Insomnia Sucks

It’s happening more and more often now.

I’ll go to bed because I’m dog tired, then I’ll wake up an hour or two later and not be able to get back to sleep.

Sometimes it’s a noise that wakes me, sometimes it’s nightmares, and sometimes it’s just this weird super tension in my shoulders.

I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m going to get a massage next week, maybe that will help. I have vague memories of my Dad being like this. Whenever I asked him if he was Okay, his automatic response was;

“I’m fine Son, go back to bed, you shouldn’t be up so late.”

Of course in retrospect neither should he.

I remember his Lucky smoldering in the ashtray as he stubbed it out to herd me back to bed. He’d tuck me in, pat me and say goodnight, then return to the couch light another smoke, and go back to reading his book.

Except, he wasn’t reading, he’d be on the same page for hours. He was thinking about stuff, stuff that he didn’t feel like he could share.

I wonder if he was thinking about the same kinds of things that I do in the dead of night. I’ll never know for sure but I suspect the answer is yes.

My Dad had an amazing “public face”. You only got to see what was behind the mask if you watched very closely. Even then, it was only a glimpse.

I used to think that my Dad’s mask had become a trap. You saw most of the time, only what you were supposed to see. 

You never saw weakness, or fear, and only rarely sadness.

I sometimes pictured my Dad as The Man in The Iron Mask.

Now, having been around the block a few times. I’ve learned that most people, even your closest friends and family don’t want to see you without The Mask.

This is especially true if you’re a man. No matter what the FemNazi’s say… A strong silent Man is what they really want. The minute you get touchy-feely it’s over!

If you’re touchy-feely, you’re one of the girls and subject to the pecking order.  The guy who kept his own council and did what the hell he knew was right, is the one who’s respected.

He’s the Alpha Male, all the rest are betas or less.

I don’t smoke anymore. But tonight, I’m going to do something else my Dad did on sleepless nights.

I’m going to have a drink, I’m going to think about shit over a glass.

I’m going to address my demons, come up with a plan, and when I lay down I’m going to remember just for a moment being that little boy in the middle of the night getting tucked in by my Dad.

As I drift off to sleep…

I’ll silently thank my Dad for The Mask.

A pretty good day

Preventative Dental

As is well documented, I hate medical crap.

So for yesterday to have been a pretty good day even though I was doing medical crap is a testiment to one of two  things. Either I really needed to get the hell out of the house, OR the medical stuff wasn’t that bad.

It’s a combination of both. 

I was really going stir crazy and it was only a dental appointment and an eye thing.

Since I can’t say enough good things about the dentist and I mean that, The staff and Docs at Winning Smiles are absolute winners. I can’t believe how comfortable I feel when I’m there. I’m actually considering having some restorative stuff done. (You have to understand, I absolutely HATE having someone working on my mouth.) My comfort is a major difference from all but one other dentist I’ve been to in the past.  So if you’re in the Fontana area, and need a dentist go to Winning Smiles. 

CarWash

The eye thing was routine. Not unpleasant, but still, kind of a pain.

I should have scheduled a bunch of other exams on the same day. You know, have the medics check me out stem to stern. On the other hand maybe only two things on the same day is a better idea.

Between appointments I got to be out and about and watch people, enjoy coffee, and even made it to an Apple store. The freeway was open, traffic was mostly light and it felt just darn good to be away from the house.

I guess I was having a case of cabin fever. The only hiccup was good and bad. Turns out the credit card I wanted to use to pay for the dental thing was deactivated.

I thought it odd that I hadn’t received a chipped card but then read that the rollout of those cards was delayed in some cases so “meh”, I went on with my life.  When the card wasn’t accepted I called and asked what was going on. That’s when I found out the bank sent the chipped version of the card back in April, UH OH!

CarWash2 One for the ladies

A quick check of activity revealed there’d been nothing unauthorized but for the sake of security I killed the old number and ordered a new card. Thank goodness the dental thing wasn’t anything other than routine and therefore relatively inexpensive. Yeah, it wasn’t the way I’d planned to do things but so what? It was actually kind of nice to “roll with the punches” and not be cranky about it.

I even remembered that I had a free car wash because of a good deed I’d done months ago. Popped in to the wash and popped out and all was right with my world, and my nice clean car! 

The only slightly annoying portion of the day was the Middle Eastern woman who appeared to be trying to cause someone to rear end her. I don’t know if it was intentional or if her driving was really that horrible. Either way, she ended up in my rear view mirror and out of my life. 

MiddleEasternWoman

I’m probably going to hell for thinking, “That’s why your men don’t let you drive in your own countries. Camels are expensive to repair.

Yeah, racist and sexist all in one go. So sue me.

Heading into the weekend, I hope your world is peaceful.

Sleepless night

First Coldof the season

I think I’ve got the first cold of the season or yet one more thing is blooming that has my sinuses trying to kill me.

I was feeling so puny last night that I went to bed around 9:30. I’m laying there listening to some music and just drifting off when the sweet, but dumb as a post, dog decided to step over the dog that has been recovering from a hip sprain, and start panting in my face.

I tell him it’s OK and expected him to go on his way. He didn’t, instead he laid down in a spot that I’m surprised could accommodate his fat ass. I wonder if dogs somehow manage to warp space when they lay down.

That doesn’t follow. If they climb onto the bed with you, then they somehow manage occupy the entire bed. Humm maybe it does track, maybe the rule is they occupy all available space in a given area regardless of the volume of that space.

I start another album playing and start to drift off again.

The other half comes to bed about 11. I start to drift off again. Snoring erupts from the other side of the bed. It’s 11:15, a few well placed jabs in the ribs and a rough approximation of silence prevails. Then the sweet dog starts farting. 

Snake Oil

I swear I could bottle that stuff. Dr. Carney’s sure fire sinus opener and paint remover. 

But in addition to the farting, he’s gone all OCD on licking and rattling the closet door in the process. Then the snoring starts from the other side of the bed again!  It’s 11:25

Okay! I’m awake! Unfortunately, I’m also spun up. There’s no going back to sleep for a while. And I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck with body aches, and a jackhammer of a headache.

They say if you’re awake and can’t go back to sleep, you should get out of bed and do something constructive until you’re ready to sleep. 

MartyMcFly Guitar

“Okay, well the house does need to be vacuumed. I’m behind on my guitar practice, I could practice that Metallica riff I’ve been trying to master,” picturing Marty McFly in Back to the Future.  I think to myself, “That’s just me being cranky.” 

I instead tried to write a blog post which ended up in this mornings trash. Trying to write when you’ve got a headache that makes you wonder if the movie Scanners was for real and if you’re currently being scanned, is a really bad idea.

Scanners

Suffice it to say that the trash is too good for that blog, it should’ve been completely erased from existence at the moment of creation. 

So here I am, awake this morning, feeling better although my sinuses are still pissed off.

The sweet dumb dog is trying to make it up to me but he clearly doesn’t understand what my problem was. Nor should he, he was just being his normal sweet self, the problem was all mine and there wasn’t anything he could have done to help. (Aside from perhaps sleeping on his cushion with his behind pointed toward the open sliding door.)

I did finally get some sleep. Eventually, I laid down on the bed in the spare room and drifted off.

I’m having a second cup of coffee and trying to decide what I want for breakfast.

I think I’m taking today very easy.

A friend retired…

retirement

Today is his retirement party.

I’m going to be there with booze and good wishes.

It’s a good day, he deserves the recognition and the celebration. He’s worked his ass off over the years and honestly has navigated the shoals of PC and outsourcing much better than I have.

I’m proud to know him and happy to be invited to the family only event.

Now what’s the best booze I can afford in honor of the occasion?

Humm…

Not a “Hero”

kimdavis1

Kim Davis is not a hero, no matter what the religious right or ultra conservatives say.

She is a very narrow minded person who is a classic case of a person living in a glass house throwing stones.

She’s a hypocrite and spectacular failure at marriage, not to mention an adulteress and obvious fornicator, both I should point out were punished harshly under biblical law.

When she starts spouting about religion, and God, and all that stuff, all I can think is that she’s damn lucky she’s living in the United States now. Just a hundred years ago she’d have been in a much different circumstances. Even today if she where in the middle east she’d be stoned.

kimdavis2

Mrs. Davis is in jail for defiance of the law, and rightfully so.

She defied multiple court rulings and a direct order from the governor of the state. I argue that she should have been FIRED for failure to do her job and obstructing others in her office in the completion of their jobs.

Mrs. Davis as a public official is required to execute the lawful duties of her position. She can take vacation time to picket a law she doesn’t agree with. She can speak out against the law. She can hold prayer vigils, and light candles. She’s welcome to handle rattlesnakes and scorpions and spiders, while asking God to make the gay go away, for all I care.

kimdavis3

What she CANNOT do is pick and choose which laws she will obey. She’s not allowed to look at her job as a buffet.

As I was thinking about it,  I pictured that if Mrs. Davis were not the clerk, and instead the clerk had been a devout old school Catholic,  Mrs Davis wouldn’t have been issued a marriage license due to religious reasons.  Think about it, In the eyes of the church she wouldn’t be divorced unless her former marriage(s) were annulled.  Henry VIII had the same problem, the Catholic church’s refusal to grant him divorces resulted in several murders and the creation of the Church of England.

supremecourt

Had my hypothetical situation occurred, Mrs. Davis would have been screaming bloody murder about the violation of her legal rights, by a religious zealot. It’s doubtful that anyone would be rallying to a Catholic clerk jailed for refusal to issue marriage licenses to a known adulterous person. That whole religious argument cuts both ways. 

Neither Mrs Davis, or any of the other people across the nation, refusing to issue marriage licenses or perform their legal duties are heroic, they’re misguided hypocrites using religion to selectively deny a specific group of people the ability to enter into a contract. 

Yes! It’s a contract nothing more.

contract

The contract put simply says “We’re gonna share everything equally, if you die it’s all mine, if I die it’s all yours.” This contract is freely entered into, and broken thousands of times a day. There is nothing special or divine about it except the specialness the participants bring to their joining and that the state (the government) recognizes and enforces the financial aspects of the contract.

The state was essentially providing privileged status, (which was otherwise unavailable to non members of the class), to selected  members of the population. If that’s not segregationist and unfair I don’t know what is.

The minute GLBT soldiers were accepted in the military, the government had a problem. Two service people married in a state which allowed same sex marriage were entitled to survivors benefits. But if that couple was transferred to a state which did not recognize same sex marriage, what is their status then?

Can you prosecute under the UCMJ adultery in a state where to gay people aren’t legally married anymore? Does the military still pick up the tab for spousal healthcare? Are survivor benefits still payable?

whatmarriageis

The legal wrangling could have, and probably would have, gone on for years. The governments only logical choices were to forbid same sex relationship in the military, OR simply allow any two consenting adults to be married. The court decided in favor of the simplest, fairest, and most direct solution based on common sense.

We’re all equal under the law. Marriage is an important aspect of many people’s lives, we should all be allowed to participate equally in every aspect of our society.

If these hypocritical religious people were really smart, they’d be going to school to become wedding planners and divorce attorneys. I have a feeling these will be the next growth industries.


Fired

Since I started writing this I noticed that Mrs. Davis has doubled down on her stupidity. Now she’s asking the 6th circuit to exempt her from following the law and the governor’s orders.

Why the hell doesn’t someone relieve her of her JOB? That would spare her from all the pain to her soul and spare those of us who call the South Home, and specifically those of us who grew up in Kentucky continued embarrassment.