Category: Sex

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Lubes… No, NOT FOR YOUR CAR!

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I’ve decided that I’m going to be sharing personal views on various products that I use. Some of those products may be “normal” average every day things and some may not.

This is the first installment, I hope you enjoy it.

As a guy that likes to bust a nut. I’ve used a wide variety of lubricants in my masturbatory career.

I’ve often said that If I could give myself a blowjob I’d be homeless living under a bridge and have no need for anyone. I even tried Yoga to see if I could get limber enough! Alas, no joy…

My lack of flexibility…. (notice I said nothing about length… I’m 12 internet inches thank you very much!) has led me to the exploration of various personal lubricants over the years.

As a general rule, I like water based lubricants, but I have to admit a certain perverse fondness for Jergens.

What Mother hasn’t noticed that her Jergens consumption increased by 75% when her first son reached puberty? Yeah Mom, sorry about blowing through all those bottles of the stuff for you… But I couldn’t blow myself and well my dick wouldn’t be denied!

From the early lubes that contained a cornucopia of chemicals and dried the hell out of my johnson to KY, and J-Lube I’ve rubbed out more that a few loads..

My most recent favorites have been Gun Oil H2O and Stroke 29 (also by gun oil). Been using these lubes to bust a nut since I discovered them.

Stroke 29 dispenses like a thick cream then changes state as you stroke and it heats up. It’s long lasting and feels damn fine while I ride my fist to glory. The nice thing about 29 is that you don’t necessarily have to rinse off. A quick wipe with a hand towel and I’m good to go. 

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Gun Oil H20 is nice but is really best suited for fucking. If it’s inside someone it stays slick and lasts pretty well. Using it for stroking is good too but you end up re-applying often and using quite a bit.

This is a common problem with most water based lubricants

As the water evaporates, the lube gets progressively stickier and tacky until you’re forced to wet it down again or re-apply.

Silicone lubes solve this problem but they shouldn’t be used with many latex products.

So if you’re playing with someone and decide to get a little more serious you have to clean up, and then switch to a lube that is condom safe for example.

Silicone lubes are also kind of messy and I’ve found them hard to clean up. (As an aside a nice salt scrub will break the stuff down faster.)

There are other masturbatory lubes that have a variety of chemicals which make them inappropriate for vaginal / anal penetration or use before oral sex. In addition to the bad flavor, the chemical soup can be very irritating to the lining of any orifice.

These products are freakin great for just strokin but you’re back to the stopping and cleaning up if you and a partner decide to mix it up. 

 Recently, I’ve tried Spunk. 

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This stuff is great! it’s slick, and stays wet a long time. It behaves as advertised and cleans off of you with a hand towel, no water necessary.

The stuff cleans easily off your toys with soap and water, leaving no residue.  It’s toy / latex safe and did I mention it looks like cum.

Yeah, for fetishists like myself that’s a major selling point.

I love using my own cum as a lube for the second round of fun. Ok I’m a kinky fuck… moving on…

With Spunk I get to have the thrill of stroking with something that looks like cum… right from the get go.

Spunk is a really nice all around solution because it’s a hybrid. It stays wet & slick longer than the traditional water based lube.

It does eventually require either water or re-aplication but not nearly as often as many of the traditional water based lubes. If you’re into edge play, this can be a nice change.

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It’s safe for use as a vaginal/anal lubricant, it’s also neutral tasting. All are advantages because you can have fun alone or with someone, without having to think about which lube to use or breaking the action to clean up just to umm… get dirty again.

Looking at the Spunk bottle pictured… is that cum or is it Spunk? Can’t tell? that’s the point!  

Yeah I did my own little photo shoot to see if the pictures on the Spunk web site were “Doctored” guess what? I don’t think they were.  

In my highly unscientific comparison spunk stays slick just about as long as my own highly personal product. Of course I can buy Spunk in 8 oz bottles and my personal product cums in only tablespoon quantities.  (Hey I had to do a fair comparison didn’t I? Besides I had the lube on my hand I didn’t want to waste it!)

I will admit that I am somewhat biased to my own product… But I think that’s because I feel so good dispensing it! 

Dispensing Spunk isn’t quite as much fun, on the other hand… dispensing Spunk means I’m going to be having fun so it’s an easy tradeoff.

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Some other notes, my skin can be sensitive, especially around the urethral opening. I’ve had a number of lubes that caused irritation in that area. If you’re a guy like me who’s had lubes that felt like someone was holding a blowtorch to the end of your dick, Spunk is a safe choice it hasn’t caused any negative reaction whatsoever. 

I think that I’ll be switching to Spunk only for all my future sexual escapades… Now can I get a bulk discount?

YES! you can buy the product in Gallon sized jugs.

You know… there is a whole practical joke aspect to this stuff that might just be worth exploring! 

Imagine dropping your car off at your local mechanic with spunk all over the steering wheel or dripping from the underside of the hood. 

I can see that conversation. “Oh yeah I have sex with my car… let me wipe that off!”

If I come across any better lubes I’ll share my experiences with them too. For the time being I’m a fan of the Spunk product.

Feel free to make suggestions or comments, I’m always looking for something new to try out.

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Got a new toy… A Tenga

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OK right at the outset for my friends who are squeamish about me saying stuff about sex…. I’m about to talk about a sex toy.

NO! Not a dildo or vibrator. I’m not planning to extoll the virtues of either.

It’s a TENGA. While this is a lot like the FleshLight (Which I also have and enjoy, but which is also aging). This little Japanese wonder is… Well A LOT OF FUN!

Had some time to give it a whirl this morning. I think I’m going to be making time for this puppy more often.

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Unlike the FleshLight, the Tenga opens horizontally along it’s long axis. This allows for very easy application of lubricant and even easier cleaning.

One down side to the FleshLight is the cleaning.

My FleshLight is showing signs of wear not from use so much as from the cleaning.

The disassembly process puts strain on the silicone insert and over time creates micro-tears around the circumfrence. I’ve also had difficulty with the hard plastic parts becoming brittle over time. 

The Tenga solves these issues and makes cleanup a snap. It’s nice to be able to really get at all the nooks and crannies with plain old soap and water.

A major issue for me with the FleshLight is that after I’ve had my fun, I’ve got the insert out which has all the structural integrity of a dead octopus… that has to dry, plus the outer case, plus the two end caps. This pile of parts has sit somewhere while drying, quite often that someplace is out on the bathroom counter.

If you hurry the drying process with say a blow dryer… you risk damaging any or all of the components. If you just say “Fuck it!” An all too likely prospect in my world, you’ll put it away wet and then run the risk of god knows what growing in the thing.

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The Tenga is completely different.

There are exactly two parts. The cover is used during your fun… it’s what keeps the two halves of the Tenga locked together. When not in use the cover protects the silicone in the business end of the unit.

After cleaning, the cover supports the whole unit upright for drying.

The design is elegant and functional.

I’m not trying to sound like an ad copy writer here but I’ve always had a great respect for simple functional design. I’ve never seen any reason not to have the same design criteria for sexual toys.

One thing that I didn’t realize when I purchased my new best friend is that the nubs and groves are available in different patterns.

I’d been shown the inside of one in the store, and when I got mine home, the inside was different. So if you’ve got a penchant for a particular pattern of bumps, nubs, grooves, etc. pay attention to the packaging. I don’t know if the color of the plastic shell correlates with the pattern or not. But the possible differences are worth noting.

Ok so now you know the basics… Now you’re thinking, DUDE! How does it feel?

In a word…. Ahhhhhhhhh fuck yeah!

OK that’s more than one word… sue me!

Here’s where the Tenga shines. If you’ve been observant, you’ve probably wondered about the buttons you can see in the photos. Each of those buttons changes the feeling. (No, the unit is not powered) pressing the buttons applies additional pressure. The one at the bottom makes the entry very tight. YEAH!

The middle button does something that makes the unit have a lot more suction Whoo Hooo, and the top button increases the tightness, stimulation at the head of your dick. OMG!

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All in all, a series of DAMN good feelings.

Sitting here thinking about it…. I might have to go have another round with my new friend…

…. OK I’m back. Yeah I think I like the middle and end buttons best! Whew!

Now where was I?

Oh there may be a down side for some of my friends. The Tenga isn’t as long as the FleshLight, It’s also not as wide.

The length might not be a deal breaker but the width of the business end could present a problem for some of my well endowed friends. You know who you are!

On my personal scale the Tenga is a great product. It’s a bit pricy but if it holds up, well  worth it. Throw in some excellent  Spunk Lube and this toy will have you spunking in short order.

To my friends… if you’re interested come on by I’ll let you take my new friend for a spin. Something I might add that I never felt entirely comfortable doing with my FleshLight, again that whole cleanliness issue.

Oh and you’re going to clean it… I’m not your fucking maid! And I’m probably going to watch. You all know I’m a voyeur so that should be no surprise!

 

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GET A FUCKING CLUE AMERICA!

This society is increasingly becoming what can only be characterized as nothing less than a Theocracy.

Our politicians are pandering to this small group of venomous, treasonous, despicable people, at the exclusion of more mainstream centrist positions.

Venomous due to the vitriol spewing from their mouths in a never ending stream.

Treasonous because they seek to create exceptions in the constitution and bill of rights that exclude specific groups.

Despicable because they seek to hide the true nature of freedom from many today, and all of our children and grand children tomorrow.

And while many of you sit thinking “I’m not a Woman, Single, or Gay, this doesn’t matter to me”

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This Theocracy isn’t just about oppressing one group of people. This group is about oppressing everyone with differing beliefs.

Take a very good hard look at the recent spate of proposed reproductive controls. Women were in the NOT TOO distant past considered chattel. If just a few of these reproductive controls gain ground due to religious fervor, then we could easily be on the slippery slope to “the good ‘ol days again“

What happens when for religious reasons your company refuses to allow your insurance company to pay for birth control?Your wife ends up pregnant at least once every 18 months.

How about refusing to rent to you because you’re not a member of their church in good standing? “Oh, you’re going to have to rent from the Lutheran down the road a piece”

Removing anti-discrimination protection only works if every single member of a community is treated equally AND enjoys equal protection under existing law.

We know that isn’t the norm. Differing ethnicities, genders, cultures and sexual orientations fought to put anti-discrimination law on the books BECAUSE they didn’t enjoy equal protection.

A womans right to choose. A womans right to vote. African Americans right to marry. A single womans right to rent or own property. A gay persons right to live un-molested. All these rights came about because someone fought to codify them in law. Technically these rights existed already but abuse and narrowing definitions of the Class that enjoyed these freedoms forced legal precedents that resulted in law that specifically and unequivocally said for example; “A Woman may VOTE.”

Right now a brutal, cruel Theocracy is trying to undermine the freedoms that we all are entitled to.

Kansas and Arizona are two states where this Theocracy is winning

Few people ever think about how discriminatory laws might be used to affect them until they find themselves out of a job because their boss saw a picture of their 3rd boyfriend or girlfriend in a month on Facebook.

How about being fired because your girlfriend tweets “God, he was such a gentle lover, despite his large size, I sooo want to sleep with him again.“

Guess what? You’ve both sinned in the eyes of the High Minded religious wonders.

You’ve committed Adultery! The Taliban in Afghanistan will stone a woman for that. That’s after all, the Old Testament punishment right? “The wages of sin is death“

The point I’m belaboring is this:

When you allow “Moral” judgements from Religion to dictate the law of the land. You’ve destroyed everything that the founding fathers sought to create.

It wasn’t freedom of religion… It was freedom FROM Religion if that is your choice.

Thanks to Michael in Norfolk for the priceless image of the boot with Uncle Sam.

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When it rains it pours… And speaking of rain…

This week has flown by and not in a good way. It’s not been a bad week either just full.

The original plan was to edit and write.

I’d planned to have my car serviced.

While the car was having it’s fluids changed I was going to go to a friends place and see about getting my fluids drained. Both of us could use a nice long session of sweaty naked ugly bumping. Me and my friend, not me and the car… although i suppose we could bump uglies IN the car hummmm sounds kind of fun. I’ve got a squeegee and the leather seats would clean just fine.

That’s not happening this week.

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My Godson is home from the military and I wanted to spend some time with him. He’s a different young man now. The changes I’ve seen, are good ones. I’m absolutely sure that he’s going to continue growing into a fantastic man.

Surveillance cameras

One of my best friends had a little incident at his business. The incident was captured on the surveillance system and you’d think that getting the video off said surveilance systems would have been cake… So I opened my mouth and said yeah sure when I got asked to pull the video.

I found out quite by surprise that my friend was in the hospital when I got to his business. Needless to say I was worried but my Godson was at the hospital with him so I figured the best thing I can do is get the video so it’s one less thing for them as a family to worry about.

This is an example of the typical story of my life. Getting the video was anything but easy. It took two computers. The one that I was able to successfully use to get the video was my netbook.  I’m not complaining because it worked.

It was a lot like pulling teeth with a pair of rusty pliers in a barn, with the zombie apocalypse happening while you have explosive diarrhea.

The netbook has a processor that is about half as fast at the processor in my smartphone. And my netbook only has 2Gig of memory… Can you say SLOW? “Good children, I knew you could.”

Techie digression… Non Techies, well I’d suggest you skip ahead a bit.

Don’t get me wrong, My Netbook is more than enough for email, the occasional word processing document and surfing the web. But this application was pushing at the fringes of it’s ability.

The single most annoying thing was that the manufacturer of the surveilance unit goes to great lengths to tell you ON thier web site and in their manual that they write the video in H264 format. This is pretty much an industry standard and my Mac has all the stuff necessary to read this format directly.

What they don’t tell you is that you can’t do something as simple as plugging a drive into the USB port on the side of the surveillance base station and say Copy this file, or copy from this time index to that time index. Nope they make you view the event through their web interface or through their application. BOTH of which require Windows and that you either BUY a 3rd partys software or that you find a time limited freebie to actually COPY the video that you see.

Personally I HATE with a passion a vendor that says here’s our software… Then when you load it they tell you it’s necessary to load something else from another vendor.  If you’re like me and your goal is to keep the amount of changes to your operating system to a minimum then that kind of makes their software useless doesn’t it? Unfortunately there was no other alternative.

Now I have to clean up two machines instead of one. My windows XP machine and my Netbook both have this vendors crap software and the 3rd and 4th party software on them. Grrrrrrr!

The Win XP machine kinda worked but the image was doubled and the color was all wrong. There was no error per se… The system thought it was doing everything correctly and If I hadn’t checked the file I’d have said “Done” then delivered something completely useless. Which led me to using the Netbook and Windows 7.

The added frustration was that the surveillance unit isn’t on a network. It will be! I guarantee that! I had to create a private network with fixed IP addresses and  a small switch. Not a big deal unless you have to keep switching IP addresses in Windows so that you can talk to the Internet and then talk to the private network and then back again because the 3rd party software you’ve had to download doesn’t actually download everything you need until you’re actually installing it.

Techie Comment… Non Techies skip this or you’ll start bleeding from your eyes.

Windows can become a stone bitch when you’re messing with IP addresses. XP practically demands that you reboot every freakin time you change an IP. (Yeah, I know it’s not every time but it’s inconsistent enough that you might as well reboot. All us techies just love ipconfig telling us the ethernet adapter can’t obtain an ipaddress.)

After battling with getting the files onto my computer I figure I’m home free. The files are converted to AVI in the process of saving them to a hard disk. WRONG Wouldn’t you know it, the CODEC for AVI playback is either not installed on my friends machine or the files are in an almost but not quite AVI format. (Hair Pulling, grumbling, Grrrr.)

So I play the video on my Mac, it’s grainy but it’s the same quality that you get watching the surveillance monitor live. The problem is that I’m playing it for My friends wife and she’s noticing things that I thought nothing about. Suffice it to say these are things that she’s going to have a discussion with him about. Folks… You really need to tell me if I’m supposed to edit your video content!

It’s a classic reminder that stepping into an office to scratch your balls, rearrange your tackle, or flat rub one out…. DON’T forget to check for nasty little cameras.

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As I’m writing this, my Mac is humming away writing all the video to an industry standard DVD. And before I deliver the DVD I’m going to test it in every player I have here at the house. I’m really wanting to get this project off my plate.

I guess I need to make sure that none of my porn collection got built into the DVD too… Hummmm.

I’m about a week behind in the hard copy editing of the book. So I really need to focus on that.

We’ve got a storm coming in over the weekend that is supposed to drop a foot of snow or more on us but the weather reports are confllicting. I’ve gotta batten down the hatches just in case.

Then last night… I’m getting ready for bed and my Muse scratches his fingernails across my brain. It’s essentially the same sound as fingernails on an old style blackboard but LOUDER!

So at 12:30 am I’m at my computer writing a short story. I finally got to bed at 3 am, I’m having a slow start to my day but I like the short story. It needs a couple of tweaks but i was pleased overall with the result.

So today, I’m going to be busy with laundry, poo patrol cause it needs to get done before the rain, snow or what ever. Maybe if I’m really lucky… I can tend to draining my own fluids.

Nahhh I won’t be that lucky!

Off to get the rest of the day started.

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Sometimes my clever plans… shoot me in the foot!

 

I was working on continuity in a book I’m trying to write. I moved a chapter or two around and thought nothing of it…

Then I went back to work on those chapters and found that the contents have evaporated into the ether. Damn!

I was just mildly annoyed, I’ve got at least a couple of backups and so while there might have been some data loss it’s not much.

This led me to rethink a couple of things about the book and the way that I’ve been writing it.

I’d started out writing this as pure smut. But as I’ve written, the characters have become more than automatons and I’ve been looking at their motivations. This has inevitably led to a story. The sex is still there and exciting, but the characters are more engaging now that they have a backstory and can stand alone without the backdrop of wild sex.

I’m working now to stabilize the material that I have and then move forward by enhancing the characters motivations and better explaining how each one got from point A to point E by way of B,C,& D.

In all I think the story will be richer and more engaging.

As a close friend of mine has reminded me “Writing is Editing…”

As a break I was out in Palm Springs last night at the first meeting of a newly formed group. There was a nice flogging demonstration and another demonstration of an updated violet wand.

Both demonstrations were instructive and I appreciate the demonstrators and the demonstratees!

The line of people forming to BE flogged was gratifying.

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My ego was also stroked a bit in that I was hit on by several people wanting to submit to whatever I might consider pleasurable. I love willing subs!

I was far too interested in improving my flogging technique by observing the demonstration to actively pursue any of these generous offers. Perhaps I will accept an offer or two at the next event. I am looking forward to the next event, it was nice to be in a room with so many like minded individuals.

I’m still surprised that I’m coming across as a “Daddy, Dom, Top, Master”. No, I’m not complaining I’m just fascinated, I’m not sure that I’m experienced enough to formally “Wear” these appellations. Then again maybe these titles are representative of who I am now and are well deserved. Time alone will tell, I can say that for the first time in my life I’m unafraid of those titles and the responsibility that they imply within the confines of the BDSM community.

How does all of this tie into the book?

Well there is a component of the book that deals with this alternative expression of sexuality.