Category: Mens Health

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The past couple of nights have been “Interesting”…

…The Insomniac theater of the absurd.

I wrote a blog sitting naked at my desk. It was long rambling, random, and well… Nuts!

I started taking an antibiotic that cautions it may cause dizziness. They should also caution about insomnia and insanity.

Probably not a good sales pitch though. “This antibiotic is effective against sinusitis and may also cause extended episodes of intense crazy. Use with caution when operating heavy equipment.“

I’d take an erection lasting four hours, but that’s not what this antibiotic promises or what it’s delivering…

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I chose not to publish the “crazy blog”… Probably for the best.

Last night I dreamt I was with Arlene in a psychotic TrueBlood nightmare.

I was offering her soothing words about her husband Terry having been ripped apart by a flatulent vampire. Arlene said, “I can deal with Terry being ripped apart… but what is that horrific stink?“

Just then Terry pulled himself back together and became a flatulent vampire who kept chasing us round and round Merlotte’s but was easy to avoid because we smelled him coming.

Lafayette put an end to Vampire Terry with a pot of chili and a can of lysol. “Bitch! I jus done cleaned this kitchen and you come up in here smelling like dat? Awww HELL NO!” 

I ask you… is this the kind of behavior you want from your antibiotic? I didn’t think so.

Then this morning, I was outside doing poo patrol in the back yard.

OK did someone put extra stinkiness in the poo, or have my sinuses started to clear?

Then it hit me one of the dogs must have been particularly gaseous last night which got incorporated into the TrueBlood dream / nightmare.

I guess you could say the past night or two has been shitty or at least gassy.

I do hope only the mind altering drugs you expect to cause delusions are deluding you, and that your antibiotics are just killing infections.

Have a good one

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Now that my brain has rebooted…

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Nothing like having the pipes cleaned out to make you feel better and spark the creative flow… so to speak.

I always thought Deadly Sperm Buildup was a myth. Apparently it’s a real condition! 

I’d been so tied up with other things / chaos in my life I’d forgotten the most basic of my needs. 

The need to get my rocks off.

Talk about something that harshes your buzz!

So how do you know that you’re experiencing DSB?

The symptoms are as follow:

1 You’re not terribly creative.

2 You’re really pretty cranky

3 Sex starts to not seem all that important

4 Your thought processes and hence your blog posts are completely randomized! (Much more so than normal)

The cure is to grab your dick and tug, a more effective cure is to have someone else grab your dick and … well you get the picture.

Tugging on your own dick, is something I heartily recommend on a regular basis just to remind you that you’re alive.

It’s way too easy to be distracted these days.

Be good to yourself and make time to play.

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In my ongoing medical treatises Apparently I can actually Hear.

Living with another person is often a joy and often a pain in the ass. Roommates discover this really fast.

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Typically if you’re not in the mood for beer bongs, and crazy parties, you head to your space and close the door or you leave the apartment / house / whatever and find someplace that you want to be.

If that other person is a spouse it’s not so easy to just ignore them.

Well, it’s easy but there are of course consequences.

“I told you about this dinner 2 weeks ago! Why don’t you ever listen to me?”

“No you didn’t tell me about any damn dinner. I was going out drinking with the guys. You know this is the one Friday a month that we get together and blow off some steam.“

“I don’t understand how your friends are more important than what I want to do.”

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Sound familiar?

Yeah, this was getting to be the new “normal” for conversations around here. I couldn’t figure it out. I thought damn!

Glasses, too damn many doctors, prescription drugs and now my hearing is shot.

So after considerable thought, I did what every guy does.

I ignored it!

Until I happened to run across an article about the rugby player turned anti bullying activist Ben Cohen.

Turns out Ben has a pretty significant hearing loss. It wasn’t clear if that hearing loss was due to rugby, or was congenital. However Ben met Sir Elton John at a charity event and I suppose Sir Elton noticed the telltale signs of hearing loss in Ben.

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Sir Elton, sponsors a charity that helps people dealing with hearing loss get what they need to lead “normal” lives. 

The article went on to say that Ben Cohen who’s a young guy, had hearing aids that he rarely wore because in crowded rooms, and events they simply didn’t work very well.

With a little help, and a little arranging from Sir Elton, Ben ended up at Starkey (I linked their hearing foundation web site there.)

The article said that Ben went to one of their facilities for an evaluation and some in-depth testing.

The upshot was that Ben got new hearing aids that worked properly, and because they work correctly he’s wearing them much more often.

The first person I ever had really close contact with who wore hearing aids is a diver I met on a scuba trip. We ended up as room-mates from the duration of the trip.  I honestly don’t know if he gets how much he educated me and the dive group.

I never realized that crowds, and restaurants were problems for folks with hearing aids. I never realized how delicate and prone to failure some hearing aids are.

While on the trip one of my friends hearing aids went down. We were out of the US so it wasn’t like he could run to a repair facility.

In crowds, because the hearing aid amplifies all sounds, and in some cases shifts the amplified sounds to frequencies the person can hear, often all the person hears is noise. It’s overwhelming.

For folks with “Normal” hearing we focus on the frequencies that are of interest to us. The sound of a voice or voices across a table, for instance. 

Our brain ignores all the extraneous sounds on other frequencies and allows us to pick out a conversation. Face it, our brain is a marvelous computer. To simulate that ability with a machine is a tall task, yet our brains and ears do it with ease, naturally, and effortlessly.

But how do you do that if you only have half the frequencies to work with? How do you tell a machine what you really want to focus on? How do you make that machine shift what you want to focus on into a range that you can hear?

My friend, simply left his hearing aids in the hotel room. He preferred to read lips in crowds and restaurants. It made his evening a lot more enjoyable.

When he let the group know he was essentially deaf, we all made sure that during dive briefings he had clear unobstructed views of the dive master so he knew what the plan was.

I was really amazed at how easily our group adapted to and accommodated his needs. We didn’t baby, or coddle him we just made sure he could read our lips when it was appropriate. He for his part, never demanded any special treatment he simply explained to us what he needed.

I really like and respect him for his understatement.

As a person my friend is funny, charming, witty, and genuinely wonderful. I like being around him and will dive with him anywhere, anytime. I also forget that he’s mostly deaf. Until he starts signing at me underwater… (but that’s a different story.)

In any case after reading the article about Ben I thought fuck! If he can man up and my dive friend can live so normally, I can at least go have my hearing tested to find out what the problem is.

So I called a hearing test place, made an appointment and showed up at the appropriate time and place.

45 minutes later the audiologist tells me that my hearing is excellent. Not only is it excellent, but I don’t appear to have any loss in frequency spectrum either.

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I got a nice printed copy of the test results and was told to keep taking care of my ears.

Honestly I’m very pleased with the results.

Except for one small thing…

Now I have no excuse when I don’t pay attention to what the other half is saying.

I tried to hide the paper (like a poor report card) but it’s been found and I’ve been asked about it.

Damn!