Category: Being a man

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Yet more home repairs

I’m sharing this for no other reason than to remind all Men,

“You’re not alone brother!”

My morning started out pretty normal. I got up, had a cup of coffee or two. Looked at my ToDO list and started working.

First up, was completion of some edits on and troubleshooting a website. Problems with this site had befuddled me for a couple of days, and this morning I decided to hit it like Spartacus!

Magically, the problems I’d been having melted before my awesomeness! “That was easy,” I said. Then moved onto the next thing on the list with confidence.

Perhaps I was too cocky.

The rest of the morning unfolded as follows;

I began by cleaning the gutters, The back gutter was a solid mess. Pine needles and about a quarter of an inch of dirt filled the entire 40 foot length of the rear gutter.

I was amazed that it wasn’t simply over-flowing when it rained. Using a ladder on the deck, I was able to remove the pile of pine needles. This process was annoyingly slow but simple manual labor. Grab the pine needles by hand toss them into the yard, move ladder to the next section. Repeat as needed. I finished by flushing the dirt out with a high pressure spray of water from the hose and bingo, the rear gutter was clean.

With even more self assuredness I moved to the front gutter. Oddly, it wasn’t nearly as blocked up as the rear, and it is overflowing when it rains. The front gutter is problematic to clean because unlike the back one, there is only a short deck to work from in the front of the house.

Using my handy dandy fiberglass poles and a little creativity with a bit of metal I fashioned a two bladed hook that allowed me to hook the pine needles and other plant debris raking it toward me. I didn’t have to move the ladder which was a good thing because there’s no place to move it to.

Due to the slope of the yard, one end of the front gutter is 20 feet off the ground and I don’t have a 25 foot ladder. After all, I’d only use it once a year.

Debris removed, I grabbed the hose attached to the front hose bib. The intention was to rinse the dirt and small bits of loose debris from the gutter, as I had done in back. Hose deployed and unkinked, I walk down stairs to turn the water on full blast. I run back upstairs climb the ladder and direct the spray nozzle into the gutter rinsing the detritus from the bottom.

It is approximately at this point that two problems become apparent.

Problem 1 is that the water is not exiting the gutter as anticipated.

Problem 2 is that I hear water running even when the spray nozzle is in the off position. I’d noticed that the water pressure wasn’t quite as high as I’d experienced in the back but thought little of this rather obvious clue.

I’m curious why I still hear water running.

I head down stairs and had 2 inches of one stair break off as I stepped on it, and damn near sent me down the rest of the flight, face first.

Priorities dictated that I find the source of the water sound, before dealing with the broken stair, other than swearing loudly, and profusely, as I caught myself.

Ladies, we guys don’t always get hurt doing something stupid. Sometimes we get hurt because we’re trying to make sure that things are maintained and safe for our families. It just happens that in that process we’re the ones who find cleverly covered up broken, or ignored things. My Dad had a knack for finding the one live wire in a bundle of “rat fucked” wires that one of us kids had tried to fix before being distracted by something shiny in the yard. It was a miracle that nothing caught fire, and my Dad wasn’t electrocuted during my childhood.

Once safely down the stairs, I notice that the sound of running water is louder, but it is not coming as expected from the hose fitting. I head into the basement to discover a quarter to half an inch of water pooled directly under the pipe leading to the hose bib on the exterior wall.

Being thankful for my foresight 8 years ago, I grabbed the nifty ball valve on the water line to the hose bib that I usually only use in preparation for Winter, and shut off the water to the bib without having to kill the water to the entire house.

Okay, now the water problem is managed.

I head back up to the deck pausing to check that the offending stair will not crumble under my weight and back up the ladder to see what’s going on with the gutter. It is still full of water. Great! My front gutter downspout is clogged and I don’t have a ladder tall enough to allow me direct access.

In an attempt to remedy the clog, I began disassembling the segments of the downspout hoping to be able to snake the clog with what I had on hand. A.K.A. my handy dandy fiberglass poles.

Unfortunately, during this process I discover another problem. The clutch on my drill is broken and I can barely unscrew the screws holding the downspout in place without the drill slipping. I question if I can drive a sheet metal screw back through the retaining straps when I’m done clearing the drain spout. However, I’m in it now, and going for the gold, I will finish this one task!

(You know, some days you get the bull and other days you get the horn. You can surmise which I got.)

The fiberglass poles are not able to make the sharp turns leading to the clog, (which appears to be, in or beyond the last “S” leading to the short straight section connected to the gutter itself. Of Course! The clog couldn’t be in any of the sections that I can access, it’s just out of reach, (kinda like my dating life!)

I’m able to reassemble the gutter and get it strapped back to the side of the house. Broken drill notwithstanding.

I am curious about why the drill is broken, and why there is a suspicious big white scuff mark on one side of it indicating that it may have been dropped from a height.

I briefly think about beginning a grand inquisition as to who was using my drill, and how it came to be damaged since the last time I had need of it. I do not recall dropping the machine, but it was at least put back in it’s case where it belonged so that is progress in the right direction.

Nah, there shall be no inquisition today. I just have a great excuse to go pick up that sweet Ryobi set I’ve been wanting. I’ll count it as a win!

With the drill broken, I can’t repair the stairs. The plumber will be here in an hour or so, to replace the broken section of pipe.

In the mean time I’m having a coke. I’ve been at my home repair follies for over 3 hours. I’ll have another shower, then go to Home-Depot to see if I can get a suitable drain snake and a new drill / impact driver set.

Other that that Mrs. Lincoln… How was the Play?

See? Now you can laugh your ass off! Misery loves company doesn’t it?

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Interesting

I’ve lived in this area for almost 30 years.

During that time I’ve seen a variety of wild life including snakes from time to time. Prior to this year I’ve seen only one rattlesnake.

This year I’ve seen two in the neighborhood. The first one was in my yard, unfortunately I don’t have a very good photo of it.

Yesterday, I heard some girls screaming that there was a snake. They’re children so as an adult it’s on me to insure they’re not hurt and that they don’t antagonize a snake that could hurt them.

I’m thinking it’s a California King snake, or a Gopher Snake and the girls are just being girls. I was wrong.

The snake had crossed paths, or rather one of the girls had stepped over the snake and it rattled at her. By the time I got there the snake had moved to a defensible position and was alert but not aggressive.

The girls guardians showed up a couple of minutes later, then the discussion about killing the poor thing began.

Generally speaking I’m not in favor of killing creatures just because they happen to exist. As it turns out the “father” shared my general opinion.

What surprised me was the bloodlust of the little girls. They wanted it dead. It had done them no harm, it had warned them to stay away, and appeared to be waiting patiently for the hubbub to die down.

I imagine that it would have left the area of its own accord had it not been for all the humans around.

Probably, if the snake had not been positioned as it was, it would be dead now. The thing is, there was no clear way to strike at it with a shovel or ax that would insure an instant kill. Meaning that if we’d struck at it, we’d have probably just pissed it off and it would have struck at us.

We had a rattlesnake standoff. Myself and the other male were discussing the options when one of the little girls was just rabid about killing it. She kept saying, “Kill it, Kill it,” in an ever increasing volume. Without thinking I said, “If you want something dead that bad, maybe you should be the one prepared to kill it,” and gestured toward her with the trenching tool I was holding.

She suddenly got quiet. I don’t know what was going through her head. I hope that it was the realization that killing anything isn’t trivial. Even if it’s not your hand on the instrument of death. I doubt that’s what she thought, she probably wasn’t old enough to make that kind of connection.

Eventually, one of the neighbors remembered there was someone in town who would relocate snakes to another canyon (unpopulated) so we gave them a call. They weren’t available, but they hooked us up with a lady who was. Twenty minutes later, the snake was safely in a box and heading to a place where it wouldn’t have to deal vicious blood thirsty humans.

The experience left me thinking.

I’ve killed snakes that were an immediate threat. I felt bad about killing ’em but given the circumstances there was no choice.

I’ve killed other creatures and ate ’em, in that situation it was because I was hungry. Even fishing, you’re killing another creature, which means that there’s supposed to be a built in limit.

You kill what you need, you kill whatever it is quickly and humanely, you eat what you kill, and you don’t arbitrarily or wantonly kill more than you need for yourself or your family.

Most men I know subscribe to the same principals. But wait, males are supposed to be the vicious killers aren’t they?

Why then were the little girls and the adult women screeching for blood? Why was it that the males were willing to take a watchful caution?

Had it only been me and the other guy, we’d have probably let the snake go its way and we’d have watched it go back into the forest. Two predator species respecting each other.

Because of the presence of women, we were under pressure to do something, anything, even if what we did was going to make the situation worse.

It occurred to me that almost every conflict I’ve ever been a part of, or witnessed was driven by women. Either the males were trying to impress, or the women were demanding action.

I makes me wonder…

I can understand that women might be genetically predisposed to eliminate any possible threat to their young whether or not the threat is real.

I wonder if men on the other hand, because we’re stronger, and usually have been the ones to get our hands bloody, might have an inherent respect for life & death that goes unacknowledged. We learn early on, that killing is bloody and final. We understand that when we kill, we’ve removed something from the world, on some level we understand that once gone it’s gone forever.

Granted some men acquire a taste for killing but most men I know have a deep respect for life, and don’t take it lightly, or for granted.

It’s strange how simple events get me thinking.

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The Bad Ass of the week award goes to…

IanOReily.jpgIan O’Reilly.

Here’s the link

Short version.

A probably rabid coyote tried to drag his 2 year old son off, while the family of 5 was on a walk / hike. 

Ian and his wife managed to get their child away from the coyote but the coyote kept being aggressive. 

Mr. O’Reilly attacked and essentially smothered / strangled the coyote.

This man deserves the Bad Ass of the week award and possibly the Bad Ass of the year award.

Mr. O’Reilly is taking the rabies vaccine now as prevention, since the coyote did manage to bite him a couple of times.

 

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So yesterday I was out & About…

After watching the completely thoughtless behavior of a number of people, I had to take a piss.

No not due to the thoughtlessness of the people, they were just the constant background irritation that I face every day.

One incident that really caught my attention was at the car wash:

I watched someone pull up to the change machine, get out of their car, get change, then drive 50 feet to put their car in the washing bay. Really? You lazy fuck? Oh, and you had two other people in the car with you. Why not pull into one of the 6 empty wash bays, and haul your ass 50 feet to get your change?

You thought it was okay to park in front of the machine blocking the driveway for everyone else, causing a traffic jam, preventing other people from leaving the car wash, or exiting the automated washing area. while you sat there fucking around to find your paper currency to change into coin.

I’d remind you dumbass, you’re not the only person on the fucking planet.

I did my best to ignore it.  Obviously I wasn’t successful! 

Anyhoo…

I finish drying my car and that was when I needed to take a leak. I do a quick check, there are other drying bays open so I can leave my car for a minute.

As I’m approaching the restroom, I note that the two doors are sporting nice new gender neutral signs. I think nothing of it. I head for the “Men’s room”, or the room formerly known as the men’s room.

UrinalIt’s unoccupied and I’m pretty much on auto pilot and then I notice the urinal is gone. No it’s not broken, it’s completely missing. Now there is only a toilet and a sink.

WTF?

Leave the fucking urinals in gender neutral bathrooms!

Women have been bitching for years about the length of time it takes for them to go pee. You know what ladies? It’s because men can piss in a trough, or against a wall, shoulder to shoulder.

Pulling urinals out of restrooms only slows the whole process down for everyone. If I’m in a men’s room that has a toilet and a urinal I don’t lock the door. Another dude can come in and take a leak in the toilet. That’s why there’s rarely a line at a baseball game or airport for the men’s room.

You neutrality nazis want to come into a large gender neutral restroom?

Fine… You better be prepared to see some dick! That had better not offend your delicate sensibilities.

You got some religious concerns or concerns that you’ll have to look at men? Well creampuff make a fucking decision. Gender neutrality OR your desire to not see dick.

Think about it for two seconds and incorporate your life experience.

For example:

Go to a party at someones home. Every bathroom will be full, there’s a line and nobody is going anywhere. Eventually the guys will be out in the front yard, beer in one hand and cock in the other watering the largest tree in the yard.

There’s a joke which gets modified to fit the branch of the military the teller of the joke served in.

First person:
You know, in the <Military Branch> they taught us to wash our hands after we piss.

Second Person:

In the <Military Branch> they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Men revert to our cave man nature pretty damn quick. We shouldn’t have to make apologies for it.

That’s not male privilege, it’s biological design. Ain’t nothing that you can do about it. So stop trying to make Men feel like they’re less than, or somehow wrong, for the way they were born.

If you keep the bathrooms at a party locked up too long, eventually some dude is out in the back yard digging a latrine. If you’re really lucky he’s preserving the sod in nice neat squares so that the lawn can be fixed in the morning. There’s your gender neutrality, and gender equality. All the party goers who can’t get into the bathrooms, will be using the latrine.  Perhaps that’s an idea for my next party, If you’re going to be puking your guts up… Go out back!

Just hope to god someone brings paper towels out, or your perennials are going to be stripped bare by morning.

Tell you what, how about we take the wall space used by the couches in the former ladies only bathrooms and put a nice trough right there?

Oh, now the ladies are concerned!

I swear, If I wasn’t worried about being arrested I’d just start pissing against buildings, or trees whenever I had to go.

Think of it as a rebellion against the Neutrality Nazis. I know of course that there would be some horribly offended snowflake that runs to the police to report indecent exposure. Not because they saw anything, but simply because I’m a dude and comfortable pissing while standing up. God knows that must be some kind of crime!

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Meeting (Dating, Hookup, Whatever) apps…

Ghosting v 1024x538We all know what they are. 

Many of us use them. 

They’re an outgrowth of social media and honestly, in my opinion our lack of ability to have a conversation with each other in person and perhaps fear.

It’s a lot easier to go down in flames on an application than to go down in a bar in front of your friends.

So part of the fear is the fear of rejection. I assume there’s a lot of fear in general too. I mean in a society where someone is more likely to film you being mugged than to stop the mugging, an application provides a safety margin and the ability to keep someone at arms length until you decide if they’re someone that you’d actually like to meet.

The downside is that instead of someone seeing you as you really are, and you them. Both of you have the opportunity to create completely fictitious personas. If these personas decide to meet then there’s the very real possibility that as the personas meet and dissolve, the two people are left with a critical choice.

ghosting101.pngTry to pick up the pieces of the fractured personas or call each other assholes. In many cases, meeting never happens. One party or the other “Ghosts”. Technically it’s a no harm, no foul, but one person is always left not knowing what they did, or didn’t do.

At least in a bar, you know from the other person’ body language that your advances are a no go. With the online world, the conversation just stops mid thought.

Another problem with online dating apps is that some people just engage in conversations that lead nowhere and then get pissy when you call them on it. Then there are those people that are trying to have affairs and who are so dishonest with even themselves that they can’t believe that someone might actually be just a simple honest person. 

You know, that unicorn of unicorns… Someone that’s honest in their profile and honest in their intentions.

The thing that really blows me away is the folks that “MEGA-Ghost”

These are the folks that not only stop communicating but also delete their profiles on whatever app and then completely disappear. I’ve personally run into a couple of these folks. What’s weird is when they do this and their stated intentions were just to find friends. 

2a11eb0547a0d8b0eea9670390bbc5f3It’s always gone something like this;

Them: “Wow you’re really nice, I’d like to meet sometime.”

Me: “Yes, that would be nice what are you thinking about? Coffee? Drink? Light lunch?”

Them: “Sure, that sounds nice.”

Me: “Okay, when and where?”

….

I honestly don’t understand why suddenly asking when and where causes silence and ghosting.

All you have to say is, “We’ll have to schedule it”. OR “You know I’m not ready to go there yet, can we just chat a while longer?” OR “I’m sorry, this is too scary; too fast; or I’m not ready to meet”

I’m a big boy, I can take it and we could go on chatting as before.

But damn! There’s no need to completely disappear. 

I recently ran into this kind of situation with a man who said they were looking for men in the local area with similar interests for friendship. Their profile said he wanted to go hiking and that he was looking for someone to talk with have an occasional drink and do outdoors stuff.

I don’t know what his true motive was, but we’d been chatting some, and even had made jokes about people not being clear about their wants. We live within 2 miles of each other and both of us could use a friend to go do stuff when we’re not up for the obligations of our respective relationships. You know… Having some guy time where you can say what you want and not worry about offending anyone.

If you’re hiking on a trail, you can say what you want without being accused of some heinous thought crime.

It was a Friday night, and just five minutes before he went silent, He’d said that he was alone for the next week as his wife was out of town and that he was bored.

I told him hey, “Let’s meet down at the bar. We can have a drink and get to know each other in person. From there we can see if we want to plan a hike or something.”

Ghost! 👻

What the hell?

It’s gotta be me. I must be too direct or something.

I figure anyone with a set of balls should be able to meet for a drink and see if the entertaining conversation is as much fun in person.

But apparently, that’s not the way we do things anymore.

I guess I should take it as the final test.

If I ask someone to have a drink, coffee, lunch, or whatever and they freak out. I should count my blessings and be thankful that I’m not going to get caught up in their drama.

I tend to take people at face value, If you tell me you’d like to get together I assume that you’re not lying and the next logical step is to arrange to meet. After all we don’t need to get carpal tunnel in front of our computer keyboards when we can actually chat in person.

Humm, maybe I’ll put that in my “Profile” and see if that changes the behaviors.

GOD, I miss the good ‘ol days of bars and real conversation.