Category: Things that make you say hmmm?

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Really? My God I wish people would separate their feelings from facts.

I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to do so very well but I’m going to give it a shot.

I ran across an (AP) Article titled US suicides hit an all-time high last year I thought, “That’s concerning but not really surprising.”

I can’t speak to the rise in suicide among young black men, but I wouldn’t be surprised if its a factor of hopelessness much like what I feel being in the 45 to 65 age group.

Realistically, what would it be like to be told literally everywhere all the time that the boogy man of systemic racism, will never allow you to succeed. (Personally I believe that racism is worse today than it was at the beginning of the Obama Administration, and that it’s fed in large part by politicians and people who make money from misery. BLM, Al Sharpton, etc,)

Imagine being told you’re a victim and always will be, or you’re not smart enough, or good enough and no matter how hard you work at it, you’re always going to fail, because of something that you have no control over. Add to that, how many of these young men may be losing friends to violence, or drugs. Maybe they can be included in the white 45 to 65 age group for the purposes of studying why suicides are increasing because of similarity in the root causes?

Just off hand I can think of reasons that might be causing an uptick in the white male 45 to 65 age group.

A lot of folks in that age group happen to be veterans. Veterans have not been served well by the VA especially in the area of Mental Health. This is also the time in life when you start losing old friends, spouses, parents, and a lot of men find themselves asking existential questions like, “Is this all there is? Work for fuckers I hate, making them rich, while they threaten and bully me with losing my job every fucking day?” Don’t even think that companies wouldn’t allow that kind of bullying, or it’s a rarity. Some supervisors think it’s funny to threaten subordinates with their jobs. Others use it as a way to “Whip their crew into shape,” and no HR department ever takes action. Their response is, “I’m sure the supervisor was joking.”

The job angle assumes a man has managed to keep working in the first place. If they’ve been laid off for the 20th time in their life after buying into yet another corporate pack of lies, ( We believe in family first, time off, vacations, and bonuses for good work…) that sure sounded like promises or agreements, they might just feel like, what’s the fucking point…

Contrary to popular belief, just because you’re older doesn’t mean that there are enough management or owner slots for everyone. The majority of folks aren’t going to get that single promotion slot… Often being older just means you’re at the top of an HR layoff list. Oh that shit is illegal, but the employee can’t prove they were the victim of ageism so older workers are totally screwed.

Having explored that existential question myself, I can say that the feeling of hopelessness and despair can be overwhelming.

I can also say with some certainty of belief, that our government, in collusion with Corporate America is directly responsible for any suicides over job losses. My belief is that the worker visa program is horribly flawed and government inaction bringing that system to heel, is killing Americans. It’s been obvious on its face for decades. When American workers have to train foreign Hn-nnn workers to replace them, we have a serious fucking problem.

The Hn-nnn system is destroying or has destroyed more than it has helped. President Bush be damned with his “These are jobs Americans won’t do,” bullshit!

Then there’s the terror most people feel about the IRS if they’ve worked long enough to have made, much less saved, any kind of money at all. The IRS has become a ravenous beast flinging audits and locking bank accounts at the drop of a hat. This is usually explained as crime prevention but almost always involves some small business owner who takes a lot of cash payments like a laundromat or coffee shop.

But that’s not all. Society is a mess. I’d like to see statistics on how many of the 49,500 had recently lost their jobs, have been involved in, or accused of, sexual harassment, have been accused of /counseled for racism or misgendering, were under IRS audit, might have been conservatives, may have been christian, possibly had a dim view of drag shows in front of children, might have voted for Trump, perhaps preferred common sense & old values to reading bullshit thrown at a wall to chart today’s course of action, or any of the million other razor blade hot button issues one could possibly run afoul of these days. Some members of families see no difficulty “Cancelling” each other over the new set of rules. Does that lead to more isolation and therefore higher suicide?

I often feel like I’m living in a social mine field and I’m unemployed! I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to deal with chaotic societal rules every day with no choice. If I’m not up for the silliness I simply don’t participate. It isn’t that I want to avoid other people or completely divorce myself from society.

I simply don’t always have the energy or desire to keep up with social rules that change as fast as vibrating atoms. In social settings today, failure to comply has immediate and sometimes lasting, even violent consequences. As a rule, there is no mercy or forgiveness for someone being unaware of an arbitrary rule created 12 seconds ago, or making a social mistake.

I don’t want to live constantly in fear. I’m very content waving at y’all as you whiz by on what is in my humble opinion, the highway to hell. “Have a nice oblivion morons,” is what I find myself thinking more often than not.

Admittedly, it makes me lonely. Especially since losing my spouse. But I was sort of lonely before losing my spouse. In a social sense we didn’t have a large circle. We relied on each other for support and there was comfort in knowing that no matter how shitty the rest of the world was, when we got home we had each other.

I get why people in my particular situation would flirt with the idea of suicide, or even decide it was preferable to living in this ever increasing insanity / stupidity.

What caught my attention was that the article turned toward Guns being the problem. I found that offensive as hell. (Yeah, I know my feelings & beliefs are intruding…) People choosing to kill themselves with a gun is just logical. By all accounts a bullet scrambling your brain is quick and probably relatively painless. That’s why slaughter houses use a boltgun on cattle. Brain is gone, cow dies, NEXT!

The gun isn’t the problem, nor are guns the source of suicidal ideation. (I picked that term up from a Psychologist. See I can learn things, as long as you’re not reversing every two seconds…) I’m too cheap to go buy a gun for the purpose of suicide. Strangely I’d be worried about the mess and who would have to clean it up. Is that a point in favor of the slightly OCD crowd???

If someone wants to kill themselves they will, just as if someone wants to kill someone else they don’t need a gun, a gun might be convenient, but it’s damn easy to kill a human.

The venerable club makes a fine weapon. Smack someone with a baseball bat in the head a few times and that’s pretty much the end.

As an aside, that is why I personally was appalled at how the media and police addressed the “Knock Out” game. Smacking someone at the base of the skull with a lot of force, such as running up behind them, is attempted murder in my book. It’s not a game at all.

If someone wants to kill themselves there are a lot of ways to do it. All you have to do is look around. There are literally thousands of sources of poison. Under your kitchen sink for example. Chlorine Bleach and Ammonia mixed in a confined space can do ya really quick.

If I was looking to go the poison route I’d just score some Fentanyl. Thank you China, Joe Biden, and open borders… It’s cheap, easy, and quick. The beauty of this method is that if you don’t leave a note, it will probably be ruled an accidental overdose and your life insurance if you have any, will pay off to your family. Get high as fuck and die. Now there’s a plan.

If you believe that killing yourself is a mortal sin, you could leave it in Gods hands. You could go to a black neighborhood and scream racist shit at the top of your lungs. Or you could walk into your local mosque and light a Quran on fire, perhaps while screaming Muhammad was a pedophile, who took it in the ass, and false prophet. If you lived through either of these events you could perhaps go on living knowing God had a plan for you.

You could use death cap mushrooms, you could go old school with other ancient poisons. Hemlock for example. A quick search of toxic plants is very enlightening. Oleander for can be deadly, even the common Daffodil bulb can kill, I’d say chop finely and brew as a tea.

My point is, Death is easy to find if you’re looking for it. Gun or no gun if someone is going to kill themselves they will.

I am repeatedly offended by politicians and other organizations using anyone’s death to push forward their fevered dreams of gun control. I don’t care if you’re talking about a mass shooting, or a single suicide. The dead are not for politicians to use for self aggrandizement or political gain.

Let’s agree that the real problem is that the person felt they had no hope, no future, and nothing to live for. (Perhaps we should eliminate politicians and their divisive rhetoric. It might be interesting to see where that leads us. Just a thought…)

I was glad to note near the bottom of the article there were some constructive things. The CDC working to expand suicide prevention services and the national 988 hotline number are encouraging steps.

Sometimes all that’s needed to part the clouds of depression is someone indicating that they give a shit about you and aren’t interested in using you. So if you know someone who’s depressed, give ‘em a call or a text just let them know you thought about them. I smile several times a day from a text message as simple as “I heard or saw X and thought of you.”

That goes both ways, if you’re depressed or feeling a little suicidal, (dear God don’t do what I’ve done here in this blog post and think too long about it, ) give someone, anyone, a call. Or you can go to a public place, help a stranger. Pick up an errant bit of trash some child dropped so their mother doesn’t have to. I’m always surprised that my doing simple things, and receiving just a smile for my trouble is remarkably uplifting.

FYI for me personally, If I was to get totally suicidal, I think I’d go with a fabric belt around a stout closet rod, naked with a dildo up my ass, jerking off, and wearing a pair of roller skates. Autoerotic asphyxiation is just soooo unseemly and dirty. It’s kind of the ultimate FUCK YOU! To the world. It says, “I blew my load and arrived to judgement still dripping!”

So friends, don’t worry about me buying a gun, worry if I buy roller skates!

To those of you who might be scared that I’d given this too much thought… Nope! Not really. Back in the early days of AIDS, a lot of my friends who nearing their end and not wishing to die gasping in agony in a hospital would ask me what I thought about suicide and how to go about it.

They asked me, because I had the ability to respect their choice without making judgement about it. In other words I’d give them a straight answer and was open to discussing the options pragmatically.

I miss those guys. I’m glad they’re in a better place and hope to someday meet up with them again.

A LONG number of somedays in the future! Until then guys, keep the bar tab open and the servers hotter than hell, cause when I get back with you guys, I plan to party!

Dang I was looking for a really offensive photo of autoerotic asphyxiation to finish this piece off with there was nothing truly interesting. Although what came up were a lot of photos of men having choke sex with women. But that isn’t autoerotic, is it?

Here’s the best I could do…

Enjoy!

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California it’s BAD when a Redneck like me…

…Calls out all the brain dead mouth breathers wandering around your cities and towns.

My GOD! What has happened to people? Trying to shop in the grocery store is an epic exercise in annoyance.

What part of, folks should avoid blocking entire aisles with their fat asses and carts don’t people get?

What part of, aisles should be clear of carts, trolleys, and merchandise stacks is too difficult for employees to understand?

Why do grocery stores in other states have Two, yes TWO whole doors? (Honestly, when I first moved up here, the local Stater Brothers did have two whole doors.)

Sometime in the past few years, they remodeled and lost one set of doors which has made getting into and out of the store far more difficult that it need be. If the remaining doors were simply wider, it would be less of a hassle.

But it’s not just the grocery store. It’s also the drug store.

The drug store used to be in the same plaza as the grocery store, it also had two sets of doors. That was super convenient! Park ONCE, then walk from one to the other to do your business. (Perhaps that would help with the whole fat ass problem today!)

The drug store moved to a free standing building with only one door, on the opposing corner of the street so now you have to make two stops, fight through at least one stop light, make a series of left turns, then navigate around a bunch of fast food places to get into the grocery store parking lot.

The navigational issues are bad enough outside the stores while you’re driving, but the mouth breathers inside the stores keep the navigational frustration going.

The people wandering vacantly around the grocery store, are rude, thoughtless, and behind the wheel of a car, terrifying.

I was thinking about the last time I was in Florida shopping in a Publix. It was actually relaxing. The customers were courteous, the employees helpful, the store was brightly lit, and the aisles wide and unobstructed. The floors were clean and shiny! This particular Publix had one very wide door and because there were no displays around the door, moving into and out of the store was easy.

They even had batteries hanging neatly on the racks in their hardware section.

Imagine that! It was only at that moment, standing in a grocery store 3000 miles from home that I realized batteries hadn’t been hanging on endcaps, or in the hardware section of my grocery store for a very long time. At home I have to ask the cashier to go get them from a storage area at the front of the store.

Getting into and out of the shopping plaza in Florida was easy too. The layout of the driveways lent a kind of logic to navigation. The only hiccup was around a gas station at the far end of the property. I think that might have been due to volume of customers. It was the last gas station before you got on the I-10 heading to Jacksonville.

The last time I was in Kentucky, I went into a Kroger and had essentially the same experience. Wide aisles, clean floors, bright lighting, courteous people, products easily accessible, and well designed driveways / parking.

So why is it that California can’t seem to manage this?

Is it too many drugs or just that people in California are that stupid?

The state did vote for Newsom, they did prevent his recall, they keep Pelosi and Feinstein in office and California went overwhelmingly for Biden…

Perhaps it’s that Californians are that stupid.

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I don’t know what to make of this…

This is a maple tree in my neighbors yard that is often pretty accurate in predicting the seasons. This one leaf is autumn but the rest of the tree is still summer green.

I suppose it could be a misfire, or perhaps Winter will be early and long this year. Great! NOT what I want to deal with. After last winter I could do without snow for a while.

I’d hoped to be well into securing a new place to live by now. Trouble is Keyboards are a royal pain in the ass to dispose of. The harps are at least at a consignment store, but I haven’t found a consignment store to put the keyboards in. It’s not just the instruments it’s all the music all the paper work etc. I’m only one man and honestly, I’m having a tough time remaining motivated. I hate cleaning up someone else’s mess. I’m shitty at cleaning up my own messes! LOL!

As an aside, a couple of the harps have been sold already which is super nice. From the sound of it, the harps have gone to people who will play them and love them that’s a good thing, not that the other half likely cares.

That’s a funny thing. When I first lost the other half, I was adamant about the instruments going to people who would play them and love them. Now I’m not quite so driven about that.

It’s moved to the “Nice to Have” column and out of the “Necessary” column.

My view is evolving, I think that’s because the wound isn’t so fresh. Now, I’m recognizing that he’s beyond caring and perhaps I shouldn’t or don’t need to care so much either. Is this me being a bad person? Or me breaking faith?

I don’t think so, I think I’ve moving toward my hallmark pragmatism that my other half always liked.

He also knew that underneath my hard outer shell, I’m a sentimental softy. So either way, if he’s interested in Earthly affairs anymore he’ll be tuning in and laughing at me. On the one hand I’m my pragmatic self, on the other hand I’m all sentimental. He knew being caught between the two really pisses me off!

When the house burned, he was astounded at quickly I disconnected from the possessions and wrote everything off. I wasn’t un-caring but I didn’t’ want to spend time fiddling with things that would never be “Right” again. I was in “Toss It & Move On” mode.

I need to move into that Mode again.

I may also have to accept that I’m not going to be out of this place this year.

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Bidenomics Is working!

I was in the barbershop and somehow I’d missed that The President had actually used the term. The solemn newscaster was trying very hard to talk Bidenomics up but was having a hard time reading his script. I’d bet that newscaster will be working for one of the conservative outlets soon or he’ll blow his brains out. Cognitive Dissonance is a real bitch for any honest person to maintain, eventually they’ll snap one way or another.

Up to this point I’d thought the term was pure sarcasm from Conservatives. When I found out it wasn’t satire or sarcasm I about fell out of the barbers chair.

My Barber grumbled about how tough his finances had become.

His rates are a bit higher than the chain haircut places. I’ll pay the price to be in a male space where I can have a straight razor shave and not smell the stench of hair chemicals. I have him line up my beard with a straight razor and I get a good hair cut and beard trim / shaping.

Yes, it’s more expensive than the chains, but it’s a monthly ritual where I get value for the dollar, and it makes me feel good about myself.

All that being said, not everyone understands the value or has the cash to partake of it. (Technically I don’t have the cash but I’ll eat ramen and hotdogs a couple nights a week for a month to be able to afford doing something nice for myself, egg salad sandwiches are inexpensive to make despite the cost of eggs these days. I’m not wealthy enough to contemplate a luxury item like tuna or cat food.)

If I had a family to feed or a shit paying job that I had to commute to, then I might make a different choice. Apparently, a lot of my barber’s clients have been forced to make a different choice.

Whether the families are going to the chains or Mom is cutting everyone’s hair is unknown, but business is down.

I’ve seen other evidence of business being down too. The last couple of Costco’s I’ve been in were crowded, but not as crowded as pre-covid & Biden. Even my Home Depot isn’t as busy as it was in 2019 and 2020. Either everyone got their projects done or don’t have the time (due to a second job,) and/or money to do those projects anymore. I’ve noticed in both stores that there are still empty shelves. The pet store is very often out of the large size treats for my dog. I’ve taken to looking for the big sizes in every store I shop in.

The Barber grumbled, “If this is his idea of working, we’re screwed!”

I replied, “But it is working, and it’s beautiful.”

Point of interest… It can be scary making a provocative comment to a Barber while he is holding a razor to your throat. Think Sweeney Todd!

I continued, “Every single thing the Biden administration has done since seizing power has been to degrade, destroy, reverse, or otherwise undo any of the prosperity of the Trump years. Literally the Biden Administration has reversed even those policies that were working effectively, and in so doing has created chaos. They haven’t cared that killing working policies has damaged their administration, or that the President’s approval rating is the lowest of any President in decades. The administration has consistently gone about erasing or expunging all traces of Trump, and they’ve done so with a single minded fervor that rivals Chairman Mao’s purges. I don’t personally want Trump as president again. But I can’t have any respect for an administration that cancels working policies simply because of whose name is on those policies. When I think about it The Biden Administration seems to have elements of a proto-dictatorship. They’re not quite there, but give them another 4 years and they’ll probably find a way to move closer to dictatorship. Remember some countries suspend elections during declared national emergencies, be it military, natural disaster, or financial difficulties…”

My Barber went back to straightening the beard line at my throat, “Okay, I’m following you there but how is Bidenomics working?”

I smiled and waited for him to stand up with the blade away from my throat, “That’s simple, Bidenomics is demonstrably working. Your proof is many people in the country, maybe half, specifically those who are traditionally conservative and work for a living in flyover states are suffering. This is clearly punishment from the Democratic Party for America’s rebellious voting in 2016, when everyone was supposed to vote for Hillary. Bidenomics is working exactly as designed. It was supposed to destroy the economy, increase financial stress across the board, create a greater divide between the ‘Haves and Have Nots’, screw up retirement for boomers, and keep people angry and polarized. All of this potential strife must be in place before the 2024 election. That way, if by some chance, a Republican who is not under full control of the political machine in Washington is elected, rioting can commence instantly. The administration having Joe Biden claim Bidenomics is working is quite possibly the only true thing said in the White House during this administration.”

“I don’t know if I believe your assessment. I do think you’re one of the scariest people I know. Your ability to think in such a diabolical and evil way is terrifying. Here, have a beer,” my Barber said opening a brew.

“Thank you, I’m an amateur. The truly terrifying people are those who live this shit 24/7 in Washington DC. They’re called the United States Government.”

At which point we both had a good laugh.

My Barber went back to his work on my beard, and the conversation turned toward wondering if our sexual escapades of the past would come to haunt us in the future.

The question, “Have you ever wondered if your aggressive sex from years ago might be considered sexual abuse or even rape by todays standards,” led to another fun conversation that could only be had in a safe male space.

Have a good weekend!

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Poor Hunter!

I guess Hunter must be in shock and possibly in withdrawal after yesterday.

I do feel a little sorry for him. He is after all the product of his father and a sick dysfunctional family.

It must have been quite a shock for him to get in front of the judge thinking he was going to skate away only to have the judge refuse to rubber stamp the plea deal. But the judge went one step further. She stopped him from using drugs and alcohol. She also ordered that he undergo drug testing, and get a job!

He’s either got the sweats and DT’s bad today, or those are yet to come.

The drug testing won’t be a problem for Hunter, his dick has been seen by everyone at this point. He’s not going to be embarrassed by pissing in a cup in front of someone. No-one is likely to be surprised when his test comes back looking like Keith Richards in the 70’s.

Hunter is what his father made him. He doesn’t have to remain that person. I have to say truthfully I don’t know if I would have the strength to walk away from the money and power his family wields. I have no idea what I’d be like if I thought I could get away with anything. I’m a bastard now, unlimited power and money? Oh I’d be an absolute nightmare!

If I’d had access to wealth and power all my life, there’d have been bastard children dropping out of women every ten minutes. As I got older, Kevin Spacey’s legal troubles would be nothing compared to all the inappropriate shit I’d have gotten up to.

I’ve always thought if I had no limits on money and could pay off the cops & politicians… I’d throw an orgy that would make Caligula blush! Fortunately for the world, the universe is wise and prevented me from having the necessary resources.

I am curious what this means to the Biden family. Some pundits and wags suggest this opens the door for a complete investigation of the Bidens. Other people say this is going to be confined to only Hunter.

Imagine that! After all the shit Hunter has been through apparently supporting the Biden family and now, they’re burning his ass like yesterday’s trash.

But Daddy still has one ace up his sleeve. Daddy can pardon Hunter once he’s convicted. The White House has said Daddy won’t pardon Hunter, but the White House lies all the time. Them saying Daddy won’t, means it’s a lock that Daddy will come to the rescue.

I wonder if there’s any way that Hunter’s trial or sentencing can be delayed until after January 20, 2025? That’s shitty I know. If Hunter and Daddy were in the same prison though, we could save money on the deal by having them share a cell and making Hunter provide round the clock care that Joe so obviously needs.

I doubt very seriously that Hunter will do a day in jail and possibly that fact will be what destroys his father’s remote chance at being elected for a second term. The next President should give Hunter the congressional Medal of Honor for “Saving Democracy”.

What are the next congressional follies for me to enjoy? Hmm. Oh look, they’re hearing testimony about UFOs and the obvious intergalactic incident brewing because we’ve dissected intelligent beings from another planet. The diplomatic implications are truly terrifying!

Yeah, just let that one sink in.