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You know you’ve been in a relationship too long when…

Ceiling Fan

You almost fight on Christmas Eve about the direction a ceiling fan is going.

Yep, you read that right.

Here’s the deal, I had to flip a breaker so that I could replace a broken light switch.

As an aside, this light switch was a $50 motion sensing complicated deal made in China. As usual all I could think about was the line from Mr Scott in one of the Star Trek movies. “The more you overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the works.”

Anyhow, once again I discover that the electrician the builder contracted while this house was being built, had been hit by 220V once too often. The single breaker, turns off all the overhead lighting fixtures, and the sockets that feed the network closet. It’s a miracle that the breaker doesn’t trip when I flip on a light. 

ClockwiseAnticlockwise

However, this configuration also means that the overhead fan in the dining area got turned off.  Because it’s a “smart machine”, it had forgotten which direction it was set for by the time I flipped the breaker back on.

Which led to this exchange between myself and the Other Half.

OH: “Turn the fan off so that you can set the direction.”

ME: “Why?”

OH: “So you can set the fan to rotate clockwise for winter.”

ME: “It’s already turning clockwise.”

OH: “No it isn’t. The fan always resets after a power outage.”

ME: “I know, but I’m looking at it right now, the fan is turning clockwise.”

OH: “No it isn’t.” (Turning the fan off and hitting the reverse button)

ME: “What direction is clockwise sweetie?”

Me Thinking this would be resolved when the other half re-evaluated that clockwise is something spinning from left to right. Instead, the other half points to fan and starts calling off 12, 3, 6, 9. Indicating a clockwise motion from left to right.

ME: “Sweetie, what direction are the fan blades turning?” Indicating the slowing fan blades of the now powered off fan

OH: “Clockwise”

ME: “So we didn’t need to reverse the fan.”

OH: “Yes we did.”

Clockface

ME: “Ok are you looking at the fan from the top or bottom?”

OH: “From the bottom.”

ME: “So we didn’t need to reverse the fan.”

OH: “Yes we did.”

I take off my watch, I hold it face down in front of the fan whose blades are now moving very slowly. 

ME: “Clockwise is the direction that the clock hands move right?”

OH: Gives me dirty look

ME: “Are the fan blades moving the same direction as the second hand of my very expensive swiss watch?”

OH: “Why are you being an ass?”

ME: “I’m honestly not trying to be an ass. I’m trying to make sure that we’re working from a common set of reference points so that when you tell me to make the fans in the house go Clockwise, I get it right. Alternatively, if I’m telling you how to tighten a screw if I say clockwise to tighten, you are successful. I’m actually trying to adapt my internal programming to accommodate your needs.” 

OH: Stomps out of house, “I’m going to the grocery store! Reverse the damn fan!”

Trying to put this to bed I go down to the basement, get the ladder so I can get to the switches on the fans in the bedrooms and I reverse all the fans in the house.

Based on the data obtained in our conversation prior to the other half stomping out, I’ve set all the units spinning in a direction I call Counterclockwise.

One hour later… 

OH: “I told you to reverse the fans!”

ME: “I did.”

OH: “No you didn’t, they’re spinning clockwise!”

ME: Facepalm

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Merry Christmas

WebCard

Hard to believe that it’s that time of year again.

Yet here I sit with a Christmas tree and gifts to be opened.

I hope you and yours are enjoying the season.

Be safe, stay warm and don’t eat too much.

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What do you mean it’s Christmas Eve? I still have Christmas cards left.

Bill The Cat (c) Berkeley Breathed

ACK! I’m still working on Christmas cards!

I know some of you are sitting comfortably, hot coco in hand thinking “I’m done.”

Others of you are preparing for the marathon insanity of Christmas Eve Shopping. More power to you!

Still others are revving up for an annual Christmas Eve dinner and you folks… Well God bless you. As we used to say in the south, “aren’t you just speeeccciiiaaal?”

My cork just popped about the cards. They’ll get out, when they get out and I’m not worrying about it anymore.

I make ‘em from the ground up. Actually, the cards have been ready to go for about 10 days. The problem is that I have to sign ‘em and stuff ‘em into envelopes and this year life has gotten in the way, I also think they shortened the year just to mess with me.

Bill The Cat (c) Berkeley Breathed Hopefully I get points for creation, and don’t lose too many points for the execution.

Next year I’m starting this process in July! I don’t want to hear about it when you get your Holiday cards in September!

In any case…

For those of you whose cards are going to be late. You’re all in my thoughts.

BTW I’d appreciate it if you all would quiet down, my head is a pretty small place and I can hear you just FINE!

My special plan for this evening, is to hunker down in my fluffy robe & slippers, make myself some popcorn and watch The Bishops Wife and Donovan’s Reef. Its a personal tradition for me. 

I wish you all a great holiday, Cards or not. Please remember throughout the holiday, be safe, and enjoy the time with your loved ones.

Maybe I should start next years holiday cards Jan 2. That might mean I actually get them out by Dec 1.

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Had a great day yesterday.

Santa

Yesterday was my annual Christmas Shopping trip.

An old friend and I used to do a Christmas trip many years ago, but now that he’s married, he has a lot of family responsibilities. Our annual shopping trips have become less frequent.

That’s not an accusation, his wife’s family is very into the holidays and each other’s lives. My friend’s duty is clear between his family, and his wife’s family which is now THEIR combined family, there are a ton of obligations.

Honestly I don’t know how the hell they maintain their schedule. Must be really good drugs!

I try to get together with him as soon after the first of the new year as our schedules allow.

SC Tree

However, nature abhors a vacuum. Apparently, so does South Coast Plaza! 

Another old friend needed a shopping buddy. So one day a year, we have lunch, drinks, Ok perhaps a couple of drinks, then we go shopping for our loved ones. Both of us fervently hoping to find the “perfect” gift and often we purchase a gift for ourselves along the way.

This year, I think I did good. My friend also found something perfect! 

Capital Grill

Unlike years past, we returned to his house, then another couple came over.

After more drinks, cheese, an excellent Italian dinner mixed with tons of laughter, off color jokes, and more laughter, suddenly the clock struck midnight.

We adjourned each to their homes and I found myself having one last pleasure of the evening. 

Empty freeways.

I queued up my favorite playlist, the first song was “Keep the Streets Empty” by Fever Ray. 

The perfect end to a perfect day.

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Explaining Twitter to an older person.

Question:

What is the difference between email & twitter. I see the value of Skype or FaceTime but I am ignorant in respect to Twitter other than its base word “twit” which was an undesirable descriptor in my youth.

Sent from my iPad

My Answer:

Tweets1

Twitter is a social messaging website/application which limits a message to a maximum length of 140 characters.

Email is unlimited.

Twitter, is used by a wide variety of companies and people to send short messages to a broad scope of people also known as “Followers”.

As examples, here are “Tweets” from the LA Quakebot and The San Bernardino Forestry Service.

There are a number of representatives in the House and Senate that have Twitter accounts and post what’s going on in session during the day. Pelosi, Reid, Boehner, and many California politicians use the service.

This is the helpful side of the service.

The downside is that it’s given voice to every Village Idiot on the planet.

AlSharpton

The problem is that it’s sometimes difficult to tell that a person is the village idiot.

When you strip away the context provided by other members of a persons village rolling their eyes while the person is talking, sometimes idiots are given far more credence than they should be.

There are tons of news feeds from outside the country as well as the usual main stream media.

Often the News site RT reports on things well ahead of the US and they’re very accurate too.

There are discussions, Pro-Guns, Anti-Guns, Pro-Abortion, Anti-Abortion, Pro-Amnesty, Anti-Amnesty and just about any other subject that you could think of.

I’ve noticed that the rudest people on Twitter are often the ones claiming to be progressively liberal. I still haven’t figured that one out.

Twitter can piss you off and NOTHING you see on Twitter should be simply taken as fact.

The easiest way to think of Twitter is as the modern equivalent of the soapbox in the public square.

The other difference is the level of privacy.

With Email, only the NSA and intended recipient read your message. With Twitter, the NSA and everyone else on the planet can read your message.

I hope this answers your question, have a very nice day.