Category: Sarcasm

Posted on

Bidenomics Is working!

I was in the barbershop and somehow I’d missed that The President had actually used the term. The solemn newscaster was trying very hard to talk Bidenomics up but was having a hard time reading his script. I’d bet that newscaster will be working for one of the conservative outlets soon or he’ll blow his brains out. Cognitive Dissonance is a real bitch for any honest person to maintain, eventually they’ll snap one way or another.

Up to this point I’d thought the term was pure sarcasm from Conservatives. When I found out it wasn’t satire or sarcasm I about fell out of the barbers chair.

My Barber grumbled about how tough his finances had become.

His rates are a bit higher than the chain haircut places. I’ll pay the price to be in a male space where I can have a straight razor shave and not smell the stench of hair chemicals. I have him line up my beard with a straight razor and I get a good hair cut and beard trim / shaping.

Yes, it’s more expensive than the chains, but it’s a monthly ritual where I get value for the dollar, and it makes me feel good about myself.

All that being said, not everyone understands the value or has the cash to partake of it. (Technically I don’t have the cash but I’ll eat ramen and hotdogs a couple nights a week for a month to be able to afford doing something nice for myself, egg salad sandwiches are inexpensive to make despite the cost of eggs these days. I’m not wealthy enough to contemplate a luxury item like tuna or cat food.)

If I had a family to feed or a shit paying job that I had to commute to, then I might make a different choice. Apparently, a lot of my barber’s clients have been forced to make a different choice.

Whether the families are going to the chains or Mom is cutting everyone’s hair is unknown, but business is down.

I’ve seen other evidence of business being down too. The last couple of Costco’s I’ve been in were crowded, but not as crowded as pre-covid & Biden. Even my Home Depot isn’t as busy as it was in 2019 and 2020. Either everyone got their projects done or don’t have the time (due to a second job,) and/or money to do those projects anymore. I’ve noticed in both stores that there are still empty shelves. The pet store is very often out of the large size treats for my dog. I’ve taken to looking for the big sizes in every store I shop in.

The Barber grumbled, “If this is his idea of working, we’re screwed!”

I replied, “But it is working, and it’s beautiful.”

Point of interest… It can be scary making a provocative comment to a Barber while he is holding a razor to your throat. Think Sweeney Todd!

I continued, “Every single thing the Biden administration has done since seizing power has been to degrade, destroy, reverse, or otherwise undo any of the prosperity of the Trump years. Literally the Biden Administration has reversed even those policies that were working effectively, and in so doing has created chaos. They haven’t cared that killing working policies has damaged their administration, or that the President’s approval rating is the lowest of any President in decades. The administration has consistently gone about erasing or expunging all traces of Trump, and they’ve done so with a single minded fervor that rivals Chairman Mao’s purges. I don’t personally want Trump as president again. But I can’t have any respect for an administration that cancels working policies simply because of whose name is on those policies. When I think about it The Biden Administration seems to have elements of a proto-dictatorship. They’re not quite there, but give them another 4 years and they’ll probably find a way to move closer to dictatorship. Remember some countries suspend elections during declared national emergencies, be it military, natural disaster, or financial difficulties…”

My Barber went back to straightening the beard line at my throat, “Okay, I’m following you there but how is Bidenomics working?”

I smiled and waited for him to stand up with the blade away from my throat, “That’s simple, Bidenomics is demonstrably working. Your proof is many people in the country, maybe half, specifically those who are traditionally conservative and work for a living in flyover states are suffering. This is clearly punishment from the Democratic Party for America’s rebellious voting in 2016, when everyone was supposed to vote for Hillary. Bidenomics is working exactly as designed. It was supposed to destroy the economy, increase financial stress across the board, create a greater divide between the ‘Haves and Have Nots’, screw up retirement for boomers, and keep people angry and polarized. All of this potential strife must be in place before the 2024 election. That way, if by some chance, a Republican who is not under full control of the political machine in Washington is elected, rioting can commence instantly. The administration having Joe Biden claim Bidenomics is working is quite possibly the only true thing said in the White House during this administration.”

“I don’t know if I believe your assessment. I do think you’re one of the scariest people I know. Your ability to think in such a diabolical and evil way is terrifying. Here, have a beer,” my Barber said opening a brew.

“Thank you, I’m an amateur. The truly terrifying people are those who live this shit 24/7 in Washington DC. They’re called the United States Government.”

At which point we both had a good laugh.

My Barber went back to his work on my beard, and the conversation turned toward wondering if our sexual escapades of the past would come to haunt us in the future.

The question, “Have you ever wondered if your aggressive sex from years ago might be considered sexual abuse or even rape by todays standards,” led to another fun conversation that could only be had in a safe male space.

Have a good weekend!

Posted on

He works hard for da money!!!!

I worked way too hard for my income!

Hunter Biden literally worked his fingers to the bone firing off threatening text messages. For his efforts within a month he got 4 -5 million dollars.

Wow! Obviously I’ve been doing this whole making money thing wrong my whole life. What I should have been doing was threatening high ranking officials of the Chinese Communist Party.

I could have retired comfortably a long time ago.

Does anybody happen to have Henry Zhao’s phone number? I can dash off half a dozen threatening nasty text messages before dinner!

I was thinking perhaps I could go for hush money. There are a lot of really nasty politicians in California, I’m sure I could catch someone with their hand in the cookie jar! Oh wait… They’re 98% Democrats (they have no shame,) so that wouldn’t work. I’d have to find a Republican. In California those are few and far between. Dang! I’ll have to move to another state first.

I’m glad that there’s at least ONE IRS agent who has a sense of morality and duty. I’ll have to make a note of his name for future reference. If I ever get audited, I’ll have to ask for him specifically. He might still be a son of a bitch, but at least he has some vestige of moral compass.

I’m also enjoying in a very dark way that the DOJ, FBI, and Merrick Garland have all been proven liars about Hunter Biden’s laptop.

You’l recall, that was the laptop that these agencies and every media outlet swore on their mother’s lives was Russian disinformation. At the same time, these same organizations, called anyone talking about the laptop Russian operatives and in some cases traitors.

Uh huh…

I think every single one of their people screaming the laptop was Russian disinformation should be arrested…

They clearly were attempting to affect the outcome of national elections, and maybe should be investigated to determine if they were Russian operatives.

Posted on

Just how much of Canada is burning?

The smoke is covering the East Coast as far south as Myrtle Beach. My goodness! Have Canadian Patriots lit the place on fire to cover a Coup? Under cover of smoke are patriots dragging Trudeau out of parliament?

One can only hope!

Will Canada pay reparations to the United States and / or carbon credits to the EU to offset this?

I know I shouldn’t be making fun of the situation but when you take the whole green thing to its insane conclusion then we have to ask these kinds of questions.

The smoke cover is also going to be reducing the efficiency of solar panels and causing more carbon to be produced because of unusual demands on the electrical grid.

OMG! Canada’s ESG Score is going to take a hit!

It is not my intention to be mean to Canada. The Canadian people suffer under Trudeau. They have my sympathy.

I use this event to highlight the absurdity of carbon taxation and ESG scoring. Because neither system can be enforced and neither system appears to account for those events we used to call “Act Of God”. Since God is dead in the minds of the WEF attendees there can be no “Acts Of God” and therefore someone is responsible.

It’s well known, it can’t possibly be the government, or the super wealthy, or the movers and shakers in the entertainment industry.

The only people left who can be punished, are the taxpayers.

I’ll bet 6 months from now there’s going to be some tax hike in Canada that will be called wildfire mitigation and the funds will go anywhere but into proper stewardship of the land.

I can make that bet because California has tried to implement exactly those kinds of taxes. They’ve failed but for a time it looked like California was going to tax people living in “higher risk” zones for additional fire fighting resources.

They almost got away with it, until someone pointed out studies that proved the worst wildfires originated in California State Controlled & “maintained” forests.

Yep, the wildfires were originating in areas owned by the State of California and in many cases the California Department of Forestry hadn’t been allowed to do the proper maintenance to remove dead trees or undergrowth because they didn’t have their full appropriation.

Logging and other forestry management, in some cases, was blocked by environmentalist groups doing impact studies, often for years. Until a fire swept through the area being studied and well, I guess there wasn’t a need to do an impact study anymore.

Uh like yeah Professor Moonshaft-Sunbeam-Jones, the forest burned really hot. Like all our equipment is toast. The entire colony of inverted 9 toe hermaphroditic spotted periwinkles flew off when the fire came toward them. Too bad about Alboneus & Groompa being burned up, I liked Zem both… They kept saying the fire wasn’t real while the rest of us like, uhh ran.”

Perhaps I’m too mean toward the academics but over the years I’ve heard some truly astoundingly stupid things being said by supposedly educated people.

We know that dead trees in a forest are a fire hazard, we know that lots of brush is a fire hazard, we know that people wandering through the forests can become a fire hazard if they’re careless with camping or smoking or just suddenly fascinated that hitting two rocks together can cause a spark. (That last one I’ve actually seen an adult male doing.)

On the plus side, on that occasion I got a glimpse into what early hominids looked like discovering fire… That I was seeing this in 2022 was terrifying.

My point is that most countries and states within those countries have fire mitigation procedures. The question we should be asking is; why aren’t those procedures being followed?

In California it appears it’s about money not getting to the agencies who are tasked with the job. I’d suggest our Canadian brothers and sisters, ask their respective government agencies what’s going on.

Equally, I’d say for them not to take the government statements that the fires are being caused by climate change as gospel. Yes, climate change may be partially responsible. But if we’ve known climate change is happening, why haven’t more resources been allocated to forestry services to proactively mitigate the problem?

Could it be that government wants to use wildfires for their political and financial benefit?

Just a few questions that run through my mind.

Posted on

One Disaster at a time please!

Scnet beetlejuice 5408As of today, all disasters must take a number!

I’ll get to them in the order they occur and in my own damn time.

On the other hand, perhaps just ignoring them might be an option. In the case of sick relatives… Well, that will probably resolve itself on its own.

I know CostCo sells coffins, but do they have a family pack?

The past weeks have been eventful, and while I’m not complaining I sure could use a break.

The problem with aging and having aged parents is that with each passing day it’s ever more likely that something is going to happen where someone you care about someplace winds up in a hospital or the morgue.

In the last month I’ve learned that while I like tiled floors, cleaning blood out of grout is virtually impossible. So that scene in Scarface while memorable, is impractical with advanced forensics and DNA evidence. If you do a chainsaw murder make sure the area has nothing porous anywhere within the splatter zone. 

Not that I’m advocating bloody murders in anyway, it’s just that you’re going to get caught if you use a tile enclosure. Call that my criminal PSA for the year.

About a week after learning the lesson of grout. I was faced with the worst nightmare of anyone living a great distance from family. Death and hospitalization, not in that order… It wouldn’t make any sense to put someone who died in a hospital. What’s the point, right?

Most of my parents generation is in their 80s, many of them are single handedly keeping their local pharmacy open. With advancing age and infirmity comes the likelihood that someone is going to wake up one sunny morning dead. That’s happened in my family. Two days later another member was hospitalized. I’m waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and taking care of the other half who’s been “off” for the better part of two months. Remember the grout? 

So the horns of dilemma are poking my bottom mercilessly. Do I stay on one coast to look after the other half, or do I head to the other coast to attend one funeral, visit another hospitalized family member and perhaps get back home only to go back to the opposite coast a month of two later.

Numerically speaking two events on the East Coast outweigh one event on the West. Excluding the deceased family member though, the numbers stack up even 1 to 1. Logic says take care of living people because the dead ones are beyond caring.

Over the last year I’ve seen way too much of hospitals, rehab clinics, and Emergency rooms. I hate them all.

So family, you’ve got a choice. Either all go to the same hospital / funeral home at the same time, OR schedule getting sick! In other words take a number and wait your turn!

Yes, yes, I realize that waking up dead is inconvenient and you’ll lose your Tee Time. But think about the rest of us having to clean up the mess. The squabbling, and infighting are awful. Outliers of the family skulking about trying to see if they can score a car or silverware. It is simply annoying and messy. The stress on the other old members of the family takes its toll too. The last thing anyone needs is one of them, already with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, getting a shove into the grave stressing out about your funeral.

So to my family members… Just stick around spend the children’s inheritance on hookers if you want.

Be polite. Be immortal, and make that 6AM Tee Time, maybe you’ll finally break 80. Given that your vision is failing, you’re all old, and no-one is going to say a word if you play someone else’s ball on the green. Just don’t wander off with another group of golfers while the rest of us are looking for the ball that you sliced into the water trap on an adjacent fairway. If it comes to it, I’d be willing to “mulligan” you right to the green if you’d just stick around.

Give it some thought.

Love you all.

Posted on

The moment I saw the word, I knew this would happen

The word is PureBlood.

This is a term that some unvaccinated people are using to identify themselves. These folks are specifically referring to the COVID vaccine and while they’re probably vaccinated against other common childhood illnesses they’re drawing the line at the mRNA vaccines.

In a way it makes sense. Unvaccinated people were demonized as pariahs. Many of them lost their jobs, some of their children are being denied the opportunity to attend school (in person or via remote learning), our military is still dismissing trained soldiers who have requested and been denied religious exemption. Latest reports I’ve read, put the number of unvaccinated at a little north of 30% of the population.

The story of the COVID vaccine has shifted over the past 2 years. First it was, “you won’t get sick,” then the storyline morphed into, “you won’t get as sick”. The story in the beginning was that if you got vaccinated you’d not spread COVID, now data is suggesting that you can still spread it and that may be worse because you might be asymptomatic. Therefore spreading it unknowingly, although this is no different from unvaccinated people who are asymptomatic so that’s probably a wash.

The shifting winds of the efficacy and repeated boosters have not lent a lot of credence to the narrative presented by the powers that be.

President Biden said COVID was a pandemic of the unvaccinated. Then went off and got COVID after being quadruple vaccinated. It’s interesting to note that President Biden’s entire Presidency seems to have been about identifying and then demonizing “The Other”. First it was the unvaccinated, now it’s MAGA.

Fauci suffered the same embarrassment over vaccinations, He still got COVID, and later suffered a Paxlovid rebound.

Through it all there were people that chose not to get the vaccine. For some, it was a matter of religion, for others it was a matter of their particular biology which resulted in the vaccine being contraindicated. Still others had COVID early on and saw no need to be vaccinated against something they’d already had and survived. Others just didn’t trust the government and their mistrust only grew as the government brought force and shame to bear.

But one aspect has been fairly constant. Demonization. The unvaccinated were “Dirty”, “Unpatriotic”, “Selfish”, and “AntiSocial”. There were media pundits that suggested putting the unvaccinated into camps.

None of this would engender compliance for people who made their own decisions and were willing to live with the consequences.

Some of the unvaccinated believe that the mRNA vaccines will cause long term health issues and reproductive harm. Fauci himself admitted in an interview that abnormal bleeding and irregular menstruation, post vaccine, needed further study.

It seems that a lot of the unvaccinated also believe that the vaccines alter the DNA of the person. I’ve seen interesting justifications both pro and con in this stance. I don’t have sufficient information about genetics or the interaction of RNA / DNA to comment nor is there any need for the purposes of this post.

The point is, PureBlood is being used to describe in a broad sense unvaccinated folks. The unvaxed are owning it instead of covering it up. Now they’re making dating and mating choices based on their status.

There are PureBlood dating sites. 

In a way it makes sense. If you’re a PureBlood and you believe that reproductive harm is caused by COVID Vaccines, then you’d want to date and perhaps marry another PureBlood in order to insure that your children had the best shot at a healthy life without genetic abnormalities.

The added benefit is that you’re more likely to share similar political or religious beliefs.

Lots of people on the internet are sneering and making nasty comments about these sites. Why they’d bother? I have no idea. The unvaccinated are probably not going to be interested in them, and they’re not going to be interested in the unvaccinated. But the internet at large seems to NEED to find fault.

For the unvaccinated, it’s just more of the same.

Some of the younger unvaccinated males have made interesting responses. The best was a guy responding to a particularly nasty thread saying, “Don’t worry ladies, my sperm will only cost you 10K a vial when your man finds out he’s sterile and you want a kid. You have no worries that I’d ever put my dick in your diseased cooch!”

I read that, and blew water out my nose. (I should learn not to drink when I’m scanning comment threads.)

The responses from some of the nastier women were very unladylike. Most were generally along the lines of, “In your dreams you racist, misogynist, transphobic, homophobic, piece of shit, better the species die out than have to carry your seed in my belly”

His response was, “Yeah remember that when you’re begging to jerk me off.”

Funny thing to me, (aside from his responses,) is that so many really nasty women put in the time to search for the site, and then took the time to raise a vitriolic stink by writing comments. They could have done what a lot of “Normal” people do, not bothered!

As I was reading about these sites, and there are a growing number, I wondered how long it would be before small enclaves started. This could be the seeds for the next Waco or Ruby Ridge type commune. 

A lot of the unvaccinated seem to think that the vaccinated will die off. I’m not sure where that belief comes from. There are statistics from other countries that suggest a higher than usual mortality due to all causes over the past two years. The numbers seem to be increasing.

I think that this is probably due to people not getting in to their doctors for routine checkups. By the time folks did get to the doctor, things had progressed too far to be stopped. In other words, I think the unvaccinated folks belief may be due to coincidence instead of provable fact.

Again, I’m not a doctor, biochemist, virologist, or anything in the medical field so this is just my opinion.

It struck me that this is how religions and / or cults get started.

Viktor

I wonder if the President’s next speech will attempt to demonize white supremacist PureBloods.

I have to admit, hearing something like, “The PureBloods are dangerous to us all, they’re evil!” has a lot sexier ring to it.

With a little PR I’ll bet you could make PureBloods out to be practitioners of blood rituals and satanic rites aimed at the destruction of democracy.

I probably shouldn’t give the spin doctors any ideas…

After all, I too am a PureBlood.