Category: Men

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Bad habits

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I used to smoke. 

Yeah, I was a smoker. I was the evil puffing bastard everyone has come to hate! I put your children at risk! According to the nanny state I should have been taken out and shot.

Not to put me out of my misery but out of yours.

I quit years ago and I still miss it.

Now theres an un-PC admission in this day & age!

I’m glad I quit and everything, but I liked the nicotine rush! I also liked that it killed my appetite and it was a lot easier to stay skinny.

The health benefits outweighed the desire to smoke and so I was able to leave it, albeit with regret in my past.

I quit because my best friend asked me one day how it was that I could justify going to the gym 4 days a week and still smoke when I came out of the gym?

It was a good question and as usual his logic was completely irrefutable.

I quit that day…

I still miss it.

I miss smoking when I’m drinking at a bar. You can’t smoke at bars in California anymore but I still miss it.

I miss smoking after sex. I miss the ashtray on my belly, the red cherry of my cigarette glowing in the darkness and me thinking quietly about what I’d just done and knowing that I was going to do it again when I stubbed out my smoke. I miss having my arm wrapped around my partner, their head on my shoulder while I smoked that in between fuck cigarette.

I doubt I’m the only man who feels that way.

I miss getting up from my desk and walking outside to have a smoke and bitch with my co-workers about the boss or the latest political fuck-up in the company.

I smoked because I enjoyed the taste, and the hit. Not because I was lured into it by unscrupulous corporations. (Their ads were enticing, who didn’t want to be the Marlboro Man?)  I knew damn well what I was doing.

My Dad smoked. It killed him, you’d think that I wouldn’t wax lovingly about cigarettes.

I didn’t start smoking until I was 18. Near the end of my smoking days, I was doing almost a pack a day.

The nicotine was one thing. I think I was self medicating a bit. Nicotine acts as a stimulant and because it’s a stimulant it has a very specific effect on persons who happen to have been treated in their childhood with drugs like Ritalin.

The child may have outgrown the reasons they were put on Ritalin but their bodies will always have an affinity for stimulants in general.

I’ve known more than one smoker who had been on Ritalin in their childhood, of those more than a few who really liked pharmaceutical grade stimulants. 

Interesting thing is that if their Doctor was smart and recognized certain traits they’d end up back on Ritalin and suddenly they’d stop smoking.

But sure… Ritalin is completely safe for your unruly child, we’ve been using it for 50 years on kids just like yours… (with no or generally undocumented, unproven ill effects.)

Moving on…

I recently had the opportunity to try one of those e-cigarettes. For those of you that don’t know, these are things that look like cigarettes and that provide a nice flavor and optionally a selectable hit of nicotine without the tar, and other nasty chemicals associated with combustion in a “real” cigarette.

It was nice…

Not exactly like smoking a cigarette, but it was pleasant.

Since then, I’ve done a lot of reading and investigation The jury is out about the negative effects of these devices.

About the only consistent thing is that they’re less unhealthy than a cigarette. The “Smoke” is essentially water vapor, there’s no smell, but there is a good taste (at least in the one I tried). You can choose the nicotine leveNewImagel and they’re also a lot cheaper than cigarettes. 

I’m not sure that I’m ready to start up with one of these things all the time but I do like the option.

The only problem I could see is that unlike a real cigarette you don’t know when you’re done. 

I’d smoke a real cigarette in about 10 -15 minutes if I wasn’t in a hurry. These e-cigs don’t burn down so you could find yourself completely losing track of time if you weren’t paying attention.

For someone like me that really enjoyed smoking even when I quit… these things might be a neat option. I could also see how they might assist in quitting for some people.

But I suspect that there will be a larger number of folks who switch over to this option. At least until the government starts to regulate them and drives the prices up to normal cigarette levels.

There’s also the fact that cigarettes used to be, and e-cigs still are cheaper than a monthly prescription of Ritalin.

I don’t know if that’s still the case. I haven’t looked into Ritalin in a very long time.

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The last Paraprosdokian

This Fridays Paraprosdokian was the last one queued.

20130222-092710.jpgIt’s funny, when I created all of them last year I though “dang it’s going to take forever for these to be used up. I hope they don’t bore people.”

Yet here we are, they’re done and I don’t really have a good idea about what to use to replace them, or even if they should be replaced.

It’s been weird, the last few weeks, I’ve been less & less interested in doing anything. I feel really bored and yet I should be pushing hard on a couple of fronts.

It’s like my drive has left me and even succeeding at things like securing insurance brings me no satisfaction.

Arguably, obtaining insurance should have made me feel better because it represented a victory against what I had come to feel was an unfair system.

The system is still unfair and it should be burned down and replaced with something that is more fair. Obamacare is not the replacement I think is appropriate but that’s another story all together.

I’m sorta thinking that I’ve been cooped up in the house too much and that’s given me a real bad case of cabin fever.

The problem is that with gas prices soaring I don’t really want to drive anywhere that I don’t have to. I guess it’s going to come down to me deciding that driving someplace to assuage the cabin fever is a “necessary” trip.

Spring and Fall are my two favorite times of year I should be getting happy about the coming Spring. Yet I’m feeling disconnected about it.

I suppose I should bite the bullet, pay for the gas and shake off the late Winter blues with a couple of short day trips. Changing the view might help.

Who’d have ever thought that I could get to a place where I took a view from my mountain for granted?

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OUCH! (Maybe a better title is it hurts so Good!)

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Had a massage yesterday.

The masseur does really deep tissue and I needed it.

But the day after I really don’t want to move.

I scream like a little girl while he’s working me over and keep thinking to myself, “I’m paying for this?”

The trick is to drink plenty of water before and after and try to relax.

The day after, I keep drinking tons of water and take a couple aspirin.

I knew that I was really tight, I’d been waking up hurting but hadn’t been able to get in to the massage guy. 

Well I paid for it yesterday.

You know you’re tight when your masseur is bearing down with his elbow in the middle of your shoulder and laughing.

Sadist!!!!

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I go to him because he works my whole body even all the small muscles in my hands and feet. It makes walking and typing a little tough the day after.

I spent years in chiropractic care and honestly get more out of a good massage than I did from chiropractors. 

The down side is I’m moving like a really old man…

The pups need to have a walk this afternoon, that will probably help me too. At the very least it will get blood flowing which will reduce the ache.

If you can find a decent massage, I’d recommend it. Look for a certified massage person. There’s nothing worse than a massage that all about a “Happy Ending” when you really wanted a real massage. 

Happy endings are really nice if that’s what you want… but you shouldn’t have to pay for one of those. Find a good friend, trade massages, give each other happy endings, shower together, then go have dinner. That way you get the emotional and physical fulfillment that we all need so much.

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Lately… I’ve been evaluating a lot of stuff.

I’m fairly sure that my former career is toast.

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Oddly, where once I was very angry about it… Now I’m not so angry.

Sure when I think about it and allow myself to feel that I’ve been thrown away by corporate America and to some extent by America in general I still get a little pissy.

But It’s not like it was this time last year.

Now I’m looking forward to what I’ll do next.

I’m going to have to trim my expenses by a considerable amount. But I think I can do that.

I’m still working albeit not as hard as I should be on finishing my first book. I will finish it… 

I’m thinking that perhaps what will be best for me in the interim is to find a simple job that pays enough for me to pay my bills.

I don’t want that as a long term solution but I do think it might be an achievable short term goal.

Recently I’ve been fortunate enough to be involved with a couple of gatherings that demonstrated several things to me.

1) People are hungering for things that the internet can’t provide.

2) There may be a growing number of people that are pulling back from things like FaceBook and other social media.

3) Intimacy is something that everyone needs regardless of their walk of life or sexuality. Men in particular seem to be starving for it 

4) Many men don’t have the ability to articulate even to themselves this need.

Much of this was brought painfully home to me as I attended the first meeting. The speaker was saying these things and I thought, “yes that resonates with me”. But what really drove it home was that I decided to start at the beginning of the book and do some editing.

As I reread the first chapters making changes and improving continuity I realized that there, in the pages I’d written was the same message.

In communications with friends and acquaintances this point has been driven home again and again.

I’ve had similar conversations with male friends and acquaintances who identify as Straight, Bi, gay, and curious. and all of these men seem to crave the same thing.

Silence, Peace, Joy, Sensuality, Compassion, Intimacy, Passion, Love, and Touch. All in varying degrees. The straight men aren’t going to need or indeed may not be comfortable with sensuous touch from another man. However all of these men could enjoy and benefit from a simple hug regardless of the gender of the person giving it to them. All of these men could benefit form having someone that would just listen.

In these conversations it’s become obvious that perhaps I’ve been ignoring a calling that was right in front of me.

These men are in general men that I care about. They’re friends (old and new), acquaintances, potential friends and because I care about them I find myself reaching out to them with the very strong desire to comfort them. 

I find that I want to help them, to allow them a few hours of safety where they don’t have to worry about defending themselves or having their defenses up at all.

Obviously, these friends are very different from the general population.

However it has raised a question in my head. Could I provide some of these unrequited needs to men? If so in what capacity? Could I find a career where I could make a living being a guidepost to people who need someone to help them find their way?

This would allow me to continue to pursue art, and writing  to feed my own soul. But it would also allow me to pass through the world leaving it a better place than it was. That too feeds my soul.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found that I’m far less interested in the latest craze and far more interested in doing those things that fill me with joy, feeding my spirit at the same time.

Only recently I’ve come to the realization that I’ve never been truly happy at any job I’ve ever had except one.

That was when I was spent time as a Personal Trainer. In retrospect I loved helping people.

I hated the fact that the gym I was working for, was all about screwing the trainers & clients out of as much money as they could.

While I was actually working with clients… I was happy and joyful. I looked forward to going to work.

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At the time I was also using my knowledge of technology publishing a monthly magazine that I was very proud of.

Unfortunately I had a business partner that assumed I was rich and that he was entitled to all the funds in the business.

This ultimately led to me ceasing publication on the magazine, paying off the debts owed by the magazine and having to go back to work in a cubicle farm. 

I carried a lot of anger about that for many years. I genuinely hope that he learned something and won’t make the same mistakes again.

Now, many years later I’m out of the technology field, even though it’s not necessarily by my choice. 

It’s time for me to follow my heart.

I’d rather have the time to write than commute 80 miles to report to an office building.

I’d rather deal with people on my terms than deal with bosses and coworkers who are all about scrambling up the corporate ladder at any cost.

I need to pursue art, beauty & light instead of struggling to preserve those parts of me against an onslaught of negative forces.

So after over a year of worry and fretting about a new job & being “thrown away by corporate America”. I’m going to try something new.

I have no idea where this will lead. I can say that right now, I’m feeling really positive and good for the first time in a while.

Time will tell if this is the right path for me. 

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I do know going back to corporate America doesn’t appear to be an option. I suppose I would temporarily if only to fund my ability to pay for the training that I’ll need to move into the light.

My journey begins with setting down some baggage that I’ve carried far too long. 

Someone else can pick it up if they wish, I’d strongly recommend against it.

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I suppose I have a bit of a different view.

All the hubbub over David Petraeus having an affair is really confusing me.

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Since this, like the election is inescapable I’ll comment.

I’ve seen articles written by women condemning Petraeus, and men in general. One that caught my attention was titled something like “Why powerful men cheat”

I could counter that article with “Why are so many women attracted to men in power?”

It cuts both ways.

I personally believe that ALL Men cheat at some point or another in their lives, (God knows I have!) In the case of powerful men they’re under a lot more scrutiny and therefore are more likely to be caught.

In this age of Democrats being saints and Republicans being sinners. Anyone who is conservative or Republican is far more likely to have their skeletons yanked out of the closet. It doesn’t matter if  the indiscretion happened 25 years ago or last week.

The Petraeus scandal should serve as a cautionary tale to everyone, most especially anyone with a conservative stance.

A lot of you may not like what I’m going to say next.

First, let me say I’ve never subscribed to the concept that men are supposed to be in monogamous relationships.

I’ve tried it. Didn’t work!

I’ve known a lot of men who tried it and failed as well. 

I don’t think we as men are wired that way. Our nature is to hunt. We thrill at the chase. The pure joy of catching a man or women that we desire is addictive. 

It’s just how we’re built. 

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Why the hell we’re punished for being true to our nature amazes and confuses me. I know intellectually it’s all about the Puritanical beginnings of America. One of these days we’re going to have to get over it.

I need to point out… In my current relationship, I never committed to being monogamous. 

I’ve always been honest about my inability to be monogamous and should I ever be indiscreet enough that I’m “Caught” it will come as no surprise to my partner. Our rule is that we’re not going to throw our playtime with other people in each others face. 

My partner is just as welcome to play with other people. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I’ve noted that whenever we play outside our relationship, the experiences gained from that play enrich sex within the relationship. As always YOUR milage may vary.

But above all be honest, be authentic, and be true to yourself. You’d be surprised how good that makes you feel.

If Petraeus is guilty of anything it’s that he was dishonest. But then we don’t know the inner workings of his relationship with his wife. Nor should we.

Why do men Cheat???

For the hell of it!

Look at Petraeus for example. He’s not a bad looking man. He’s 60, he’s had a hell of a career and he knows that career is winding down.

He’s been married to the same woman for 37 years. His wife, isn’t a bad looking woman, she’s… sturdy.

Nonetheless Petraeus, has to be wondering if he’s still got it.

Men are not immune to age. We notice the grey hair at our temples, one day we we get out of the shower and notice our belly isn’t flat anymore, and our pecs aren’t’ the thick slabs of muscle they once were. No matter how hard we fight we know it’s a losing battle. We see the grey hairs in our chest and belly fur. Then the ultimate insult… grey hair on our balls. It can be really depressing, scary, and men as a rule don’t talk about it. We really have remarkably few support structures in this regard. Hell, even Brothers don’t speak to each other about stuff like this.

Then along comes this hot young woman in her 40s. She’s married and she apparently wants to have a bit of fun.

Since she’s a married mother of 2, it’s a pretty safe bet that they can enjoy each others company and it’s not going to go public. After all,  they both have something to lose.

Petraeus, gets to have an adventure with a hot young thing and it feels good for him he’s still got the preverbal “IT”. Broadwell gets to enjoy the thrill of fucking one of the most powerful men in the country. From her perspective he’s dangerous, powerful, and arguably a killer. Lots of women have serious weaknesses for “Bad Boys” Petraeus is the Ultimate “safe” Bad Boy for her to play with.

I can see it, it makes sense to me. These are two adults who happened to be at the right place at the right time in their lives and they went for it.

SO WHAT?

Whether we admit it or not… Every man gets bored with sex with the same person.

We’ve all been there, sex becomes a well known well trodden set of conditioned responses.

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Lick left nipple, caress right nipple, touch there, kiss here, insert there, Thrust 3 times, pause, thrust 5 times, pause, thrust 4 times, talk dirty, oh baby, oh baby, and then it’s nap time. 

Give a man the opportunity to give chase again, give him a new body to play with, unknown territory, suddenly sex is exciting, and he’s 20 again. 

That’s the reason we cheat. It’s not about love, it’s about nothing else but fighting mind numbing boredom.

It’s about feeling young, powerful and desired again. It’s about someone different on their knees in front of you, telling you they want your dick inside them. It’s about hearing someone new groaning in pleasure because you’re sliding it home and they’re loving it.

It might even be about something as primitive as spreading our genetics further. It’s got to be a major thrill at 60 to find out you’ve knocked up your 30 year old mistress… Talk about still having “IT”!

Honestly, I can’t imagine that it’s any different for a woman. 

Let’s see, same man she’s been with for 30 years, she knows exactly how to get him off in 30 seconds or less and she’s gotten to the point that sex isn’t worth it for her because she spends more time cleaning up from the sex than actually having it…

OR

The 20 something, tanned, muscular, pool man who’s packing something in his cargo shorts besides a wad of keys.

I have to think the pool man gets a lot of action!

It’s time for us to get over it.

Everyone universally wants to get off. I can’t think of any man that doesn’t like to see ropey jets of their cum shooting across the room. Or better yet, ramming our cock home dumping our cum into a willing orifice.

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We all want that experience to be memorable and exciting. After the hunt, in a hotel room when we get what we worked for. We savor it, the conquest, victory, & validation. When we go home to our spouses we’re still fired up and often a good time is had by all. Months later, we’ll rub one out to the memory, because it still has the power to excite us.

If you accept these truths, then all the hubbub over the latest Sex Scandal is really just a bunch of annoying noise. I’m reminded of the sound of my classmates in elementary school when someone got in trouble. It’s time for us to grow up.

Just because someone has an affair, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re unfit for office. The bigger issue is was there a security breach?

Broadwell, sending threatening emails simply means that she forgot she & Petraeus were  supposed to be casual sex partners, nothing more.

If we were more open to casual sex, I personally think there’d be a lot fewer divorces.