Category: Male

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It’s on my Calendar…

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The accusatory reminder is sitting there.

“Blog,” It says.

“About what,” I think to myself.

“That I have nothing to say?”

The reminder is implacable. I should just delete the little bastard, that’d show it. Consign it to the digital hell of forgotten “To Dos”.

But as A friend has reminded me and several well renowned authors have said;

Write anything, just write daily.

Okay, I’m writing. 

The internet is an interesting thing. I was able to distract myself from writing for a whole hour. I was suddenly curious about an old High School friend. Actually, he was my best friend. I may have found traces of him, but doubt seriously that we’ll ever re-connect. 

That relationship ended in a weird way in 1980 (I think). I honestly don’t remember now. I just remember thinking as I watched my friends back receding from my view that this was probably the last time I’d see him.

Then I got busy living my life and I assume he got busy living his. 

Through the years I’ve been curious about him and how his life had gone. I tried sending a letter or two and the occasional Christmas card. I don’t know if they ever found their intended recipient. These items were sent with paper and an actual stamp, but there was no reply.  I suppose I had an answer in that – there was no reply.

Nonetheless I’ve been curious through the years. 

With more and more data and personal information being stored and made available on the internet, it’s a lot easier to locate someone from your past. They don’t even have to have a social media account. Public records can go a long way toward letting you find someone.

Regarding my long lost friend… Either he was arrested for domestic battery in 2002, OR he’s living in a nice house, in the town that we grew up in working a blue collar job. The latter is, I think most likely. The second result’s age lines up more closely.

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The mug shot is striking in its similarity to the face I remember.

However, I think it highly unlikely that the police would be off by 5 years on the person’s age.

Perhaps it was a relative…

Not that an arrest record would be a reason for me not to re-connect. Multiple arrest records would be another issue.

This appears to be a one-off, and God knows I’ve had my knock down drag out fights with significant others over the years. Had some of those fights happened while I was living in an apartment… Well, then probably a mug shot of me would be gracing search results on the internet too.

The legal definition of Battery is surprisingly vague. I could see slightly rough sex being considered battery. 

I could easily imagine doing the same thing this week, that you did last week where your partner was really into it. Only to find out that your partner wasn’t into it today, and was flat out pissed off. Next thing you know, you’re having unflattering pictures (Front and Profile) taken.

I wonder what it would be like to re-connect with my friend. Would it be like no time had passed, or would the time and life experiences be so different that the gulf simply could not be bridged?

Would we each be disappointed with the effort? Is it better to let sleeping dogs simply lie?

The question is…

Do I want to put this on my “Bucket List” or not? Given that we’re both as old as we are if this is something I’d like to do, I should probably get on the stick about it. I’d hate to drive all that way only to lay flowers on a grave.

Something to ponder, I suppose.

Oh Look!

I can now check blogging off the list of things to do today.

Huzzah!

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I think it serves him right – United Passenger

United Plane

OK, 

So the way I heard the story, is that a United flight had to make room for a flight crew at another airport. United asked for volunteers to give up their seats, to be bumped to the next flight.

Four people said, “Sure” then ONE of those people, a Doctor realized that the NEXT flight was the NEXT day. Then decided he was too important to wait because he had patients to attend to so he needed to be on his original flight.

Dumbass Passenger

The first thing that pops to mind is… Hey DUDE perhaps you should have looked before your leapt.

I’ve been in this situation. I’ve been the guy who gave up his seat for other folks in an overbooked situation. I’ve also been the guy who gave up his seat to a person like this Doctor when they realized that the next flight out was going to be crazy later than they thought it would be.

(In that instance the flight attendants asked if there was someone on the plane who could afford to be late. In fact, in my case it was a United flight. The airline treated me like a king, nice hotel room at the airport on the airline’s dime. A really sumptuous dinner, and the next day… They put me in First Class to get me to my destination.)Dumbass Passenger2

It was all very civil and I’d volunteer to get bumped again if it came to it.

From what I understand, at around this point things went WAY off the rails.

The video clip I saw is indeed disturbing, but some passengers on the flight are saying this guy lost his shit and became a raging asshole. (Again, DUDE you probably should have payed attention to what you were volunteering for.)

Anyone who’s flown in recent years knows that if you cause a ruckus you’re not going to be on a plane. It doesn’t even take much of a ruckus, you are at the mercy of the flight attendants, the TSA, and the Air Marshal.

BUT there’s always some moronic asshole who thinks they’re more important than anyone else.

So guess what snowflake? Your ass is going to be dragged off the fucking plane.

Yeah maybe this guy got roughed up, but he had a simple choice. He could cooperate like a civilized human being and allow the Airline to see what else could be done… OR he could pitch a hissy fit and get dragged off the plane.

Well, we know what this idiot did.

But for me there is another issue…

This guy caused a scene, got dragged off a plane, and delayed 200+ OTHER paying passengers, not to mention whatever trauma his actions caused to the children who might have been on that plane witnessing this insanity, and not understanding what all the fuss was.

He’s a Doctor for god’s sake. Pull out that AMEX Gold and buy another ticket on another airline get home, then send your grievance to United. Hell, they’d probably have just refunded the cost of his ticket, or given him a travel voucher.

There is absolutely no excuse to delay a bunch of other people getting anywhere because you don’t like something.

Put your shit away, Sit DOWN, Strap in, and Shut the fuck up.

Or in his case, take it off the plane and deal with it like a fucking man. This guy, acted like a spoiled child according to witnesses.

There is absolutely nothing in my travels short of death, that can’t be fixed with a little kindness, firmness & patience.

The airline doesn’t want a scene, you don’t want a scene, and together with cooler heads both of you can come to an arrangement.

Crap, had I been on that plane, I’d have given him my seat, called him what he was; a spoiled dickless, petulant child, then told him to sit down and shut the hell up for the duration of the flight. 

At which point I’d have gathered my belongings, smiled at the flight attendants and asked, “OK, what do we need to do now?”

In all likelihood the Flight crew would have seen to it, that I got where I was going smoothly and perhaps in a bit of style.

I have ZERO sympathy for this guy.  

He was all worried about not getting home in time for his patients… Well, hey moron you didn’t get home for them anyway and now you’re bitching about being in a hospital. What, You don’t like Doctors?

DUMBASS! He had choices and at every turn he appears to have made the wrong one

If I were one of his patients… I’d be severing that relationship in a heartbeat. 

I prefer Doctors with cool heads and pragmatic approaches.

Is it just me that sees the epic fail on his behalf?

But he does serve as a cautionary tale to the rest of the rabble clogging our airports…

Fuck around and you get your ass kicked.

Maybe we need a little more ass kicking and a little less “Oh that poor snowflake”

I could be wrong…

______________________________________________________________________

4/13/2017

So more has come out. United originally asked for volunteers, then when no-one could be inconvenienced, they went to a lottery. This guy LOST the lottery. Hey, that’s the breaks. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Get over it.

Then things went off the rails. This guy refused to leave the plane like an adult. Chicago PD came on board and told him to leave, he chose instead to fight with the police. BAD MOVE.

After all, doesn’t every snowflake know that the police are fascists? 

My original thinking still stands.

Get a ticket on another airline, lodge a complaint and demand a refund from United. You paid for services that were not rendered, that’s what an adult does. Regardless,  you cooperate with the authorities, have a little grace and work the problem.

But the other passengers, the ones saying “Oh, this is wrong,” the ones videoing the event, you know the OTHER people on the plane who were too self important, who could have simply said, “Hey, I’ll give up my seat,” putting an end to the situation. Where were you? Surely ONE of you could have taken the next flight.

Instead of paying lip service to “How wrong this was” any one of them could have stepped up and everything would have been OK. But no-one did, because everyone was too self absorbed and couldn’t be bothered to look at their schedule to see if they had some flexibility.

Apparently, because no-one knows how things work, no-one thought to ask if United could help them with their rental cars, or rescheduling connecting flights or simply asked “Since I’m accommodating your needs, can you help accommodate mine?” Hell, I’d have simply asked for a travel voucher on another future flight to a vacation destination, say Hawaii?

This is a symptom of the overarching problem with everyone thinking the world revolves around them. 

Helpful Hint: IT DOESN’T

We live in a society of rules. Some of those rules are enforced by rule of law, others however, are simply good manners. Both types of rules help insure that we live in a nice place where we are not angry all the time and always fighting to get our cut. 

The problem is, too many people think they’re special, entitled, and better than everyone else.

United, screwed up… Given. This dumbass compounded the problem by deciding to be an asshole. Chicago PD was probably a tad over zealous. All this tracks back to an easily predictable outcome when no-one can think beyond themselves or their own selfish needs.

He still got exactly what he deserved.

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We need to be touched

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We intuitively know this, but with the hustle and bustle of our ‘work a day world’, it’s easy to forget this simple fact.

Massage can fill part of the void, if you’re living alone and aren’t seeing anyone. 

Contrary to popular belief, not every massage is a vehicle to have sex and not every masseuse or masseur is a prostitute using a clever (or not so clever) disguise to take money for sex.

Although I have been fortunate enough to have a number of massages that ended with me being invited to spend the night. However, that was something that two consenting adults entered into as adults, and no-one was “on the clock”. We were just two people having a good time and the vibe was right.

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I’ve had an equal number of massages that ended with me getting dressed, saying, “Thank you” and leaving.

My point however is that If we’re not touched, and acknowledged we start to become a little strange. Our needs aren’t being met and we sometimes become antisocial, or extremely needy. I’ve been both, sometimes simultaneously. 

On a subconscious level we know we need social interaction and a subtext to that is that we need to feel the warmth of another person’s touch. Lots of folks use the sterility of the internet to fill the need for interaction. Twitter, Facebook, and the various dating sites or chat applications have made millions of people feel relevant, perhaps even loved. But I think that the folks feeling “loved” because they have a bunch of “Likes” or thousands of followers is demonstrative of a sort of twisted adaptation to feelings of isolation.

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This point has been recently brought home to me. 

I talk to people all day long, I help people and move on to the next person in need. You’d think I’d have enough interaction to feel fulfilled. 

I don’t. 

Those people that I help are ephemeral. They’re just voices on the phone and most of the time they’re very needy. By the time I’m done with my day, I’m tired and really don’t want to talk to anyone else on the phone. So I entertain myself with the TV until it’s time to go to bed to get up and go back to work.

It doesn’t help that I work odd hours and weekends. By the time most people get to work, I’ve already been working 3 or 4 hours. The oddness of my work schedule has advantages and disadvantages.

The advantage is that I usually miss the stupid traffic of the San Diego area. The disadvantage is that I’m home mid-afternoon and “normal” people aren’t available. When “normal” people are available, I’m heading to bed.

When I’m done with my day, I’m tired. It’s more emotionally tired than physical, so it’s easy to be isolated, and allow that isolation to continue.

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I could stop someplace for happy hour but have you spent much time at a bar at 2PM in the afternoon?

Trust me, it isn’t pretty; not the kinds of people you’re likely to meet and develop healthy friendships with. Bars in general are dimly lit for a reason!

Gyms are better but even there, you’re dealing with folks that are probably not going to have time. They’re squeezing in a workout before they go on to the next thing; picking up the kids, heading to work on their own odd schedule, or in some cases just creepy people looking for something else entirely. 

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I’d been going along for months (possibly years off & on) fooling myself into believing that I was OK. Then because I was in some pain I went and had a massage.

Another person touching me slammed into my consciousness like a sledgehammer. I wanted, needed to feel the warmth of another person. I needed to hear that other person breathing and smell them. I needed the full 3D experience and to know that I was, in fact not alone.

A week or so later, I had the distinct pleasure of having a friend visit, and again I was struck by the power of someone else being physically in my space. It was comforting and settling and again hit me upside the head that I’d been too isolated for too long.

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A few nights later, I went out with a coworker that I enjoy being around. We had drinks, ate and laughed. I realized that even simple (non-work) interactions are very satisfying, while not very intimate or sexual, its far better than the cold interaction of words or pictures on a display.

All of this brings home two undeniable points. It’s not good to be isolated, especially in a crowd. And I need to find another job that pays better and is not on such an isolating schedule.

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All of this is to say; if you’re feeling isolated, or lonely, turning to the internet is probably not the healthiest source of “connection”.  Close the laptop, put the phone down, and turn off the TV. That’s what I’m going to be doing and hopefully I’ll be able to provide some pointers to finding something fulfilling over the next few months.