Bone In The Throat

I was trying to figure out why websites in particular annoy me, and then it dawned on me.  I get annoyed because I always fall down the rabbit hole with websites. It seems it’s always more likely for me to have difficulties than anyone else I know.

This is in fact the curse of having been a software QA person. Apparently, its something that is completely genetic and regardless of your current occupation you always have software faults  jump out at you.  Its sort of a “BOO! You can’t report me, neener neener.” from the software that you’re trying to use and not intending to test. Or you could call this taunting more like a red cape being waved in front of a bull. Most often I’ll see the most egregious errors when I’ve lost a password to a web site. 

I Navigate to a web site, then discover I’ve forgotten the password. I initiate lost password recovery procedure which asks for email address I used when the account was created.

I enter the email that the website is using to SPAM my ass.

<We don’t that email address on file, try again.>

At this point I’m usually dumbfounded and go back to my email, find their SPAM, verify the address they’re using and copy that address right out of the email they’ve sent me. 

<We don’t that email address on file, try again.>

What? I go to the “I forgot my user ID” section of the page.

Often entering the email the web site claims they don’t have on file yields access to the recovery the user ID.

The question that goes through my mind is;  

If the web site doesn’t have my email address on file, then why do I get SPAM from the site and more interestingly why am I able to recover a user ID with a reportedly unknown email address.

At this point I sigh and move on.

With the recovered ID, I move on to the forgot password section of the website.

About half the time, the recovered ID still generates: 

<We don’t that email address on file, try again.>

In the event that I am able to progress to resetting the password then we go down the rabbit hole of what’s an acceptable password.

I try fart

<Your entry is invalid. Your password must be eight characters long> 

I enter fartfart

<Your entry is invalid. Your password must be eight characters long and contain at least one capital letter>

I enter Fartfart

<Your entry is invalid. Your password must be eight characters long and contain at least one numeral.>

I enter Fartfart1

<Your entry is invalid. Your password must be eight characters long and contain at least one special character such as a space, or punctuation mark.>

I enter Fart fart 9

<Your entry is invalid. Your password must be eight characters long and contain at least one special character such as a space, or punctuation mark.>

In frustration I enter, Map-eb-aIbr-oal-eiD-aK-

<Password Accepted>

To complete the change to your password, answer the following security questions. You have 10 minutes to complete these answers.

What Town were you born in?

What is your favorite color?

When did you lose your virginity?

How big is your dick?

When did you stop beating your wife?

What was the name of your first dog?

How was that dog killed?

How have you resolved your feelings at being responsible for the death of your first dog?

Where did your parents meet?

How many times a week did your father beat your mother?

Since you were responsible for the abuse your mother took at the hands of your father has that colored your adult relationships?

When your fourth dog died of old age, did you feel that you’d been forgiven for causing the “Accidental” deaths of the preceding 3 dogs?

How long have you had inappropriate sexual feelings?

Your password has been changed, please login using your new credentials… 

At which point I’m quivering in my chair suffering a psychological crisis generated by the combination of general frustration, and answering the security questions.

After 40 minutes of deep breathing, a couple of stiff drinks and an overdose of Prozac.

I remember why I was trying to log into the web site in the first place.

I log back in to the site, and close my account.

You see, my vacation plans changed and I will not be visiting Penis Flats, so I want the Penis Flats chamber of commerce to stop sending me vacation ideas.