Paraprosdokian Of the Week

A Friend sent me a list of these. I thought it would be fun to share them.

Paraprosdokians are phrases or sentences that lead us down the garden path to an unexpected ending.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

The Hangman by Maurice Ogden

I was looking for the old quote attributed to pastor Martin Niemöller about the Nazi purges of the various groups perceived as threats to the Reich.

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First they came for the communists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

While looking for this quote, I came across a poem that speaks to the same subject.

I like both for their cautionary tones.

I’m worried that we are losing our way, in that we too easily choose a group to blame or demand compensation from.

I find myself asking more often these days, what defines a minority? Your first thought might be to say a person of color. That could be true.

But a minority is more than that. Wikipedia, provides this definition.

Which leads me to why I was looking for Niemöllers quote in the first place.

We as a country have apparently come to the conclusion that wealth is bad. We’ve arbitrarily decided that the “Wealthy” can pay more taxes.

The definition of  “Wealthy” is also variable and apparently chosen based on the needs of the state.

California has defined household incomes greater than $250,000 as wealthy and therefore subject to increased state taxation.

You realize that $250,000 could well be the income for a young Physician and his Stock broker spouse. Both of whom are trying to pay off $150,000 each in student loans.

The arbitrariness of the definition of Wealth begs the question for me.

If the State doesn’t solve it’s budget crisis… Will the politicians decide $100,000 in household income is Wealthy? Where does that line of reasoning end? $50,000?

We have politicians in Washington DC making similar statements about the “Wealthy” being able to pay a little bit more…

I’m concerned that this kind of thinking is a very slippery slope.

Don’t get me wrong… the Wealthy people that have sold our country out from under us, and off shored jobs, who’ve raped, pillaged, plundered, and employed slash and burn techniques on the American economy that MADE them wealthy.

Oh, they richly deserve punishment!

BUT Their punishment shouldn’t come at the sacrifice equal taxation and representation. Let the wealthy peoples tax breaks expire but levying higher taxes on a minority group is certainly as unfair as the tax breaks this group enjoyed.

Presented for your consideration by a centrist Republican who is interested in equality and even social justice.

So long as those things happen… Justly.

The Hangman by Maurice Ogden

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Into our town the hangman came, smelling of gold and blood and flame. He paced our bricks with a different air, and built his frame on the courthouse square. The scaffold stood by the courthouse side, only as wide as the door was wide with a frame as tall, or a little more, than the capping sill of the courthouse door.

And we wondered whenever we had the time, Who the criminal? What the crime? The hangman judged with the yellow twist of knotted hemp in his busy fist.

And innocent though we were with dread, we passed those eyes of buckshot lead. Till one cried, “Hangman, who is he, for whom you raised the gallows-tree?”

Then a twinkle grew in his buckshot eye and he gave a riddle instead of reply. “He who serves me best,” said he “Shall earn the rope on the gallows-tree.”

And he stepped down and laid his hand on a man who came from another land. And we breathed again, for anothers grief at the hangmans hand, was our relief.

And the gallows frame on the courthouse lawn by tomorrow’s sun would be struck and gone. So we gave him way and no one spoke out of respect for his hangmans cloak.

The next day’s sun looked mildly down on roof and street in our quiet town; and stark and black in the morning air the gallows-tree on the courthouse square.

And the hangman stood at his usual stand with the yellow hemp in his busy hand. With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike, and his air so knowing and business-like.

And we cried, “Hangman, have you not done, yesterday with the alien one?” Then we fell silent and stood amazed. “Oh, not for him was the gallows raised.”

He laughed a laugh as he looked at us, “Do you think I’ve gone to all this fuss, To hang one man? That’s the thing I do. To stretch the rope when the rope is new.”

Above our silence a voice cried “Shame!” and into our midst the hangman came; to that mans place, “Do you hold,” said he, “With him that was meat for the gallows-tree?”

He laid his hand on that one’s arm and we shrank back in quick alarm. We gave him way, and no one spoke, out of fear of the hangmans cloak.

That night we saw with dread surprise the hangmans scaffold had grown in size. Fed by the blood beneath the chute, the gallows-tree had taken root.

Now as wide, or a little more than the steps that led to the courthouse door. As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall, half way up on the courthouse wall.

The third he took, we had all heard tell, was a usurer…, an infidel. And “What” said the hangman, “Have you to do with the gallows-bound…, and he a Jew?”

And we cried out, “Is this one he who has served you well and faithfully?” The hangman smiled, “It’s a clever scheme to try the strength of the gallows beam.”

The fourth man’s dark accusing song had scratched our comfort hard and long. “And what concern,” he gave us back, “Have you … for the doomed and black?”

The fifth, the sixth, and we cried again, “Hangman, hangman, is this the man?” “It’s a trick”, said he, “that we hangman know for easing the trap when the trap springs slow.”

And so we ceased and asked no more as the hangman tallied his bloody score. And sun by sun, and night by night the gallows grew to monstrous height.

The wings of the scaffold opened wide until they covered the square from side to side. And the monster cross beam looking down, cast its shadow across the town.

Then through the town the hangman came and called through the empy streets…my name. I looked at the gallows soaring tall and thought … there’s no one left at all

for hanging … and so he called to me to help take down the gallows-tree. And I went out with right good hope to the hangmans tree and the hangmans rope.

He smiled at me as I came down to the courthouse square…through the silent town. Supple and stretched in his busy hand, was the yellow twist of hempen strand.

He whistled his tune as he tried the trap and it sprang down with a ready snap. Then with a smile of awful command, He laid his hand upon my hand.

“You tricked me Hangman.” I shouted then, “That your scaffold was built for other men, and I’m no henchman of yours.” I cried. “You lied to me Hangman, foully lied.”

Then a twinkle grew in his buckshot eye, “Lied to you…tricked you?” He said “Not I… for I answered straight and told you true. The scaffold was raised for none but you.”

“For who has served more faithfully? With your coward’s hope.” said He, “And where are the others that might have stood side by your side, in the common good?”

“Dead!” I answered, and amiably “Murdered,” the Hangman corrected me. “First the alien … then the Jew. I did no more than you let me do.”

Beneath the beam that blocked the sky none before stood so alone as I. The Hangman then strapped me…with no voice there to cry “Stay!” … for me in the empty square.

Secession? That’s not the biggest problem.

I’m not concerned about secession petitions appearing on a White House NewImagesponsored site. 

(These petitions have no weight of law, and the secession process is far more involved than signing a petition. I suspect it would require a civil war, the complete collapse of our government. Followed by armed camps staring each other down across a DMZ. None of which is likely.)

Of far more concern are the comments posted after articles reporting on the petitions. 

I have rarely read anything more hatefully venomous than the comments directed at Southern States.

That educated liberal people would actually take the time to spew that kind of vitriol astounds me. I’d have expected it from the rabid fundamentalist fringe but not from liberals.NewImage

I guess it goes to show that given enough time you become what you hate.

I’m deeply saddened that we have, despite all our connectedness lost the ability to discuss controversial issues with our fellow citizens.

I suppose I have a bit of a different view.

All the hubbub over David Petraeus having an affair is really confusing me.

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Since this, like the election is inescapable I’ll comment.

I’ve seen articles written by women condemning Petraeus, and men in general. One that caught my attention was titled something like “Why powerful men cheat”

I could counter that article with “Why are so many women attracted to men in power?”

It cuts both ways.

I personally believe that ALL Men cheat at some point or another in their lives, (God knows I have!) In the case of powerful men they’re under a lot more scrutiny and therefore are more likely to be caught.

In this age of Democrats being saints and Republicans being sinners. Anyone who is conservative or Republican is far more likely to have their skeletons yanked out of the closet. It doesn’t matter if  the indiscretion happened 25 years ago or last week.

The Petraeus scandal should serve as a cautionary tale to everyone, most especially anyone with a conservative stance.

A lot of you may not like what I’m going to say next.

First, let me say I’ve never subscribed to the concept that men are supposed to be in monogamous relationships.

I’ve tried it. Didn’t work!

I’ve known a lot of men who tried it and failed as well. 

I don’t think we as men are wired that way. Our nature is to hunt. We thrill at the chase. The pure joy of catching a man or women that we desire is addictive. 

It’s just how we’re built. 

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Why the hell we’re punished for being true to our nature amazes and confuses me. I know intellectually it’s all about the Puritanical beginnings of America. One of these days we’re going to have to get over it.

I need to point out… In my current relationship, I never committed to being monogamous. 

I’ve always been honest about my inability to be monogamous and should I ever be indiscreet enough that I’m “Caught” it will come as no surprise to my partner. Our rule is that we’re not going to throw our playtime with other people in each others face. 

My partner is just as welcome to play with other people. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I’ve noted that whenever we play outside our relationship, the experiences gained from that play enrich sex within the relationship. As always YOUR milage may vary.

But above all be honest, be authentic, and be true to yourself. You’d be surprised how good that makes you feel.

If Petraeus is guilty of anything it’s that he was dishonest. But then we don’t know the inner workings of his relationship with his wife. Nor should we.

Why do men Cheat???

For the hell of it!

Look at Petraeus for example. He’s not a bad looking man. He’s 60, he’s had a hell of a career and he knows that career is winding down.

He’s been married to the same woman for 37 years. His wife, isn’t a bad looking woman, she’s… sturdy.

Nonetheless Petraeus, has to be wondering if he’s still got it.

Men are not immune to age. We notice the grey hair at our temples, one day we we get out of the shower and notice our belly isn’t flat anymore, and our pecs aren’t’ the thick slabs of muscle they once were. No matter how hard we fight we know it’s a losing battle. We see the grey hairs in our chest and belly fur. Then the ultimate insult… grey hair on our balls. It can be really depressing, scary, and men as a rule don’t talk about it. We really have remarkably few support structures in this regard. Hell, even Brothers don’t speak to each other about stuff like this.

Then along comes this hot young woman in her 40s. She’s married and she apparently wants to have a bit of fun.

Since she’s a married mother of 2, it’s a pretty safe bet that they can enjoy each others company and it’s not going to go public. After all,  they both have something to lose.

Petraeus, gets to have an adventure with a hot young thing and it feels good for him he’s still got the preverbal “IT”. Broadwell gets to enjoy the thrill of fucking one of the most powerful men in the country. From her perspective he’s dangerous, powerful, and arguably a killer. Lots of women have serious weaknesses for “Bad Boys” Petraeus is the Ultimate “safe” Bad Boy for her to play with.

I can see it, it makes sense to me. These are two adults who happened to be at the right place at the right time in their lives and they went for it.

SO WHAT?

Whether we admit it or not… Every man gets bored with sex with the same person.

We’ve all been there, sex becomes a well known well trodden set of conditioned responses.

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Lick left nipple, caress right nipple, touch there, kiss here, insert there, Thrust 3 times, pause, thrust 5 times, pause, thrust 4 times, talk dirty, oh baby, oh baby, and then it’s nap time. 

Give a man the opportunity to give chase again, give him a new body to play with, unknown territory, suddenly sex is exciting, and he’s 20 again. 

That’s the reason we cheat. It’s not about love, it’s about nothing else but fighting mind numbing boredom.

It’s about feeling young, powerful and desired again. It’s about someone different on their knees in front of you, telling you they want your dick inside them. It’s about hearing someone new groaning in pleasure because you’re sliding it home and they’re loving it.

It might even be about something as primitive as spreading our genetics further. It’s got to be a major thrill at 60 to find out you’ve knocked up your 30 year old mistress… Talk about still having “IT”!

Honestly, I can’t imagine that it’s any different for a woman. 

Let’s see, same man she’s been with for 30 years, she knows exactly how to get him off in 30 seconds or less and she’s gotten to the point that sex isn’t worth it for her because she spends more time cleaning up from the sex than actually having it

OR

The 20 something, tanned, muscular, pool man who’s packing something in his cargo shorts besides a wad of keys.

I have to think the pool man gets a lot of action!

It’s time for us to get over it.

Everyone universally wants to get off. I can’t think of any man that doesn’t like to see ropey jets of their cum shooting across the room. Or better yet, ramming our cock home dumping our cum into a willing orifice.

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We all want that experience to be memorable and exciting. After the hunt, in a hotel room when we get what we worked for. We savor it, the conquest, victory, & validation. When we go home to our spouses we’re still fired up and often a good time is had by all. Months later, we’ll rub one out to the memory, because it still has the power to excite us.

If you accept these truths, then all the hubbub over the latest Sex Scandal is really just a bunch of annoying noise. I’m reminded of the sound of my classmates in elementary school when someone got in trouble. It’s time for us to grow up.

Just because someone has an affair, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re unfit for office. The bigger issue is was there a security breach?

Broadwell, sending threatening emails simply means that she forgot she & Petraeus were  supposed to be casual sex partners, nothing more.

If we were more open to casual sex, I personally think there’d be a lot fewer divorces.

Can we please shut up about the election?

It’s over!

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I’m over it!

I was over it weeks before election day.

I’m doubly over it now… perhaps i’m just doubled over vomiting from all the endless rehashing of the results.

Obama won… NEXT!

Who cares at this point if Romney made this misstep or that mistake? IT’S OVER.

Nothing changed. The politicians are still grandstanding, “scandals” overblown by our media are still serving as distractions and the beat goes on.

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Really, does Feinstein need to know the details of Petraeus affair?

Why the hell is she in any way concerned that her committee didn’t know Petraeus was fucking a woman who was not his wife? If anything it says that he was pretty damn discrete… isn’t that what you want in a CIA director?

I’m not even sure that the Libya attack needs 18 months of investigation by a congressional committee. 

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We all know the “INVESTIGATION” will reveal, warning signs were missed, someone didn’t get the right information to the right agency, people died, lets do better next time.

I don’t mean to trivialize the deaths in Libya but for gods sake, we know there was a tremendous underestimation of the danger.

Once again the idiots in Washington chose to ignore the people actually on the ground in a dangerous foreign country asking for more security. 

The simple solution from here on out is, when someone asks for more security forces… Washington sends more security Rikki fucking tic. Worry about the budget issues after the fact!

The President and the Republicans have continued their fight over taxes, budgets, and will probably continue to do so until the county falls into another recession.

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Even then the Republican and Democratic parties will claw at each other trying to assign blame as they’re falling into the gaping maw of Hell itself.

Merry fucking Christmas to all… YOU’RE BROKE!  It’s that other guys fault!

Can we please end the bullshit?

The best Christmas present I could get this year is a working government.

I’m too much of a cynic to hold my breath.