Category: Male

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Ahhh The sweet smell of Down Home Christianity

Folks it’s happened once again. At least this time it’s not in Florida. But you really do have to ask what the hell is up with North Carolina????

What’s happened now you say?

Another God fearing down home Christian Minister / Pastor / Reverend / (Whatever) has demonstrated why Christianity and other religions will no doubt be banned in the future.

Now wait… before you go nuts and condemn me to hell, hear me out…

How many people have died due to the practice of various religions?

How many civilizations have been destroyed over religious practice?

It doesn’t seem to matter which side of the “Good Book” you’re on or which “Good Book” you read. Inevitably someone is going to get it into their head that THEIR view and practice of religion is the right one and your view is wrong. Shortly after that your wrongness will be punishable by death.

The funniest thing is that the latest Hate Spewing asshole would denounce and call for the bombing of the Taliban, Iran, Iraq, and probably the Palestinians too. Yet he fundamentally agrees with at least one tenant of these peoples religions.

YES!!! REALLY!

We must KILL THE FAGGOTS because THEY EXIST!

Below is a link to part of the heinous Hate Filled speech from the pulpit. If this link disappears, do a youtube search for Pastor Charles L Worley.

I don’t know how long this video will remain online. I’ve heard that the church is trying to remove it from public view. No wonder! If these are the values that Christianity espouses I think I’ll choose another religion… Perhaps something involving naked dancing around a fire and minimal animal sacrifice.

Let me sum up what this man is saying.

1) He wants to put lesbians in one concentration camp.

2) He wants to put Gay men in another concentration camp

3) He wants the fences to be electrified and expects for the Homosexual vermin to die out. ( I put the word Vermin in his mouth, and paraphrased the rest.)

Clearly this moron doesn’t understand where homosexuals come from.

Gay people are born. Gay people come from all walks of life, all families,  and all ethnicities.

Deity forbid there may even have been one or two gay people sitting in the congregation listening to this vitriol live. Had I been sitting there I’m sure that I’d have insured my passage to hell because I’d have been more than happy to have taken this guy on. 

He also doesnt’ address the issue of Bisexuals. I mean really what’s he going to do with them? Another concentration camp? I guess he’ll have to make sure they’re sterilized else they’re gonna breed!

This guy has no idea that it’s a fine line between concentration camps and outright murder. I’m surprised that he suggested just putting Lesbians in a camp. I kept expecting to hear that the Lesbians should be used as breeding stock. The Nazis used Lesbians against their will to breed Aryan babies. And they provided a great pick-me-up for the troops too! 

Imagine the outlet for all those pent-up Christian men whose wives aren’t putting out anymore. Oh and lets not forget that in the bible, there’s talk about men whose wives were barren and they were allowed to go hook up with a slave or a 2nd wife. I’m sure that all those good Christian women would welcome the relief. But what does that say about adultery?

OH Wait… It’s not adultery or fornication if the church said you can do it right?

So if the church says to go kill a bunch of people for Jesus it’s ok. See History: Crusades

You know, that’s EXACTLY what the 9/11 terrorists thought. Only they weren’t killing for Jesus, for them it was Muhammad. (Unless you believe the conspiracy theories.)

As always I’m left wondering how so many “religions of peace” end up pounding their plowshares into swords.

———— UPDATE ————–

The original link I embedded was gone by the time this post went live.

I’ve updated the post with another link. 

The new link is not as good as the original I posted. The original was 12 -13 minutes long and at least gave some context. After making the inflammatory statements he goes on to cite the Chapter in Leviticus, and another chapter in Romans, he builds his case following the usual conservative religious dogma.

Honestly, He and the church would have been better off letting the original video remain posted. While what he says is clearly scary… Why he says it is understandable from the standpoint of the dogma of his particular faith.

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I’m sure I’m going straight to hell…

Sometimes I can’t help myself.

Tonight as the Godson was leaving for a camping trip with a couple of buddies I thought a practical joke was in order. After all 19 – 22 year olds have to have some reason to swear at each other don’t they?

One of his buddies, I’ve met and in addition to him being just a hell of a nice young man & proud Marine, he seems like the type that could take a joke.

SO my evil mind bubbling, boiling, and churning comes up with this plan.

I say “Lets put a condom that appears used in the sleeping bag he’s rented for the trip. “

My godson is laughing so hard he can’t even speak.

While he’s recovering I head to my bedroom, grabbing a condom and a bottle of Spunk Lube…

I unroll the condom then squirt a bit of lube in the condom. I hold it up and think “What the Hell?”. I say to the godson; “lets make it a big’un” and hit the condom with a completely unrealistic amount of the lube. While I’m squeezing the stuff down to the end of the condom. My godson is holding his sides laughing.

I fold the thing over and stuff it into a plastic sandwich bag. As I hand it to him I tell him to make sure that he slides it into his buddys sleeping bag so that the cold sticky thing is going to come into contact with a bare foot, leg, or the small of the back.

At this point the godson is laughing so hard he’s red in the face. I can tell he’s imagining the look on his friends face when this whole thing goes down.

I’m sure that I’m going straight to hell….

 

—- UPDATE —-

The young man that we were pranking… Didn’t even blink… He’d read my previous post and knew that it was a joke. DAMN!!!! Obviously I’m getting a wider audience on this blog than I thought, not that I’m complaining…

So the moral of the story is… If you want to prank someone with Spunk make sure they haven’t read about it or aren’t already using it.

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Hey Religious Right… It’s all or nothing!

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First of all Let me say a few things right up front:

1) I rarely agree with Dan Savage

2) I often disagree with Joe of Joe.my.god

3) I’m not particularly religious

4) I rarely find enough compelling writing in Slate to continue reading more than a paragraph or two.

So you’ll understand that I took my blood pressure and temperature when I found myself reading an entire Slate article, agreeing with Dan Savage AND Joe about religion. I also checked to make sure that none of my neighbors had been raptured. Since I haven’t seen any Zombies walking around I’m going to assume that the zombie apocalypse hasn’t happened.

There’s been a lot of talk about Dan Savage lately. Frankly I hadn’t really paid any attention.

Hey he’s an activist, public speaker, television personality, blogger, sex advice columnist and makes a HELL of  a lot more money per year than I do.

Then Joe.my.god posts an excerpt from a Slate article saying that the author “nailed the Savage Flap”

I read the excerpt and thought “yeah” I agree with that so I went to the full article on Slate.

I  have to say the author makes some really good points. In the article Dan Savage is quoted as pointing out that Christians and Jews for that matter choose to ignore parts of the Bible that they no longer agree with.

Minor things.. .

Don’t eat shellfish

Don’t eat pork

Don’t work on the sabbath.

Stone an adulterer

It’s OK to keep slaves

Don’t mix linen and wool clothing items.

Savage goes on to say in his colorfully irreverent way that If Christians can ignore these things, they can just as easily learn to ignore the proscriptions against homosexuality.

I have to agree with him.

The Christian Right can’t pick and choose which rules it’s going to obey while at the same time condemning people with those same rules… That’s called hypocrisy.

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Hypocrisy on the part of the established religion of the time is one of the reasons Christ got put on the cross. Even the Roman governor found the whole matter distasteful. We know this because he literally washed his hands of it.

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Believe me Pilate would never have put the question to the crowd if he was convinced in the slightest of Christs guilt.

The Romans would have marched Christ and all the other criminals right out to Golgotha and that would have been the end of the story and another false “Prophet”. Rome wasn’t known for dealing lightly with it’s prefectures & they were especially heavy handed in the case of troublemakers or rebels.

The hypocrisy I speak of is not that of the crowd who freed the murderer instead of Christ. The Hypocrisy was on the part of the Pharisees who had become rich and powerful and invested in the Roman occupation. For them, it wasn’t about worshiping their God anymore it was about maintaining the status quo and good relations with Rome.

No I have no intention of deifying either Dan Savage or Joe. They’re both far from saints and certainly can’t walk on water even in their very best heels. I simply point out that Dan Savage is right.

If the Christian right wants to really demonstrate it’s commitment to fundamentalist, literal intrepretation of the Bible… They have to take all of it.

So NOM, Focus on the Family, and all you other hypocrites shut the hell up until you’re ready to have some good old stonings of adulterers. Oh and you can start with a number of your leaders. You know who they are, they made impassioned public pleas for forgiveness when they got caught cheating on their spouses.

Impassioned plea or not… Biblical law is the Biblical law. We know you’re sorry… but the law says you must be stoned to death.

Hummm Starts to sound a LOT like the Taliban doesn’t it?

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Lubes… No, NOT FOR YOUR CAR!

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I’ve decided that I’m going to be sharing personal views on various products that I use. Some of those products may be “normal” average every day things and some may not.

This is the first installment, I hope you enjoy it.

As a guy that likes to bust a nut. I’ve used a wide variety of lubricants in my masturbatory career.

I’ve often said that If I could give myself a blowjob I’d be homeless living under a bridge and have no need for anyone. I even tried Yoga to see if I could get limber enough! Alas, no joy…

My lack of flexibility…. (notice I said nothing about length… I’m 12 internet inches thank you very much!) has led me to the exploration of various personal lubricants over the years.

As a general rule, I like water based lubricants, but I have to admit a certain perverse fondness for Jergens.

What Mother hasn’t noticed that her Jergens consumption increased by 75% when her first son reached puberty? Yeah Mom, sorry about blowing through all those bottles of the stuff for you… But I couldn’t blow myself and well my dick wouldn’t be denied!

From the early lubes that contained a cornucopia of chemicals and dried the hell out of my johnson to KY, and J-Lube I’ve rubbed out more that a few loads..

My most recent favorites have been Gun Oil H2O and Stroke 29 (also by gun oil). Been using these lubes to bust a nut since I discovered them.

Stroke 29 dispenses like a thick cream then changes state as you stroke and it heats up. It’s long lasting and feels damn fine while I ride my fist to glory. The nice thing about 29 is that you don’t necessarily have to rinse off. A quick wipe with a hand towel and I’m good to go. 

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Gun Oil H20 is nice but is really best suited for fucking. If it’s inside someone it stays slick and lasts pretty well. Using it for stroking is good too but you end up re-applying often and using quite a bit.

This is a common problem with most water based lubricants

As the water evaporates, the lube gets progressively stickier and tacky until you’re forced to wet it down again or re-apply.

Silicone lubes solve this problem but they shouldn’t be used with many latex products.

So if you’re playing with someone and decide to get a little more serious you have to clean up, and then switch to a lube that is condom safe for example.

Silicone lubes are also kind of messy and I’ve found them hard to clean up. (As an aside a nice salt scrub will break the stuff down faster.)

There are other masturbatory lubes that have a variety of chemicals which make them inappropriate for vaginal / anal penetration or use before oral sex. In addition to the bad flavor, the chemical soup can be very irritating to the lining of any orifice.

These products are freakin great for just strokin but you’re back to the stopping and cleaning up if you and a partner decide to mix it up. 

 Recently, I’ve tried Spunk. 

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This stuff is great! it’s slick, and stays wet a long time. It behaves as advertised and cleans off of you with a hand towel, no water necessary.

The stuff cleans easily off your toys with soap and water, leaving no residue.  It’s toy / latex safe and did I mention it looks like cum.

Yeah, for fetishists like myself that’s a major selling point.

I love using my own cum as a lube for the second round of fun. Ok I’m a kinky fuck… moving on…

With Spunk I get to have the thrill of stroking with something that looks like cum… right from the get go.

Spunk is a really nice all around solution because it’s a hybrid. It stays wet & slick longer than the traditional water based lube.

It does eventually require either water or re-aplication but not nearly as often as many of the traditional water based lubes. If you’re into edge play, this can be a nice change.

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It’s safe for use as a vaginal/anal lubricant, it’s also neutral tasting. All are advantages because you can have fun alone or with someone, without having to think about which lube to use or breaking the action to clean up just to umm… get dirty again.

Looking at the Spunk bottle pictured… is that cum or is it Spunk? Can’t tell? that’s the point!  

Yeah I did my own little photo shoot to see if the pictures on the Spunk web site were “Doctored” guess what? I don’t think they were.  

In my highly unscientific comparison spunk stays slick just about as long as my own highly personal product. Of course I can buy Spunk in 8 oz bottles and my personal product cums in only tablespoon quantities.  (Hey I had to do a fair comparison didn’t I? Besides I had the lube on my hand I didn’t want to waste it!)

I will admit that I am somewhat biased to my own product… But I think that’s because I feel so good dispensing it! 

Dispensing Spunk isn’t quite as much fun, on the other hand… dispensing Spunk means I’m going to be having fun so it’s an easy tradeoff.

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Some other notes, my skin can be sensitive, especially around the urethral opening. I’ve had a number of lubes that caused irritation in that area. If you’re a guy like me who’s had lubes that felt like someone was holding a blowtorch to the end of your dick, Spunk is a safe choice it hasn’t caused any negative reaction whatsoever. 

I think that I’ll be switching to Spunk only for all my future sexual escapades… Now can I get a bulk discount?

YES! you can buy the product in Gallon sized jugs.

You know… there is a whole practical joke aspect to this stuff that might just be worth exploring! 

Imagine dropping your car off at your local mechanic with spunk all over the steering wheel or dripping from the underside of the hood. 

I can see that conversation. “Oh yeah I have sex with my car… let me wipe that off!”

If I come across any better lubes I’ll share my experiences with them too. For the time being I’m a fan of the Spunk product.

Feel free to make suggestions or comments, I’m always looking for something new to try out.

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Got a new toy… A Tenga

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OK right at the outset for my friends who are squeamish about me saying stuff about sex…. I’m about to talk about a sex toy.

NO! Not a dildo or vibrator. I’m not planning to extoll the virtues of either.

It’s a TENGA. While this is a lot like the FleshLight (Which I also have and enjoy, but which is also aging). This little Japanese wonder is… Well A LOT OF FUN!

Had some time to give it a whirl this morning. I think I’m going to be making time for this puppy more often.

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Unlike the FleshLight, the Tenga opens horizontally along it’s long axis. This allows for very easy application of lubricant and even easier cleaning.

One down side to the FleshLight is the cleaning.

My FleshLight is showing signs of wear not from use so much as from the cleaning.

The disassembly process puts strain on the silicone insert and over time creates micro-tears around the circumfrence. I’ve also had difficulty with the hard plastic parts becoming brittle over time. 

The Tenga solves these issues and makes cleanup a snap. It’s nice to be able to really get at all the nooks and crannies with plain old soap and water.

A major issue for me with the FleshLight is that after I’ve had my fun, I’ve got the insert out which has all the structural integrity of a dead octopus… that has to dry, plus the outer case, plus the two end caps. This pile of parts has sit somewhere while drying, quite often that someplace is out on the bathroom counter.

If you hurry the drying process with say a blow dryer… you risk damaging any or all of the components. If you just say “Fuck it!” An all too likely prospect in my world, you’ll put it away wet and then run the risk of god knows what growing in the thing.

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The Tenga is completely different.

There are exactly two parts. The cover is used during your fun… it’s what keeps the two halves of the Tenga locked together. When not in use the cover protects the silicone in the business end of the unit.

After cleaning, the cover supports the whole unit upright for drying.

The design is elegant and functional.

I’m not trying to sound like an ad copy writer here but I’ve always had a great respect for simple functional design. I’ve never seen any reason not to have the same design criteria for sexual toys.

One thing that I didn’t realize when I purchased my new best friend is that the nubs and groves are available in different patterns.

I’d been shown the inside of one in the store, and when I got mine home, the inside was different. So if you’ve got a penchant for a particular pattern of bumps, nubs, grooves, etc. pay attention to the packaging. I don’t know if the color of the plastic shell correlates with the pattern or not. But the possible differences are worth noting.

Ok so now you know the basics… Now you’re thinking, DUDE! How does it feel?

In a word…. Ahhhhhhhhh fuck yeah!

OK that’s more than one word… sue me!

Here’s where the Tenga shines. If you’ve been observant, you’ve probably wondered about the buttons you can see in the photos. Each of those buttons changes the feeling. (No, the unit is not powered) pressing the buttons applies additional pressure. The one at the bottom makes the entry very tight. YEAH!

The middle button does something that makes the unit have a lot more suction Whoo Hooo, and the top button increases the tightness, stimulation at the head of your dick. OMG!

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All in all, a series of DAMN good feelings.

Sitting here thinking about it…. I might have to go have another round with my new friend…

…. OK I’m back. Yeah I think I like the middle and end buttons best! Whew!

Now where was I?

Oh there may be a down side for some of my friends. The Tenga isn’t as long as the FleshLight, It’s also not as wide.

The length might not be a deal breaker but the width of the business end could present a problem for some of my well endowed friends. You know who you are!

On my personal scale the Tenga is a great product. It’s a bit pricy but if it holds up, well  worth it. Throw in some excellent  Spunk Lube and this toy will have you spunking in short order.

To my friends… if you’re interested come on by I’ll let you take my new friend for a spin. Something I might add that I never felt entirely comfortable doing with my FleshLight, again that whole cleanliness issue.

Oh and you’re going to clean it… I’m not your fucking maid! And I’m probably going to watch. You all know I’m a voyeur so that should be no surprise!