Hey Apple, here’s a thought…

I saw that you were having some trouble getting people to come into the office.

It’s in The Wall Street Journal today.

You know what? I’d come into the office. I’d work for a reasonable salary, and not demand much of anything.

Give me some reasonable medical coverage, and enough cash after taxes to pay my bills and I’d be a happy camper. Put me in a cubicle and give me software to test. I’d keep my head down, do my job, and leave at the end of the day.

I’ve got 40 years of experience in technology. I’m not particularly political, (at least not at work,) I don’t give two shits about catching COVID, been there, done that.

I’m not interested in social justice, or trans rights, all I want is a job. In my view none of the politically charged stuff has a place in the workplace. That’s stuff that each employee can pursue in their personal time.

Oh I’ll be polite, I’ll be Politically Correct, I’ll listen to people decrying the injustices they’ve endured but I’m not going to comment or engage with it.

I’d come into work, do my job, and that’s it. I’m not interested in office politics or becoming management. I’ve done both, and am old enough now to recognize that neither is my cup of tea.

I’d like to just work in the trenches.

You’d know that if you’d ever bothered to respond to the multiple applications I’ve filled out seeking employment in my field with your company.

Honestly, my offer seems like a reasonable one. A trouble free employee who shows up on time, does their job, and collects their paycheck.

I have zero social media profiles except for this blog and LinkedIn. I’d not be Twittering, Facebooking, Instagramming, or posting on Tic Toc, during working hours.

Seems like that would be an employer’s dream.

Given that you’ve ignored my applications for years, I can only assume you’ve become far more interested in Social Justice Work than making reliable products and software.

Nonetheless, if you change your mind, fire off a comment to this post. I’m sure we could talk.

I’m even willing to relocate. Bear in mind, if you’d want me to move to Cupertino or Northern California it would affect my base pay requirement calculation. The rents up there are wicked high. One thing though, I’m white. Hiring me could negatively affect your diversity quota.

Just a thought Apple…

And FedEx drops the ball!

Big surprise! FedEx used to be so good about deliveries. These days, not so much.

I guess the universe may not hate me, but it sure does enjoy kicking me! I guess I twitch really good or something.

The saga so far.

I ordered a computer. I got the computer. The computer was defective. I make arrangements to return the computer. I drop the computer off at a FedEx location and have the human being scan the label.

I’m told that a receipt will be texted to me, even though I specifically ask for a printed receipt… The text never came, (Big Surprise!) and the person said they didn’t print receipts. Uh Huh…

I saw the person scan the package so Fine! I’m not going to fight about it. It’s been so long since I dealt with FedEx For all I know they’ve changed their rules.

Subsequently, I cancelled the Apple order entirely.

I check on the package via the FedEx website on Wednesday. Its status is unchanged. Hmm…

This is not unusual, FedEx has on more than one occasion in the past 5 years actually delivered something to my door but their site says it’s across the country.

That’s what I mean by FedEx isn’t what it once was.

Thursday I check again. The FedEx web site says that the package is estimated to arrive at its destination by 4PM. But the movement status still hasn’t changed.

I call FedEx to ask them what’s going on. They have no idea… They can’t locate the package.

Great! So I start an escalation. I get a call back from a nice FedEx lady who really does go the extra mile to figure out what is going on. She comes up empty. The package appears to have been scanned, but doesn’t appear in the system.

Wonderful!

SO NOW I have billing for a computer that was defective and that I no longer have possession of, I have no receipt showing that I gave the package to the designated carrier, and no-one seems to know where the package is.

I’m told by FedEx that the package may mysteriously appear at some random time in the future.

Yeah… I believe that, uh huh.

This morning I call Apple.

I explain what’s going on, and tell Apple that FedEx isn’t going to give a crap about me. But FedEx will listen to Apple.

I give the Apple rep all the information. The Tracking Number, The Escalation Number, and the Serial Number of the computer. I suggest that they list that serial number as stolen and should it pop up on the internet or at one of their stores perhaps they can arrest the person in possession of the machine.

I’m beyond pissed off at FedEx!

Apple has created an investigation case as well. I don’t know what’s going to happen from here, but I can say I’ve done due diligence.

A company I worked for stopped using FedEx precisely because of this kind of thing. They got tired of having $4K shipments of medical equipment disappear randomly all over the country. They also got tired of having to make 2 or 3 replacement shipments for those same random orders.

In some of the cases I worked on, FedEx told me that the shipment had been delivered and then I’d get a call from some completely different individual, sometimes in another town, asking my company to stop delivering stuff to their door.

FedEx investigations rarely located the lost packages. In the case of Medical supplies, even if FedEx found the package a couple of weeks later and returned it to my company. By law, we had to destroy it.

I’m hoping that Apple sees the light and pulls their contracts from FedEx soon. I’m sure I’m not the only one experiencing this kind of thing.

Come to think of it, I haven’t been seeing FedEx deliveries here in town nearly as much as I used to. But the UPS guy is in the neighborhood every single day.

FedEx may end up going the way of DHL… I can’t remember the last time I saw one of those trucks!

Bummer! That didn’t last long

The new machine is going back to Apple.

Bummer!

On the plus side I was able to basically build out an M1 system and I’ve got a complete backup of that system.

Because the decision to return and replace the machine was made in less than a day, I still have my original MacBook to fall back on. So it’s an inconvenience and a delay but not the freaking end of the world. I’ve got a computer.

So here’s the deal.

As I mentioned yesterday, the new machine smelled funny. It was an acrid smell, (which is how I described it to the Apple Folks,) unfortunately “acrid” is one of those words that’s become buried in dictionaries but is rarely used these days.

I had to use the sentence, “The smell is reminiscent of a smell commonly associated with burnt out IC chips in old computers or printers.”

That registered with the Tech Support people….

Sigh.

English is such a rich, complex language. It’s a pity so many people, myself included, have poor command of it.

I digress.

The first symptom I noticed was that the Start Up chime had no bass. I wrote that off to the machine having a down level version of the OS, and I’d seen some articles suggesting that there was some kind of sound issue on M1 systems which had been corrected via software.

The second symptom was the acrid smell that increased the longer the machine was running and decreased if the machine was sleeping or turned off. This smell was not the usual smell of a wave soldered circuit board warming up for the first time. That smell is the smell of rosin which is almost sweet smelling. This smell was bitter, and irritating to sinuses, and mucus membranes.

The third symptom was that any and all audio played through the internal speakers had about half of the bass missing.

I don’t listen to music through the internal speakers of my computer very often. One thing that can be said about Apple machines is that their onboard sound systems are quite good.

This particular computer sounded like a Dell from 1990.

These combined issues caused me to seek guidance from AppleCare.

They, as always were nice, polite, and helpful. Tech support made the suggestion that the machine should be swapped out. I was fine with that except that the machine’s configuration is somewhat unusual and the unit has to be built special in China.

The Tech support people went Oh, that could be a problem.

They transferred me to a super nice man named Josh who walked me through all the necessary steps to wipe the machine, remove it from my Find My, and iCloud account.

Then he carefully explained the exchange process. When he quoted me the lead time, I’m sure that he had his earpiece well away from his ear.

In this case he needn’t have worried. The lead time, is late June or early July. He asked if this was alright.

I told him it had to be alright because the machine would have to be built in China, then shipped, and production schedules are what they are. Yeah it’s an inconvenience, but there’s nothing either of us can do about that.

He said, “Thank you for being so understanding about it, most of the time this is the point in the conversation when people start yelling and cursing me out.”

I told him that I had a long career in the industry. I got it. I mentioned that Apple could perhaps mitigate this kind of thing by maintaining a small supply of “Esoteric” builds of products in Cupertino.

Then I followed on explaining that might not work too well because there was no way for Apple to anticipate failures and it would represent dead stock racking up inventory tax just sitting in a warehouse.

The problem with this machine may just be infant mortality. It happens sometimes with complex circuits. Or it could be a manufacturing process issue.

If the problem is a manufacturing issue, Apple better move fast to nip it in the bud. This is the kind of thing that gives companies big shiners when it comes to public opinion.

Reliability gets you customers DOA equipment does not.

We know from experience that China gets sloppy with their manufacturing process from time to time.

Anyone remember tainted dog food? How about tainted Heparin (The blood thinner). Or blood pressure meds tainted with carcinogenic chemicals and in some cases metal filings? Oh, remember the tainted drywall, that was a good one, carcinogenic chemicals vaporizing in enclosed spaces like people’s homes? Then there was the defective lithium ion batteries in Samsung phones (How about a fire in your pants scarecrow?)

Good Job China! Great freaking quality controls you’ve got.

In fairness, given the number of products produced in China that work just fine perhaps I’m being a touch unfair. The problem is that with so much being produced in China, when they screw up, they really screw up on a massive scale.

This is why I’ve always questioned our reliance on goods manufactured in China. This isn’t to say that there aren’t manufacturing problems elsewhere in the world, but It seems to be China where executives are routinely murdered, only when their carelessness embarrasses the CCP. Otherwise everything is, “A-OK top notch…” even when it’s not.

You’ll note I didn’t mention anything about sloppy laboratory practices. We’re not supposed to say anything about a disease causing a panic that crippled the global economy are we? Sloppy laboratory processes, particularly in research labs, can have dire consequences. Just Sayin…

Honestly, I’d be much happier if all Apple products were manufactured here. For that matter I’d be happy if all our products were manufactured locally.

It’s a lot easier to fly a process engineer to Texas, or Oklahoma on a Sunday than to fly that same engineer to freakin China, to figure out whatever step, or steps, a Chinese executive decided to omit to speed up production.

Perhaps an executive forgot to whip the Uyghurs enough on a particular day???

I know, I know, I’m being hypocritical. I have no high ground to bash China when I’m feeding the beast like everyone else, purchasing goods produced for mass consumption under ethically or morally challenged circumstances.

Again, I digress.

Apple has indicated they’re going to be very good about the exchange. I’ve already packed the New Machine up in all of it’s original packing materials. I’ve printed the return label, and I’ll drop it off at a FedEx facility on Monday.

Then I’ll wait for a new, new machine to arrive sometime between June 25th and July 6th.

Although, if it’s a manufacturing issue… It could be longer.

On the one hand I’d like the notoriety of being “The Guy” that caught a problem with Apple’s production lines.

On the other hand, I’m not sure that would be a good thing if thousands of Apple customers have to wait another month for their machines, and know my name.

What would be nice is if Apple responded to my job applications, or better yet sent me the machine for free.

HA! I’m not holding my breath…