reason for it, it just seems as though everyone decides to start playing pace cars while they’re drooling on themselves.

This is also why it often takes over an hour to go 20 miles near my place. There’s no rhyme or reason, just everyone gets stupid at the same moment. The spell lasts until one or two drivers like myself, a.k.a. impatient with stupidity, manage to punch through and accelerate away from the slack jawed crowd. 

It’s like once the morons see cars moving away, they decide to catch up. I’ve wondered sometimes if there was no change, no outside influence, would these people just keep slowing with everyone else until they came to a stop.

I’ve rarely seen this driving behavior outside California. I saw someone similar once passing through Phoenix but didn’t think anything more about it because so much of Arizona is full of California drivers.

Past New Mexico, driving across country you don’t see this kind of stupid. I take that back… Houston does it. 

I punched through passing a fucking Prius doing 60 in the fast lane where the speed limit is 70. Then made it to my exit, I was by this time in no mood to take the long way which is also less steep up the mountain. I hit the steep windy road and did 90 all the way.

I need to watch for mounting impatience with idiot people and leave for home at the first sign. If I wait and continue to deal with “The Stupid” I’ll lose my shit.

Unfortunately, sometimes “The Stupid” comes looking for me, and then, well, I’m probably gonna respond with howling insanity and make a fool out of myself.

The other half really did a remarkable job of holding me back from the abyss. I miss him and his calm reassurance. I also miss him reading me and sometimes deciding it was time for us to leave a place, or him taking me someplace quiet so I could cool down.

Maybe I’m still a little more raw than I think I am. 

He’d have said the guy waiting on my particular space wasn’t doing what he was doing to annoy me, he’d have said the guy was probably just completely checked out or had smoked too much dope. I’d have asked why I was the one always having to give everybody a pass. 

He’d smile and say, “Because you’re a smarter, better person, and better Man than they are…”

Yeah, he was working me! Stroking my ego to calm me down. 

So What?!? It was one of the innumerable ways that he said he loved me every day.

I hope each and every person knows that kind of love.

I also hope that each and every one of the moronic drivers on California roads learns to drive or can’t afford the gas to drive.

I’m trying to be a better man… I’m not there yet!

😁