Category: Mens Health

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The cold from hell is finally abating

For those of you that have The Cold. I give you hope. The light you see glimmering at the end of the tunnel is not necessarily an oncoming train or “The Light” you’re supposed to go into when you die.

After two weeks of misery, today I’m finally feeling more like my old self.

This has been the worst cold or flu I’ve had in many years. And to add a little spice and variety to the wonder that the virus brought into my life. The damn thing was morphing as it progressed. It’s a tease too, I’d start to feel better, then wham! A whole new set of symptoms. Then about the time my body would get a handle on those symptoms, pow! Something completely new.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve been chilled to the bone with my teeth chattering in a sleeping bag, while the ambient temp in the house was 70° F. I spent a couple of days where I was too hot with the temp in the house at 65° F. I’ve had my joints ache so bad it was agony to move my legs. That was followed up with body wide cramping of all my muscles. Through it all, my sinuses were producing all manner of gothic horrors (I had a club handy just in case the kleenex started moving!) and the coughing and hacking left my already painful ribcage feeling like I’d been in a violent car accident.

How do I know I’m on the mend? The same way every man knows they’re getting over something… I’m thinking really dirty thoughts and want to just get NASTY.

Ladies, that’s the way we work… As we get sick we want to screw because we know we’ll feel better for a little while and if whatever we’re coming down with kills us, well at least we went out on a good note.

All men want to have an unseemly grin on our faces in our caskets. I personally want to have a dirty smirk so locked on my face that my mother would blush and my spouse can’t have it jackhammered off. I want my last hurrah to be etched on my face and so dirty that folks seriously consider a closed casket. For the sake of the children, don’t ya know.

Once we survive the disease, we want to screw to declare to the world that we’re awesome, victorious, and our genes are worthy. Besides it makes us feel better. ( are you seein a theme here?) Ya just have to picture a big silver back gorilla and you’ve got a snapshot of us and what makes us tick.

So, I’m off to pound my chest, or whatever else seems appealing.

Don’t give up hope, The Cold doesn’t last forever.

It just seems that way.

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Balls!

The only good thing about being sick and running a fever is that the boys are hanging really low. Ironically, while the presentation is porn worthy, I have zero desire to engage in sexual activities.

TMI?

Probably!

I’ve spent the past 12 hours running high fevers, and generally napping in bed. At the moment, I feel a lot better. Either I cooked the germs… or my brain. I’m up at 3:00 letting the dog out and having myself a nice cup of tea.

Being up at this hour has it’s advantages. All my internet access is in the bonus time, the house is quiet and every once in a while you see something that you would have missed because you were asleep.

Tonight, I got to watch the moon set. When I first got up the moon, (It was full or dang near full) illuminated the deck and the trees so well that I could see everything in the back yard. While I was waiting for the dog to finish his thing, the moon started dipping below the mountain to the west and so I stood on the deck for a few minutes and watched.

yoga

I skimmed the news, waiting for dog #2 who is always on his own schedule to do his thing outside. I see the world continues to be an insane place. Lately it’s become laughable. Below are the items that jumped off the page at me

Yoga banned at a college (Honestly, I’ve got nothing… Tempest in a teakettle.)

Expressing your opinion at many colleges is now considered hate speech (Only if your opinion differs from the group consensus. The little snowflakes heads would explode if they read this blog)

Sushi

Eating Ethnic food is racist (I don’t know if this is only if you’re white or if eating food with ethnic origins different from yours is racist regardless of your skin color)

5 people have been shot… at a protest about a guy getting shot (Some media claim white supremacists were the shooters. Really? The media needs to look up the definition of white supremacist. Just because someone happens to be white doesn’t mean they’re a supremacist.)

clockboy

Clock Boy is butthurt and demanding 15 million to make him feel better. (Weren’t he & his family moving to Qatar?)

Gender specificity in stores like Target and Toys R Us is wrong. So where do I look for jock straps, and catcher’s cups? Just askin…

My cup of tea is finished, time to go back to bed.

It appears that I am going to die… just not today, and not from this cold.

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Kill me, kill me now.

Shining

It would be a mercy.

I had a cold thing for a few days, then I started to get over it, I thought, “cool.”

I started to resume my normal activities, then Wham!

This thing came back like gangbusters, and now I’m beginning to think it would be more merciful to just beat me to death with a baseball bat.

(Note to self… If you survive, get a baseball bat! One of my favorite home defense tools! All my bats were lost in the fire of ’08.)

I’ve thought about heading to the gym and alternating between the dry and steam sauna. I just don’t have the energy to make the drive and I’m not even sure I have the focus to be on the road at all.

Sneeze

I need to deal with the Bullshit of “Open Enrollment” on the health insurance front. GOD! I miss the days when my policy was in force as long as I paid the damn premium. I miss not having to deal with figuring out how I’m being fucked differently this year as opposed to last year.  Only our government could fuck up a simple transaction.

I pay you… you keep the contract in force it’s a really simple arrangement. I don’t have to review my car insurance or my homeowners insurance and renegotiate the deal every year. I shouldn’t have to do it with health insurance, except that apparently because of phased implementation we all get the “Joy” of reviewing all the wonderful shit that folks like Nancy Peolsi couldn’t be bothered to read before their “Rubber Stamp” vote on the “Messiah’s” healthcare plan.

I don’t blame ‘ol stompy foot for the healthcare bullshit. I blame the assholes on both sides of the aisle in congress for not reading the plan, and if they did read it and disagreed, for not standing up to the “rubber stampers”.

Sauna

Then there’s the annoyance that I haven’t been getting emails or regular mail to pay the insurance bill in the first place I’m going to have to review all this bullshit online or over the phone as I try to straighten out what’s, what.  Feeling the way I do I don’t really have the patience to deal with it.

On the plus side, I haven’t seen or read much in the way of news lately. I got a heavy dose of CNN while I was at the car dealership.  France “On lockdown”, Belgium “On lockdown”, Colleges across America “Racist hotbeds making people feel bad”.  To hear the News, you’d think that Stormfront or Northwestfront were in control of our college campuses and that the SS was hauling persons of color off to the camps. 

I’m assuming that in the intervening 3 days nothing has changed.

I’m going back to bed, my temp reads as 102° F so that means it’s time to shut down, stay warm & hydrated and wait for it to pass.

I can’t think anymore…