Category: Things that make you say hmmm?

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Ya Know, I’d really like to wake up when the alarm goes off.

Lately though that has not been the case.

It’s a function of it being Summer and me leaving the windows open for the evening breezes. I fall asleep listening to the crickets and wind in the trees.

I might wake up if the dog shifts position, or jumps back up on the bed after getting a drink. I fall back to sleep quickly after he settles. There’s a security seeing his silhouette on the corner of the bed. I can tell in the darkness that he’s got his noise pointed toward the open sliding door. If anything were to be bold enough to come to the screen he’d be awake, letting me know about it.

The past few days it’s not been the dog who’s waking me up. It’s other humans!

Crazy Pants has taken to blood curdling screams sometime between 5:00 and 6:30 am. One of these days someone she lives with will realize that they can choke the life out of her and no matter how much she screams no-one will think to call the cops or report anything out of the ordinary.

Yesterday she started the morning by kicking or punching one of the men living over there. I don’t know exactly what she did but I woke to a male sound that reminded me of similar sounds guys make if they’re kicked in the balls or kicked in the gut. Moments later she was screaming about how lazy and useless, blah, blah, blah. After a few minutes a strained male voice was replying. There was an escalation of the argument and increase in volume then suddenly Crazy Pants was quiet. If he choked her, I’m not sure I’d be able to testify that he was in the wrong. She was screaming again this morning so apparently he didn’t choke her to death.

This morning the trash truck showed up at 6:15 am to pick up the trash that they’d not bothered to pick up on Monday. The recycling truck came through, but the regular trash truck didn’t. They needn’t have bothered, most of us pulled our trash cans back off the street because we don’t like cleaning up after the nocturnal critters that like to get into the trash. I’m one of the few folks on this street that still has bear proof trash bins. All the new bins supplied by the trash company have no locking mechanism at all. So raccoons, and other night critters attracted by kitchen scraps, sometimes turn the cans over, spreading the contents all over the street or yards.

There’s a reason the trash company issued bear proof trash cans years ago. But that’s been forgotten by some, and the newbies to town never think about the natural wildlife potentially in the area. It’s always funny when a newbie reports seeing a coyote and the old folks (like myself) respond with “And?” We’re expecting something more than, “I saw a coyote!”

Due to the tropical storm, we’ve had heavy construction equipment working in the wash up & down the canyon. This is the second time this year. The distinctive “Beep Beep Beep” starts around 6:45 right after the large diesel engines rumble to life. They even worked Saturday and Sunday so there was no respite from living in a construction zone.

Before they did the “Wash Improvement” we never had dump trucks, bulldozers, bucket diggers, or any of that stuff up here. Now it’s a yearly event.

I miss the silence of the forest, I miss seeing all the wildlife that we used to see in this canyon before the “wash Improvement project” destroyed the water source, habitat, and local environment. The construction sounds alone seem to drive away some animals.

It might have something to do with the time of year the construction starts. I miss having owls nesting near my house. Their hooting in the night was comforting. The red tail hawks moved much higher into the mountains. I’ll still see them soaring on thermals. Sometimes I’ll hear one snatching a small rabbit up out on some nearby open flats. I used to see them hunting all the time. They make spectacular dives, falling like a stone, flaring their wings out at the last possible moment claws extending, then bam! Their prey seems to just vanish.

Even the coyotes have left the canyon. It’s been years since I’ve seen a bear.

Maybe the trash company is right, there’s no need for the security of bear proof trashcans. The habitat has been sufficiently destroyed that humans don’t encounter their distant cousins anymore.

I want to be clear. This is not about climate change. This is about a man made environmental disaster committed in the name of flood control. This is about an environmental study that was incomplete at best, or the county purchased a “Rubber Stamp” at worst. There is still water in the wash. It’s just not accessible most of the time. This is due to the widening and flattening of the wash.

Before improvement, there was a stream about two feet wide and 2 to 3 inches deep most of the year, it only dried up in late Summer. This stream was fed from further up the mountainside. Up in the heights there are collecting pools that rainfall and snow melt keep full most of the year. Water from these collecting pools made its way down the wash splashing over rocks and down small waterfalls churning and bubbling until it made it to my level. The flowing water was cold, and clear. It provided life to all manner of critter that lived in the forest. You name any animal native to this region and we had it.

Walking along the rim of the wash in the early morning or evening you’d see deer, raccoons, sometimes bear, bobcat, cougar, and a variety of birds. It was possible to observe the phenomena of “Peace at the watering hole”. All the animals needed water so it was rare to see any hunting at the water’s edge. 50 yards from the water source all bets were off!

The “improvement” widened and flattened the bottom of the wash. The water still flows from the collecting pools as it always has. The collecting pools are beyond the reach of the county because they exist on National Forest Land therefore they haven’t been “improved”. The water flows down the natural creek bed to the place where the county “improved” things, when it hits the wide flat areas, it spreads out and soaks into the soil. Much of the water evaporates and for most of the year the bottom of the wash is a mud flat, instead of a place with abundant wildlife. Insects and small mammals can capitalize on what water is present, but animals larger than rodents can’t.

Man, once again makes a desert and calls it good.

Lately we’ve had a new “wake up” feature. There’s someone up the road who may be into those stupid wanna-be drift cars. Their only claim to being a “drift car” is a straight exhaust which is unbearably loud when the vehicle is going up a 15-20° incline anytime of day. It does seem especially loud at midnight though. Unfortunately, where there’s one wanna-be “drift car” others soon follow. Now there’s that noise several times in the evening and often right up to about 2 am. I don’t know what the hell they’re doing but the same cars drive up and down the street multiple times every night.

One car in particular leaves every weekday morning at about 7:30am. It’s annoying but I’m already up by then. I’d be up by then because my alarm is set for 7:15am. Not that I ever get to hear that waking me up if I’m home.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my alarm did in fact wake me. I made this discovery while I was on a cross country trip last year. I was staying in hotels and found that they were quieter than my home. Isn’t that a kick in the pants?

These are some of the things that go through my mind when I consider moving. The noise alone is reason enough for me to leave. But that begs the question where do I go?

Pulling up stakes is one thing, the question is, “where do you go that would be different?” I don’t want to trade one set of annoying issues for another set of super annoying issues.

I’m pretty sure I know what I don’t want, I don’t know exactly what I do want yet. Come Winter, I’ll have the house closed and the noise won’t be such a big deal. Maybe then I’ll have more restful nights sleep and sleep until my alarm wakes me.

Perhaps with more restful sleep will come answers to questions about where I go from here.

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I remember when…

My parents were very concerned that I was listening to Alice Cooper and had a poster of him in my room. The poster, I’d purchased from Spencers Gifts. My parents hated that I went into that store way too often to spend my allowance.

I even got grounded for sneaking into the living room one Saturday night to watch “Saturday Night Live” because Alice Cooper was performing.

Totally Worth it!

So imagine my surprise and joy to find that Alice Cooper is still raising hell.

I was astounded that Alice has rattled cages at a cosmetics company because he said there are only two genders.

In an interview with Stereogum Cooper said, “I’m understanding that there are cases of transgender, but I’m afraid that it’s also a fad, and I’m afraid there’s a lot of people claiming to be this just because they want to be that,” he said. “I find it wrong when you’ve got a six-year-old kid who has no idea. He just wants to play, and you’re confusing him telling him, ‘Yeah, you’re a boy, but you could be a girl if you want to be.’”

Later in the article he said, “If you have these genitals, you’re a boy. If you have those genitals, you’re a girl.”

Apparently this was enough to cause cosmetics company Vampyre to end a Brand Relationship (whatever the hell that is) with Cooper.

I guess “Brand Relationships” are what we used to call spokesmen or endorsements.

Vampyre Cosmetics caters to the Goth community. Who Knew?

In the ancient days of my youth, we’d find cheap garish makeup and go to town. It never occurred to us that we needed a brand that catered to us. We shopped the bargain bins. Blood red lipstick, grey / black eyeshadow (I preferred it to look like dark ash,) and almost any whoreish black gunky eyeliner would do. (After reading about Egyptian culture and their makeup, I made my own eyeshadow out of charcoal from the fireplace. Hit & miss but Goth to it’s core.)

All of our supplies were usually available for 50% off. If you were in a super religious area, Goth makeup was easy to get and even cheaper because “Decent” people wouldn’t wear makeup that made them look like the whore of Babylon.

The only place you could get some pieces was Spencer’s Gifts and that was a pricy proposition. Your leather or heavy antique coat was either from an old trunk in the basement (and smelled like it), or from Goodwill. Sometimes suitable leather coats could be found on the Wilsons discount rack.

Then along came Hot Topic…

Half the fun of being a Goth was finding all the Goth accouterments as hand-me-downs, throwaways, and goodwill items. Your style was defined by you and what was available, which meant all good Goths were unique individuals and their attire spoke to that uniqueness.

Alice Cooper and Ozzy Osbourne were out patron saints. We modeled ourselves on their performance art. Our parents hated those two with a passion.

My Goth clothing phase lasted less than a year. It was tiresome to get into costume ever day. I also found that I preferred to be invisible in a crowd. Dressing Goth meant I couldn’t blend in with the general population, I had to remain in “GothLand”. I don’t like limits. It was fun, it was a phase, and in short order I was done.

Maybe one of these days I’ll dust off the old Goth me, and dress up for Halloween. It might be fun.

For me, Alice Cooper going against the grain of the alphabet culture, is at once ironic and comforting. It says that apparently I haven’t drifted too far from my roots.

Mr. Cooper always said what he thought, and carried the mantle of counter culture proudly.

I find that I agree with him once again. He makes sense and he’s willing to speak his mind in this cancel culture, consequences be damned.

Vampyr Cosmetics said in their statement,
“In light of recent statements by Alice Cooper we will no Longer be doing a makeup collaboration. We stand with all members of the LGBTQIA+ community and believe everyone should have access to healthcare. All pre-order sales will be refunded.”

There was a tweet… Should I call it an X now? Oh never mind. Anyway this tweet directed at Vampyr Cosmetics absolutely nailed it.

I’d like to shake @OldGuyGamer2’s hand for being so succinct.

This goes back to the LGB part of the gay community wanting a divorce from the TQIA+ bunch. The divorce will be very ugly and god only knows who’s going to get custody of the kids but it’s time. The TQIA+ bunch has moved to almost diametric opposition to the LGB group and the rest of “Decent” culture at large.

I’ll be curious to see which side the Goth community comes down on, or will they split into opposing groups?

What does that look like? Cooper Goths and PlannedParenthood Goths?

The vision in my head of “Cooper Goths” marching with Church groups is amusing. There’s something just funny about pink taffeta and white heels juxtaposed with Goths more somber hues carrying anti-grooming, anti-puberty blocking, and perhaps even anti-abortion signs.

That last one might go just a tad too far but that would be priceless to see.

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Are you kidding me?

LionsGate studio has reinstated masking in their offices. Kaiser appears to have done the same thing in Northern California.

There’ve also been some articles suggesting that the Biden Administration is talking about some new vaccine and potentially trying to demand everyone take it. That’s unconfirmed as of yet, but the implication that we’re going to do this COVID bullshit again is mind boggling.

A) Masks have been demonstrated to be ineffective in multiple peer reviewed studies over the past couple of years.

B) There’s a new study that appears to be independently verified describing a danger in the manufacturing process of the COVID vaccines. Here is the link to that article, there are a ton of links to other supporting materials contained within the piece, I see no reason to replicating all this links. The upshot is the COVID vaccine may well expose folks to much more serious complications than catching COVID (even the original variation).

C) The FDA and WHO have recently reversed themselves on the matter of Ivermectin and its safety and efficacy in humans, against COVID.

D) The “newest” mutation of the COVID virus is doing exactly what viruses do. The new version is more transmissible but less harmful to the general population and less harmful to even those at higher risk.

So why the hell are we talking about COVID? Why are we hearing about masking and all the bullshit that didn’t work over the past 3 years?

Is this more fear mongering on the part of an out of control Government, Medical, and News Media? I can forgive conspiracy theorists asking if this is all being ginned up to mess around with the 2024 election.

I’m shocked, that anyone among the powers that be would think we’re going to fall for this shit again, or that there is anyone who would begin to comply.

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You know…

Sometimes my mind runs in strange directions.

I was thinking about Biden’s reactions to the Maui fire and wondering why our government doesn’t redirect some of the Billions of dollars that we’re sending to Ukraine, to Maui to patch up their hurt.

Biden’s “NO COMMENT” response kinda pissed me off.

Then I thought about the Biden Family involvement with both Ukraine and Russia. I started wondering.

Is the Russia Ukraine war nothing but a big SCAM?

I know people have been killed, & there’s been a lot of damage. That doesn’t mean that Putin and Zelenskyy didn’t sit down at a Swiss Ski resort and say, “Now that Biden is The US President, and we know he’s an idiot, we know his vice President is a moron, and that they have surrounded themselves with sycophants. Perhaps we could go to ‘war’ and the idiot Americans would send us lots of money in aid. We could make a lot of the money ‘disappear’ and grow very very rich.”

Putin and Zelenskyy have demonstrated time and again that they are brutal dictators who no doubt would consider all the deaths “Acceptable Losses”. Especially if you’re talking billions of dollars, even after kicking back 10% to the Biden Family.

We know that a lot of the cash has vanished. The equipment could easily be sold on the black market for decent money.

I don’t know if that’s what’s going on, but I could sure see it happening.

Ukraine gets some renovation, the Russian army gets live fire exercises, Putin & Zelenskyy get filthy RICH and perhaps retire to Malta.

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Really? My God I wish people would separate their feelings from facts.

I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to do so very well but I’m going to give it a shot.

I ran across an (AP) Article titled US suicides hit an all-time high last year I thought, “That’s concerning but not really surprising.”

I can’t speak to the rise in suicide among young black men, but I wouldn’t be surprised if its a factor of hopelessness much like what I feel being in the 45 to 65 age group.

Realistically, what would it be like to be told literally everywhere all the time that the boogy man of systemic racism, will never allow you to succeed. (Personally I believe that racism is worse today than it was at the beginning of the Obama Administration, and that it’s fed in large part by politicians and people who make money from misery. BLM, Al Sharpton, etc,)

Imagine being told you’re a victim and always will be, or you’re not smart enough, or good enough and no matter how hard you work at it, you’re always going to fail, because of something that you have no control over. Add to that, how many of these young men may be losing friends to violence, or drugs. Maybe they can be included in the white 45 to 65 age group for the purposes of studying why suicides are increasing because of similarity in the root causes?

Just off hand I can think of reasons that might be causing an uptick in the white male 45 to 65 age group.

A lot of folks in that age group happen to be veterans. Veterans have not been served well by the VA especially in the area of Mental Health. This is also the time in life when you start losing old friends, spouses, parents, and a lot of men find themselves asking existential questions like, “Is this all there is? Work for fuckers I hate, making them rich, while they threaten and bully me with losing my job every fucking day?” Don’t even think that companies wouldn’t allow that kind of bullying, or it’s a rarity. Some supervisors think it’s funny to threaten subordinates with their jobs. Others use it as a way to “Whip their crew into shape,” and no HR department ever takes action. Their response is, “I’m sure the supervisor was joking.”

The job angle assumes a man has managed to keep working in the first place. If they’ve been laid off for the 20th time in their life after buying into yet another corporate pack of lies, ( We believe in family first, time off, vacations, and bonuses for good work…) that sure sounded like promises or agreements, they might just feel like, what’s the fucking point…

Contrary to popular belief, just because you’re older doesn’t mean that there are enough management or owner slots for everyone. The majority of folks aren’t going to get that single promotion slot… Often being older just means you’re at the top of an HR layoff list. Oh that shit is illegal, but the employee can’t prove they were the victim of ageism so older workers are totally screwed.

Having explored that existential question myself, I can say that the feeling of hopelessness and despair can be overwhelming.

I can also say with some certainty of belief, that our government, in collusion with Corporate America is directly responsible for any suicides over job losses. My belief is that the worker visa program is horribly flawed and government inaction bringing that system to heel, is killing Americans. It’s been obvious on its face for decades. When American workers have to train foreign Hn-nnn workers to replace them, we have a serious fucking problem.

The Hn-nnn system is destroying or has destroyed more than it has helped. President Bush be damned with his “These are jobs Americans won’t do,” bullshit!

Then there’s the terror most people feel about the IRS if they’ve worked long enough to have made, much less saved, any kind of money at all. The IRS has become a ravenous beast flinging audits and locking bank accounts at the drop of a hat. This is usually explained as crime prevention but almost always involves some small business owner who takes a lot of cash payments like a laundromat or coffee shop.

But that’s not all. Society is a mess. I’d like to see statistics on how many of the 49,500 had recently lost their jobs, have been involved in, or accused of, sexual harassment, have been accused of /counseled for racism or misgendering, were under IRS audit, might have been conservatives, may have been christian, possibly had a dim view of drag shows in front of children, might have voted for Trump, perhaps preferred common sense & old values to reading bullshit thrown at a wall to chart today’s course of action, or any of the million other razor blade hot button issues one could possibly run afoul of these days. Some members of families see no difficulty “Cancelling” each other over the new set of rules. Does that lead to more isolation and therefore higher suicide?

I often feel like I’m living in a social mine field and I’m unemployed! I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to deal with chaotic societal rules every day with no choice. If I’m not up for the silliness I simply don’t participate. It isn’t that I want to avoid other people or completely divorce myself from society.

I simply don’t always have the energy or desire to keep up with social rules that change as fast as vibrating atoms. In social settings today, failure to comply has immediate and sometimes lasting, even violent consequences. As a rule, there is no mercy or forgiveness for someone being unaware of an arbitrary rule created 12 seconds ago, or making a social mistake.

I don’t want to live constantly in fear. I’m very content waving at y’all as you whiz by on what is in my humble opinion, the highway to hell. “Have a nice oblivion morons,” is what I find myself thinking more often than not.

Admittedly, it makes me lonely. Especially since losing my spouse. But I was sort of lonely before losing my spouse. In a social sense we didn’t have a large circle. We relied on each other for support and there was comfort in knowing that no matter how shitty the rest of the world was, when we got home we had each other.

I get why people in my particular situation would flirt with the idea of suicide, or even decide it was preferable to living in this ever increasing insanity / stupidity.

What caught my attention was that the article turned toward Guns being the problem. I found that offensive as hell. (Yeah, I know my feelings & beliefs are intruding…) People choosing to kill themselves with a gun is just logical. By all accounts a bullet scrambling your brain is quick and probably relatively painless. That’s why slaughter houses use a boltgun on cattle. Brain is gone, cow dies, NEXT!

The gun isn’t the problem, nor are guns the source of suicidal ideation. (I picked that term up from a Psychologist. See I can learn things, as long as you’re not reversing every two seconds…) I’m too cheap to go buy a gun for the purpose of suicide. Strangely I’d be worried about the mess and who would have to clean it up. Is that a point in favor of the slightly OCD crowd???

If someone wants to kill themselves they will, just as if someone wants to kill someone else they don’t need a gun, a gun might be convenient, but it’s damn easy to kill a human.

The venerable club makes a fine weapon. Smack someone with a baseball bat in the head a few times and that’s pretty much the end.

As an aside, that is why I personally was appalled at how the media and police addressed the “Knock Out” game. Smacking someone at the base of the skull with a lot of force, such as running up behind them, is attempted murder in my book. It’s not a game at all.

If someone wants to kill themselves there are a lot of ways to do it. All you have to do is look around. There are literally thousands of sources of poison. Under your kitchen sink for example. Chlorine Bleach and Ammonia mixed in a confined space can do ya really quick.

If I was looking to go the poison route I’d just score some Fentanyl. Thank you China, Joe Biden, and open borders… It’s cheap, easy, and quick. The beauty of this method is that if you don’t leave a note, it will probably be ruled an accidental overdose and your life insurance if you have any, will pay off to your family. Get high as fuck and die. Now there’s a plan.

If you believe that killing yourself is a mortal sin, you could leave it in Gods hands. You could go to a black neighborhood and scream racist shit at the top of your lungs. Or you could walk into your local mosque and light a Quran on fire, perhaps while screaming Muhammad was a pedophile, who took it in the ass, and false prophet. If you lived through either of these events you could perhaps go on living knowing God had a plan for you.

You could use death cap mushrooms, you could go old school with other ancient poisons. Hemlock for example. A quick search of toxic plants is very enlightening. Oleander for can be deadly, even the common Daffodil bulb can kill, I’d say chop finely and brew as a tea.

My point is, Death is easy to find if you’re looking for it. Gun or no gun if someone is going to kill themselves they will.

I am repeatedly offended by politicians and other organizations using anyone’s death to push forward their fevered dreams of gun control. I don’t care if you’re talking about a mass shooting, or a single suicide. The dead are not for politicians to use for self aggrandizement or political gain.

Let’s agree that the real problem is that the person felt they had no hope, no future, and nothing to live for. (Perhaps we should eliminate politicians and their divisive rhetoric. It might be interesting to see where that leads us. Just a thought…)

I was glad to note near the bottom of the article there were some constructive things. The CDC working to expand suicide prevention services and the national 988 hotline number are encouraging steps.

Sometimes all that’s needed to part the clouds of depression is someone indicating that they give a shit about you and aren’t interested in using you. So if you know someone who’s depressed, give ‘em a call or a text just let them know you thought about them. I smile several times a day from a text message as simple as “I heard or saw X and thought of you.”

That goes both ways, if you’re depressed or feeling a little suicidal, (dear God don’t do what I’ve done here in this blog post and think too long about it, ) give someone, anyone, a call. Or you can go to a public place, help a stranger. Pick up an errant bit of trash some child dropped so their mother doesn’t have to. I’m always surprised that my doing simple things, and receiving just a smile for my trouble is remarkably uplifting.

FYI for me personally, If I was to get totally suicidal, I think I’d go with a fabric belt around a stout closet rod, naked with a dildo up my ass, jerking off, and wearing a pair of roller skates. Autoerotic asphyxiation is just soooo unseemly and dirty. It’s kind of the ultimate FUCK YOU! To the world. It says, “I blew my load and arrived to judgement still dripping!”

So friends, don’t worry about me buying a gun, worry if I buy roller skates!

To those of you who might be scared that I’d given this too much thought… Nope! Not really. Back in the early days of AIDS, a lot of my friends who nearing their end and not wishing to die gasping in agony in a hospital would ask me what I thought about suicide and how to go about it.

They asked me, because I had the ability to respect their choice without making judgement about it. In other words I’d give them a straight answer and was open to discussing the options pragmatically.

I miss those guys. I’m glad they’re in a better place and hope to someday meet up with them again.

A LONG number of somedays in the future! Until then guys, keep the bar tab open and the servers hotter than hell, cause when I get back with you guys, I plan to party!

Dang I was looking for a really offensive photo of autoerotic asphyxiation to finish this piece off with there was nothing truly interesting. Although what came up were a lot of photos of men having choke sex with women. But that isn’t autoerotic, is it?

Here’s the best I could do…

Enjoy!