Resume Rewrite…

I paid a resume service to rewrite my resume…

I was looking for something that would make it through all the HR filters and get me actually in front of a hiring manager so that the real discussion could begin.

The rewrite is a more standard (Un-Unique) resume. Not that my previous resume was all that flashy but it did have some elements designed to catch the eye and hopefully stand out a little. In retrospect those element were probably being lost anyway since the HR systems pretty much strip any non-standard elements making all resumes homogenous when they’re printed anyway.

The rewording of my experience and abilities is not comfortable for me. There are lots of words that are somewhat ambiguous and kind of “over the top”.  I realize that a resume is like a sales brochure but some of this is like the old days when software companies sold nothing but “vaporware”. 

This new version of our software with its muffler bearing algorithm will increase your accounting efficiency by 1000% when properly implemented*. (Implementation is dependent on your server being more advanced than the NSA) 

Why do we do this? Why not simply tell the truth?

I’ve got a ton of experience across a wide range of systems and topics. Obviously I’ve been around the block a few times and Generally speaking, as an older worker what I don’t know, or remember, I do know how to find or figure out.

I sent the initial copy back dripping in red-line. I paid for someone whose command of English was better than mine, so why did the initial draft need me to edit it for continuity, grammar, and word usage?

This whole resume thing is a mess anyway. We’re now writing our resumes to get past computerized filters, so that HR people can find the keywords the Hiring manager mentioned, and pass the document on to a hiring manager who is probably asking for something the HR people don’t understand in the first place.

What’s the likelihood, in this system,  that the interviewee is exactly what the interviewer is looking for? Yet HR is trying to apply exacting standards to the variability of human beings.

And as usual, the HR people really like to find your social media so they can figure out if you’re popular enough to join their team. After all we only want to hang with, or hire the cool kids right?

I’ve often thought  about creating a completely fictitious social media profile just so the HR people would have something to look at. I could do it, I’m a fiction writer after all. I haven’t because I don’t want to create and maintain a character.

In the wee hours of the night though, I’ve put the character together as a sketch that looks something like this;

  • Democrat or Bernie Sanders supporter 
  • Pro Gun control
  • Shocked and outraged that machine guns are freely available
  • Rabidly Anti Trump
  • Habitual commenter on Twitter, Facebook, and instagram. Follows the mainstream opinion, sharing outrage over the cause of the day and remarkably silent when any one of those causes happens to be disproven.
  • Social Justice warrior
  • Likes puppies and kittens, sends cutesy video clips frequently.
  • Live in a Hipster area
  • Complains bitterly about their name being misspelled on their Starbucks order. It’s Raven with a “Y” for goodness sake.

That’s just the beginning of the character, it still needs to be fleshed out.

I’ve thought that it might form a basis for an experiment. 

What would happen if you created three characters with equal qualifications and ages and the only difference between them was their social media feeds? Two characters interests overlap, differing in only, say their opinions about Trump. One is Rabid and the other isn’t actually a supporter but isn’t as much of a hater. One mentions how much they don’t like Antifa rallies and the other attends. The third character has no social media presence at all.

Would there be a measurable difference in their rate of interviews? 

If a demonstrable bias could be seen, could that bias be used to get back to a real hiring process instead of something akin to prom queen voting?

I doubt it.

Which is why I normally think about stuff like this in the wee hours of the night when I’m trying to bore myself back to sleep.

I’m thinking I’m going to tell the resume people that I’m not pleased. I don’t think I got equivalent value for the money. The more I look at this, the more it fills me with revulsion.

… improve organizational resilience, posture, and management …

Ugh!

However, I have gained a greater insight into why so many of the memos and “important notifications” at my previous company read like a poorly abridged thesaurus vomited on the page.

The feature I’m enjoying most in IOS 13 is call blocking…

ThinkstockPhotos-533519041.jpgI work on a simple premise.

If you’re a professional person and you get someone’s voicemail, You leave a voice mail. A professional says who they are, who they represent, and leaves a call back number and extension. It’s a simple equation, it worked for decades before we had cellphones. 

The same goes for someone who knows me. If you have legitimate business either as a friend or in a professional capacity you’ll leave a message.

So with IOS 13 I have the ability to route anyone and everyone that I don’t know directly to voicemail. With the flip of a single switch I have silence in my home. 

Spam call 700pxThe phone lets me know that a call came in and was sent to voicemail, but if the caller didn’t bother to actually leave a message I don’t give a shit.

If I do know you, and you’re calling from a number that I have associated with you, the phone rings you right on through. This is the single feature in IOS 13 that I’m most pleased with.

Unfortunately due to my job search and my recent mistake with the insurance quote (Read about it here) my phone number has gotten a little too public. In the days leading up to the release of IOS 13 my phone was ringing off the hook (An outdated phase) and every single call was someone trying to sell me something in the breathless rapid fire staccato of a used car salesman.

In the case of the Job search it’s usually someone mumbling in terrible English from Mumbai. In their case, it’s about a great opportunity for a one month contract on the other side of the country that must be filled immediately. Usually the mumbler has no idea that three people from other, “Fastest Growing Job Placement firms” before them have called with the exact same “Fantastic” opportunity that pays 9.99 an hour.

Don’t take that the wrong way, 9.99 an hour is income, but that wouldn’t come close to paying for the hotel room for a one month contract, and wouldn’t cover the health insurance or car rental. You may be thinking well, you wouldn’t need a car if you stayed in walking distance of the job site. That thought, is 100% true, and I’d love to walk to work.

Until you consider that most Hotels close to business centers are 199.00 or more a night so you have to think about either living in a no-tell motel that rents by the hour or you’re going to be well away from the business center you’re working in. Buses or subways might work but generally speaking mass transit in the country often isn’t an option. 

And lets not forget about the plane fare leaving today from LAX with no advance purchase, to say Connecticut. That ALONE could change the job situation into one where you’re essentially paying the employer to go work for them.

I like that I’m not having to give a geography lesson to mumblers who have no idea where I am in relation to where they’re trying to shoe-horn me. 

That single switch is a great filter. Someone not leaving a voice mail says they’re not legitimate. Whatever they’re selling is bullshit.

The phone still logs all the calls and shows you the number, and where possible, the originating city. Albeit the originating city has become almost worthless because SPAMMERs often fake out the phone system to look like they’re coming from a city local to you.

Eliminating the Phone SPAM is bliss.

I have no doubt that the SPAMMERs will change their tactics. They’ll start leaving voice mail like professionals. But that little switch allows me to once again have control over my life and phone. I’m not having to wonder if the next call I answer is legitimate or bullshit.

Perhaps in it’s way, that little switch will force some professionalism back into our society. Perhaps that switch will bring back a little courtesy and decorum in our expectations when we make a phone call. 

Imagine the effect it’s going to have on the election cycle. No more dumbassed surveys or polls. Who knows, it might even reduce the need for new phone numbers. After all if businesses start calling from one phone number instead of 20 different numbers we might actually answer the call because we recognize the business as someone we actually deal with.

Time will tell, but now I’m not thinking about changing my phone number after I get a new job.

So if you call me and get routed to voicemail, leave a message. I’ll call you back when I have a minute.

And ADT is OUTTA here!

adt_logo.jpgFor 10 years I’ve had ADT security.

It’s been an okay system and provides a slight… Well, negligible discount on the homeowner’s insurance.

However of late, there’ve been some incidents that are completely unacceptable.

Their application is horrendously slow to connect with the control panel. So while they say you can control the Alarm from your phone, and you can… It’s crazy slow and sometimes just won’t connect. So while I used to rely on the application to turn the alarm on and off from the car, I can’t anymore.

Well, I can… if I’m willing to wait for the system to connect and all that. There have been times when I’ve waited in the driveway 5 minutes or more and finally got frustrated, got out of the car, and disarmed the alarm manually from the main console. Then gone back out to the car to open the dang garage.

This didn’t used to be the case but it’s gotten much worse over the past 2 years.

Then there’s the Alarm panel bitching and complaining that it’s lost connection with the monitoring station, (Always at 2 AM) If this happens the damn alarm will go off every 10 minutes and most recently the “Support” people were completely unable to resolve the issue or tell me how to turn the damn thing off so I could get some sleep.

Then mysteriously, everything started working again. Huh… You’d think there’d be a way for me to tell the system all is well and I’ll deal with your issues tomorrow.

Since the application doesn’t work reliably, you’re forced to use the keyfob remote. Don’t even get me started about changing the batteries. On more than one occasion, changing the battery has resulted in the keyfob ceasing to function. In those situations ADT wants to charge you for a new fob, and you have to have a service call to program the new one.

The fob has four buttons. Clockwise from the left, the buttons are Arm Stay, Arm Away, Disarm, and the “Golden” button is Panic alarm. 

This layout is, I suppose logical, except that if you’re trying to get the keyfob out of your backpack and/or in a hurry, it’s far too easy to press that damn panic alert button. Sometimes if the keyfob is in your pocket a key will press the panic alert button. 

Either way, no matter how quickly you call the ADT people you’ve got a crazy situation and not once in recent years have they been able to call the police to cancel the panic.

Last night was a prime example. I’m in the car, the keys are in my backpack, I’ve just sat for an hour on a closed freeway due to an accident and in my haste to get home to take a leak, I opened the garage door without disarming the alarm first. Realizing my mistake I’m on the phone to ADT within a minute and I mean literally within 60 seconds.

Call one, ADT answers… Hangs up, Call two ADT answers hangs up… Call three ADT answers shitty connection, I’m telling the lady to cancel the police. She collects the requisite security information and puts me on hold. After a couple of minutes she says that she can’t cancel the police. I ask her why. She says that the police are called immediately and that too much time has passed.

I say what? Not 10 minutes have passed and the police have radio.

Then she lies to me!

She says that ADT called me and got no answer. I say they didn’t, and I’m talking to her on the only phone I have. Then I pull up the phone log to check. Sure enough, only my outbound calls to ADT are listed in the phone log, there are no incoming phone calls from ADT. 

Uhh WRONG Answer!

My next question is what does it take to terminate ADT.

She tells me that can’t be done until Monday.

So Monday I’m calling to cancel the service.

There are other similar services that are cheaper and better rated. Simple equation! 

So I’m waiting for the police to show up.

At 11:45 PM I get a call, first one, from ADT. It’s a different lady who’s following up. Okay, I tell her the situation and that I’m not pleased. I also ask her if the police are actually coming or if they’ve been told they don’t need to come. She’s surprised that the police haven’t shown up yet.

She checks and says apparently the police were cancelled. Okay great! I thank her for following up and wish her a good evening.

At 12:15 AM Aliens landed in front of my house.

A police cruiser is sitting outside with the spotlights on the front of my place. I’m still up anyway so I’ve got lights on in the house and I’m listening to music to relax before I try to go to bed.

I walk out on the front deck and realize the officer may not have a clear view of me, The cruiser lights are only illuminating the lower portion of the house. I tell the officer, “Wait a minute, let me turn on some lights so you can see me” I step back inside and flip on the exterior lights then go meet the officer in the driveway.

I apologize for the unnecessary trip and explain to him that ADT had been told to cancel the call. I pull out my wallet and give him my ID. 

He was very nice about it. I told him the police are welcome at anytime to park in my driveway, they needn’t park on the street. I shake his hand and he hands me back my ID. I felt really bad about the un-necessary drive he had to make. He had other more pressing matters, I’m sure.

He was very nice and professional, but did say that ADT rarely calls them to cancel anything. I find that interesting, I’d have invited him for coffee but since he was on duty I doubt he’d have taken me up on it.

I’d no sooner finished with the officer, than my phone displayed an email from ADT saying that there’d been an alarm. The email timestamp on their email is 11:39, it arrived at 12:16… Say What????

Still no sign of the original phone calls from ADT. Clearly they had the right number, otherwise the second lady couldn’t have called me.

So ADT is being fired for the following;

  • Misinformation
  • Not doing their jobs in a reasonable way
  • Flat out lying

In point of fact, ADT should have replaced the alarm control system as part of routine maintenance. The unit is 10 years old. They’ve never come back to do any kind of tune up, unless I badgered them into it. They’ve been difficult to deal with over the years and I find myself asking why am I paying them to be incompetent?

So I won’t.

I often read the news from places I’ve lived…

To err is humanIt’s nice seeing what’s happening in those places I remember fondly. Sometimes though I realize that those places have changed just as much as the rest of the country.  

This morning while reading a Kentucky paper, an article jumped off the page.

The article details how a simple clerical error being amplified by technology caused legal entanglements for an innocent and completely unrelated family 90 miles away.

The article is Here

This is a current example of what I mentioned in the blog post Here

What makes this example stand out are the circumstances that led to it.

Overworked employee, lack of employee retention, outdated computer systems, and the ease with which the myriad of laws and technology’s reach can ensnare anybody at anytime.

dont-think.jpgGiven the speed with which technology can propagate an error. Add the tendency for people to believe what is displayed on their computer screens without question, regardless of data to the contrary and you have a digital mess that the affected individual must correct.

The individual will have to champion their cause alone, usually because they’re fighting the “Not my job syndrome”. 

In many cases even if you manage to find an official that will acknowledge the error, they have no means to correct it.

In my previous job, I saw these kinds of errors all the time. Thankfully I had the ability to correct most of them without having to send it up to higher authority. I was one of the few who could, or cared enough to take the time. Honestly, I knew when I sent something to the higher-ups, whatever it was would fall through the cracks and never be addressed.

It’s good that Fayette county is paying for the legal fees and providing credit monitoring. But I’ll bet that 3, 5, or 10 years down the road the family will once again be fighting to clear their name. 

This is the digital trap we’re creating. I believe that it will only get worse and will eventually choke us.

If you want to test your phone, or need someone to think you’re really important… Try this!

CellexplodeOkay, 

I goes without saying that the healthcare system in this country is broken, and broken badly.

It’s been this way for years and despite all the posturing and bullshit coming form the mouths of healthcare companies, insurers and our politicians nothing has been done to make it any better. Arguably, everything the government has done has made matters worse.

One of the things that you need to deal with after losing your job is health insurance.

You can go with COBRA which will drive you into the poor house if you have savings, and often will take the entirety of your unemployment benefits. So choosing between insurance, or food, light, heat, etc. most folks will choose to eat

The last time I was on COBRA, the cost was greater than my car payment, at the time I was paying for a BMW. In the case of the car I was receiving a tangible benefit. That was the car sitting in the garage.

This time around, COBRA was not only more than my car payment but it could have made 1/2 of another car payment. I declined to pay for something that had no tangible benefit where I’d still have to pay out of pocket for medications too.

So I reached out to a broker that I’d spoken with in the past and who had been able to connect me with insurance that was reasonably priced. He returned the call, but I missed him. I called him back and left a message, despite repeated messages I’ve left for him, he hasn’t called back. Can’t blame him I can’t imagine dealing with insurance all day every day.

So I thought to myself, “I surely can do some comparison shopping on the internet.”

BOY, WAS I COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG!

There was a site, that said plainly enough “Compare Quotes” I thought great! They asked for minimum information and I was expecting a table of dollar ranges. You know, something that said;

Rape & Fuckyou Health Partners Inc. $500 – $900 monthly

Fuckyou & Yourmother Medical Inc. $700 – $2500 monthly

Nutkicker Health $300 – $899 monthly

I thought that would get me in the ball park and I’d choose the lesser of the evils and then begin the arduous process of actually dealing with a slimy insurance broker.

As I stated earlier…

I was Wrong!

Within seconds of my asking for a comparison quote my phone blew the fuck up!

It was 7 am, I’m having my first cup of coffee and the person on the one call I answered was on Meth! The conversation started out as a barrage of nonstop questions. Then another call, and another call and another call and …

They’re still calling nonstop a full hour after I pressed that button expecting a nice chart of my options. Thank god TMobile allows me to block annoying phone numbers.

But I know that call waiting works!

It’s my fault.

I knew that putting in my phone number was a bad idea. But being one or two sips into my morning coffee, well my decision making process is compromised. It’s almost as bad as drunk computing…

I’m declining all these calls from Whacko numbers and cities, and they’re not leaving voicemails so I’m assuming that everyone of these people is some kind of scumbag.

I think I may have discovered the telephone equivalent of SWATTING. All you have to do is give your worst enemy’s phone number out to a few Healthcare quote sites and you can render their phone completely useless. I’ll bet if you were to do this at say 9:00 at night you could interrupt someone’s sexual escapades. I know it’s interrupted my morning routine.

On the plus side, now I know better, I know my phone works, and I’ve learned how to really annoy someone. 

On the down side i still haven’t gotten my quote.

I’m thinking I’ll look up the insurance provider I was with before I went to my last job, and see if I can just get a policy  similar to what I had before. It was okay, covered the basics and not too expensive.

Hope you all have a great day.