Category: Working

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Only 10 Days left

The final countdown begins.

As of Monday, only 10 more working days. Aug 8th is Last Day. I can’t help but think of Logan’s Run.

Logans run 4Most all of our life clocks are blinking red now. People are stressing themselves into to illness. Several of my colleagues have been experiencing symptoms that seem like heart attacks but when they’ve gone to the doctor nothing definitive is found.

It’s interesting that several of the executives look like they’re afraid they’re going to be beaten any minute. They obviously won’t, but the stress is wearing on them too. Their fear is obvious and only now do they seem to realize that their fates are intertwined & sealed just as ours are.

I’ve been through this kind of thing before. This is the first company that has handled layoffs so badly. 

Everyone seems to be looking forward to the end and honestly so am I. 

I know of several folks that have started trashing the cheap swag from company events. A couple of people have used employee awards for target practice. 

I’ve always hug onto company swag from other companies. This time however I’ve found a certain catharsis in tossing the items from this company. In thinking about it, the difference is that other companies valued me as an employee and I was proud of my work. This company although saying they value their employees, has demonstrated time after time that we are nothing, and not worthy of even a modicum of human kindness or compassion. We were nothing but components to be abused, punished, and beaten down.

How is it that so many employees paychecks will have over a month of vacation time paid out? That’s just one simple example. The way this happened is most vacation requests were routinely denied, and after a time employees stopped asking for time off.

After all why ask, or attempt to make plans of any kind when you know that your request will be denied? It’s easier to not let yourself hope, then you’re not hurt.

Same thing is true of promotions, or advancement within the company.  Why bother, when it is so blatantly obvious that you have no chance.

So with each item of cheap gaudy swag that I toss in the trash, I feel lighter and better about this ending.  I like that I’ll have nothing to remind me that I ever worked for these people. 

If I’m very lucky I won’t remember the mental pain this place caused and honesty if I don’t  remember  the people I’ve spoken to over the past 3 years it will be a blessing.

Not all of them were bad, some were very nice. But all of them had a common theme, that was “Give me something”. It’s draining and very depressing.

I won’t miss it.

I’m looking forward to not speaking to anybody for a time.

Then I’ll deal with the headhunters, and getting a new job.

Until then… I’m just counting down.

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It’s been a long haul

Wow, December since the last entry.

A lot has happened, and yet nothing has.

I’m still at the same shitty job, hope is fading. I still don’t know what to do about the other half situation and the odds of finding another job seem very low at best.

As to my future I haven’t a clue.

There have been some bright spots. I’ve been able to play a couple of times sexually and those times have been enjoyable.

Apparently due to a clerical error, I’m now at risk of losing my job which led to me having a major panic/anxiety attack this morning because I was going to be late to work. You’d think that wasn’t cause for a panic attack, but here’s how it went down.

A freeway transition was closed, forcing me to divert to another freeway. I got off at the next exit and tried turning around because I was going in a completely opposite direction from the direction that I needed to go. As I got off the freeway, the inbound entrance (going in the direction I needed to go,) was closed.

OK, I started trying to take surface routes from where I was, to where I needed to be. No joy! One dead end after another, and of course the navigation system was telling me to head back to the freeway (that was closed) useless!

So I pull over to the curb, fire up the maps program on the phone and start looking at the roads, trying to chart a course that would get me to work. I was after all, only 4 miles away. Trouble is, the dead ends are because there is no direct way to get where I needed to go. To traverse the 4 miles I was going to have to go 15 miles. Okay fine! I put the car in gear and there’s this grinding noise as I make yet another U-turn.

What the FUCK???

I put the car back in park, get out, and see that as I pulled over to the curb there must have been a traffic cone lying on its side which is now firmly wedged under the car. GREAT! Just FUCKING GREAT!

I have less than 10 minutes to get to work and 15 miles to go not counting delays caused by the invariably poorly timed lights in San Diego.

This isn’t going to work! I’m going to be late! If I’m late they’ll give me an occurrence, if I get another occurrence, I’m gonna be fired.

And that’s when the meltdown began.

Rage! Burning bright, roaring in my ears, my chest heaving and heart pounding. Panic set in and I fucking lost it. I’m crying, I’m laughing, I’m cursing. Head pounding, tunnel vision setting in and I’m fully out of control.

I do the math in my head, if I call to say I’m going to be late I get an occurrence, If I call out for the whole day, I use up one of my last sick days, but I don’t get an occurrence.

I call out for the day.

1st Problem solved.

Now I have time to address the next problem, how do I get this fucking cone out from underneath the car?

I need more clearance between the street and the underside of the car. A car jack comes to mind. Yep! That’ll do the trick…

My car has run-flat tires, there is no jack in the trunk. DAMN IT!!!!!

There are no gas stations as far as I can see, So limping into one and using a floor jack is out of the question!

Still in the waning grip of the anxiety attack I’m suddenly very tired and very depressed. Mentally I kick myself for being such a weak fucked up pussy.

I lean against the hood just about to start really sobbing, furtively I glance around to see if anyone is going to see my second meltdown in 20 minutes.

As I glance around, I notice the driveways into businesses are all very steep. It’s characteristic of San Diego where you’re bound to damage your front end trying to get to an ice cream shop. Gotta keep the paint and body shops in business right???

Humm,

I get back in the car pull across the street to the steepest driveway I can find. Slowly, I back up the incline stopping where I guess the largest distance between the bottom of the car and gutter in the street will be. (As an aside, did you know that some cars won’t let you get into reverse if the fucking driver door is open? “For your safety and convenience… MY ASS!”

My guess is a good one. There’s enough gap to yank the offending cone from under the car. I don’t see any damage to the car. Of course, I’m looking in the dark using my phone as a flashlight, where the fuck is my Maglight?

2nd Problem Solved 

It’s 35 minutes past my start time.

If I worked for a real company, I’d have made my way to work, gone to the men’s room, washed my hands and gotten to work.

I don’t work for a real company. I work for a bunch of shitheads who are more into punishing their employees regardless of the situation, and making the workplace as hostile and stressful as they possibly can, within the limits of the law.

I tell the navigation system to take me back to my apartment. 40 minutes later I’m closing my front door taking my clothes off and crawling back into bed.

It’s warm and cozy and I drift off to sleep.

After a couple hours sleep, I wake, jerk off and begin contemplating the 3rd Problem, while sorting clothes for a trip to the laundry room.

The 3rd Problem is a bit trickier. I need a job, but at what cost?

Jobs are supposed to be simple exchanges. I provide a service you need and you pay for that service. My politics, personal situation, and buy-in to your company politics or anything else should be irrelevant.

I work, you pay, end of discussion. If I don’t work, you don’t pay… THAT’S the punishment for me not being there.

Modern American Businesses don’t see it this way. They seem to think that you’re supposed to feel privileged to work for them, and part of that privilege is that you’re supposed to allow them to run your fucking life. “Oh sorry you can’t take that day off because we need you. Oh You had a vacation planned? Sorry you’ll have to cancel it.”

Did I earn that vacation time? Yes? Then I’m taking it! Do I understand and accept that I’m taking a day off without pay? Then Shut the fuck up!

What? You mean you don’t enjoy being abused by management, and our whiny, perpetual victim-class clients, who we’re charging a shitload of money for our product? What’s not to like? You can buy stock in our company… but you’ll never be able to spend it. What is wrong with you?

Ahh there’s the crux of it… In the end, the company wants you to feel that no matter what, it’s your fault. If you buy into it being your fault, then you’ll also buy into their right to punish you for your “Failings”.

WHO IS JOHN GAULT?

No company or corporation is your friend. No Manager, Supervisor, Vice President, or CEO is your friend. You are not their friend, you are a FREE PERSON.

Friendship predicated on gain, is not friendship. Your life, your joy, and your sorrows, are yours alone. It is not up to your employer to punish you, if you’re not at work, the only right they have is, not to pay you.

As a FREE PERSON, you are responsible for your creations and owe them to no one. You are not obligated to sing the praises of a company or a god that you don’t believe in. You are not obligated to give anything to anyone that you do not choose to give. That includes your time and energy. Likewise, you are not owed anything you have not earned. 

I do not like panic attacks and I don’t ever wish to experience another one because I fear what a company or manager will do.

The only way to win this game, is not to play

3rd Problem – Solution Pending…

Posted on

Was having a conversation…

I commented on another WordPress post

The original poster on Army Vet Chic was talking about office politics and that they’d been told, based on their social media that perhaps they weren’t the right person for the job.

I suggested that perhaps social media could be used to make people wonder and thereby figure out who could and could not be trusted.

Social media cutsThe original poster said they’d normally do just that but they’d already figured out the lay of the land and that they were going to just keep their head down and do their job.

As I wrote my response (below) I thought it might make an interesting post. So without further preamble here it is.

Got ya, and in times past I’d say that’s a great option.

I work in a company that is basically “Romper Room” too. What I’ve encountered is that from HR & upper management down, everyone is looking for something to hold over someone else’s head.

The environment is not about doing good job or rewarding a job well done. It’s about punishment.

Everyone is repeatedly punished for the “sins” of a few. I think this is because the company is terrified of appearing to be “unfair” to those that are taking advantage, so rather than address issues with the select individuals they make the entire department pay.

I’ve found that keeping my head down and doing my job well isn’t the way to promotion, it’s the way to be ignored.

At the same time when you’ve been maintenance free for a while, and then have any kind of issue it’s treated as a much bigger deal than it should be, or actually is.

Because I don’t post my life on every social media platform 24/7 it presents a problem, because my word isn’t good enough.

This new business model seems to expect your employer to be able to research your social media to verify that you’re actually taking time off to attend to family matters, they expect to see a timeline of posts that you or your loved ones have been diagnosed with some disease.

Only then will they be reasonable about letting you have time off without penalty. Which is why I have over 100 hours of vacation time and can’t get permission to take a few days off for personal reasons.

“Business Needs” are always cited.

I said to my supervisor, “So you’re telling me that the company would rather lose the investment they’ve made in my understanding of the product over the past few years, and have to pay out all my vacation time and current pay period, than let me take a few days off?“

My supervisors response floored me. The answer was, “Yes“.

I think it’s about to change, as companies and poor management come to realize that with a dropping unemployment rate they’re going to have to stop thinking of their employees as replaceable machines.

After I’d posted the comment I thought to myself, “This is why so many companies are in trouble.” This may also speak to why interviews have become “interview by committee” and have the same feel as becoming prom king or queen instead of being about whether you and the hiring manager can work together. 

A department that an employee will never interact with, should have zero say in another manager’s hiring decision.

And yet interviews have become popularity contests and about checking off irrelevant boxes instead of looking at what the potential employee can actually do.

I really miss the good old days when you sat down with the person you were going to work for and actually discussed the freakin job.

Social media may in fact be the worst idea ever. I have nothing to hide, but I also see no reason to stand naked on my front porch.

No-one is perfect and everyone needs privacy.

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I hate office politics

Office PoliticsI always have… Well not always, there was a time when I was square in the middle of it. 

I grew up, and decided that I liked just going to work, doing my job, then coming home.

Unfortunately the company I work for is not so enlightened.

Virtually every single Supervisor is about screwing over every one else in their climb to the top of the so called food chain. The backstabbing and sheer viciousness of the politics amazes even me.

For those of you that know me well, that’s saying something.

Earlier this week we lost a person that was hard working and efficient. This loss was due in equal parts to the incompetence of supervisor, the vindictiveness of a manager, and pride of a director.

Office politics masterThere may have been a smidgeon of blame to spread on the person that was fired, only because this person was dedicated and wanted only to do the best job they knew how to do. Regrettably, that often meant telling superiors that their understanding of a particular issue was limited, then explaining why some things had grown organically the way they had.

This was not resistance to change, it was pointing out that making a decision without all the facts could lead to a bad end. In this case, the Government slapping fines on the company for noncompliance with certain regulations.

Arrogance, Pride, and overreaction meant that this innocent, hard working person was fired.

I know that my current circumstances are not unique. This kind of bullshit plays out all day every day across corporate America.

From the directorate level to the supervisory level, middle managers play out Machiavellian games with employees who just want to do their jobs and go home – often serving as unwitting pawns and paying the price of losses with their jobs.

This shit hasn’t changed in 1000 years. At one time it was Kings and their Courts sending peasants out to fight for a cause they were little aware of, and had less care about.

Office politics 1The Kings generally speaking are gone. Their legacy continues in corporations and it’s magnified 1000 fold.

Environments like these are full of intrigue, subterfuge, and secrets.

When the intrigue and machinations are at a fever pitch and everyone is suspicious of everyone else…

Well that’s when things are ripe for conquest.

The “wrong” information in the “right” ear at the right time can cause a cascade of destruction. 

That’s where I find myself now.

I’m sitting in a powder keg and I’ve got a book of matches.

I’ve fought my nature for 30 years. I’ve actively sought peace and avoided office politics, usually to my detriment.

I’ve spent the past two years watching this mess develop and suddenly find myself in the unique position of having enough money in the bank to weather a storm.  And I’ve got matches… (metaphorically speaking)

Another week or two and I think the time will come when I start lighting shit up.

The funniest part of this is that I’m not going to be doing it for gain. No promotion, no raise, nothing at all, except the pure joy of watching a bunch of animals devour each other and destroy all they’ve built.

“Winter is coming.”

This is probably going to be a lot of fun…

Yes my friends, I’m listening to my darker angels.

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It’s a new day

IMG 0877Cool and quiet.

Even the dog isn’t snoring. The coffee pot spits and gurgles making that magic wakeup juice.

I pour a cup and go sit for a time on the deck. People around the town are beginning to rise. I can hear distant car engines starting, and the slight hiss of water from the shower at the neighbor’s place.

The Doctor next door must have an early shift today. We keep missing each other. He’s been wanting to have a conversation for a month or so about something but we’re always passing each other.

Well here I am just a couple years shy of 60. Who’d have thought? I figured I’d be dead sometime in my 30s of 40s but apparently I wised up.

I find myself thinking about a lot of things. Where I am, where I’ve been, where I still want to go. Not just in the physical sense of places, but in terms of life. 

Two years ago I joined the company I’m working for with the intention of re-starting my career in SQA. Seemed like a good idea at the time and while the income wasn’t great. It provided income, and the promise of restarting my career and making things better. That promise, as it turns out was a lie. 

I’ve re-evaluated that arrangement and come up short. At my age with little retirement aside from social security, and a mountain of debt. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have any more time to devote to a company that refuses to allow me to make any moves. It’s time to take what I want and stop asking.

10 years, that’s what I’ve got left before I can retire. 10 years to get situated so that I can look forward to something beyond surviving on cat food in my old age. 

Time to get frosty and stop being a nice comfortable doormat.  I’ve tried being nice, I’ve tried being competent and hard working, I’ve tried being honest, & decent. In truth, I’m more comfortable being these things. But that doesn’t mean I can’t become a monster.

Time to try something different.

I’m thinking it’s time to be as Machiavellian as all the rest of the bastards.

I know I can do it better, faster, and with more style than any of the people I currently work for. I’m equally sure that I can match or exceed anyone else in any other company I might choose to work for.

Time to stop being victimized, and instead of walking away… Time to start making victims.

I’ll sleep well at night. Generally speaking, I’ve come to believe most people are pretty damn useless. There are a few people that are worth the air they breathe, but by and large most of the population of this planet are cattle. I don’t fret over eating a steak. I won’t fret over destroying a few careers.

IMG 0876Someone once told me that I use my intellect as a defense. I keep most people at arms length with it. He was right. It was a valid observation, but it occurs to me that I can use that same intellect to go on the offense.

So, today I’m freeing my evil side. No remorse, no conscience, no regrets, no morality.

If someone is too stupid, or too blinded by greed or desire, and are of use to me I’ll happily feed them to the gristmill so long as I rise in power, income, and achieve my goals.

I used to believe that if you worked hard and did the right thing, you’d get ahead by simple merit. That’s not the way our world works anymore, if it ever did. Now it’s about politics, ass kissing, riding coat-tails, then abandoning people who helped you get where you are, when they become liabilities. 

I’m thinking I’m going to make the folks who have victimized me and so many others pay. I’m going to make them regret waking up my evil and it starts today.

I’ll sleep well, knowing I’ve chosen what I want instead of someone else using me to achieve their goals.  Make no mistake, I’ll not only bite the hand that feeds me, I’ll take the entire arm, eat it, and suck the marrow from the bones.

I’ve been the dog chained in the yard, being tormented into becoming vicious. I suppose that today, I’ve broken the chain and I’m going to turn on my tormentors.

If you’re honorable, you’re safe. If you’re a corporate climber leaving a trail of tears in your wake, beware, because I’m coming for you. Tomorrow at work will be fun!

Fair Warning.